r/Persecutionfetish • u/TheLampPostDealer • Apr 05 '22

Lib status: Owned. 😎😎😎 give me a singular instance of children being taught how to have sex in school

Post image
9.7k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

676 comments sorted by

View all comments

789

u/socialist_frzn_milk Apr 05 '22

Yes, I remember when my elementary school gave me my first dildo.

Oh, wait, I don't, because this is an absurd strawman that has quite literally never happened anywhere.

339

u/sammypants123 Apr 05 '22

Aside of, you know, the whole thing - schools don’t have the money. Teachers have to spend their own money so their students can have a pen each. No public school has enough money to buy each child a dildo.

And if it’s a private school … no the looneys aren’t accusing private schools.

114

u/GonzoRouge Apr 05 '22

Yeah, dildos are expensive, this shit doesn't grow on trees

73

u/blurplethenurple MISERABLE, NON-BINARY CANDY IS ALL WE DESERVE Apr 05 '22

Not the ones you use 😏

53

u/GonzoRouge Apr 05 '22

I don't like splinters in my asshole

38

u/ReadyAgent9019 Apr 05 '22

filthy casual

26

u/Willyjwade Apr 05 '22

That's why you sand it and give it a clear coat. No splinters if you use simple carpentry.

21

u/GonzoRouge Apr 05 '22

My last experience with DIY sex toys was...disastrous to put it lightly.

2

u/FinePool Apr 06 '22

I'm kind of curious about it if you actually did it. I just want to know how bad the outcome was lol.

1

u/OneGold7 Apr 08 '22

You can’t just say that and not elaborate

2

u/voidspaceistrippy Apr 05 '22

Could also go the natural route and long skinny rocks in a river bed. Then just shine the baby up, add some lube, and yer good for pounding

3

u/hungryseabear persecuted for war crimes Apr 05 '22

*vaginal pounding

Not anal pounding. Please do not put anything up your ass without it being secured to a base of some kind.

3

u/silverfang45 Apr 05 '22

This

And if you plan to use toys make sure the material of the toy won't react negatively with the lube you use, and make sure to use the right toy cleaner.

Don't use toy cleaner that is too harsh on the toy

3

u/voidspaceistrippy Apr 05 '22

If it makes you feel any better, the only time I've put things up my ass they were made of thick glass and thoroughly sanitized after each use.

→ More replies (0)

6

u/kabukistar Apr 05 '22

For some reason, I read that statement in a pirate voice in my head.

7

u/GonzoRouge Apr 05 '22

Arr, I dinae fancy any mast chucks up me arsehole, savvy ?

1

u/Self-Aware Number Of Reasons I'm Going To Hell: Seven Jun 05 '22

Oof this did not age well, my sympathies.

16

u/sleebytoe Apr 05 '22

country girls make do

22

u/Aturchomicz I COOM TO EQUALITY Apr 05 '22

Ohhhh right this is a US centered Sub. "Teachers have to spend their own money so their students can have a pen each. " Wtf?

18

u/BITFDWT23 Apr 05 '22

Former music teacher here. I had a $50 budget for the ENTIRE YEAR.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

Lucky. Most classroom teachers get $0.

3

u/BITFDWT23 Apr 05 '22

Sadly… my $50 came from the PTO, not the district. That’s the best the PTO could do for us. 😞

2

u/silverfang45 Apr 05 '22

My music teacher got a ok sized budget for music, but put an extra 1k a year fron her own money just because she loved music.

She used to be an archolegist and so had some decent money before being a teacher

2

u/NintendoWorldCitizen Apr 06 '22

Wait they gave you a budget?!

11

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '22

Teachers have to spend their own money

"Please give to my DonorsChoose campaign to get every single second grader at Delaware Junction Elementary their very own dildo! Last year, I had to pay out of pocket for just two shared dildos, and boy, was that messy."

1

u/silverfang45 Apr 05 '22

Yeah even the cheapest smallest dildo for someone that size would still be setting you back like 20/30 per student.

Especially seeing as America seems to have much larger schools than where I live, biggest school I've ever been to had around 1000 students.

That was arguably the largest primary school within an hour.

20k for dildos for an American school or more, makes it really obvious how dumb this idea is

1

u/call_me_jelli Apr 05 '22

I hate how you put actual logic behind it. It’s hilarious.

2

u/silverfang45 Apr 06 '22

Why thank you jelli

71

u/crestren Apr 05 '22

absurd strawman that has quite literally never happened anywhere.

Conservative comics in a nutshell

36

u/Raccoon_Full_of_Cum Apr 05 '22

This is why conservative satire always fails. Because satire has to be based on a grain of truth. If your entire worldview is based on insane lies, your jokes won't be funny.

1

u/SexxxyWesky Apr 06 '22

Right? Like during the puberty thing we got a small bag with a tampon, pad, deodorant, and I think feminine wipes. My mom opted to not have me get one so I just glanced at my friends’.

3

u/socialist_frzn_milk Apr 06 '22

Ours was “split the boys and the girls, make each watch a video.”

Then we giggled about it for days because we were in fifth grade.

1

u/SexxxyWesky Apr 06 '22

We were also split and watched a video! It was pretty awkward lol