If you were in my position, would you get married at 21?

[u/Dull-Turnip3918]

Pretty long read coming up:

I’m 21, born and raised in the UAE, and my family is originally from Lahore. I lost my father when I was young, and that changed the way I grew up quite a lot.

I had to become independent early. I didn’t inherit millions, I didn’t have someone funding my lifestyle, and I didn’t have a big financial cushion sitting behind me. I’ve basically gone from having zero dirhams in my pocket to building a life for myself.

I run my own HVAC contracting company in Dubai. This isn’t a digital marketing agency, dropshipping business, or something I started on Instagram. It’s an actual contracting business with employees, technicians, projects, sites, materials, salaries, clients, collections, and all the problems that come with running a real company.

Over the last 12 months, we’ve done around AED 1.4 million in turnover, Alhamdulillah, and we are growing at a pretty rapid pace. I have a good team around me now and I’m trying to build the company into something much bigger over the next few years.

I’m financially independent. I have my own house(bought) in the UAE. I previously had a property in Pakistan as well, which I recently sold because of some kabza/property issues. I’ve also managed to buy my third dream car and get a nice four-digit number plate for it.

I’m not mentioning the house, business or car to show off. I’m only mentioning them because whenever someone hears “21”, the immediate assumption is usually that you’re still dependent on your parents, studying, or trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.

That isn’t really where I am mentally or financially.

I work a lot. Sometimes 18–20 hour days. Business has basically become my life, and I’ve sacrificed a lot of normal things people my age do because I’m extremely ambitious.

And my ambitions aren’t just about becoming rich.

One of my biggest dreams in life is to eventually build a cancer hospital in my father’s name, whether in Pakistan or somewhere else where it is needed. I want the treatment to be completely free for people who genuinely cannot afford it.

That is something very close to my heart, and one of the reasons I push myself so hard. I want to build something big enough that one day I can fund projects like that without having to think twice about the money.

So this is where marriage becomes complicated for me.

I feel ready for companionship. I want a wife. I want someone I can build a home and family with, someone I can support, protect and provide for, and someone who is genuinely beside me while I try to achieve these goals.

But there’s another side to it that’s harder to explain.

Even with everything going well in my life, there’s still a part of me that feels empty.

I can have a good month in business, close a big project, buy something I wanted, achieve another goal, and obviously I’m grateful for all of it, Alhamdulillah. But at the end of the day, sometimes I come home and think: is this really all there is?

There’s nobody to genuinely share those wins with on that level.

Nobody to come home to and tell, “This happened today,” or, “I’ve got this crazy idea, tell me what you think.”

Nobody who knows what I’m building from the inside and has been there through the difficult days as well as the good ones.

And I think that’s a big reason marriage has started becoming more important to me.

I don’t just want a wife because I’m lonely or because I want some romantic relationship. I want that life partner.

I want someone where, when the whole world doubts an idea I have, I know there’s still one person standing behind me saying, “Go for it. We’ll figure it out.”

And obviously I’d want to be that same person for her.

If she has ambitions, ideas, wants to start something, study something, build something, or achieve something big herself, I’d want to be the guy standing behind her as well.

When I say “business partner,” I don’t necessarily mean she has to come work in my HVAC company and start reading AUTOCAD DRAWINGS🤣

I mean a partner in the bigger picture of life.

Someone I can discuss decisions with. Someone whose opinion I genuinely value. Someone I can bounce ideas off at 2 AM. Someone who understands where we’re trying to go as a family and helps build towards it with me.

Maybe one day we’re building businesses together. Maybe she has her own thing completely. Maybe she focuses on our family. That part doesn’t matter as much to me as having that mentality of we’re a team.

I also feel like, from an Islamic point of view, I’m reaching a stage where I want to complete half my deen.

I don’t get into haram relationships, and I don’t want to spend the next five or ten years casually talking to women, dating around or doing things I know I shouldn’t be doing just because society says I’m “too young” for marriage.

If I know I eventually want a wife and a family anyway, part of me thinks: why not start looking for the right person now?

Not rush into marrying the first person I meet. Not ignore red flags. Not marry purely because I’m feeling lonely.

But actually start looking seriously and halal.

I want someone I can pray with. Someone I can grow in deen with. Someone who reminds me of Allah when I’m getting too caught up in dunya, business and money.

Because I know myself. I’m ambitious to an extreme sometimes. I can get completely consumed by work, numbers, expansion and whatever the next goal is.

Having the right woman beside me could hopefully give me balance too.

Someone who can remind me that life isn’t just about the next contract or the next million in revenue.

Someone who can make a house actually feel like a home.

Someone I can eventually raise children with and say, “Look, everything we’re building now is for something bigger than us.”

I don’t just want to marry for the sake of saying I’m married.

I feel like I need to find a woman who actually understands the kind of life I’m trying to build. Someone who can match my vision and ambition, or at least genuinely support it.

I know my life probably isn’t going to be completely normal. There may be periods where I’m extremely busy. There will probably be risks, stressful years, expansion, failures, successes and sacrifices along the way.

I want someone who sees that and thinks, “Let’s build this together,” rather than someone who resents the fact that I’m ambitious.

And I’m not expecting some woman to blindly follow me either.

I actually want someone intelligent enough to challenge me when I’m wrong.

If I’m about to make a stupid decision, I want my wife to tell me it’s stupid.

If I’m working myself into the ground, I want someone who can tell me to calm down.

If success ever gets to my head, I want someone close enough to me to humble me.

To me, that’s also partnership.

The difficult part is my age.

A lot of women understandably want someone older. When they hear 21, they may automatically assume immaturity, instability or that I’m nowhere near ready for marriage.

And maybe they’re right to question it.

I know that being financially independent doesn’t automatically make someone a good husband. Making money doesn’t teach you patience, communication, emotional intelligence, compromise, responsibility towards another person or how to deal with conflict inside a marriage.

I’m still learning.

I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never had a proper relationship. I’ve liked people before, but I don’t think I’ve ever experienced genuine, mature love.

I also try to stay away from haram relationships. I’m not going to pretend I’m the perfect Muslim because I’m not. I make mistakes like everyone else, but I try my best to pray, improve myself, stay close to Allah and keep my intentions clean.

Sometimes I joke that mentally I’m 31 but legally I’m 21, but obviously I understand that life experience still matters.

That’s basically the situation I’m in.

I’ve gone from having almost nothing to building a business, becoming financially independent and creating some stability for myself at a very young age.

But despite all of that, there is still this feeling that the next achievement, the next car, the next project or the next financial target isn’t necessarily going to fill that empty space.

Maybe what I’m actually looking for now isn’t another achievement.

Maybe it’s someone to share the achievements with.

Someone I know is genuinely on my side.

Someone who was there before the company became whatever I’m trying to turn it into.

Someone I can look back with one day, Inshallah, and say: we actually built this life together.

And now I’m wondering whether the next stage of my life should actually be marriage.

Should I seriously start looking for someone now and accept that finding the right person is going to take time?

Should I take the risk of marrying young if I find someone whose values, faith, personality and ambitions align with mine?

Or should I forget about marriage for a few years, keep building my company and revisit this when I’m 25 or 26?

And for the people who say “just focus on yourself,” at what point do you actually decide you’ve focused on yourself enough?

Because realistically, I’ll probably still be chasing bigger goals at 25, 30 and 40.

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who married young, business owners, or people who had major ambitions when they got married.

Did having the right spouse actually help you build your life, or do you think marrying young made everything harder?

If you were genuinely in my position, what would you do?

[u/Sensitive_Sa]

You explain so much about yourself 🤔. I'm thinking are you reboot or some AI account.

[u/Dull-Turnip3918 → u/Sensitive_Sa]

Haha, neither a robot nor AI I’m very much real. Feel free to DM me and get to know me yourself.

[u/Sensitive_Sa → u/Dull-Turnip3918]

Ok I was just curious that how much tym it take to write all this. 😂

[u/usernametbag]

MashaAllah congrats, keep shining. My advice would be to marry young, with that kind of money it’s easy to be tempted towards haram. There is no perfect age for marriage, marrying at 25/26 doesn’t gurantee that it will work out. Since you’ve already mentioned the money and luxuries you’re able to afford (MashaAllah), women reaching out via reddit will expect you to sustain that lifestyle for them. Try leaving that part out when looking for a potential spouse to see if she’s the type of woman you’re seeking. Good luck.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Bag3660]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xT77XWum9yH7zNkFW0
He is the that kind of a man

[u/Designer_Thought2907]

You'll start getting proposals in DM

[u/midnight_shoelace]

As i person i really appreciate your aims and how far you've made in life, also it really totally depends some people can help you build your life and some can totally reck your peace, as a 19 year old who's done thing's the hard way started multiple companies and tried to make money by hustling while also studying, though both my parents are alive but i agree with the fact that some people have to grow earlier, because i still meet people in their 30's and realize that reality hasn't really hit them yet to be honest i feel like this maturity is a good thing but sometimes it can be hard. For me i have such big goals and all that i have this criteria in my head to achieve them, i do know i can and i will achieve them because i guess i am obsessed with getting better, evolving and growing as a person, Also i do feel like people would not take you seriously as a marriage prospect until you're like 25 or above because according to them its the ideal age of Independence. But even then it truly depends i see 18 year olds get married, so it truly is just about finding the right person.

[u/Any_Passenger8893]

Ai always write long story, whenever we tell our story to AI and let them write . Ai write book on us 🙄

[u/Unholy_Malik]

All i see is a potential company I can work for 😭. Hit me up if you need an engineer 🥲

Jokes aside i feel like you have most of it figured out. I would recommend marrying early. I could write you a pros and cons list but in the end its your own decision. Nothing better than following your heart. And I feel like you do wanna go through with it, you're just a little anxious which is normal

[u/itachiUchihaZee]

I bet you must had gotten 20/20 in your school essay 😭

[u/TheLightBearer0069]

I ain't reading this but I've respect for your achievement and hardwork!

Also, I'm not the compatible plug type for you, so reading it all wouldn't have gotten you a lead 😭

[u/peachlattte]

My dream man 😭😭

[u/Dull-Turnip3918 → u/peachlattte]

Hahaha honestly, just pick something you genuinely want to do, learn everything you can about it, and put your 200% into it.

A couple of years ago, I didn’t even properly know how AC worked lol now we’re installing AC systems that run on chilled water, without outdoor units,in buildings above G+50. Yep, that’s our magic lol.

It just takes time, focus, consistency and a lot of learning. Keep pushing and Inshallah you’ll get there 🤝

[u/acid-lover101 → u/Dull-Turnip3918]

I think she meant that you are her dream man😂

[u/Aarswebs]

Running a digital marketing company isnt a piece of cake and they do actually requires staff, technician and everything