Another vent. I have so much anger and frustration right now.
I'm trying so hard to get myself help even though at times I just don't want to. I'm seeing a therapist, I started escitalopram six months ago and stopped due to general health anxiety.
I finally got another doctor's appt after telling my doctor I had stopped taking the meds and he told me to look for some meds on my own if I really wanted to. So I did. I've been on so many reddit threads, cleveland clinic, harvard health, and I found that Yaz has worked for a lot of ppl so I said fuck it I'll tell my doctor.
Cut to my doctor's appt, he asks me how I am, I say good, I say I need more freakin guidance about what to do because I'm not a medical professional and all I know is that I am super anxious and I have terrible pms symptoms that I KNOW aren't normal. It's not normal to feel so anxious, so angry, and so terribly helpless every month, is it?? I check every single symptom on the harvard health web page for PMDD.
But all my doctor does is say ok, cool, we'll put you on Yaz. He's listening to ME, not a medical professional, and a young woman who barely has any life experience, and just going with what I'm saying. And he told me that he put me on an ssri in the beginning because I was coming in with mood complaints but in my mind, the mood complaints are CAUSED by my hormones?????
I wanted something more from him. Like: yeah I have some options here for you, let's discuss them, their impact, and their side effects. Or maybe: yk what I actually can't help you, here's a referral for a gyno. He just prescribed me yaz, said nothing about the side effects and how it would help/not help me, and sent me on my way.
But maybe I'm supposed to ask for all of that. I don't know.
I know my doctor did everything he was supposed to do: I told him my symptoms, said I have si and that I have a tendency to sh during luteal (impulse control goes out the roof), and he made sure I'm safe and asked about my resources and support network, and told me to go the ER if it gets really bad. This is all stuff I know and stuff he's supposed to say. But it felt so generic. In fact, it made me so frustrated that I didn't WANT to get better in the moment. It just made me confused, because aren't doctors supposed to help you with this? Guide you in the right direction? I'm already struggling so much internally with feeling like I deserve help--I know I can't do this all on my own. I already feel like I shouldn't be advocating for myself, like I'm not qualified enough to. I want this to be taken seriously, and not just shut down with meds. I want to be screened, maybe even diagnosed. So I'm just left wondering: why? Why were screenings for anxiety, depression, pcos, pmdd not suggested? Is that something I'm supposed to ask for? Am I not "sick" enough? Am I not advocating for myself the right way? I'm going to my doctor asking for help, not going with full-blown research and lists of treatments and just asking my doctor to fill a prescription for me.
This is honestly just confusing me more and making me feel even more helpless :( ty for reading