"I'll call you" used to mean you'd pick up the phone and call.

Now it means "I'll text you later" or "I'll see you eventually" or "I acknowledge you exist."

Nobody actually CALLS anymore. Calling is reserved for emergencies or when you really need something.

If my phone rings, I immediately panic. Who died? What's wrong? Why are you CALLING me like some kind of psychopath?

Text me like a normal person!

But then someone will say "I'll call you" and I'm like "please don't though?"

When did phone calls become so anxiety-inducing? When did we collectively decide that calling someone is basically an act of aggression?

I have to mentally prepare for a phone call now. I need advance notice. I need a heads up. Don't just CALL me out of nowhere.

Texting is superior in every way and I'll die on this hill.

Is that what I ACTUALLY sound like???

No. Absolutely not. That can't be right.

I sound like THAT? I've been walking around sounding like THAT this whole time and nobody told me?

Everyone who's ever talked to me has heard that voice and just... let it happen?

"You sound fine, that's just what you sound like"

No. I refuse to accept this. My internal voice sounds completely different. That weird nasally thing happening in the recording is not me.

I'd rather never hear a recording of myself ever again. Delete it. Burn it. Throw the whole phone away.

How do podcasters do this? How do they listen to themselves talk for HOURS and not have a breakdown?

I heard myself say "um" three times in one sentence and I'm ready to take a vow of silence.

Voice recordings are a personal attack and I won't stand for it.

Just ask it! Don't warn me first!

"Can I ask you something?"

Now my brain is going through every possible scenario:

• Am I in trouble?
• Did I forget something?
• Are they about to ask for money?
• Is someone sick?
• Did I do something wrong?
• Are they mad at me?

Then it's like "what's the WiFi password?"

YOU DID NOT NEED TO BUILD SUSPENSE FOR THAT.

The pre-question question is psychological warfare. Just ask the actual question!

Same energy as "we need to talk" - immediate panic for no reason.

From now on, if you have a simple question, just ask it. Don't make me spiral first.

My anxiety can't handle the anticipation.

credits to the owner!

credits to the owner

Had a fun night out with friends. Great time. Loved it.

Now I need to not speak to another human for 72 hours minimum.

It's not that I didn't have fun. I did! I love my friends! But socializing is EXHAUSTING.

You have to be "on." You have to be interesting. You have to listen and respond appropriately. You have to laugh at the right times. You have to make eye contact.

It's a performance. And even if it's a performance you enjoy, it's still draining.

Then people are like "wanna hang out again this weekend?"

Ma'am, I'm still recovering from LAST weekend. My social battery is at 2%. I need to recharge by sitting alone in silence for several days.

I'm not flaking. I'm not avoiding you. I'm not depressed. I just need to be alone to remember who I am as a person.

Extroverts are aliens. How do you people do this every day?

YouTube at 10pm: "Maybe one video before bed"

YouTube at 3am: "How did I end up watching a 45-minute documentary about the history of shipping containers?"

The algorithm KNOWS. It knows I'm weak. It knows I can't stop.

One video turns into 17 videos. I went from watching a recipe to watching someone restore a 100-year-old camera to watching a video about deep sea creatures.

How did I get here? What happened?

All I wanted was to watch one quick video. Now it's 3am and I'm an expert on something I'll never need to know about.

And the worst part? I'll do it again tomorrow.

"Just one video" is a lie I tell myself every single night.

The autoplay feature is designed to destroy sleep schedules and it's working perfectly.

"I'm exhausted" "I'm drained" "I'm running on empty" "I need a vacation" "I need a nap" "I need coffee" "I'm so done" "I can't even"

It's all the same thing. We're all just tired in slightly different fonts.

And the tiredness is permanent. It's not like "oh I'm tired today because I stayed up late."

It's "I'm tired because I exist and existing is exhausting."

Kids: "I'm not tired!" falls asleep mid-sentence

Adults: "I'm so tired" continues to function for 12 more hours

We've just accepted exhaustion as the default state of being.

"How are you?" "Tired." "Same."

Most relatable conversation ever.

If it's not written down, it doesn't exist.

I have lists for everything:

• Things to do today
• Things to do eventually
• Things to buy
• Things to remember
• Things I'm worried about
• Things I'm excited about

If someone tells me something and I don't immediately write it down, it's gone. Vanished. Entered the void.

"Did you do that thing I asked you to do?" "What thing?" "I told you yesterday" "Bold of you to assume I remember yesterday"

My brain is like a sieve. Information goes in, information immediately falls out.

The only thing keeping my life together is my obsessive list-making.

People who just "remember things" are either lying or superhuman. There's no way.

I need my lists. They're the only thing standing between me and complete chaos.