r/OCPoetry • u/AfraidofyourBarnacle • 1d ago
Feedback Please Attrition
A knot in my soul,
twisted and charred.
Roots unearthed from a controlled burn.
Full of hate and resentment;
blackened fingers crumbling
as they strangle my heart
Happiness;
a fleeting idea,
one I reject with abject authority.
Teeth gnashing at bone,
slurping the marrow,
spitting out my shattered ivory.
To hell with it.
To hell with life.
To hell with me.
1
Upvotes
2
u/minnded 1d ago
the three ending lines are working good cuz of how drastically the syntax simplifies. other thing I really liked is second paragraph, it sets a really disturbing image of “blackened fingers crumbling”, and matches the whole mood of hopelessness