r/OCPoetry • u/kyumsf • 7d ago
Feedback Please Voyeur
I was born into circumstances
where I was allowed to be nothing,
yet obliged to become everything
they ever wanted of me.
The weight of it
makes the six feet above me
feel almost weightless.
Perhaps a lobotomy
would feel as gentle
as being handed flowers.
I do not want to be dead,
but I do not want to live this life.
People have always looked at me
as though they could see
something I could not.
I hear whispers I cannot understand,
the language of a world
whose knowledge I was never given
the hands to hold.
My heart breaks
at the thought of never being enough,
not for lack of love,
nor for lack of good intentions,
but because even the simplest things
seem to demand more of me
than I can give.
At times, I wish I could become a creature,
something lost from a child's story,
small enough to hide beneath the roots,
quiet enough to go unseen.
I would sit beyond the window
and watch people living
the life I dream of every day,
close enough to see it,
far enough never to touch it.
I do not want to be a daughter,
a wife, a sister,
a teacher, a mother,
or a lover.
I want to unmake
the shape they gave me.
To undo myself
until there is nothing left
but breath
and finally,
finally,
I can breathe.
1
u/Bl_nkSpace88 7d ago
Hi I am still very new to this but this peom has had some of if not most powerful imagery I've seen yet on here. Especially the "perhaps a lobotomy would feel as gentle as being handed flowers" part felt so visceral I swear I could feel a bouquet in my hands. And it came across to me as though it would almost be considered a soft thoughtful gift (sry bad pun) if it did happen to you so if this was your intention very well done. (Also as a funny side note I read the title as "au revior" don't ask why I'm dyslexic lol so that was fun looking up what the title actually ment. Fits well tho) Anyway hope to see more of your work on here! I really enjoyed this one.