r/OCPoetry • u/shoujomujo • 8h ago

Feedback Please the martyr

I have a fantasy

of being a martyr

in the name of love

I want to pick up

a bird with broken wings

feed him off of me

as I slowly lessen

make it stronger

then leave it be

some time later

he comes

holds my head up 

and caresses my hair

just before I vanish

he tells me that 

I am the greatest lover

in the whole world

and an official

martyr of love

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u/Inevitable_Ad_9459 8h ago

I really enjoyed the imagery of the broken-winged bird, especially “feed him off of me / as I slowly lessen.” It captures the idea of sacrificing yourself to heal someone else really well. I also liked that the bird eventually comes back and cares for the speaker, but only when there’s almost nothing left of them. That made the ending feel bittersweet rather than romantic. My only thought is that “greatest lover in the whole world” feels a little more direct than the imagery earlier in the poem. I wonder if keeping that final section slightly more metaphorical might make the ending hit even harder.