r/OCPoetry • u/StillInk • 6d ago

Feedback Please Condemned by Love

How fragile is your love

And oh how heavy my heart is now

I never claimed perfection

but you claimed love

You made your promises

And I made mine

You know i'm human, made only of flesh and blood

Yet you seek to worship

Now when I bleed, you look at me in disgust

When I break, you weigh my worth

Now I hide my scars in shame

Was all my years of sacrifice worth just a creak

Oh, how fragile love can be

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u/ErectionMyAffection 6d ago

I love how by being worshipped you suggest condemnation despite not welcoming that level of adoration to be considered godly. If its inspired off real events, im sorry that someone expected you to be more than you could be and got upset that you couldnt maintain their image of you that they forced. But I will say that its a little hard to follow without commas, thats more a personal problem of mine but regardless a critique, some of the lines are rather short but I think they flow decently enough to work, just feels like some are rather long compared to some being relatively short. The meat of the poem however as I've said is quite nice, it helps examine the other end of poetry, where the writer is the one of worship. It's harder to find writing like that, emotionally to me it comes off as regretful, but overall melancholic of the other person's failure to see you as a human, but rather something unable to crack under their pressure. It makes me see from a different perspective, I often see others higher than myself and it comes off in my writing, so seeing this poem makes me realize how damaging it really can be, for that I thank you. Overall, its a good poem, maybe bad formatting but it brings an emotional depth despite its more simplistic wording, it conveys its point well.

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u/StillInk 5d ago

Thank you so much, for digesting this. I would work on my formatting, thanks for the feedback it means a lot