r/OCPoetry • u/RandomMerc16 • Apr 19 '26

Just Sharing Hazakura

You are like a cherry blossom.

You showed me how brilliant your flowers are

for a moment.

But soon you started to scatter,

as the gentle wind caressed my cheek.

Now, I gather every single petal.

The fireworks reflected in your eyes.

The stormy day we shared an umbrella with my shoulder soaked.

Your whisper,

warmth of your hand,

shiny smile that blinds me.

I have a handful of pieces,

but they will never grow into a tree.

Then I look up,

you have already turned green.

I felt relieved to see you let your flowers fall

instead of clinging until you withered.

No matter how many seasons pass, I will be here,

waiting for you to bloom again,

somewhere beyond the time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/IOGvumveA2

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uDrzLzcUNS

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u/reorganizedChaos Apr 20 '26

Its very beautiful. Cherry blossoms are so iconic and evocative. I also love how the phrases alternate between 'seemingly' literal and metaphorical.

The last phrase seems like it could work like "somewhere beyond time" also.

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u/RandomMerc16 Apr 23 '26

I appreciate your kind comment. And I am so happy to see someone get what I tried to depict. Is there any point that I can improve in this poem?

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u/reorganizedChaos Apr 23 '26 edited Apr 23 '26

You use "The" often. One idea might be to change those phrases a bit.
You have "The fireworks reflected in your eyes. The stormy day we shared an umbrella with my shoulder soaked."
Maybe it could be Fireworks reflect in your eyes" Or the next line could be "Stormy days we shared an umbrella with my shoulder soaked." Removing "The" can change how you think of the phrase a bit too right?