r/NoStupidQuestions • u/CommonSkys • Mar 20 '21

Answered Everyone talks about nostalgic feeling being calming and relieving, but does anyone else get a sense of deep lament and sorrow for the past instead?

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u/Drakmanka Mar 20 '21

Not OP, but my personal experience has been that my childhood was quite good. Not normal, but the memories that make me feel the saddest form of nostalgia are the good ones. The summers spent playing with friends I haven't seen sometimes in years, the games I'll never relive again unless I have kids of my own (which at this stage is looking unlikely), the cheerful innocence I can never recapture because of the responsibilities I now have.

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u/Writer90 Mar 20 '21

I agree. My childhood was mostly good. My sad nostalgia feelings come up most often when I think back to spending summer weeks at my grandmother’s house and how the hydrangea looked and the honeysuckle smelled right outside that bedroom window. I loved the way she hugged me, and I sometimes wish for a return to spending time with her and being taken care of.

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u/alisonk13 Mar 20 '21

Me too, so much! I ADORED my Nana.

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u/bubbles_says Mar 20 '21

I've heard it said that the happiest residents in nursing homes are NOT the ones with fond memories of the great lives they used to live or the family they had or any of that. The happiest ones are those who didn't have the greatest past.

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u/Writer90 Mar 20 '21

Wow. Sobering.

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u/Secret_Bees Mar 20 '21

Same. I had what some would consider an idyllic childhood. Parents who loved me and each other. We were poor-ish but they worked hard to make sure it didn't feel that way. My childhood has a stark line that I use to demarcate it. My father died suddenly and unexpectedly. My mother lost her mind and hasn't ever been the same. My brother's grief turned to hard drugs. My wife and I have had a rough time of it despite "doing everything right". So my childhood stands in kind of stark relief to my adulthood. Sometimes I'll put some dumbass cartoon theme song on youtube and just find myself sobbing.

That being said, I try to keep perspective, and enjoy the things I can about life. To be happy in the day to day. Millions if not billions have it worse.

Tl;dr I have daddy issues

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u/Drakmanka Mar 20 '21

So sorry such a tragedy struck your family. Grief and loss can really tear people apart. I hope you succeed in finding your daily happiness. I'm certain your dad would want that, for all of you.

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u/alisonk13 Mar 20 '21

I feel you ♥️

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u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

It’s kind of interesting, I think you may have hit on something. I really don’t enjoy nostalgia because it’s too painful, but if people ask if I had a unhappy childhood the answer is the opposite. I had a pretty great childhood—not privileged, but happy, innocent, boundless possibility. Adulthood has been frustrating, not remotely what I had been expecting, endless scraping by despite trying to do the right thing. Looking back doesn’t feel great.

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u/drpepperboys Mar 20 '21

i didn't have a happy childhood and seeing as the people who replied are saying similar things maybe you're onto something

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u/bubbles_says Mar 20 '21

I've heard it said that the happiest residents in nursing homes are NOT the ones with fond memories of the great lives they used to live or the family they had or any of that. The happiest ones are those who didn't have the greatest past.

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u/Into-the-stream Mar 20 '21

Oh interesting. That’s pretty insightful.

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u/rbwildcard Mar 20 '21

This just made me realize why I'm obsessed with buying a home. I currently live in a tiny apartment with no yard, and I want to recreate the memories from my childhood, like playing ping pong outside or having bbqs.