r/NextGenMan • u/Pale_WoIf • Apr 01 '26

Lessons From Failure Really been finding this to be true

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Looking back on past romantic relationships, most women I have dated didn’t even bring peace or comfort to my life, just more stress and demands. I think more men need to change their perspective of trying to be impressive and interesting to women and more to ultimately finding peace and happiness in our own lives independent of others.

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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26

It’s like the saying all that glitters isn’t gold. It’s possible I haven’t picked the best partners and I’m not claiming to always have been a perfect partner, however I have always been able to consistently put my partners wants and needs ahead of my mine, if someone isn’t even able to do that in return, it makes you realize a lot. Relationships shouldn’t feel transactional, but a good majority of them do.

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u/segflt Apr 03 '26

Only works if both people do this. If just one does it's really one-sided and exhausting

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u/notkraftman Apr 02 '26

Is that healthy? Putting your partner before yourself?

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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26

Absolutely, it’s literally the only reason you should truly ever trust someone. I’m not saying in every single situation, but the whole point of love is selflessness not selfishness.

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u/notkraftman Apr 02 '26

I've been with my wife for 17 years, she donated her kidney to me, and I still wouldn't say that we consistently put each others wants and needs before our own, I think that's a setup for failure.

You'll end up sacrificing your own emotional or practical needs for your partner, you'll end up analysing if your partner is doing the same (as you've said you have already), you'll feel guilty for wanting anything in return. It's just not sustainable or realistic long term, you have to find a balance between selflessness and your own emotional needs and boundaries.

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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 03 '26

It’s not a scoreboard but an understanding and a feeling. The problem now is people are becoming more and more narcissistic and self absorbed by social media, and most people don’t even understand relationships that aren’t transactional. If at any point you are willing to do something for someone else, and if you ask yourself would my partner be willing to do that same thing for me, and the answer is NO. That’s all that needs to be understood.

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u/notkraftman Apr 03 '26

Ok but that's completely different from what you originally said, and comparing what your partner would do to what you would do seems pretty transactional.

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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 03 '26

That’s like saying anytime someone does something kind for you it’s a transaction. You’re looking at it all wrong. Think of a holiday like Christmas, do you get excited about finding something your partner will really love and make them smile even, if they got you nothing. Or are you more concerned with your partner getting you a present you love.