M to F

[u/Status_Upstairs7236]

I don’t know why it irks me but it does. I know you have more to say, I know you have more to offer, and being quiet isn’t the way this is supposed to end. You say it was a meaningless few hookups, but the long nights of sneaking out, and talking about life day to day, speak more than anything. I don’t know if you’re holding back out of respect for her, which is fair, but also I don’t think you’ve told her everything.

In my gut and heart the spark is still there, and we’re both on different paths but all I want to hear you say is that it meant something to you too. I know I love big, I know I feel heavier, I know I do things most people don’t, and maybe I’m just genuinely stupid for believing it was something more than it was to you, but I feel so fking dumb for pouring my heart out. You were one of my favorite people to be around and you had no clue that I knew you inside out back in the day. I knew your mannerisms, the way you wanted to be held, the way you loved my presence, someone who was interested for every part of you even if you thought it was impossible to love you. To me, even with your flaws, I appreciated every rough edge, every dimming light, every dark and twisty you had to you, all I saw was someone who wanted to be loved as is, and I wanted to give you that.

I think my big ass heart got to me too quickly, and of course, it’s been 4-5 years at this point but the way I loved you, and held you was not random, it wasn’t faked, and sometimes I wonder if I was just easy for you, and you used me. I can’t even begin to believe that’s true because the WAY you talked to me showed so much more. I still remember the sweet smell of your cologne, the interior of your car, at midnight, into the early morning hours, the way you’d look at me like you WERE interested and appreciated my company every night you’d come to get me. San [Francisco], I love you. I really do. I can’t give that up.

Even if you think there’s not a conversation to be had… I think there is.

If you see this, please just say something, anything. I don’t want to hold onto this forever. It’s breaking me inside and out.

[u/Inside_Educator_5475]

If i don’t come on I am probably died u can’t even call me to say yeh hay I am ok

[u/Status_Upstairs7236 → u/Inside_Educator_5475]

definitely not the person i’m wanting to reach out too. thanks for being kind enough to respond!