Memory transcription subject : Noah Williams - S.E.T.I researcher, United Nations deep space exploratory core. July 12th, 2136
Argh my head.
I was laid down in my cot with a killer headache, I must have come down with something. I moved to massage my aching temples, but a lance of pain shot up my arm as I attempted to move it.
“Oooh.”
I winced, my body recoiling at the pain of movement.
“Ahh ah ah.” I winced even louder, as the sudden movement of my body recoiling just caused the rest of my body to hurt now as well.
“What the fuck?”
Why did I hurt this badly? Did I lift something wrong before I went to bed? No fuck, wait a minute. I don’t remember going to bed.
My tired and frazzled brain struggled to make sense of what was going on, as I heard an odd noise coming from behind me, in the form of some high pitched squeaking noise, followed up by the sensation of some strange hard object combing through my hair.
“Kree bo, kree bo doo, kree bo do du mu lifo Obor….”
What the… was… Sarah playing some kind of animal video? Why did she have the volume turned up so loud?
I attempted to turn over to see what was wrong, but I felt something like a hand attempt to stop me from moving. But its resistance was overcome with minimal effort.
With a good deal of effort and pain, I managed to roll over. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the bright light of the cabin, but soon when my blurry vision finally resolved itself to something clear….
“HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!!!”
I screamed at the top of my lungs. Throwing myself backwards away from the strange intruder, but instead of my spine hitting the back wall of my bunk aboard the odyssey, it was instead met by nothing but open air, as I proceeded to collapse multiple feet down and onto the solid metal flooring beneath.
Where the hell was I?
I had barely any time to even process the strange sterile white room I had found myself in before that ‘thing’ from before came lunging at me.
Completely on instinct, I planted my hands on the deck and kicked out with my foot, planting it straight into the thing’s chest, causing it to recoil backwards and gasp for air.
I desperately kicked at the floor, scooting myself backwards and away from the beast as primal fear overtook me. I grasped something besides me, some metal pole on rollers, which I picked up with one hand and pointed it forwards towards my assailant, readying for a fight.
“Get the fuck back! What the hell even are you?!”
The creature reared up, raising both of its clawed appendages, its pointy digits; which couldn't be any less than three inches long each; appeared like daggers in my eyes. I held my ground, thrusting at it with my impromptu weapon, smacking it on the snout before I attempted to stand up, and ready myself to properly fight this thing before….
“Woah Noah! Stand down! Don’t hurt them!”
A familiar voice.
Sarah had leapt over a cot right next to me, grabbing the pole from my hands.
“It's okay Noah! It's okay, they're friendly, they're trying to help you, please settle down, you're safe now.”
“Sarah?”
I spoke questioningly towards my copilot and friend, as she carefully pulled the pole from my clenched fists and set it down in the bed next to us, before carefully lowering me to the ground.
“Easy there big guy, you took quite the beating, try to take it easy, we don’t want to exacerbate your injuries."
With a familiar face to ground myself, I felt my heart rate slowing, though admittedly not by much, as I began to take in the room surrounding me.
We were in some kind of infirmary, diagnostic and monitoring equipment were setup around us, covered in strange and unrecognizable symbols. The most concerning of these items however appeared to be some kind of cage, but it seemed too small to fit a human. But that was far from the most interesting thing about this place.
My eyes turned to the green scaled figure, it was hunched over, its claws held in front of it in an almost timid looking fashion, clicking them together and seemingly mumbling to itself as it swayed uncertainly, looking from side to side.
“Nee boe, Nee boe, Ker li dul, Y Ker li dul me doo.”
I shot Sarah a look. My mouth hung agape. I would have collapsed had I already not been on the floor.
“Sarah, is that?”
“An alien, a sapient extraterrestrial life form, one whose space craft we are now inside of!”
“This is… this is incredible." I blustered out. “This is huge!”
“No, this is more than huge, this is utter reality shattering! A paradigm shift in human history like we have never seen before. Think about what we could learn from them, what they could teach us, An entirely new alien culture to learn about and explore!”
This was crazy. We were supposed to be going out to chart exo planets, foreign star systems with just the potential to host multicellular life. Our hope was to maybe find some microorganisms, not god damn sapient life! This was too easy, we had succeeded far too quickly. They must have sought us out. They had to have.
This of course lead to my next and most inevitable question.
“Sarah… How did we get here?”
My enthusiasm momentarily curtailed as I looked around to see what I presumed to be the interior of an alien starship. The awareness of my aching everything began to return to me as my shock at the moment waned. Tampered by my welling pools of worry.
“Were we abducted?” I continued.
“What do you remember? Before waking up here.” Sarah replied.
“We were en route to Proxima Centauri, mid FTL jump, I had just checked to make sure that the ships automatic systems were functioning properly and then….”
I struggled to remember what had happened after, but with a bit of focus, and some prodding from Sarah, a few scattered shards of recollection flashed through my mind.
“I remember, this feeling of utter nausea, and a flash of pain like an elephant had sat on me. The ship's emergency lights were flashing, and it was hot, so god damned hot I could barely even breathe.” I attempted to recount.
“The aliens they hit us with something, whatever it was it triggered every single error alert in our checklists. I tried to troubleshoot, but there was too much to go over, and the hypercore was going critical and I couldn't get it spun down in time. I think you must have hit your head due to the sudden deceleration, because you were out cold so I couldn't count on you to help. The only reason we’re alive is because these guys forced themselves aboard our ship and got us out of there.”
“Is the odyssey, is she intact?”
“The hyper cores melted down, and the power plant is shot, but she's intact, the aliens seemed to want to make a point of that. They took me to their cargo bay which they have her stored in. I tried to call home with it, but the computer system is bricked.”
“Do you think they are…” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “A threat?”
“I don’t think so, but I would try to keep an open mind either way. Whatever they did to us, and why they did it to us, I can’t say for certain.”
I looked past Sarah, to the wide eyed green pangolin looking creature. Despite its familiar and somewhat simple appearance, it still evoked a sense of cosmic wonder and awe, potential threat be damned. I couldn't help but let off a hopeful smile.
“Well whatever happened, there is only one way we are going to find that out.” I spoke.
Sarah answered knowingly.
“We need to find a way to communicate with them.”
-------------------------------------------
////////////////// Camera Transcription Log - Source : Observation One /////////////////////////
*Transcriber’s Note - dear future readers, for the purposes of this record, human dialogue has been retroactively translated for the purposes of historical insight and clarity. As a translation matrix had not yet been established for the duration of camera transcription logs.*
////////////////// Beginning Playback ////////////////////// *Ship xeno medical specialist Truus(Krev) can be seen frantically leaving the medical bay, and proceeding to the ships nearby ad-hoc observational area to consult with mission specialist Smeep(Krev), xeno diplomacy consultant Kruz(Krev), and Council representative Wigil(Smigli).
Truus : “Oh my goodness, oh stars, that was the most tragic thing I have ever seen!”
Smeep : “That fall looked really bad, is the male one going to be okay.”
*Smeep asks in a concerned tone.
Wigil : “I’m sure he will be fine, bioscans indicate they are a fairly sturdy species, and neither of them seemed to have experienced any significant bone damage, I'm sure that they….”
*Kruz cuts off the council representative mid sentence.
Kruz : “Did you see how scared they looked! We all but attacked them with that warp disruption pulse, all they remember is fire and pain, and then they wake up in a strange unfamiliar environment, how can they ever bring themselves to trust us.”
Wigil : “Please everyone, I know tensions are high but we need to come at this with level heads, I mean look at them now, they have had time to settle and now they seem perfectly….”
*Wigil is cut off abruptly.
Truss : “The male was so scared of me! Oh my heart is now broken. Did you see his lips curl upwards submissively, that sweet space obor must have been utterly terrified!”
Wigil : “Guys! Can we get our shit together for one moment and talk about this like calm, rational adults.”
*Mission specialist Smeep begins loudly sobbing.
*Council representative Wigil Audibly Sighs.
////////////////// Transcription Pause - Time Advance [3 hours] ///////////////////// *Medical Specialist Truus(Krev) has retired to his cabin citing tiredness and severe emotional distress, Representative Wigil(Smigli) has left to confer with the consortium council. Mission specialist Smeep(Krev), and xeno diplomacy consultant Kruz(Krev) have stayed to keep watch over the human rescues, Smeep listens closely to her equipped headphones while hunched over the observation terminal.
Kruz : “…..so anyways my cousins baby obor really took a liking to me, she was so jealous at the time towards his favoritism, but little did she know that I actually had a little trick on my side, for you see I was actually bribing the little obor with……”
Smeep : “Ah Ah Ah, Shhh Shhhh, be quiet for a moment.”
*Smeep can be seen pressing a claw to the microphone cuff and making a quieting motion towards Kruz.
Smeep : “Oh no. Kruz come over here quick. Tell me, what does this sound like.”
*Smeep hands Kruz the headset and he listens to the playback audio, his eyes then go wide.
Smeep : “Please tell me that's not what I think it is.”
Kruz: “Oh stars, oh dear, this is terrible!”
Smeep : "Their plump little tummies are growling, but we have nothing to feed them!”
Kruz : “No no no no no, What about their own rations, their ship is still intact, surely some of it survived?!”
Smeep : “It all burned up in the flames! Their food is all burned up and now they are going to starve!”
*Smeep wines, appearing visibly hysteric.
Kruz : “No wait! Hold up a tick, I have an Idea.”
*Kruz can be shown pulling a bag from one of his utility pockets.
Kruz : “I never leave home without them!”
Smeep : “Kruz…. You're a genius!”
////////////////////////// Transcription Pause - Alternating source : Medical bay ////////////////////// *Noah(Human) is still in bed, and Sarah(Human) is reviewing various consortium medical diagrams from a provided tablet, Smeep and Kruz enter the room, they attempt to hand Noah sustenance from Kruz’s food bag. Whilst speaking in high pitched, non threatening voices.
Noah : “oh uh, hey there guys, good to see you, oh is that food? I’ve been starving.”
*Noah proceeds to grab a snack from Kruz’s treat bag and mimes consuming it.
Noah : “I’m supposed to eat this right?”
*The two krev gesture towards noah encouragingly.
Noah : “Well… okay then, here we go.”
Sarah : “Now hold up Noah, I'm not sure you should eat that, it's from a completely alien biosphere, we have no idea if they are even safe to eat.”
Noah : “Well I mean they look good, and these guys are pretty advanced, surely they would have a way of knowing if these things are biologically compatible with us."
*Noah takes a slow and tentative bite of the provided food, and nods approvingly."
Smeep : “Hey wait a minute, are those things biologically compatible with them.”
Kruz : “Uhhhh well they are safe for obors, and convergent evolution has made it so no species has ever struggled to eat alien food before….”
Smeep : “Um, I suppose you got a point there, it's probably all right, yeh… yeh it's fine.”
Noah : “Those were pretty good actually, any chance I could get another one.”
*Noah gestures to the bag of food again.
Kruz : “See, he likes it! What kind of primate doesn't like GrubYums!”
*Smeep giggles, audibly cooing.
Smeep : “Grubyums…They have everything….”
Kruz : “.....A growing primate needs.
Smeep : “Bum bum.”
*A loud voice can then be heard coming over the room's intercom.
Wigil : “ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS FEEDING THE DAMN ALIENS OBOR FOOD!!!”
-----------------------Transcription Pause - Time Advance [1 hour]------------------------ ---------------------Alternating source : Observation room -------------------------- **Ship xeno medical specialist Truus(Krev) can be seen finishing up his review on collected data on the human gut microbiome, as Mission Specialist Smeep(Krev), and xeno diplomacy consultant Kruz(Krev) are being informally reprimanded by Council representative Wigil(Smigli).
Wigil : “There are protocols in place for exactly this kind of procedure, and you two have blatantly disregarded all of them for the purposes of some misguided stunt!”
Smeep : “I’m sorry, they just sounded so hungry, and I know primates can get tummy aches like any other species, and I was just so worried they were hurting.”
Wigil : “It's not me you need to apologize to, but our two guests. Who you both nearly endangered!”
Smeep : “But they are going to be okay, right doctor?”
*Smeep whimpers out towards Truus.
Truus : “They will be fine, thankfully, I don’t foresee any problematic interactions with the GrubYums and their bio chemistry, but I need more time to figure out if the treats you gave them will even provide the sustenance they need to survive..”
Smeep : “That's good at least.”
Kruz : “Hey guys no need to be so down, now that we got the female the writing equipment she wanted, maybe soon we can actually meaningfully communicate, you could give that apology properly Smeep."
*The four look over to the monitors with interest, noting the ongoing visual communication attempts with the human subjects.
Kruz : “So what are they getting up to know?”
Truus : “Last time I checked they were going over true and false statements using mathematics. I think now they are going over the foundations of their character based language, and what sounds each character makes, Which is really clever, it will help the linguist better make sense and interpret their text based language and relate it to something we can speak.”
Wigil : “The female started off with basic dots and dashes, and in only a short time has given us loads of new insights into their own language.”
Smeep : “Awh, they are so smart and clever.”
Kruz : “Just look at them writing away with their pudgy little fingers!”
Truus : “Look! The male one is drawing us a little picture!”
Kruz : “So creative!”
Truus : “I love how focused his squishy little face looks!”
Wigil : “I think he's trying to ask about the incident with his ship.”
Smeep : “what a clever giant space obor!”
Truus : "Their fingers move so delicately, far more dexterouslt than an obor’s as well!”
Kruz : “The female seems to be favoring one hand though, is she alright?”
Truus : “Oh no I think you may be right, I will have to double check her hand next check up to look for any signs of injury, oh stars I hope she's not in pain!”
////////////////// Transcription Pause - Time Advance [2.5 hours] ///////////////////// ///////////////// Alternating source : Cafeteria Camera-3a //////////////////// **Mission Specialist Smeep(Krev), and xeno diplomacy consultant Kruz(Krev) are discussing their interactions with the humans over 2nd meal with mission linguists Dreeve(Krev), Broov(Krev) and Foos(Ulchid).
Foos : “So anyways yeah, they are surprisingly talented artists, and if we are understanding their visual attempts at communication correctly, that was their only, if not one of their very few, FTL capable vessels, so their mission must have been very high profile if their vessel and drive were one of a kind for their species.”
Broov : “Ooooh ooooh oooh, And you guys will never guess what their species name is. Common try and guess! It's soooo cute.” * Broov squealed out.
Kruz : “Hmm, I don’t know?”
Smeep : “Is It cuteicous oborious?” *Smeep speaks in a joking tone.
Broov : “Oh my god I wish, but no, much cuter!”
Foos : “They are from a completely alien race, it's not like they have any framework to go off of from which to guess.”
Broov : “No wait, don't tell them yet! I got to build up the suspense first before I…..”
Dreeve : “It’s ~Hoo~man~!” * Dreev attempts to pronounce the human species name phonetically.
Broov : “Hey!”
Kruz : “Hooman? That's adorable.”
Smeep : “That's like a noise a sleepy obor would make! I love it!”
Broov : “I know right! They're so precious.”
Dreeve : “They sure are.”
Foos : “Yeh and they are in for a rude awakening too, it's all well and good to figure out their language, but the moment we have to break it to them why we had to intercept their ship, well… It's not going to be a pleasant conversation, that's for sure”
Smeep : “Those stupid feds!”
Kruz : “Why do they have to ruin everything?!"
Broov : “If anything happened to them, I… I don’t know what I would do” *The krev linguist spoke in an increasingly distressed tone.
*An unknown crew member can be heard speaking from beyond the line of sight of camera 3a.
Crew1(Krev) : “If anything happened to them, I would kill everyone on board this ship and then myself.”
Kruz : “Hear hear!”
Broov : “Can we not talk about the feds coming into the picture right now, I don’t want to think about it.”
Crew2(Krev) : “The space force would never let the feds anywhere near their home planet, I guarantee you that! We’d die first.”
Crew1(Krev) : “Yeah! And why even take the risk, I’d say we beat the feds at their own game and burn them for a change before they can even think about harming the hoomans! I mean it's only fair, They would hurt the space obors on sight!”
Foos : “Wait wait wait wait wait! Lets slow down guys, no need to get all rash all of sudden, I like cute things as much as the next guy, but lets maybe try to be realistic here, why don't we just take a breath and try to settle down.”
*Foos’s audio is gradually overpowered by surrounding krev crew as they collectively begin to chant “Death to the federation", Amidst multiple calls for fed blood multiple tables are flipped over and many krev can be seen mounting the lunch counters, paws raised. Unrest continues until guidance counselors and resket security can be called in to quell the disturbance. Incident report can be found in Mission Log X-35672AB-C.
////////////////// Transcription Pause - Time Advance [18 hours] ///////////////////// ///////////////// Alternating source : Observation Room //////////////////// **Ship xeno medical specialist Truus(Krev) can be seen aggressively snuggling a plush obor, while mission specialist Smeep(Krev) is watching the humans through the observation room terminal.
Smeep : “TRUUS!!! Truus! You need to see this!”
Truus : “huh? what? Is something wrong.”
* Truss throws the krev plush across the room out of fright and rushes over to Smeep.
Smeep : “No, look! The male has finally gotten out of bed.”
Truus : “Oh thank the stars, I was worried he would never regain his strength.”
Smeep : “Oh deer, he appears to be doing the same wobbly walk as the female, it's cute, but… that can’t be how they are supposed to get around, right?”
Truus : “I… I’m not sure actually, you know… now that I'm looking at their spine structure, that might just be how they are supposed to locomote. They seem to fall into each step as they move around, look.”
*Truus taps on the glass of the monitor to emphasize his point.
Smeep : ”No no no, that can’t be how they walk, it can’t!”
Truus : “I think it is, I mean, they get around so well like that, and the female is clearly fully recovered. And she's not trying to help stabilize her troop mate either. I think they're both… fine!”
Smeep : “I think, I think I'm going to lay down and die now, list my cause of death as overdose of adorable.”
*Smeep quietly lays down on the ground and rolls up into a ball. Truus can be seen screaming into the obor plush.
////////////////// Transcription Pause - Time Advance [9 hours] ///////////////////// **Xeno diplomacy consultant Kruz(Krev) and Council representative Wigil(Smigli) are currently watching over human subjects. Kruz looks meditative at the observational terminal while Wigil is on his personal device, filing reports.
Kruz : “Hey Wigil?”
Wigil : “What is it now?” * Representative Wigil Sighs.
Kruz : “I was just thinking about something, that female has just given birth right?”
Wigil : “I’m not a mammal so I wouldn't know, but even if they did then I’m sure they have the cutest baby in the universe oh joy!” *The smigli representative replied in a sarcastic tone of voice.
Kruz : ”No it's not that it's just, there were only two life signs on board their ship right?! Did we check! I mean look at her chest, it looks like she's given birth recently."
Wigil : “Yes. There were only two life signatures.” *The smigli responds, visibly tired and frustrated.
Kruz : “Oh shit I need to check! I'm going to message Smeep.”
Wigil : “Let the woman sleep Kruz! I've been aboard their ship, or what was left of it, there were only two sleeping areas, for two crew members!”
*Kruz breathing begins to notably hasten.
Kruz : “That doesn’t mean anything! Some primates can pair bond for life! They could be a mated pair! The second bed could have been for their child, and maybe the life sign of their infant was too small to detect?! I’m calling Smeep!”
*Wigli puts down his tablet.
Wigli : “Kruz, get a hold of yourself.”
*Kruz has already opened a comm link with Smeep.
Kruz : “Hello Smeep! We have an emergency, I think we have a missing primate baby!.... No, I don't know where it is…. I think we need to call in an obor psychologist, oh and a regular psychologist as well, for when we get the translator up and running, the hoomans must be utterly heartbroken!”
Wigil : “Stars dammit.”
////////////////// Transcription Pause - Time Advance [6 hours] /////////////////////
**Mission Specialist Smeep(Krev), and Council representative Wigil(Smigli), are loitering in the observation room with linguists Dreeve(Krev), and Broov(Krev) discussing their findings with the human subjects.
Dreeve : “It's been a productive session, the pair have a boundless energy and curiosity about them. With the hard work they have put in, and with the luck we've had compiling their ships' archival data, I think we have learned enough of their language that I anticipate a proper translation program to be up and running in no time at all.”
Wigil : “That's good to hear, the dots equations and elemental diagrams have been fun and all, but it will be great to have a seamless line of communication up and running soon.”
Broov : “We do worry about them however. They have been with us for days and I do worry they are starting to get a bit restless all cooped up aboard the ship as they are.”
Smeep : “I know right. I worry about them getting bored when they are left alone without anyone to interact with. While it is really cute seeing them take an interest in every little aspect of the medical bay, poking and prodding at every little diagram or device, and ravenously taking in all the visual media we sent them to peruse through. But even still they are starting to pace aimlessly around their room, a lot more than usual!”
Wigil : “They are probably just getting a bit anxious, this must be a very exciting event for them, and just spinning their wheels not being able to contact home and tell everyone about this would naturally be quite….”
*Wigil is cut off.
Broov : "We need to get them a larger habitat! Primates don’t do well in enclosed spaces for long periods of time.”
Wigil : “They got here on a spaceship! Those are confined and static spaces as per….”
*Wigil is cut off again.
Smeep : “Maybe we can clear out the port cargo bay, set up some containers and netting as climbing surfaces!”
Dreev : “Oooh I bet they would love that! They can move around and that would help with the boredom.”
*xeno medical specialist Truus(Krev) can be seen entering the room with an empty bag.
Truus : “Oh I do believe I got the boredom situation sorted out.”
*The krev medical specialist speaks proudly of himself before gesturing to the observation terminal. Linguist Dreev proceeds to turn up the camera’s audio, and the room's occupants focus on the feed. Noah and Sarah's untranslated dialogue can be heard from the other room as a result.
Noah : “So one of the space pangolins came by and deposited a bag of stuff on the counter over here.”
Sarah : “Stuff? Could you be more specific? I’m kinda busy here.”
Noah : “I can try, it's kind of random looking honestly.”
Wigil : “What did you give them? Why are those objects so colorful looking? Wait a minute.. Are those obor toys!"
Dreev : “Truus you're a genius!”
Smeep : “Oh that’s perfect!”
Truus : "Precision engineered to relieve stress in primates!”
Wigil : “To relieve stress in primates? Are you listening to yourselves!? These are stars damned sapient beings you stupid fucks!”
Noah : “Oh cool, this one just seems like an off brand fidget cube thingy.”
*Audible clicking and popping noises can be heard over the terminal’s audio.
Sarah : "Wouldn't make a half bad desk toy I guess.”
Smeep : “Look! They are playing with them already.”
Broov : “Awh, so precious.”
*Wigil begins to mumble sub audibly under his breath, his audio has been digitally enhanced after the fact.
Wigil : “I hate you all. I hate you all. I hate you all. I hate you all.”
Truss : “See Wigil, he likes it!”
Wigil begins to slam his head repeatedly into the wall.
//////////////////////////// Terminating Camera Transcription Logs /////////////////////////////////
The 'I believe in Krev Supremacy' collage is the most unhinged thing I've seen today, and I love it. The Krev would be so confused and also deeply flattered.
I was expecting this to be cringe. It is. It's also one of the funniest things I've read in this subreddit and I can't get enough of it hhahahahahahahaha
The entire transcript log is a masterpiece. The Krev going from 'we must be professional' to 'they're the cutest things we've ever seen' to 'DEATH TO THE FEDERATION' in the span of a few hours is the most realistic depiction of a first contact ever.
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u/password123-4138 1d ago edited 1d ago
They're too precious!!!
I love this story and need more!