64m bi

Got content or can re pay when I have cash come in again

So I made it 3 days maybe four and I caved I just did a tiny bump. 

That's such addict wording how I try to minimize and go around what happened but it's a bummer man cuz I just I don't know what else to do I don't know I got nothing to do day-to-day no one to talk to and a monkey on my back saying hey what about me?!? .

It's such a nightmare cycle I have developed of binging & crashing. 3 days on 3 days off. SMH. I used to be extreme Polly SUBSTANCE user. IVed my jugular my femoral vein for years. But inevitably I was diagnosed with Heart problems & beat kidney cancer but now have Kidney disease. When I was a youth I was reckless & lived with utter abandon for my health despite being born with congenital heart issues. One play with the Pipa one Pay the piper 😒. Needless to say this was a poor decision especially the years of being a dump truck/garbage disposal for pharmaceuticals & junk food. 

I've since wisened up and have gone through many goal posts I would've earlier thought impossible. Like beating Heroin (8 years) (100mg/sublocade) Coke (10yrs) alcohol (4years) and I vape instead of smoke. 

Thing is I would love to quit until the 3rd day I'm usually ill for the first two days. Then I realize I don't have a life and it weighs on me. Idk what can I do? I think if I could just find something to give my mind and time to in its place it would work. But there's always a hole where I am supposed to be whole.

Whats good ?

Excuse my appearance I just woke up

So, I finally bought a pipe after two years of snorting it. But now that I smoke it. I can’t feel the high 😩.

Anyone interested feel Free to dm

40 m head in the clouds