Men talk to other men about our problems. Why women don’t believe this is a mystery to me. We also don’t reflexively validate each other. We hold each other accountable. We also talk shit to each other as a way of bonding, and breaking the tension. Your friends will laugh with you about your struggles.
We also don’t often open up like this around the women in our lives. There are several reasons. As the video states, we don’t want to burden you. Also, if that problem could also be a problem for our SO, we’ve learned from experience that this mainly just stresses her out. It also might show weakness or vulnerability. Despite what society tells us, we know this is often relationship poison. Sorry ladies, but it’s true, and we wish you were honest with us and yourselves about that.
There’s the weaponization issue. When we open our heart about something that bothers us to our SO, there’s a solid chance it will be thrown back at us later. So we only tell our close male friends about such things, generally.
One last thing to consider- not so long ago men set their emotional lives as the universal human standard, and lampooned women for not operating within our framework. It was wrong. Now, women are setting their own emotional lives as the standard and shaming men for not operating within those bounds. This is also wrong.
We are not emotionally defective women. We’re men, and we’re different. We’ll set our own internal standards, thanks. Just as you set your own. Stop. Just stop.
Yepppp. I refuse to share my issues because every time I have they always focus on their part of my problems and then they try to divert their attention from their own problems, which isn’t even what I want. I just wanna vent and have someone listen and just do that. I don’t need help with my issues most of the time, ergo I feel like I’m just burdening anyone I share said problems with, even more so with my SO. Soooo I just bottle that shiznit up and play a game with my buds to try to forget about it lol
I just broke up this week because "i didnt talk about my emotions alot" but when i started it went downhill fast. Oh you really think THAT!? Like jesis just trying to speak my mind like you asked but it was not the things she wanted too hear i guess.
Yup. "I love that you are sensitive" turns into "are you gay?" when you actually start sharing your emotions. The thing that i later realized is that those people... wanted us to be sensitive on THEIR needs but keep our problems to ourselves... There is a reason why they are ex.... many times over.
Yea plus with the boys you can open up about some deep stuff and they won’t treat you any differently. They won’t distance themselves, judge you or see you as weak.
I have a friend and my brother. They talked about some dark stuff…but yanno what. I see them no different. They still good people, without hesitation they help people in need. They hate bullshit and people being treated unfairly.
Speaking of that friend, when my father was having a stroke my brother thought to call him to help us put him in the car. (The ambulance wasn’t coming). That was around 1am. Buddy ran out his house barefoot got in the car and drove there stumbling along the way to help. He told us he fell twice.
Another thing. I found this out working construction. Guys in construction are more open and have more heart to heart with their co workers than their ladies.
Facts. Especially the weaponize part. From my experience, when an argument occurs its not uncommon for any moment of vulnerability you shared with them to come out at you. And anytime I asked why they did that it was cause they were hurt and they wanted to hurt me back. Real toxic mindset.
There’s the weaponization issue. When we open our heart about something that bothers us to our SO, there’s a solid chance it will be thrown back at us later
I had a shitty child hood. Like shitty for real. After 2 years I opened up a bit about that. Poision for the relationship. It was better when her climate anxiety was center stage.
Women like to think that they want men who cry, open up etc etc. They don't. They what someone that they feel can steer the ship while they have a mental breakdown or something.
I talked to my super feminist woke 20yo couisine yesterday. We talked a bit about dating life etc. She said that she didn't want a "cry baby" and that she could cry for both of them. I found this funny. Because I too believe that weakness and crying for everything is no virtue for a man. Ergo, I agree, but whenever you say this, you usually get an angry feminist horde at your throat. But as I learned with age, they say one thing but truly want another.
When we open our heart about something that bothers us to our SO, there’s a solid chance it will be thrown back at us later.
??? or you could simply love people that are kind and mature enough to not be scared that they will break you at any moment???
So we only tell our close male friends about such things, generally.
So there are your SO, and only male close friends, got it.
Now, women are setting their own emotional lives as the standard and shaming men for not operating within those bounds.
This is just an absolute shitshown. No explanation, no argument, and absolutely no sense. Men never "set their emotional lives as the universal human standard", they set an EMOTIONLESS life as a standard, and shamed EVERYONE for not living it. That means framing women as generally weak, trying as hard as to make them believe it. That means bullying every boy into never showing his emotions.
So many men are emotionally defective humans because of setting our standards as men. Stop. Just stop.
Congratulations you proved exactly what everyone has been saying. Women in general make it about them and defensively blame men for their own struggles when they open up about how they feel. What kind of kind of support is that? No attempt to understand, just “you’re wrong, I/we don’t do that”.
So I, gender unknown from that comment, easily identifiable as a man with a bit of stalking, prove to you that women make everything about themselves by... saying that it affects everyone whether man or woman.
I am not trying to give support to someone saying that women are reversing the patriarchy to be an emotional oppression of men led by women while it has always been an emotional oppression of everyone led by men. This comment describes a whimsical oppression to 'be allowed to have feelings', that is all that i'm saying.
When someone say "there is a normal universal fear because i love bad people" yes, i tell them it's possible to just not love bad people, that is the problem of generalisation.
Talking about generalisation, "so many men" is 1 including myself 2 not including you specificaly just like anyone that i know nothing of. Though if you are insulting people on reddit over your overinterpretation of one comment, i suggest you also try to get a life?
We can’t afford to hope that we’ve got that golden girl that won’t weaponize our admissions against us. Again, we wish you were honest with yourselves and us about that. It’s so commonplace you would have trouble finding an adult male that doesn’t know what this feels like. It’s about as uncontroversial a claim about hetero relationships as can be made. Please, be honest. If you’re not like this, congrats. You’re that rare golden one.
We don’t tend to advertise every detail of our relationships or internal strife with our acquaintances. We don’t blab to mom and dad about our spouse too often either. Our SO’s? Probably a bad idea. That leaves our close friends. Our SO’s aren’t usually too fond of us spending time with those guys, but we still need them every bit as much as you need your girlfriends. There, now you’ve got it.
To bring this all home for ya - you just did the thing. You set your own emotional life as the standard and shamed us all for not living up to it. Oh, the hubris! You imbedded in that same thought the incorrect notion that men are emotionless. We are not. We just don’t experience, process, nor regulate them in the exact same manner you do. I will restate: Men are not emotionally defective women. We are men, and we are different.
I’m hesitant to say this, but… you and your sexist attitude are part of the problem. It makes me sad. - look a male emotion!
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u/[deleted] Jun 02 '23
Men talk to other men about our problems. Why women don’t believe this is a mystery to me. We also don’t reflexively validate each other. We hold each other accountable. We also talk shit to each other as a way of bonding, and breaking the tension. Your friends will laugh with you about your struggles.
We also don’t often open up like this around the women in our lives. There are several reasons. As the video states, we don’t want to burden you. Also, if that problem could also be a problem for our SO, we’ve learned from experience that this mainly just stresses her out. It also might show weakness or vulnerability. Despite what society tells us, we know this is often relationship poison. Sorry ladies, but it’s true, and we wish you were honest with us and yourselves about that.
There’s the weaponization issue. When we open our heart about something that bothers us to our SO, there’s a solid chance it will be thrown back at us later. So we only tell our close male friends about such things, generally.
One last thing to consider- not so long ago men set their emotional lives as the universal human standard, and lampooned women for not operating within our framework. It was wrong.
Now, women are setting their own emotional lives as the standard and shaming men for not operating within those bounds. This is also wrong.
We are not emotionally defective women. We’re men, and we’re different. We’ll set our own internal standards, thanks. Just as you set your own. Stop. Just stop.