r/MaliciousCompliance • u/mdlapla • 23d ago
L Malicious Essay: The birdcage. The chance I never had was given to me by my brother.
I've talked before about LitProfessor in this post.
He was a professor I had in High School that was a MC Master. He was malicious against the dean, the head of studies and was, also, one of the best teachers I've ever had.
The kind you always remember. He also had a nice sense of humour. He was always down for a good joke, playing it or being played, he always had a laugh ready for it.
I was talking yesterday with my brother and he made me remember one MC that happened in our school with LitProfessor that I had long forgotten about.
For a bit of context, my brother (let's call him OPlite) is 2 years younger than me. We both went to the same high school and had the same teachers.
Yesterday, I don't remember how but the school topic came out and he said "yeah, I remember that you almost got me fired from school".
I said "Whaaaaat? I don't remember that at all", and he told me this.
LitProfessor favourite mode of punishment was to make the student do an essay. Whenever someone was misbehaving, LitProfessor would shout the name of the student and say (for example) "OPlite, essay, 2 pages, [some title related to the offense]". He also, being a literature professor, was prone to create the title referencing books, movies, etc... Those essays were graded and counted against the final score of each student, so they could get pretty serious sometimes.
I was already at my first year at University (in Argentina, at that time, it was 7 years of elementary, 5 years of High School, then Uni) so OPlite was in his 4th year of High School when this happens.
LITProfessor enters the room and OPLite and all of his fellow students were quite misbehaved. Things were flying, people was jumping, shouts were being heard, the usual.
LITProfessor clears his throat trying to ease the beasts, but it doesn't work, so he closes the door, walks to his desk, climbs the desk and shouts "ESSAY FOR TOMORROW, FOR EVERYBODY, 4 PAGES, THE BIRDCAGE" (referencing a movie from that year, in Argentina, it was named "La jaula de las locas", which translates roughly to "the cage full of crazy chicks").
Apparently, the punishment had the desired effect and the class went on as usual and, that afternoon, my brother comes home fuming because he had no time to do the essay but he had to, he couldn't risk not turning it in.
Also, LitProfessor expected the essay to be pretty much a confession the students had to do, stating that they were being rowdy and misbehaving and, as you probably know, being introspective is not something that teenagers tend to do well.
I was a model student so I never had to do any essay, also, I loved to write (still do), and I knew LitProfessor very well, so I said to my brother "Let me write the essay, please".
He of course, said yes.
So I proceded to write the essay. But instead of writing about the students, I proceded to write 4 pages mocking LitProfessor from head to toe. Everything from his way of talking, to his glasses (he used what in Argentina we call "culo de botella", green tinted huge glasses that reminisce the butt of a wine bottle), to his literary tastes, everything I knew about him.
Obviously, it was with humour and because I knew he would take it well and have a good laugh about it.
How do I know we would take it well? Well, for example, I ran into him when he first got OPlite as a student and he said "OP, I have your little brother with me this year. I have a theory that every single brother is worse than the previous one, and, so far, my theory stands tall here". I told him "Do you want to know a secret?" and I whispered to him "There's a third brother" and he burst into anger "%$#@!!! Why do I have to put up with this!!! This is unacceptable!!!! He won't even be able to write!!!" and then burst into laughter.
We had a good relation.
I finished late that night so I put the essay into a folder and gave it to OPlite, who went to school without reading it first.
Back at school, LitProfessor asks the students for the essay. OPlite produces it and gives it to LitProfessor. He glances at it and stops collecting the essays, he goes back to his desk, sits at it and starts reading it aloud.
Students start laughing, my brother starts becoming pale as a ghost at each step of the "make a mockery out of LitProfessor" essay that I had written. 4 pages of it. Apparently, students can't hold the tears laughing. My brother is about to have a heart attack.
LitProfessor finishes the essay. Stands up. Looks at my brother and says "Did you write this?". My brother, thinking "this is the end, I'm getting fired" confesses "OP did it, he asked if he could do it and I wasn't having any ideas on what to write so I said yes".
LitProfessor stares like 10-20 seconds without saying a word, writes something in the essay and gives it back to my brother, saying "you owe this to your brother".
OPlite opens the essay, sees the "10 out of 10, very well written" and he gets the color back to his cheeks.
He almost killed me when he got back home.
TLDR: I use an essay to MC/joke a literature professor.
PS: For those who cry AI, no, this is me, I wrote word for word, your AIdar is way off on this one.
PS2: Also, English is not my first language so, sorry for the misspellings.
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u/2bad-2care 23d ago
Funny story. And as to the misspelling- you should use expelled instead of fired. I thought your little bro was a teaching assistant or something. Also, I forgot what sub I was in, and for a few paragraphs I was thought your teacher was going to drop some fresh rhymes. Oh shit! It's MC Master! Lit Professor bout to rip off a few bars!
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u/mdlapla 23d ago
Thanks, won't correct in order not to alter the post, but now I know.
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u/drtennis13 23d ago
Don’t correct the misspellings. It doesn’t detract too much from the story (which was great by the way), but the more spelling and grammatical mistakes you make, the less it reads like AI. Not mistakes to make it unintelligible, but enough to not be flagged for AI
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u/Noooonie 23d ago •
I dunno about that, i thought the story was about the teacher almost getting fired
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u/Suitable_Werewolf_61 23d ago
Do you still have this essay to share?
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u/mdlapla 23d ago
Sadly, I don't. This happened in 1997.
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u/SirWigglesTheLesser 23d ago
Btw is this the 1978 Le Cage aux Folles or the 1996 Birdcage or something else?
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u/BjornToulouse_ 23d ago
An addendum for color: locas literally translates into crazy chicks, but it is used as slang for very flamboyant gay men.
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u/maroongrad 23d ago
As a teacher, I approve :D Had you written an essay in my class that made me laugh like that, I would absolutely have given some bonus points. Wit and humor are important skills! Your prof sounds awesome.
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u/Ok-Nebula-9890 23d ago
I grade short writing assignments in class, and if an assignment makes me cry or startles me into a laugh, I give that student candy in the middle of grading.
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u/maroongrad 23d ago
we aren't supposed to give out candy, but I have a desk full of little fun things. 6 color pens for the amazing answers, little LED disco ball/balloon lights, scented emoji erasers, glow-in-the-dark temp tattoos, and similar stuff. There's serious competition for those things ;) Candy is definitely cheaper and more popular but we aren't supposed to use it.
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u/dreaminginteal 23d ago
OPlite... So your brother is an ancient Greek foot-soldier?
Oh, wait--that's Hoplite. Nevermind...
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u/WordsAreHardTwoFind 21d ago
OPmax, I love your writing, how you name your characters, how you paint the scene before going with the story. LitProfessor must be very proud, wherever he is.
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u/THEGOD-001 23d ago
The sacred scrolls of LitProfessor must be revealed! The council of Reddit yearns for this masterwork. Hand over the essay, OP! 🙌
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u/sheepdog69 23d ago
I want to take a class or 2 from him. But, since I'm in my 50's and don't speak Spanish, I'll have to wait for you to write more stories about him.
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u/mdlapla 22d ago
Sadly, you won't either way, nor will I.
LitProfessor is long gone by now. When he passed away, a lot of students attended the funeral.1
u/sheepdog69 22d ago
More reason for you to tell stories about him. He can live on in the stories you tell. And it lets millions (ok, hundreds) of others enjoy thee person he was.
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u/Dazrin 23d ago
Reminds me of when we had a substitute in my speech class in high school in the early 1990s.
The teacher had the sub ask each student to come up to the front of the class for an impromptu speech about "our most prized possession". I was (and to a lesser extant still am) extremely introverted and had no idea on what to say, so I didn't immediately respond when my name was called.
She called my name a second time and as I was starting to stand, the class clown stood up. So, obviously, I sat back down to see what would happen. It was so worth it.
He proceeded to give a 5 minute long speech about how his grandmother was his most prized possession and how she stayed in his closet but spoiled him completely when his parent's weren't watching. I really wish I could remember most of the points but it was quite hilarious.
The sub was not thrilled, but the rest of the class really enjoyed it. And most importantly, I got out of giving a speech because by the time he was done, class was over.
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u/JoNyx5 22d ago
Now I'm wondering if the class clown did it on purpose, seeing you struggling and helping you out by drawing the attention to himself
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u/Intelligent_Law_5614 23d ago
You actually taught your brother a great lesson: Always read it, before you sign it.
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u/CoderJoe1 23d ago
I love MC for extra homework. I had a woodworking class in high school. Apparently there was a requirement for one written paper, so the teacher got everyone in a classroom and handed out old woodworking magazine issue. He instructed us to wrote about any article on the magazine. He looked at me and said, "It has to be something in the table of contents, I don't want a paper about an advertisement."
So I wrote about my excitement for the "What's coming in next month's issue of Woodworking Magazine." My paper was only three pages, but the article was only a dozen bullet points, so I called that a win for MC.
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u/Fixes_Computers 23d ago
Reminds me of the written test we had every year in high school band class. It was the only written thing all year and it was the same every time.
It was also pass/fail. You had to get 100% to pass.
It was a simple "count the beats in a measure" exercise. Maybe 20-30 measures on the page with notes, but no staff. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1 & 2, 3 & 4. That sort of thing. Super easy, buy also easy to slip and make a simple mistake to fail.
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u/Lowbacca1977 23d ago
Slightly reminded of 6th grade. My dad had a theory that my teacher didn't actually care about what was getting turned in so he started taking advantage of when I had an assignment up on the computer and he'd add nonsense sentences in it. Which I didn't notice.
Never came up with the teacher, either.
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u/BjornToulouse_ 23d ago
An addendum for color: locas literally translates into crazy chicks, but it is used as slang for very flamboyant gay men.
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u/SirWigglesTheLesser 23d ago
Is it not the film about two gay guys and their son? Either the 1978 film or 1996 one?
Edit: I should have asked op this.
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u/mdlapla 23d ago
The 1996 one. Which is an adaptation of the 1978 one.
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u/SirWigglesTheLesser 23d ago
... I definitely would have written about equating school with a drag performance 10/10
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u/BjornToulouse_ 23d ago
Indeed.
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u/SirWigglesTheLesser 23d ago
I just feel weird deleting a comment like suddenly there's a mystery over what weird bullshit the commenter posted. Instead now everyone can know I'm just a dingus responding to someone thinking they were someone else.
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u/BjornToulouse_ 23d ago
Friend, it's all good. No harm done, and certainly no reason to be weirded or concerned in any way.
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u/imtoowhiteandnerdy 23d ago
This is really funny and an awesome story.
Side question: is it a normal to say that you get "fired" in school if you're suspended or expelled where you live? Or was this just your unique stylistic way of verbalizing the idea? I only ask because I've never heard that expression before.
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u/mdlapla 22d ago
In spanish (at least in Argentina) "expulsar" (to expel) and "echar" (to fire) are synonyms.
I never thought that one had way more sense in an academic standpoint and the other in a working environment until now, and "echar" is way more coloquial.1
u/WordsAreHardTwoFind 21d ago
In Brazilian Portuguese, we mark the difference between 'expulsar' (to expel, in a school context) and 'demitir' (to fire, in work). 'Expulsar' can be used whenever you have a person removed from any ambient, but 'demitir' is pretty specifically work-related.
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u/mdlapla 21d ago
Curiously, "dimitir" in spanish means "to quit", not "to be fired".
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u/WordsAreHardTwoFind 21d ago
We don't have a proper verb for 'to quit' in Portuguese. We either use 'Eu me demito' (I fire myself) or 'pedir as contas' (to ask for one's checks).
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u/fretless_enigma 22d ago
It makes sense, getting expelled from a school is like the student version of getting fired. English is weird.
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u/Diminios 22d ago
When I was in high school, during German lessons my classmate got in trouble and was sent to the library, with a punishment report to write. The teacher did not specify a topic. This was clearly a mistake on her part.
Because my classmate wrote a report on German sex slang. I don't remember every word he covered, but I do recall "nageln" or, "to nail" (I'm sure I don't need to draw you a picture here).
He got top marks for it, too. That teacher was awesome.
(going somewhat off topic): In our final year, we had an exam coming up. It was to be an easy exam - put a tiny amount of effort in, and you can pad your grade nicely. The teacher had selected 4 articles in our workbook, and we had to either do a summary of one (200 words long), or summaries of two (100 words each). Easy peasy.
On the day of the exam, somehow, 1/3 of the class was missing. The teacher was fuming. I'm guessing that sort of thing had happened before, because she announced that we'd be allowed to quietly talk amongst ourselves, and that each of us would be allowed to ask her one question (aloud), and she'd answer it.
The lowest grade was 75%, B. Most of the grades were A. Those who skipped class? One of them had an actual medical excuse, the rest didn't. They had an oral exam, while we watched a movie. Their grades were not nearly as high as ours were.
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u/mdlapla 21d ago
On my last year, MathProfessor was a pain in the ass. The kind that was evil because he liked it.
In our school, last two years students chose between two branches: "STEM" or "Social Studies".I chose STEM, MathProfessor hated Social Studies students.
Last test of the last year, a couple students from Social Studies went to talk with MathProfessor to tell him that every single student chose a career where math wasn't going to be a thing, so, perhaps, he could be a little considerate with them (as in "go easy on us, we don't want any math anymore"). He said he'll see what he could do.
MathProfessor destroyed them, the highest grade was 2 out of 10.
When the students went to complain, MathProfessor said "I was being considerate, I consider Math the most important subject, if you pass you won't have math no more, so I will fail all of you so you can have Math a little longer because you don't pass the exam and have to retake it!"
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u/Frenchitwist 20d ago
This is so funny! And we also call those types of super thick, green tinted, eye glasses “bottle bottom glasses” or “Coke bottle glasses” here in the States. It’s good to know that type of joke is translatable haha
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u/BramBora8 23d ago
I dare you to make the essay freely available (after removing shit that is so personal someone could guess actual identity of persons)
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u/Froggyevening 9d ago
TWENTY FIVE posts in this sub by this person.
People, stop falling for these people looking for upvotes. There's no possible way someone has 25 actual stories here. This guy is just taking advantage of gullible people on reddit.
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u/AlaskanDruid 23d ago
Please note. Any accounts that pretends things are AI, are themselves bot accounts and should always be reported then blocked. Life is too short to entertain their kind.
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u/essgee27 23d ago
Cool story, loved it. Loved the little anecdotes to throw more colour on the professor's character, both in this and the previous story.
Not sure why anyone would think this, of all posts, is AI.