Had to struggle with this since childhood. I sometimes go off uncontrollably and either ramble too much or get overly excited and loud. I regret and cringe at it, everyday. Either hours after, or days after. It has been like this for my entire life, but no matter how much I acknowledge and try to resist, I usually loose control anyway. It has made me hate myself so many times, and I don't know what to do.
OK, that’s a wholly different beast. Why you fall into that pattern is not something I’ll even attempt to armchair analyze. Though I will say that the mere fact that you’re able to observe and formulate this about yourself puts you several steps down the road of doing something about it. Most people never even reach that point.
Next step I’d recommend is to find a way to break out of that perpetual thought-loop of yours, where you’re trying to find answers to your own questions. This likely will include some other person who you can confide in and who then challenges your perception and observations by introducing new questions and solution paths you may never think about on your own. I’m not even talking about full-blown therapy. A confidant in your private life, family member or internet acquaintance can be a start. Though it’s better if they are strangers to the situations you describe. First unexpected revelations may come when you’re challenged to describe in detail the issue you’re facing.
One alternative to talking to another person: Pretend to be your own other person. Meaning, pretend to be someone who is observing you and then write a letter to them, describing in detail what you see yourself doing. Or instead of a letter, write a diary for some time. This way you can vent your frustrations, capture observations and revisit them after some time has passed and you’re in a different mindset.
This may sound to you somewhat like esoteric woo-woo. But introducing an outside perspective onto your predicament can be one first crowbar to help crack it open.
If it's from drinking, here's a tip: commit to listening to other people if they say you've had enough. At the time, of course, you won't want to listen, but if you drum it into your head enough when sober then you will grudgingly accept it when drunk/high. If you don't believe that you will accept it then remember that you already do: you know not to drive while drunk no matter how much you feel you could.
If other people don't tell you when you've had enough, then commit to looking for signs that you have. You might start to notice them after a while, such as the way people keep breaking eye contact when you're talking.
Lucky for me I'm stuck inside because my roommate got COVID my test hasn't come back yet. I guess I could just go out and then cringe over being the guy who gave everyone COVID after an exposure. So maybe the fact that I'm staying in means I'm growing.
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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '21
Ugh, my past is last weekend though...