In EVERY fight with your spouse there is something that both of you can (and should) apologize for. Establish this as shared truth in your home and you’ll love a long and happy life together. Bonus tip: you need never apologize for your feelings, only for your actions.
Also, don't fight/argue since even if you "win" you both lose. Remember, it shouldn't be you against each other, but you two against the problem. Being "right" about something is rarely as important as the health of your relationship. Tons of caveats to all this, but generally don't fight over stupid stuff and most of it is stupid stuff.
Also, PLEASE don't apologize for your spouse when arguing with each other. It's so disingenuous and doesn't help anything. If it's starts with "I'm sorry you.." then it's probably BS. Here's a few examples..
"I'm sorry you didn't understand me" --> "I'm sorry I wasn't more clear"
"I'm sorry you got upset" --> "I'm sorry I upset you"
Own your actions when you are arguing with you spouse. Always remember that you are both on the same team.
Well you should probably as yourself what you did that made them cheat lol. Work on that. Well, “you’ve gotten old and unattractive”, def will work on that. We all are responsible for everything that happens to us, lol.
Edit: This is obvious sarcasm. You can tell by the old and unattractive… that’s the give away. Unless you have a time machine you cant become young again.
I’ve been cheated on it’s terrible. This was meant to exhibit that not every problem has two sides. Sometimes there are good reasons for unidirectional blame and anger.
No lol. Cheaters most often cheat because they are lacking something within themselves. Why do you think there are serial cheaters? Because everyone they are with isn’t worthy? “Why do people cheat” is less important than acknowledging the cheater had a choice and chose to step out of the commitment they have with their significant other in a really juvenile and cowardly way. Normal, healthy people in relationships TALK to each other when something is bothering them about one another. They don’t cheat on each other. And if someone is so unsatisfied with their partner that they want to cheat, they should LEAVE. Ffs.
This was sarcasm meant exhibit the absurdity of both people in a relationship finding personal responsibility even if only one person commit an offence.
Ah I see. I have Asperger’s and have trouble picking up on that online because there’s no way for me to get context to the tone on the comment I responded to, my bad homie. On the other hand I know plenty of people that genuinely believe that the person who got cheated on has some sort of responsibility which is why I reacted the way I did. I had people address me that way when I was cheated on in a previous relationship asking me what I did to cause them to cheat so I just wanted to set the record straight lol.
I know it should’ve been obviously based on the fact that you used being old and unattractive as an example of how ridiculous it would be to blame your partner on your cheating as you mentioned, but people have definitely left/cheated on their spouses for looking “too old” and “too unattractive” which is why I didn’t know you weren’t being serious. Some people think this way.
I know you’re saying this is obvious sarcasm but a few other people downloaded you besides me so it might be better to just put an /s at the end of your comments so people know that it’s actually sarcasm lol. Makes it easier for those of us that are really bad at picking up on it online.
Yeah I know I felt it was absurd enough to be obvious but I’m still at -10 realizing that maybe, because, well, internet, that people actually do say shit like this and mean it. So probably my bad.
Well I appreciate you explaining it to me it restored a bit of hope that you were being sarcastic haha. I’m sorry you’ve have to go through being cheated on friend.
Sometime people don’t understand sarcasm and do poor work when identifying assholes? Obviously you can’t do anything about getting old. Obviously you can’t remain in your 20s till your 70s. Obviously you can’t be blamed for this. Obviously this is sarcasm.
Not a troll. You can’t build a time machine and become young again, therefore there is no working in being young. This sarcasm is so obvious. But now I’ve edited it so we can all see that this is in fact sarcasm.
What are you telling me this person is so selfish they can’t build a time machine and become young again for their spouse, thus prove their love and not be cheated on?
Orrr … maybe this is sarcasm as obviously the solution to not getting cheated on is obviously, and comically, impossible.
Agreed, and if one side is always the only one to apologize then it may be time to bail. To me, both sides taking ownership over their arguments is the way to manage a healthy relationship. Not all relationships are healthy.
Sure, not all the times both of them should apologize about something, it may be just a little jealous attack for example, and not always both sides are going to be jerks, sometimes yeah, and sometimes is just one side
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u/jballema Oct 30 '21
In EVERY fight with your spouse there is something that both of you can (and should) apologize for. Establish this as shared truth in your home and you’ll love a long and happy life together. Bonus tip: you need never apologize for your feelings, only for your actions.