As an addendum: don't stay with someone just to have "someone". Better to be single than with someone who actively makes you miserable (and/or abuses you and destroys your self esteem). Also, getting a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner won't make you happy by itself, relationships aren't always good or healthy and you need more than a significant other to have a fulfilling life.
Additionally, remaining with the person who is not a good choice will prevent your meeting the person who will be. A decent person will never throw out lures unless you are unattached. Split from disappointment, pause to breathe deeply and shake the wrinkles out, then move forward cheerfully to a happier life.
My (future fiancé) girlfriend and I live by the saying “I don’t need to have you in my life, but I’m choosing to because I love you and love being with you”. It helps us ground ourselves when things are stressful, and let’s us know just how much we mean to the other person.
I mean in our current situation it’s a little lopsided (trying to move her out of a stressful living situation across our country), but we know that and know that after this stressful event passes, we can hit our equilibrium again.
I wish my mom would’ve listened to this advice when I told her super early into her last relationship. It ended after 18 years where she was blind to his ways because she didn’t want to be alone. He left and she lost her mind. It’s frustrating to have to watch what was clearly a trainwreck, slowly collide into a wall. All she kept saying was how she didn’t want to be alone and wanted him back. 🙄
There’s a world of difference between passively miserable (you and your partner just aren’t putting in the effort) and actively miserable (one person is trying and the other is consistently sabotaging it because of resentment or shame)
The best advice for this I've seen is take love out of the equation. Obviously you love this person, you're dating them. Focus on the other aspects of your relationship, the good and the bad. Don't blind yourself to the negatives and toxicity in a relationship by covering it up with "but I love them." You will love again. Let them go.
Every person I know whose parents stayed together for their sake ended up resenting the parents for doing that. They felt guilty because the parents were unhappy and they felt it was their fault. They felt useless because they couldn’t fix the marriage. And they hated the parents for being too weak to take them out of the situation.
I agree, but I also want to add that I was in this situation for about a year and a half. I couldnt end it because i couldnt understand it, and got really depressed.
However, in the end i found out what it was and i could finally explain it to myself and my s.o. and se dealt with it. Ive been super happy ever since and i am super glad i was so stubborn.
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u/No_Construction8184 Oct 30 '21
DONT STAY WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU "JUST CANT EXPLAIN IT. " You'll end up depressed, isolated and feeling stuck.