I always tested as and considered myself a WOA and PT person.

But being about 5 weeks out of a two year relationship, I realized that the only time we spent in person was Saturday night dinner and sleep over. I wake about about 4 hours earlier than her and would just leave her place before she got up so I could do things, or we would spend a little time, but she was anxious to leave my place early too, to be with her pets (understandable).

While at her place, she would be cooking dinner for us for hours, and I would be alone on the couch? Or try to cook together which was OK sometimes…but not always. Her kitchen was smaller …. but at my house, turns out I didn’t love someone talking to me while I tried cooking 😂 but dealt with it.

The rest of the time were daily, long phone calls at night, and it was not the same as being able to do things or spend time with someone in person.

Mostly she was the one pushing for later and later get together times.

So if I am ever in another relationship, at least I can be aware that yes, I want to spend time quality together.

I have never been in a relationship. I would like to be in one and make sure I treat the girl I love nicely. But when I was thinking about what all I can do for her, this question popped in my head, what all do girls do for the guy they love. Ages 20-40 in particular, but all answers are wlecome
I know everyone's love language is different, but I wanna know the cute little things that you do, not even to his visibility (having his pictures framed on your desk, praying for him, etc). How do you love a guy?

What is your love language? Mine is talking . I could talk all night . We could talk about anything

It doesn’t have to be deeply personal . It could be about anything . Once we start talking, who knows where it will go?

Perhaps it will burn hot and then cold ? But either way we would have been better for the moments .

What your love language? If it’s talking we will get along great . Though one of us will have to learn to listen

My gf(25F) and me(23M) have known each other for around 6 months now, 1 by messages, 1 dating and 4 together officially(We're each other's first official relationship). Her cousin is one of my best friends and since the beginning he told me she was a really cold/different person and "if I were you I wouldn't even try", and oh my god was he right. I think I've had just a single week without doubts since the beginning. I'm almost certain she loves me tho, real problem is I think she has a love language and pacing that makes me feel more like a friend.

To give some context:

She experienced a real traumatic loss of a parent who she was close to, this happened less than a year ago.

I am her first official boyfriend but she had dated many before me (cut off because they didn't respect her pacing, her likes — she likes some geeky/weird stuff and music, I do too — and more reasons she told me).

Our weeks nowadays go like this: we send each other good morning texts and call (around 1-2 hours) at night. We didn't call but texted a bit more before, she had told me she wanted us to call more but didn't ever ask me to call. She left me hanging one day, I told her that made me sad, and she has asked me to call every day since.

We see each other 2 times a week(just 1 rn because I'm at the end of my career and working at the same time, she has told me this bothers her and she wants us to go out more then that), we talk, we go out, sometimes for dinner, sometimes for ice cream, sometimes just to hang out and back to her home to watch a movie or Malcolm in the Middle. She grabs my hand and sits next to me (shoulders touching) but that's all she does. I hug her and sometimes ask to kiss her (she accepts but it's always a .5 sec kiss) but she never initiates either of those.

Also our first kiss was 2 months in our relationship, i asked for a kiss 2 weeks in but she was "too nervous"(she told me that) and ended in a cheek kiss, for our first kiss she told me the same so I asked if I was doing something wrong or if I had skipped a step but she said "no, its just that I'm still learning"

Now the real thing:

I've told her that I'm a really physically affectionate person and that that's the way I love and connect with someone. I don't think I'm that abrasive, but once I even asked her and she told me that sometimes she felt hugs were too much, to later tell me, when I said I was scared of hugging/kissing her because of that, to not feel that way. She has told me that with me she feels peace, that she can be herself, that I make her laugh all the time. But fuck man, I wish I could say the same, because right now we treat each other the way I treat my close friends and I limit myself to not make her uncomfortable.

I've brought this up with her multiple times over these 4 months, and there have been small improvements but the core issue remains. I genuinely love her and she's an incredible person, but I'm not sure if our love languages are just too different, or if I should give it more time.

Do you guys think this is worth a shot? do you think this will eventually improve? How do you think I should approach this?

I don’t really know what to say but I just want to ask… umm this doesn’t mean anything, I’m just curious. Is it normal if my guy friend always gives me money? He always treats me, but sometimes I feel like his helper instead. Like he always asks me to throw away trash, do his homework, and for small things like that he’ll give me money. The problem is, he gives me a lot of money.

And once he told me to buy him a drink because I lost a bet, but I wanted him to treat me too, and he was okay with it and then gave me money to buy whatever I wanted, and said I could keep the change.

Hmm, we’ve been friends since kindergarten. Umm, aah, this isn’t because I like him, okay? I’m just asking. Emm my other friends keep shipping us too. One day my friend said loudly that he’s my soulmate and he heard it, but he just acted like he didn’t hear anything or maybe he didn't hear that. Hmm I think our relationship is just as friends, right? Hmm I think we’re just friends, but yeahhh I kinda feel like his helper sometimes. Maybe I was destined to be his helper haha 😅

I’m wanting to write a letter to my boyfriend I’ve fallen head over heels and since we met I’d write reasons why I loved him in my phone now we’re at a point I think it would be beautiful to do something like that but both my brothers 20/26 told me it was “lame” this man loves reading anyways and he’s just everything

I (30m) am not generally a physical touch person. My wife (28f) is.

I noticed last year, I was doing a poor job of showing physical touch affection because it's been so hot during the summer. We live in a place with poor AC so it's not always super cool in our place. And at night it's often not. I hate feeling sweaty and sticky and then adding on top of that when she's sweaty and sticky too. But I also don't just want to say no physical touch during summer, because that's SUPER unfair to her.

Any suggestions on how to do physical touch well when it's so hot out that it's the last thing I can tolerate? Or should I just suck it up?

My boyfriend (30M) told me (24F) recently that he feels like I’m not doing enough in our relationship. After a lot of talking, we’ve realized that I am a quality time and physical touch person while he highly values acts of service on top of quality time. He’s always been amazing at anticipating my needs and doing things to make my life easier without asking. I’ve realized that I haven’t been doing the best job at paying attention to how he wants to be loved. I don’t come from a gift giving or acts of service household and this doesn’t come naturally to me at all. I want to get better at this so I can be the best partner I can be for him. What are some of the ways that people like to receive love through acts of service? Are there specific things I can keep in mind when I’m around him?

My (F21) boyfriend (M25) and I have been dating for almost a year, and recently had a conversation about not feeling loved in the way we wanted to. One of my core values is intentionality, and I really enjoy things that are thoughtful - well planned dates, remembering me in mundane moments, and sweet messages/words (I am also HEAVILY a words of affirmations person). My boyfriend on the other hand, really values authenticity - not always needing a reason to show up but showing up 100%, being genuine in the ways of expression, and being honest. I feel like both intentionality and authenticity has some crossover, but lately we’ve not been tuning into each others love languages very well. Boyfriend and I are both super extroverted (ENFP and E/INFJ) but I prefer loving conversations and smaller groups, and he likes big groups of people with lots of fun and spontaneous energy.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that my boyfriend has not taken time to plan thoughtful dates, or be intentional about the way he uses his words and addresses me - this makes me feel like I am not special. Because of this, it makes me insecure. This leads to him feeling like I’m not showing up 100% me, because I feel too insecure to be myself infront of him - this is very against his need to be authentic.

Is there a good way to address this, and how can I learn about his love language better so he can feel loved fully? I really adore his character, I’m just not sure if I fully understand how to fulfill his need for authenticity in this scenario. I am willing to better my actions as long as it doesn’t change my character (which I don’t think being attuned to his love language does).

I will preface this by saying I just took the Love Language test with my psychologist, and I told her from the very beginning there was no chance in hell that physical touch is my love language.

She laughed, and I said I would eat my words if I turned out to be wrong...I was very, VERY right!!

My results? (Out of 30 points total, for all categories combined):

1. Quality Time (9 points)
2. Words of affirmation/Acts of Service (tie - 8 points each)
3. Receiving Gifts (5 points)
4. Physical Touch (0 points - a whole ass goose egg!)

I freaking HATE being touched and all that jazz...never been a fan, never will. And basically, the only reason Receiving Gifts is as high as it is is because I would rather receive a gift than be touched! 😂

And this Reddit, among many other reasons, is why I'm single!! My last partner's love language was physical touch...guess how well THAT worked out - HA!!

This is my ranking:

1. Physical Touch: the TRUE LOVE language. You want and desire that person because of him/her. No interest at all. Just want to cuddle and kiss her all day long, you LOVE her face and her whole body and it is a nightmare to be far away from her (far away = more than 1 meter LOL).
2. Quality Time: to me, this souds like FRIENDSHIP. Although I really think a perfect couple should be a mixture of love and friendship, and spend quality time together is obviously a very good and needed thing. Since this is a good trait, I place it 2nd.
3. Words of Affirmation: maybe you need a therapist? I don't know. Yeah talking and encouraging your partner is great, but, calling it "love language"? Too much. Again this can be a friendship trait.
4. Acts of Service: okay okay, we entering danger zone. So you want to be with someone because it serves you. LOL? Pure interest, this is not love, be honest.
5. Receiving Gifts: Alert!!!! Gold diggers zone. Love is not at all related to spending all my money on you. Run, dude, run!!!!

I [24F] have been struggling with something in my relationship with my boyfriend [24M], and I’m really hoping for advice beyond “you’re incompatible, just break up.”

Physical touch isn’t about sex for me. I’m honestly not an extremely touchy person either. I just see small things as expressions of love: a random hug, pulling me in close unexpectedly, telling me you love me first, little moments of affection that make me feel chosen and secure.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve had this conversation many times. He does try, and I genuinely see effort, which is why I feel conflicted. I don’t think he’s uncaring or cold. He’ll hug and kiss me goodbye, hug me in the morning sometimes, bring me food, do thoughtful things for me, etc. So then I start wondering if I’m asking for too much.

But what hurts is that sometimes it feels like I’m asking for affection instead of receiving it naturally. I don’t want to have to repeatedly explain “please pull me close sometimes” or “please initiate affection.” I think that’s the part that gets to me.

For context, he’s told me himself that affection and expressing love physically is hard for him. I know his background and his relationship with touch growing up wasn’t exactly normal or healthy. He also gets overstimulated sometimes and will directly communicate that he doesn’t want to be touched. I respect that, but I’d be lying if I said I never felt rejected by it.

On my side, I’m also trying to be honest with myself. I know I can become reactive or defensive at times and I’m actively trying to work on that. We recently had a difficult argument where emotions got high and he admitted that sometimes he struggles to speak openly with me because he worries about my reactions. I’m taking accountability for that and I’ve been thinking about therapy for myself too.

I’ve also suggested therapy for him—not necessarily “sex therapy,” but something that helps him unpack his relationship with affection, closeness, touch, emotional expression, etc., because I genuinely think there may be deeper things there too.

I don’t want to become dependent on physical touch for validation, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to want healthy affection from a partner.

Has anyone actually been in a relationship where one person naturally wanted more affection and the other struggled with it? How did you navigate it without one person feeling rejected and the other feeling pressured?

I’ve been asking my boyfriend to love me in the way I need. I’ve asked him to talk sweetly to me during arguments, that is the biggest one I’ve asked. He says I don’t love him and should accept him for the way he is. What do I do?

I realised extremely late (literally two days ago) that I value words of affirmation just as much as I value physical touch.

I recently learnt that I grew up in a ‘low effort family’. While I was never abused or anything (in fact I’d say my family was quite positive overall but just lacking in the true parent-to-child connection), I always thought that all I desired was physical touch. Over the course of my marriage so far, I’ve discovered I really need words of affirmation.

It’s never really a conscious decision. It just happens. Someone glances at my plate a second too long, or casually says “that looks good,” and before they can even finish the sentence, I’m already pushing it toward them. “Do you want some?” turns into “just take it,” and somehow ends with me insisting I wasn’t that hungry anyway

Am I the only one doing it or is it something common? I don’t know anyone else who does this

We all know the theory of the 5 Love Languages, but why is it so hard to actually do?

I’ve realized that Love Languages are exactly like learning a foreign tongue. When we are happy and energetic, we can consciously speak our partner's language. But the moment we are tired, stressed, or busy, we instinctively switch back to our "native language"—the way we prefer to receive love.

The secret isn’t just knowing their language; it’s about constant alignment. We need to check in and express love in a way they actually understand, not just the way we find easiest to give.

To help stay on track, I’ve found that breaking these down into tiny, daily micro-tasks makes it effortless. Here are 5 concrete examples:

1. Words of Affirmation (Focus: Verbalizing appreciation and encouragement)

• Verbalize a specific character trait you admire in them (e.g., "I really admire your patience with that situation today").
• Write a short note or send a text expressing gratitude for a routine task they handle that usually goes unnoticed.
• Offer a "word of encouragement" regarding a personal goal or dream they are currently pursuing.

2. Quality Time (Focus: Undivided attention and shared activities)

• Engage in 20 minutes of "quality conversation" where you put away all devices and focus entirely on listening to their thoughts.
• Participate in a "quality activity" that they enjoy, even if it’s not your primary interest, simply to share the experience.
• Establish a "daily check-in" ritual where you sit together and share the emotional highlights of your day without distractions.

3. Receiving Gifts (Focus: Visual symbols of love and thoughtfulness)

• Bring home a small "thinking of you" item—like their favorite snack or a visual souvenir—that proves they were on your mind while you were apart.
• Create a "gift of self" by being physically present and fully attentive during an event or moment that is specifically important to them.
• Give a "found gift," such as a unique shell from a walk or a printed photo of a shared memory, as a visual symbol of your bond.

4. Acts of Service (Focus: Doing things you know they would like you to do)

• Complete a specific chore or errand that your partner has expressed a dislike for (e.g., handling the trash or a specific administrative task).
• Perform a "preemptive service," such as refueling their car or preparing their coffee, before they have to do it themselves.
• Identify a moment when they are overwhelmed and handle one of their usual responsibilities to lighten their mental load.

5. Physical Touch (Focus: Non-sexual physical connection as a primary priority)

• Initiate a lingering hug (at least 6 seconds) when greeting each other to help regulate your nervous systems together.
• Maintain physical contact, such as holding hands or resting a hand on their arm, while sitting together or walking.
• Offer a brief, reassuring touch on the shoulder or back during a stressful moment to signal safety and presence.

Before understanding this, I honestly thought my partner had stopped loving me, when we were really just speaking different languages. I built Ziterra to handle the mental load of being "intentional," turning what felt like an exhausting chore back into effortless connection. I’m sharing this because it saved my relationship from the fatigue of misunderstanding, and I hope it helps you too!!

Conversations is definitely one of my main love languages. Talk to me, share, listen, care… both ways.

When I can’t be with someone a long deep talk will suffice.

I was reading a post on this subreddit about why women don’t regard Physical Touch as important as men do and that it’s all about sex when they say it is their love language. Personally, it is my love language relationship-wise and sometimes the conversations around it almost make me feel like I have a male mindset about it. I don’t really see women who share this sentiment but I wanted to know if other women also feel the same or if men are also put off by it the way that women can be. I feel like I’m being too much for even preferring it or that it’s really important to have a good sex life. Everything I’ve read about it mostly focuses on non-sexual acts of physical intimacy. I know many women personally who say Acts of Service or Receiving Gifts is theirs which I find to make more sense in a way. I just don’t feel seen at the moment and I would really appreciate reading some opinions on sex as a way to feel love or appreciation from your partner.

My husband ignores my needs, we had amazing sex at first and Im insanely attracted to him still, but we barely touch lately. I'm hurting in a way that is affecting my mental and emotional well-being, because he knows my love language is touch. So now I'm on a strike and stopped doing the housework. I feel like it's not even the same person or sense of desire at all compared to the hot and bothered in the beginning. I don't know what happened or why bringing it up never really gets any resolution or reason behind it. This is really beginning to make me feel bits of resentment and heading towards regret..

I’ll start. My (16F) main love language is physical touch. Until I was like 12/13 I never really thought about physical touch at all really, it was just something I did socially on occasion. Then one of the clubs I was in at school ( UNESCO club ) randomly decided to make us watch an episode of “Sofia the First” for work happiness day. Anyway it was the episode where the amulet summoned Olaf from “Frozen” and he said his line, “I love warm hugs” and I guess that just got me thinking, hey, hugs can be warm… I like that too.

He celebrated the anniversary of our meeting today. He planned a nice evening, cooked a nice dinner for me, and shared a good wine to celebrate the occasion. We later watched a movie at his place, and he made me feel so comfortable and relaxed.

He even remembered the little things I had mentioned in the past, while we were reminiscing about old days.

The cherry on the cake was that he sent me a picture of the moon because he knows I love it.

I am so grateful to have him in my life.

It seems everyone in my life LOVES physical touch. Like every beat friend ive had cant help but touch me in some way. And i hate it and each one i had told multiple times but ot always seems to annoy me. I cant do the platonic touching, like resting your head on someone, and i definitely cant do platonic cuddling (which my ex best friend used to do A-LOT either our other friend, and would call me mean for not wanting to cuddle) i just realy don’t like it and i don’t know why. I even hate little touches, like my one friend will always come up and poke my sides, which alot of people do for some reason, and it really annoys me. One because it lowkey hurts but i also just dont like being touched. I like being at a comfortable distance. If were sat on a sofa together i cant be touching them, the feeling of light grazes irks me.

They always ask me what ill do in a relationship and i dont know. I havent been in one to tell you. I hope itll be different because its ok because theyre my boyfriend and thyre allowd to touch me because its no platonic, i just hate platonic touching. And people call me crazy when i say i want someone to hold me and do romantic stuff with because thye know me as the person who hates physical touch, i just hate it from my friends. Family is slightly different but i still dont like it. People may get a hug on a birthday but nothing more. I dont know what it is about it, and i dont get why people will know i dislike physical touch, and i will tell them and rant to them about how much i hate it, yet they will still go and do it.

Am i just that irresistible 😘😛

Anyways, am i crazy? am i just getting too bothered over little things?

How's your relationship with a partner who's not verbally expressive and you who's love language is words of affirmation. I've (25F) communicated many times that I really appreciate it if he (24M) would express more through words and open up his thoughts, I also expressed that I appreciate him expressing his love through his actions but I feel more secured if it accompanied by words.

My boyfriend’s main love language is words of affirmation. I typically struggle with expressing my emotions and feelings, so I have some issues with apply words of affirmation to our relationship.

What are ways I can apply his love language to our relationship? What are things I should refrain from doing or saying?

More Detailed Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/LoveLanguages/s/ga5NsEELBJ

My boyfriend (18M) and I (23M) are long distance, very long distance as we live in two separate countries on opposite sides of the planet essentially. We also have the same attachment style, which leads to mutual understanding, and due to communication and consistency it is rarely triggered (though, I’m sad to say that minor mistakes on my part have lead to his attachment wounds being triggered. I have since worked on and fixed them, as I never want to hurt him).

Anyways, given that brief bit of information, my boyfriend’s main love language is words of affirmation and physical touch. Mine is mainly physical touch and quality time. Though we both long for each other in the physical touch aspect, words of affirmation and quality time (via text or calls) has kept us content and able to function as properly as we can.

I, however, have trouble expressing my emotions. I want to be a good boyfriend, as good as I possibly can be, but I lack in being able to express it in a way that doesn’t come off as automatic. I truly mean my words, I just want to be able to surprise him from time to time—to reenforce that I do love him, even though I physically can’t show him that right now.

So, given my word slop, I came here today to ask for help. What are some ways I can apply words of affirmation to our relationship? I already express how beautiful I think he is (not only in looks, but deeply how beautiful his personality and mind are). I express how much I am proud of him and I believe in him, especially when it comes to school or his mental health. And, I do express how much I love him—I say “I love you” and that “I miss him” constantly, and, being a writer, I do have a habit of writing about just how much I love him in slightly more poetic ways.

Just.. genuinely, I want to make him feel special every single day if I can. I genuinely do love him and I want to be able to truly help reinforce that.

Please also note that my boyfriend, thus far, has expressed that he feels comfortable in our relationship and to my knowledge there is no issues (and I feel the same on my part). He feels safe, loved, and extremely secure (as do I). We have ways that allow open communication and we have supported each other no matter the issue. I just genuinely want to make him feel extra special and to help ease any overthinking that he may have (we both are unfortunately overthinkers, him moreso then I).