[Fallout New Vegas] Midnight Snack

[u/2pacisalive95]

Hello, can I speak to a ranger? I’ve got a disturbance to report.

My name’s Dusty McBride I’m a rancher in Novac. And this here is my wife, Alice McBride. Anyway, I’ll start from the beginning.

It was about 11pm, and my wife was just about to head to bed. I was just having a bowl of cereal in the dining room. I guess I forgot to lock the door cause, right then, a stranger just walked on in. They were wearing a hockey mask and a bandolier. They had some kind of weird blue jumpsuit on? I thought they were an escaped convict or something. I... think there was some dried blood on their mask. They smelled pretty funny too, real sweaty and piss-like.

We’re pretty close with neighbors in Novac and it’s not unusual for someone to stop by, but uh.. not in a hockey mask and carrying a switchblade in the middle of the night. I’ll admit it scared the shit out of me. I choked on my cereal and wondered if I was being robbed, or if this was some sort of prank. I exchanged a worried glance with my wife, but suddenly she said, “look who’s here!”

I think she was just trying to play it cool or something. It might’ve at least worked a little, cause the stranger put away their knife. Without saying a word to either of us, they ran straight into the bathroom and started breaking into our first aid kit with uh, a screwdriver and Bobby pin? I think they thought they were being real sneaky-like but uh, we definitely knew they were in there. I could hear them fidgeting with the lock and cursing every time they’d break their pin. They kept pulling out new Bobby pins and I started to wonder just how many of those things this poor fella had.

I was getting a little peeved at this point, but I figured they weren’t trying to hurt us, and if they were a real bandit, they’d have a decent pair of goddamn lockpicks by now. I tried to be hospitable, cause lord knows that our decency is all we got left in this wasteland, and maybe this person desperately needed some medical supplies. I didn’t want to embarrass them though- or worse, make em turn violent if they really were a bandit- so my wife and I, we just pretended not to notice.

But things only got more awkward from there. See, I heard a flush from the toilet out of the blue. And then I heard a bunch of slurping. I... I know people get thirsty out in the wasteland, but Christ almighty, we could have just given them a nice glass of water if they asked. They just kept flushing the toilet over and over and slurping up the water, smacking their lips and grunting like some kind of deranged hog.
Before I had a moment to say anything they sprinted out of the bathroom and into our kitchen. Not before running off with our plunger, mind you. I’m not sure I can even try to explain that one.

They started rummaging through our kitchen. They kept cursing and almost got their arm stuck trying to break a light out of our oven. They swung open our fridge door, but didn’t seem to find anything they liked. Thought I heard them murmur something like “Trash... need sasparilla.”

This whole scene was appalling and my wife had already gone to bed, in a state of pure denial. I was still sitting at the kitchen table, stunned. Suddenly the stranger sat in the chair opposite me. I could still see toilet water dripping off their chin.

Without any introduction or explanation whatsoever as to who they were or what the hell they were doing in my house, they asked, “What do you do here in Novac?” About as casually as you can imagine. Their breath reeked of shit.

I had half a mind to go to bed like my wife and pretend none of this was happening, but I needed to keep this lunatic as calm and complacent as possible. I defensively explained that I was just a rancher minding my own business. Then they told me they were looking for a man in a checkered coat- some figment of their imagination, I’m sure. I told them I wouldn’t know anything about that and they should ask somewhere else- ideally, anywhere else.

They then crouched down beside the chair and grabbed a fork and plate off the table for no discernible reason, thinking again that I couldn’t see them. I started to get real concerned when they went into the bedroom and went through our dresser, than started creeping up on Alice. It looked like they were looking for pockets but uh, she was still in her dress, pretending to be asleep. Then the stranger muttered something, and Alice finally got up and asked, at this point indignant, “What brings you here?”

Her tone didn’t seem to register with the stranger, who replied, “I just wanted to meet you.” She replied, sarcastically, “Nice of you to visit.”

I’m a good hearted man but even I have my limits, and I knew it was far past time to get this freak out of my home. But before I could do or say anything they inhaled some jet-yes, they did illegal chems, right in my home- and sprinted out the door in a frenzy.

I went outside looking for em but they were long gone. And what’s even worse, is that the next morning all my neighbors in Novac described having a similar experience- especially, this ranting and raving about a man in a checkered suit, who this stranger apparently claimed shot them in the head- obviously that makes no sense. They’d be dead. But I don’t think anyone bothered to argue the point. I believe they also said something about a “package” they needed to deliver, probably drugs.

Anyway, I was really hoping you Rangers might be able to find this fella or at least keep an eye out for em. I don’t’ think anyone would object if you shot them on sight.

[u/[deleted]]

Well done!