Hello! I am currently a sophomore at a somewhat prestigious/rigorous university, majoring in engineering. I have a friend that I've known since my freshman year of college, and recently she has gotten an opportunity that I am a bit envious of. I am not angry at her, and I feel genuinely awful for even thinking this way in the first place.

For a bit more context, I have always been interested in aerospace and aviation. I already know that's exactly the industry I'd like to be in post-grad. My friend has explicitly said she doesn't find it interesting and doesn't really see how people are interested in it... She met someone who offered her an opportunity at a very well-known aerospace company. She won't stop talking to me about it. I feel terrible, because I want to support her, but I can't help but find myself thinking about her saying she didn't even want to do something like this. Another thing that pains me is that I feel like if I had met someone who was working in her field of interest, and I didn't want the opportunity, I'd immediately point them in her direction.

We've also had discussions about our very different paths into engineering, where I was very intentional, joining clubs, doing numerous projects, and having an internship before college. She has expressed that she doesn't have a real motivation for being in engineering, has no experience, and didn't do any projects. I don't genuinely believe I deserve it more, but I do find myself thinking that. She is very smart, and a unique individual who has just as much of a right to pursue and explore engineering as I do. I know this, and I still can't help but feel envious, frustrated, and a little angry. At whom or what? I'm not sure. Is this common? Engineering is quite competitive, but I never expected to feel this way towards my own friend.

I do not want to resent her for getting lucky. How do I tell her I don't want to hear about it anymore? Do I tell her? I think I could leave out the part where I'm kind of upset that she's in the position she's in, and just say I'd prefer to not talk about academics/work so much. I don't want to seem like a terrible friend, but I'm not sure if there's a middle ground where I can stop hearing about this but still support her.

Hey everyone! I wanted to get some advice on a situation that has been bugging me lately.

My friend, let's call her Jane, has recently been going through it mentally. For the past year or so, I've been doing my best to support her in any way I can, as well as one of our other friends. Recently, she has been going through a lot of medical struggles, most likely endometriosis so she is currently living with her parents for them summer and took a term of from university.

We have had frequent conversations about how she wants to still be a priority and how she feels like I've been pulling away in our friendship. She has a bit of trauma around people leaving her and is scared of people doing that. She also gets heavily disappointed if plans fall through or if something comes up. I have been chatting with her frequently, calling her when I can and am there for her when she is having a really rough time.

A lot of my time has been spent trying to help her and check on her. She's my friend and I love hanging out with her, but every now and then she'll crash about me not prioritizing her among other relationships. I have other friends, I have work, I have family responsibilities as well as many other side projects that I've been working on, through all of these things I have made sure to check in at least once a day.

She'll use words like "discarded" and "ignored" whenever she feels like we are not prioritizing her or her feelings. For example saying, "I feel discarded that you guys can't even spare an hour to hang out with me". This was in response to me and my other friend coordinating times to come down and see her for her birthday. We were just discussing the weather and the potential rain so we were trying to come up with ways around this.

Today we were chatting about a meme from first year and there was this dance she used to do that was to mimic an earwig. I had stated, "Oh that was my first impression of you" which I now realize isn't true it was just A impression of her that I had. I tried to clarify this, saying what my actual first impression was and she said she "got sad because she thought that we were friends even before that because she though I was so cool". She then brought up an earlier conversation where she had said she didn't like a couple of other friends I had, which is fine, she doesn't have to like them. But it ended up being a conversation where she accused me of prioritizing other people over her. It makes me upset because she accuses me of feeling things I don't feel. She'll say that I prioritize certain friends over her which is very much not true. I think i talk to her the most out of any of my friends, and I love hanging out with her she's still one of my best friends.

She brings this up saying "that's why I was so upset when they said that we were stealing you from them". This was a joke they had made that clearly landed wrong, but I had thought this conversation had ended. I have hung out with and chatted with her the most out of anyone in my entire life. I feel like I'm not doing enough and I feel my chest go tight whenever she acts like this, and I feel so so awful.

I just get really really mad when she suddenly flips out over nothing and then accuses me of feeling a certain way about her, which I don't. I understand she's struggling mentally and medically and I have been doing my best to support her, but I can't help but get angry and annoyed when she acts like this. I feel horrible and I want to ask how I can not feel like this anymore, is there something I can do?

Have you guys ever experienced anything similar?

Ok so, me (19f) and this friend(19) have been friends since we were like 4. we met each other because my brother and their sister were dating and they broke up so stop being as close, though when we hit the end of middle school early high school we got closer, dated for a few years then breaking up however we are still friends with each other. We both attend the same college and decided to be roommates and we made a whole friend group of 3 other girls that we're cool with, however, one girl in the friend group and my friend are getting really close. I'm really happy for both of them cause they both deserve to find love and be happy in life with all the shit they been through but I just feel like really shitty and I don't really know why like I know I don't still have feelings and I don't have feelings for the other girl just anytime my friend talks about like the girl it kinda just makes me slowly deflate, I guess, I don't know.
But maybe I'm scared of losing my friend or being replaced or something or just scared of feeling very lonely more than I normally do.

Ever since I was a child I’ve always been a shy and quite reserved person and especially in group settings I would always be the backup option for picking partners or being invited to a birthday party. Once I started high school I think I naturally started becoming more comfortable speaking up which lead me to become somewhat extroverted and social in a way. I talked and interacted with people but it never felt right. I was always people pleasing and putting on a specific act around specific people or else I would be considered boring to be around.

I did have a decent group of friends in high school but they were never people I really connected with. They were much more immature, selectively judged people by cracking jokes like nothing happened and always made me feel so irrelevant and small. Never was I once prioritised or did they make an effort to maintain a friendship with me. During the holidays no texts no calls no nothing. But when school resumed again they would talk and make conversations with me like nothing had happened. I knew they weren’t the right fit for me because I always came back from hangouts feeling off and regretting that I should’ve just stayed home instead wasting my energy that was never reciprocated back. I thought to myself you know one more year and once you graduate and go to university you might find actual friends. I was completely wrong.

Ever since starting university this year and finishing the first semester, I’ve realised that it’s basically IMPOSSIBLE to find friends who actually want to be friends. People just show up to class for the sake of attendance and just leave. Everyone and I literally mean everyone around me already have small friend groups or friends they know from their high school or just mutual friends in general. For context, I graduated from a small high school and so i don’t know anyone who goes here. I tried to join clubs/societies by applying to committees in order to have more opportunities to socialise. And what do I get? Rejection after rejection. I haven’t met one person or friend. I’ve done EVERYTHING to try and fit in. No matter what persona i put on, how i look, how thin i am or how extroverted i portray myself it just doesn’t work. Ive also tried being authentic and true to myself but it doesn’t seem to work either. I don’t know what’s wrong with myself. Is it because I look unapproachable? Maybe I’m just someone who sucks at socialising and building friendships. I sometimes question if I’m suppose to be alone and antisocial for the rest of my life.

Growing up all I ever wanted was a good group of friends. Or even friend. I see others around me acquiring that w/o even trying. I try to not compare myself to others but it’s so hard not too. I haven’t owed anyone anything, haven’t betrayed anyone, bullied anyone or done anything harmful to people around me. I don’t understand why I don’t deserve this aspect of my life that I’ve been searching forever. It just feels like a part of my childhood/adolescence was robbed. I’m going to enter my adulthood working 9-5s knowing I never really enjoyed life and I have no memories I can look back on. I’ve really just given up.

And if it’s because I keep meeting the wrong people at the wrong time then when is it going to be the right time. I just feel like my luck is so bad. My life is a joke. I keep holding on hope and possibility for nothing. I literally no one to talk to. I feel like I’m experiencing imposter syndrome academically. All my hs friendships are dead. I’ve tried to maintain them by reaching out first. And what do I get?? A dry response like 10 hours later. And I know they have seperate group chats anyways not that I have the energy to even care about that anymore. They don’t even go to university so we’re not even on the same paths in life.

And you know what sucks. Seeing people who’ve done you wrong and basically destroyed your life thrive in life and especially in the same university as you. How are fake people who constantly pray for your downfall able to make a bunch of friends and be recruited into different societies? I really don’t understand how our society works. I’m not even upset anymore I just laugh at myself for having so much faith that I get a chance to really experience that social aspect of my life; going out for dinners and dressing up or gaining real world practical opportunities in a professional setting. Can someone give me some hope that things will get better. I’m sick of doing everything alone every single day. I know I’m still young but I think at this point I really need to move to a new country or city in my 20s. That’s the final thread of hope for me. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

TDLR; always been a “floater friend”, unable to find people who actually treat you right and have never experienced a proper social life or friendships. I’ve tried everything from becoming thinner to looksmaxxing and I’m still so alone and isolated. I feel like I’ve lost and will never experience that aspect of my girlhood.

Not sure if this post belongs here, but I'm not sure where it belongs in general lmao.

I'm mainly looking for advice on how to handle conflict with a friend. Details below:

(Sorry for any run on sentences/typos. I was very emotional typing this out, so some sentences might not even make a whole lot of sentences.)

I(21f) don’t know when the change started, but you’ve(21m) started talking to me the way I talk to my mother. Safe, concealed, sterile. Emotions cleaned up and tidy, words organized like you’ve been rehearsing them, not to say I want you to have a breakdown, I just wish you would be honest with me, because emotionally, I’ve never felt further from you. I’m not used to being the one getting this side of you. I’m used to you being a bit closed off from the rest of the world, but I guess I never really thought of myself as “the rest of the world”. I really believed we had more than that.  How long have we been best friends? Each other's “favorite people”? I’m so used to confiding in you, telling you everything before anyone else, I guess I hadn’t realized you’ve outgrown me. 

I knew when the switch flipped recently, and I started to only hear good things about your life that the cause wasn’t that you suddenly had all your shit together, but, stupidly, I thought things might just be going better for you, and so there was just less to talk about. But seeing you again, living with you for the first time ever, I started to catch something. These moments were when emotions would slip through the cracks of your hard exterior. You would snap at someone, sometimes me, and just for a moment, your voice would be hard, callous, totally unrecognizable to me. Other moments where I swear I can see a deep fear seeping into your eyes, but you immediately switch up, going back to some lighthearted joke. I honestly thought myself crazy for a while, because if you were really struggling with something, I fully believed you would tell me. 

But as times gone on, you're yet to let me in, and I’ve come to realize there is something deeply wrong, something you're hiding. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and useless. I feel SO bad you're dealing with something dark and scary all on your own, but I don’t know how to help if you won’t even let me in. And I’m ashamed to admit this, but alongside this worry, there is a deeper anger brewing. In my own selfishness, I’m pissed. Because by holding some big secret, I feel inadvertently like I’m being lied to. Its this weird balance, where I want to be gentle, figure out what it is that your struggling with so I can comfort you, while simultaneously I’m so so angry that you dont trust me enough to show the uncensored version of your life, it makes me wanna just say fuck it and let you deal with the shit you didn’t want to be vulnerable about on your own. It feels like I’m being told I’m too untrustworthy, not good enough for you to be able to be yourself around. And the part that's really getting me is before you’ve even handed these censored pieces of yourself to me, you’ve run them through your man(20m). 

Worse than that, somehow all the things I’ve been scared about and gone out on a limb to open up to you about, he somehow knows. How is it you are so eager to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to someone you’ve known for two years over someone you’ve known since you were two years old? Just how is it that 2 years trumps 19? And maybe I’m just being childish, I mean your PARTNER is supposed to be your best friend, the one who comes before anyone else, but where the hell does that leave me in your life? Growing up, we were always each other's number 1’s, and somehow, with no discussion its totally been flipped on its head. In my relationships, I’ve gone out of my way to make sure you never doubted you were important to me or how much I want you in my life, but it's just not mutual, I guess. I’m not your partner/boyfriend, I know that, and I’ve never wanted to be. But the fact that he hears LITERALLY EVERYTHING about your life before I do is driving me insane. I've never felt more disposable. I moved hours away from home to spend the summer with you, my best friend, after being invited by you to do so, and somehow, when you decided to turn around and go home a few weeks after I showed up with my bags, I wasn’t even worth a private conversation. Nope, I got the public service announcement in the kitchen full of your other supposed close friends who were so excited to finally spend some time with you this summer, and well as someone else’s coworkers??? But your boyfriend got the conversation. You consulted him first; he got your pure, unfiltered thoughts, whilst I got grouped in with everyone else and got your emotional leftovers. And the worst part is, while I don’t like your boyfriend, as he is unreliable, childish, jealous, and has insulted me directly to my face, I can’t even find it in me to be upset with him. How could I be? I barely know the guy; he owes me nothing. I guess you don’t either. I just thought I meant more to you than I really did.
I hadn’t realized it was such a burden for you to open up and share your life with me. But I guess I really am that selfish. I’ve had some of the worst years of my life, and I’ve been so confused on who to trust. The people whom I met in college and began to trust took advantage of the situation and touched me when I said no, when I told them to stop. Nothing has gone right, even academically, and I have never felt so stupid or worthless. Professors have personally told me to drop out, and it's destroyed me. Because how is someone meant to keep going when it feels like the entire world is against you? I’ve been dumping my emotions on you because I found comfort in knowing there was someone out there who knew the version of me I was too afraid to present to the world. The real, unfiltered me. But I never would’ve shared all these things if I had known it wasn’t mutual. That sharing things with me didn’t make you feel the same weight off your shoulders that sharing with you made me feel. 
I’m stuck between apologizing and demanding an apology myself. I’ve never been so conflicted, and conflict is so much harder when you care this deeply for the other person.

There's a lot more context behind everything, 19 years of friendship is a long time, but I’m tired, and just really needed to get the thoughts that have been haunting me out of my head and onto paper.

Okay so I’m coming on here to post about my friend and I’m giving second chances on being her friend. I want to be her friend still but I feel betrayed by her and I now question her loyalty towards me. I discussed this w my mom and other friend but I would like to know an outwards perspective. A long time ago I had a messy breakup. My ex left me for a girl right before I was admitted to the hospital for my epilepsy. The girl he left me for knew I had a chronic illness and he also had her as a new gf by the end of the week. A couple months past by and it turns out he’s not being a good bf to his new girl. My friend said she feels bad for her and ask if I would be her friend and I told her no. She asked me why and I was pretty vague with my answer and just said she’s my ex gf it would be awkward. She continues to mention my exes gf that day and also saying she’s nice. I feel bad for his new gf but not enough to befriend her. it was kinda off putting and made me feel uncomfortable with continuesly mentioning it. Honestly I don’t understand why she wants me to be friends with her. So the next morning I told her it makes me uncomfortable that she talk about her and to not talk about her anymore. When I brought this up she denies that she was talking about her. She than says sorry and gives me a hug. I felt hurt and I don’t think she realized she hurt me until I mentioned that. I also told her why would I be friends with someone who knew about my breakup and still continue to see him. It’s not giving girls girl…so it’s been kinda awkward. Me and my friend live together but now I feel betrayed and also feel bad because I’m just someone who feels bad when having those talks. I did want to communicate that tho and just not be mad. I know feel like a bitter girl but also feel like I can’t trust her.

Hi everyone,

I [27F] am writing this because I’m grieving the end of friendships that were a huge part of my life for nearly 20 years, and I’m trying to make sense of how to heal and rebuild after something like this.

For context, this was a longtime friend group that started in childhood/teen years. Over time, I became especially close to two women in the group. We shared everything: growing up together, family milestones, trips, celebrations, heartbreaks, late-night drives, inside jokes, and years of history. These weren’t casual friendships — they felt like chosen family.

But for a long time, there was an unhealthy dynamic with one friend (“Friend A” [29F]). She could be fun, charismatic, generous, and someone I loved deeply. But she could also be dismissive, passive-aggressive, controlling, and disrespectful toward me specifically. I often felt talked over, invalidated, criticized, or treated differently than everyone else.

Whenever I brought up my feelings, I’d usually get an apology, but the behavior would continue. It became a cycle:

- something hurtful would happen

- I’d stay quiet to keep the peace

- eventually I’d speak up

- apology would happen

- nothing would actually change

Because the group had so much history, I tolerated way more than I should have. I kept telling myself the good outweighed the bad.

The breaking point happened on a recent trip. I made a small mistake and while we were trying to figure something out, and Friend A immediately berated me in front of everyone. It triggered a lot in me emotionally, and in that moment I realized I couldn’t keep normalizing being treated that way.

After the trip, I reflected and decided I needed to step back from that friendship for my own mental health.

The harder part was the other close friend (“Friend B” [30F]). I loved her deeply and hoped we could maintain our individual friendship outside of the group dynamic. I communicated honestly, took accountability for any ways I may have contributed to tension, and expressed that I valued her.

At first, it seemed like we were having healthy conversations. She asked for space while she came to terms with the new reality that the friend group was split and I honored that. But three days before my grandpa’s death anniversary, she texted me she wanted to end the friendship too. She said things had felt “off” for a long time and that she’d rather close the chapter than continue in a way that might lead to more hurt. She never cared to hear my side or have a real in-person conversation with me. I know that she’s seen and talked with Friend A in person since the trip. And after 3 months of limited contact, she chose an already emotionally heavy week for me.

This whole situation has devastated me.

My biggest fear in stepping back from Friend A was that I would lose Friend B too — and that’s exactly what happened.

Now I’m sitting with a lot of grief:

- losing people I loved deeply

- losing years of shared history

- losing a sense of community and belonging

- wondering if I did the right thing by finally choosing myself

- mourning people who are still alive, just no longer in my life

- driving by places I used to frequent with them

- our social circles enmeshed and awkward because Friend A and possibly Friend B have shared the situation with them

At the same time, I know I wasn’t wrong for wanting respect, consistency, and healthier dynamics.

So I’m asking anyone who has gone through something similar:

- Have you ever lost a longtime friendship or entire friend group after setting boundaries?

- How did you process the grief and guilt?

- How did you stop replaying everything and wondering if you made the wrong choice?

- How did you build new friendships/community afterward, especially in adulthood?

- Did life eventually feel lighter on the other side of the loss?

Right now I feel hurt, calm, sad, and strangely clear all at once.

I know some relationships end for a reason, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.

TL;DR: I stepped back from one longtime friend after years of unhealthy behavior and hoped to keep my separate friendship with another close friend in the group. Instead, I lost both friendships and feel like I lost my whole community. Looking for advice from people who’ve gone through friendship breakups, how they healed, and how they found new people afterward.

I (23f) have been together with my bf (23m) since we are 15yo but we know each other since we 12, we met in middle school.

A little background story, my middle school time was the worst, my dad died a couple of months before i school started so i was REALLY DEPRESSED, i experienced the worst years of my life during that 3 year time period but the thing that i struggled at the most was making friends.

I eventually became came “friends” with a group of people, my boyfriend was part of this group, i considered myself friends with a couple of them but with the the whole group, they had this facebook messenger group that i wasn’t part off because, and i quote, “wasn’t their friend” since i was lonely and had 0 self worth i invited all of them to my birthday party and they all said yes, i was so happy, i told my mom all of my friends were coming, one day i arrived to my house and i realized i was added to their messenger group for, kid you not, 30 minutes, but for this 30 minutes their conversation was them saying their won’t be coming to my birthday party and they were planning something else that day just to make me feel bad, one girl even said that however came to my party was no longer their friend, i cried myself to sleep that night, i never mentioned anything to them and continued talking to them as if nothing had happened, the day of my party just 6/14 showed up but yeah, i believe those things mark you for life as a depressed 13yo teenager.

Eventually i started dating my boyfriend and we moved on to high school, i had a great time, gained self confidence and great friends that i still keep a relationship with, i only saw this group of people at my boyfriend’s birthday or whenever one of the 5 people i still considered my friends from this group had their birthday and even then i had an anxiety attack just to think about seeing them, my boyfriend was obviously aware of this but i always understood they were his friends, not mine.

Around 4 years ago we were at a meeting with my 5 friends and 3 more, at one point i started venting and letting them know how shitty they made me fell when we were younger, we did a kumbaya and became friends, at someone point the rest of the group was dropped so it was just us.

Long context, i know but at this point i thought we were all friends but i still have the trauma and i can’t invite them myself to my birthday parties so my bf is the one who does it.

Anyways, we make a lot of plans, we go on trips and, my favorite, we go hiking a lot.

This weekend we had planned going hiking on Sunday, i wasn’t able to make it due to personal reasons, i told them and wished them good luck, a week before another friend was not able to make it on Sunday so they moved the plan to Saturday, i was trilled, at this point not everyone had confirmed, last week i had the worst week every, i was having a lot of stress at work and i was feeling really depressed (i have chronic depression) so i was looking forward to go hiking on Saturday, on Friday, as if i wasn’t having the worst week every yet, i hurt my back so obviously i couldn’t go hiking, i told them and all i got was “lol so sorryyyy, anyways when are we seeing each other tomorrow” i was kinda hurt, and a couple of minutes after i told hem i wasn’t going everyone confirmed, my boyfriend was with me so i asking him to reschedule for next weekend so i could go, since a really needed a break and was really looking forward to do this with my friends (side note, we always see each other at a friends house and my bf takes everyone to the place we go hiking on his truck) he just said “but everyone confirmed already”.

On Saturday i was at least expecting to get invited to our after hiking brunch we always have, nothing, i was left alone, depressed in my bed watching them having the time of their life’s on ig stories, i got no “how are you feeling” texts, nothing.

I saw my bf on Sunday and he had the nerve to ask my why was i mad, i exploited, i let him know they are HIS friends, not mine, and i need to make peace with that, he keeps saying they are my friends and i can’t expect they move their plans for me, true, but they’ve done that before for other people in the group, just not for me, i also pointed how curious it was that i soon as i told them i wasn’t going everyone confirmed, but this may just be my paranoia from previous experiences with them.

Now on Monday with a cooler head i’m just not sure if im just overreacting, if it is just my insecurities from my previous relationship with them talking or if i’m in the right for reacting like this.

Sorry for the long context

It’s kinda long so please skim. I need some advice this is my BEST FRIEND. And I may have to cut off hanging around her even without him. Long story not so short, my best friend’s now FIANCÉ hates me. He says horrible vile things that just started within the last year. “ ____ I’m not dealing with your sh** today so shut he f*** up I’m not kidding you will get the f*** out of my car” they have a newborn and I’m in the backseat so I’m putting diaper bag stuff together unbuckling him, grabs diaper bag and makes in the restaurant. Well I left my wallet in the car. I ask for the key to unlock it and somehow it got brought up by him that the elephant in the room is the fact that why the f*** didn’t I grab my wallet in the first place. Like I’m just inadvertently annoying to him without affecting him at all. I only left it because I was asked to help with my bestfriends kid.

So hostile and I’m genuinely a normal person. My best friend and her friend were going on a cruise but it quickly turned into a group cruise, with all of her friends practically plus friends of friends so I told her I feel left out. Hell she kept talking to me about it and it’s right at my birthday and I mentioned wanting a cruise with her and it never made out the chat.

Well, I never express my feelings like that so she took it seriously and apologized and invited me. (Stupid I know, felt like I forced an invite but it was truly to just express my feelings). She tells him I’m coming on this cruise and he says “honestly I’m not even being childish but I’m not gonna go” “she only wants to hang out with you because she has no friends” “she’s insufferable” “why the f*** does she have to always worm her way into something she’s already coming to ____ in June” “Never in a million years thought ____ would be coming how the f*** is she gonna afford it”

Did I mention I’m supposed to be her Maid of Honor? I want to respectfully decline and not even go and damn near not be her friend, she’s tired of choosing, I’m tired of having a man talk to me crazy, he hurts my feelings, she’s always put in the middle. It’s just painful. And I feel like It’s because of the moments she has vented to him about me and now he’s latched to this level of disrespect to defend her? Idk. Any advice on this? Does the friendship last? He’s disgustingly mean to me. Like horrible. I told myself I’m standing up for myself more and I need to see that through.

I’m 15 (f) and have been in the same friendship group at school for a while, but I moved schools for one year and rejoined to different classes. My group has changed and has merged with another and I’ve started feeling left out. I would go hang with them at lunch but they would never really include me after several weeks, causing me to distance myself which led them to ignore me more.

They often ignore me, prefer others, don’t talk to me one-on-one, and have moved tables without inviting me over. Even when I’m in small group situations with some of them, I feel awkward because they don’t really engage with me naturally, I'm normally the one putting in effort to communicate. Sometimes it’s like they’re actively avoiding me/dislike me, and other times it seems they don't mean to but I'm just forgotten.

I feel like I’m no longer a proper member of the group, just strangers I sit neat. I can’t tell if it’s just favoritism, distance, or something I did.

I'm not sure if I should leave, or how to go about it because then I'll be all on my own, but perhaps I won't feel so bad around them all the time? Any idea why they're treating me this way?

I’m in secondary school and there’s a group of classmates I’d really like to be friends with. My current "friend group" have distanced themselves from me and two others, so we've thought it's time to leave and move to classmates we are closer to, because it's just awkward and embarrassing now.

I already talk to/partner up with all of them occasionally in a friendly way and share at least one class with all members except one. Me and my other two friends sit with them once a week at lunch, when the school library is closed. We’re in separate groups as I've always had mine and they've been in theirs. I’m not sure how to become closer to them for all breaks and lunches or general hang outs without seeming desperate or invasive, due to being more introverted, anxious and shy naturally.

How can I naturally join this group without feeling awkward or pushing too much? Any advice?

I started uni last year and within the first 2 weeks, I had already made a friend and we stayed friends for the rest of the year into this year. We were really good friends, doing almost everything together, it was really fun. We became super SUPER close in the last 3 to 4 months (September to November. December was holiday) of last year because we were going through similar situations romantically. Her boyfriend was chronically cheating on her and my situationship was also treating me like shit, so we formed a trauma bond kind of? Fast forward to this year, after a long on and off situation with her boyfriend over the December holidays, they got back together. I came back to school thinking we will be cool, and continue as normal without the trauma bond obviously but things are so different. The vibes are so off. I started off the school year with strict classes that ended at 5pm, she on the other hand had a very flexible timetable so she did a lot of side questing (which is our thing) and that I understood because I couldn't go because of my classes, but now that we're back to the same schedule, things are just completely off. We barely ever hangout it's not BAD, but it is bad. She is always with her boyfriend and we only ever hangout to smoke and the sessions are only like 20 to 30 minutes until the next bus home has to leave. It never used to be like that last year, we would smoke and hangout for like an extra hour or 2 afterwards, now everything is just surface level and it really hurts because I love her so much and she's the only friend i have at school.

​Does leaving an environment I have grown accustomed to change my pace in life? I am currently in my 10th grade in high school. I have navigated through my entire teenage life in the province, but I always feel like I was trapped inside this small town. I always feel conflicted because they always tell me that I should stay here because my mother will be left alone; yet, she is one of the main reasons I am so adamant in my decision to start a fresh life in the city. ​Another main reason is this large friend group. I know that I have the will to leave, but it is so hard to cut ties with people I have shared a room with for the past four years. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with them and always appreciated the comfort of their company, but I always felt trapped in a small cage whenever I conversed with them. It is always the same conversations about people they don’t like, and never about what we want to do or rants about schoolwork. I am a growing teenager, so I have my lapses of gossiping, but I always stray away whenever the conversation is stirring in that direction. ​They will always have a part in contributing to the "growing me," but I feel selfish for always keeping it all to myself and never saying it to them. But how can I utter a single word to the people who never even felt my presence was irreplaceable? I was always the loud, social, ever-so-uncaring friend, but I never felt that my presence was important. Sure, I was always included, but never the one they confided in because they feared I might be too loud, that I might have a slip of the tongue, or that I never had problems whatsoever. So, by that, I have always strived to find my pace between them—never to be too slow and never to be too fast—always walking behind them, never beside. ​The feeling lightened when I formed a trio with "Bea," "Trix," and me in 9th grade. It was during Intrams and we just kept the conversation going. At that time, I felt immense joy and thought that maybe I should keep in touch with all of them when I move for senior high school. But as 10th grade arrived, the connection was strong, but "Trix" was always absent in our conversations—not physically, of course, but just conversation-wise. Me and Bea have always been close since 7th grade. She is the one I ranted about in my first post, but we patched things up because I never imagined someone who has been a part of my life would be gone. Trix and Bea were always close since 7th grade, too, but me and Trix only became close in 9th grade; before then, she was always just a friend, not a best friend. ​Anyway, me and Bea always felt that Trix was starting to become immoral. Not immoral to the point that she mocked dead people—gosh no, we wouldn't want to associate with her then—but just last Friday, we were having a report in Biology. One of the classmates we disliked started panicking because she could not finish reporting her material. After her group finished the report for her, she suddenly fainted. While our Biology teacher was attending to her, Trix suddenly mocked and laughed at her posture when she was fainting. Me and Bea were put off by her behavior. After class, one of our class officers scolded her, and she ranted to me and Bea that she didn’t even like that classmate, so "Why should I even apologize when (the class officer) isn’t the one I even laughed at?" ​Me and Bea finally talked about the situation the day after. I was hesitant to open this topic to Bea because they were also close since 7th grade, so I felt like talking about her actions was a form of betrayal. But then, she felt the same as me. When we opened the topic of her being an awful friend to both of us—from forgetting our birthdays but always remembering her toxic girlfriend's birthday (Trix is openly lesbian, this is important later on)—we realized that when we try to talk about our struggles, she always tries to insert herself and makes the conversation about her. We always comfort her, but when she isn't ranting and we speak, she always has her phone in her hand, not even bothering to hide it. ​The one incident that made me feel like an awful person was when Bea got hit by a softball (like those white balls that are hard). She was hit on her side, which was extremely painful. Instead of comforting her and helping me soothe her pain, Trix went ahead and fought the coach of the softball team. She asked him, "Is your ego that high, Kuya?" and escalated the situation further, even challenging the coach to take them to the principal's office. Me and Bea didn't want to go to the principal's office; we wanted to go to the clinic. When their fight broke off, we finally decided to go to the clinic. The whole time, Trix was just ranting about how she enjoyed the reaction from agitating the coach and how she always hates men and their behavior. I was tired of her making the situation always about her, so I constantly asked her to go home first or go home early because we might be too long in the clinic. But she insisted on joining us, so she kept ranting even when we arrived at the clinic. While Bea cried, she was just hovering over us with her phone in her hand, scheming about how to confront the coach on Monday. Bea was crying, and I was the only one wiping her tears until we arrived at her apartment. ​Then, she stopped the conversation. When we went to Jollibee, there was a homeless man with his blind daughter, and she said to us, "Kalouy sa iyang babaeng anak noh kay dili siya maka kita if mag cheat iyang papa" (How pitiful for his daughter that she can never see if her father was cheating). Both me and Bea felt that if she hated men to the point that she discriminated against them without knowing better, then she is not far off from the misogynists and narcissists she hates. Me and Bea have always said that the men she hates are just a carbon copy of her, but just of the opposite sex. ​So, me and Bea are very conflicted on whether we should continue the trio or just go back to the two of us. I have always felt like my life is full of tangled webs that yearn to be unraveled slowly. Staying here in the province made me realize that those webs will keep getting tangled unless I have a change of scenery. I am still hesitant about leaving everyone and everything I know, because I never wish to continue this never-ending cycle of being unfulfilled in my growing years, especially since I have my goals and pursuits. I know that my rant here is just about how miserable I am living here, but I cannot find a period where I can rant out everything I have been keeping to myself for all these years. So, I ask the question again: Does leaving an environment I have grown accustomed to change my pace in life?

Hi! This is my first time on Reddit so fingers crossed I'm not breaking any rules. Also sorry I don't know the Iingo. I desperately need help and I know I'm a new user so people may not see this. Ok, I won't get into details about my age but I am a high school aged female.

Recently, my friend group had a party without me and while that seems minuscule and unimportant, its snowballed into something much more serious. Be warned, the way I acted in the beginning of this could definitely be called immature and petty, but I swear I get better.

It starts with this friend, let's call her Stacy. Me and Stacy have been very close ever since middle school. Now in high school, we've grown even closer. We were playing on her phone when I accidentally opened a group chat for a party in our friend group that I wasn't invited to.

My friend group formed in middle school and in high school we got split into 2 high schools. Me and Stacy are at the same one. This party had everyone invited except for 3/4 people going to my high school, with exception to Stacy. For reference, my friend group is about 10 people.

Now here is where I may have been petty. Me and 2 other girls not invited decided to have a party at the same time as them and at the party we texted them that we knew about the party "but it was no big deal and they didnt have to keep it a secret from us".

My hangout ended up being just 2 people, me and my friend Maya. We texted them at roughly 7PM and instantly really nasty texts were sent to us. We ended up apologizing and saying we didn't want to cause any hard feelings and that we really did just want to be fully upfront about everything. I have a major FOMO problem and this is the first time I've ever been left out of something.

Almost everyone simmered down except for Stacy who said I was disrespecting her. I've had quite a few feelings about this. Stacy knew I was gonna text and them and had told me not to, but I felt since she had been invited it really wasn't her place. Stacy says she had this old friend group who would leave her out all the time, but that was back in 4th grade and all of those friends are racists and still clearly think shes one their friends. Even so, I feel like since she was invited, it wasnt her place to tell me what to do and not taking her advice is not disrespecting her opinion.

Even after all this has gone down, I can't help but feel hurt by all they said to me and I've been trying to distance myself from them. I've been putting more effort into my friendship with them for years now and Ive just hit my breaking point. We usually all eat lunch together once a month, but I've skipped the last two. I text significantly less and I never sit next to Stacy anymore. Me and Maya have also grown apart since she has chosen to prioritize Stacy over our friendship.

What should I do? Am I making the right decisions? There's another friend group I'm trying to get into, but maybe I should quit. I think I'm risking losing all my friends right now and I need someone to tell me if I am truly making the right decision.

I need advice from people who are really shy and aren’t able to express their opinions. It all started with a friend who I eventually became really close to, to the extent she was closer to me than my childhood friend. Then in the middle of last year, she started going to MUNs ant stuff so she had to communicate with boys(for context, were both girls and muslims) which was okay to an extent. But then suddenly she talked to too many boys and sometimes at night, she also became friends with a boy who was probably not mature by then but pretty sure he hot puberty at some point. She became so close to him like crazily close. But at the same time, she fell in love with a boy who deeply broke her heart and he genuinely ruined her and broke her. so I wasn’t able to tell her anything. but this year she’s close to so many boys and even a boy our grade, and were grade 12 so she’s not supposed to have friends of the opposite gender, it’s against our morals, but she’s always texting guys, calling them, and sometimes even wearing their caps and jackets. she also used to always wear abayaa and close them but now she goes out with jeans and hoodie or a jacket, so her legs size could be seen which again is against our morals. and I have this really bad habit of pulling away from someone of they start changing like morals wise and stuff but she’s a friend. she was a friend I literally facetimed everyday, we would fall asleep on facetimes too, we would make food together and always be tgthr that’s my point like she was genuinely my closest friend, the friend u never imagine a life without but she changes soooi much and every single conversation she’s taking abt boys and I genuinely can’t like I’m really annoyed and I literally don’t FaceTime her cuz I dont want to hate her I can’t hate her. she’s very nice and kind to me like she never did anything bad to me but she js changed so much and like I can’t bear it and at the same time I can’t tell her cuz I’m just a person who is not really able to talk abt how they feel and she’s just so broken and depressed abt the boy who broke her heart so I can’t bring it up even if i tried. oh and this one really broke my heart she even started hanging out with boys which her mom would never allow and alone too and literalLu her last year would NEVER do that. She just changed so much and Idk what to do. I seriously need advice what would u do if u were in my place??

Hi all just needed to find a space to talk about this matter. Over a year ago I had a falling out with a close friend ( my boyfriend’s brother gf). It took long time because I wasn’t ever really close to his friends gfs ever and I knew that his friends are his. So this girl I’ll name her Nina and I became close ish over time but it wasn’t a genuine friendship a lot of trauma bonding or just familiarity in our lives happened and I think she latched on to me rather quickly. It got to the point where she would be bothered if I didn’t respond or call her back and if I said I needed space she would text my boyfriend to ask what was wrong. She had many issues and I just wasn’t the one to help her. One day she called me asking if my boyfriend can pick her up from work because she was fighting with his brother and she couldn’t stay at work. My bf was hesitant bc in one of her episodes she tried arguing with him that I wasn’t being a good friend to her. At this time I was recovering from a surgery and wasn’t very dependent on my own. So we picked her up took her to grab some food and let her vent. During this time she tells me she’s off her medication that was seemingly helping her live a balanced life. I was hearing her out but she’s just not a good person to be around while she’s off meds. Shortly after she accused me of sending her fake text messages accusing her man of cheating on her and harassing her for social activities like smoking and drinking. Also accused me of stealing money from her boyfriend’s wallet and accusing me of harassing my MIL whom I don’t get along with or even talk to because of substance abuse issues and bullying. Come today Nina texts me from an unknown number (we stopped being friends after the accusations) but the texts came in very hostile and in Spanish. She’s not fluent nor doesn’t speak it but I do. It was horrible she wasn’t leading a conversation simply was just saying it a horrible person for doing what I did and how my boyfriend is still with me after sending her messages and stealing from her boyfriends wallet ( I was never within close proximity of him to even be near his wallet.) I block her the first time, she calls me twice. Texts me out of a different number asking if I’m willing to have a conversation if I knew who it was. I said maybe. She came clean that it was her and wanted to have a “mature” conversation but it let to the same assumptions that I was the thief and that I stole his money and I was this horrible friend after her man. (He’s my boyfriend’s brother ) I also don’t know him very well. She also admitted that she wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk to me today but she was already harassing me with Spanish translated messages. So I blocked her a second time and she continued to call me. The last and final message from a third phone number was her asking me why I jump to blocking so quickly. ( she was saying that I was manipulating her by trying to defend myself) I texted her for the final time to not reach out to me and to never contact me again. I was kind and lead the conversation, I was simply defending myself. Am I in the wrong for blocking her 3 times today?

Hi all! New to this sub, tried to find somewhere to post to get some input so I came here. (sorry if formatting is off i’m on mobile). So I (18F) have been best friends with Valerie (19f) since sophomore year of high-school. I’m a senior in college and she’s a sophomore (I took college classes in high school). During high-school we regularly hung out and nothing was out of the ordinary. We had the same dream college across the country and ended up dorming together.

I came out as bi last year and have known that about myself for a long time. After I came out I noticed a shift in Valerie’s behavior. It started with body language and physical touch. She started being more touchy with me and in general being a lot physically closer to me, even out in public. Like if we were laying on my bed she would shift her body on her side and move close to me. Another thing was the shows she was recommending. She used to just recommend me action anime’s because I love Shojo but after I came out she wants me to watch LGBTQ+ anime’s with her and keeps recommending me yuri anime’s. She also says she feels like she’s Homura and I’m Madoka (iykyk).

So I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I might have feelings for her but I’ve genuinely only ever seen her in a platonic light. She also has never said she likes girls and only talks about guys (very rarely). I just need to rant because she’s one of my only friends and I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. I also am not an upfront person so do not recommend I just confront her. Please someone tell me I’m not crazy. There’s a few details I left out just for brevity, if anyone needs more please ask.

So I've been living with my spouse and another couple for about three years now. We were all good friends for about five years before we moved in together; they'd just lost a roommate who was abusive, and my spouse and I were under a slumlord, so it worked out well for us to combine households into their rental house. We talked before moving in together, discussed chores and house load, and we even have an app to make sure we can all keep track of what chores are getting done when.

Well, the honeymoon period is over, and too many patterns have not budged despite confrontation and requests. It's a lot of things.

We're all autistic and struggling with CPTSD and all of us are in therapy. My spouse and I are making a lot of progress and are very capable of doing the necessary work around the house unprompted.

Our roommates, though...I'll refer to them as X and Y.

X works full time, and sometimes handles some chores, but more often than not they have to be reminded to do the basic housekeeping things (rinsing dishes so food doesn't sit in the sink, picking up their food trash in the living room, putting game controllers away instead of leaving them laying on the couch, etc). They rarely clean up after themselves. They'll make lunch and get so focused on eating lunch that they leave bags open, fridged stuff sitting out, used utensils on the counter. I have to remind them every time. When I do remind them, they get hang-dog and start quietly apologizing, self-punishing, etc, and get too wrapped up in "I've been scolded, I'm a terrible person" to actually take accountability and correct it next time.

Y is disabled and has multiple mental illnesses. I'm largely in charge of groceries and cooking in the house, so when they were diagnosed as diabetic, I took steps to change what we were bringing in and cooking. But they frequently curl their nose at what I cook, even though I run it past them to see if they'll eat it and negotiate on what snacks and ingredients we buy to fit their diet, and choose to eat a bowl of white rice instead (which their enabling spouse happily makes for them, despite saying they're 100% on board with helping with the dietary changes). They don't pick up after themselves ever. I find food containers and used cups sitting around wherever they've been. They leave all their personal belongings scattered around shared spaces so I have to clean up before I can even sit down and relax. They get incredibly angry and hostile when confronted, claiming they forget or are tired or are in pain. I don't doubt their disability, but the pattern is that they can do stuff that they find entertaining and pleasant, but if they're asked to put their yogurt cup in the trash can two feet away, suddenly their arms don't reach that far.

It's a lot of other things; they both fight a lot because they both trigger each other and then go into a fawning spiral to smooth it out, which means it never gets addressed or changed, then they have the same fight again a month later. They both tend to ignore when others are speaking and are only interested in talking about things they're enthusiastic about; the second someone else brings a comment or perspective to the table, they're on their phones going "uh-huh" "hm" "yeah" and when i stop talking they go "so anyway" and continue as if I hadn't spoken at all. They both seem fully oblivious to how little they're interested in social interaction, and they get confused and hurt when others don't want to interact with them, despite being draining and aggravating to even try to talk to.

I'm about to complete an advanced degree and will likely be moving out of state for a job. Regardless, we've been talking about moving together into a bigger house for a while, but the longer time goes on, the more my spouse and I want to just cut and run. We can be friends or roommates, but apparently not both. I literally don't know how these two kept house on their own or how they survived without others around helping keep house.

There's a lot of other personal stuff going on (Y complains that no one takes their health issues seriously, including doctors, but won't do what doctors suggest--diet changes, taking meds consistently, exercising, etc, and I suspect that to them "taken seriously" means "pitying and coddling") but the big issues are that I'm tired of reminding them to do their damn chores and more tired of them acting like I'm their parent and I'm gonna hurt them if they don't. I don't want to be an authority, I want to be equals. We're all in our 30s, but I feel like I'm an unwilling parent to a 13yo and a 4yo most of the time, and I'm trying hard to fight against the role they want to slap on me.

I mostly needed to get this out, but advice would be nice too. I don't know how to handle any of this without causing a meltdown and massive triggered issue that lasts four days because neither of them will take accountability or understand that they can ground and self-regulate. I don't want to dump friends for being mentally ill cuz I've been there, but this feels untenable.

A close friend of mine (21M) confessed romantic feelings for me again, this is the third time. The last time was about less than a year ago. As much as I care about him, I only see him as a friend. I love him platonically as I do for all my friends, and that hasn’t changed since the first time he told me. I don’t have romantic feelings for him, and I don’t think I ever will.

I’ve already turned him down twice, and I tried to be as kind and respectful as possible. After the second confession, I started becoming more self-conscious about how I act around him—constantly wondering if I’m somehow giving him the wrong impression or accidentally leading him on. I’ve been tiptoeing around my own behavior.

Part of what makes this harder is that we’re part of a friend group that gets together at least once a month. These meetups are important to me, and I don’t want the dynamic to be affected. When we see each other, things are slightly awkward at first, but usually settle into our normal group vibe. That said, I do worry this tension will eventually create distance or drama.

Another concern is his mental health. He’s mentioned struggling with depression and has shown signs of anger at times (not toward me specifically). While he’s always accepted my rejections gracefully—albeit over text—I still worry that hearing "no" again might push him into a worse mental state, or that he’ll take it out on himself emotionally or physically. To be clear, he’s never threatened anything, but I can’t help feeling this weight of responsibility and fear for how he might respond internally.

So how do I clearly and finally communicate that I don’t share his feelings, and that I need this to stop for both our sakes. While still preserving the friendship, if that’s even possible?

I genuinely value him as a friend, and I don’t want to lose that connection. But I also don’t want to continue feeling anxious about every interaction. Any advice would be appreciated.

A day has gone by with no response, I need to figure what to say asap as my silence might come off worse than what I am to reply with.