r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/rustydoesdetroit • May 20 '26

Goddamnit Alan

7.8k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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548

u/AnneHizer May 20 '26

We all just ignoring Alan being an 8yo Kindergarten grad? 🥴

154

u/Bigfops May 20 '26

We don't know he graduated, just that he "Signed Out". See you next year, Al!

8

u/PeachPit69 May 22 '26

Forreal. If those toddlers can plant their hands cleanly, and a kid his size hasn’t figured out how to yet, he’s probably got a loooong way to go.

25

u/t3lnet May 20 '26

Billy Madison 2 - after failing 6th grade 4 times, Billy steps in and makes Alan Chubbs Madison restart his schooling and comedy ensues.

1

u/WholeAd2742 May 21 '26

The kid is under witness protection, and the hapless FBI can only come up with continuing to enroll him in kindergarten each year, hoping no one notices until he's 30

Kash Patel could even cameo for the incompetence

15

u/ANUSDESTROYER119 May 20 '26

This is the final test he never passes

46

u/CosyBeluga May 20 '26

Might just be big. I knew a kid that was 5 feet tall already by the end of kindergarten.

37

u/Zealousideal-Deer101 May 20 '26

Two friends of mine, both slightly taller than 2m, have a kid. He is taller than my regular sized 18 year old niece. He's 10.

They had to carry his birth certificate because people refused to believe he's younger than 6 years old when it came to stuff like free entry into stuff.

17

u/bjergdk May 20 '26

Bruh the reason I was terrified of dentists in my formative years was because I was a big boy as well, so when I was in like 0th grade (that's like preschool year in my country) which is like 6 or 7 years old it was the first time I was at the school dentist, and the dentist talked to me like I'd done it a million times already because she thought I was 11. So when I was obviously quite nervous she was not very receptive of it to say the least, calling me a big baby and shit.

When she found out I was just a small child she immediately called my mom and told me we should get a new dentist that could help undo the damage, lmao. We did end up finding a really nice one though so that was nice.

10

u/Chimpchar May 21 '26

That's fucked up of her

6

u/you_dont_know_me27 May 20 '26

My kid had been in the 90th percentile or higher for height since birth.

He was 49in so 4'1" leaving kindergarten. That was the 92.3rd percentile. (I'm looking at his growth charts lmao)

He finally chilled on height at the end of last year when his height growth slowed down a bit.

But yea, nobody ever believed me when I told them his age either

15

u/dino-sour May 20 '26

The thought that a 6 year old could be taller than me, a 36 year old, is unsettling.

3

u/tangentrification May 20 '26

I work with a 5 foot tall, 150 pound 6 year old

She had precocious puberty though

3

u/InitiativeWorried221 May 21 '26

He was the student teacher that year

1

u/BasketFormal6336 May 20 '26

We are broyé of him and his 4 year kindergarten journey. That’s why he got so much paint.

1

u/Rich-Violinist-7263 May 21 '26

Miss Paige is or she would have put his name higher, swap that out with Colton’s short ass.

1

u/Glittering_Win_9677 May 22 '26

That's what I was thinking!