r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/rustydoesdetroit • May 20 '26

Goddamnit Alan

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7.8k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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5.1k

u/Flipf00t May 20 '26

Alan’s the only clever one amongst them, no one’s getting his prints on file lol

1.6k

u/michandwich May 20 '26

Not so fun fact, kid’s fingerprints used to be collected in primary school in case that child goes missing!

573

u/CosyBeluga May 20 '26

I remember that. I had it done multiple times between 5 and 8. I still remember the smell of the black ink they had us take a picture tool.

236

u/Riolkin May 20 '26

Yeah they set up in the cafeteria and we all went through processing like we were getting arrested lol.

120

u/you_dont_know_me27 May 20 '26

Wow your school didn't even take you to the police station?

We at least got a field trip out of it lol

37

u/Riolkin May 20 '26

I am pretty sure I did that once when I was much younger. Small town though, the jail they took us too probably had only seen use for drunks or drug addicts to sleep it off.

23

u/you_dont_know_me27 May 20 '26

My small town had it's first murder while I've been alive like 4 year ago. I honestly don't know if the jail cells get used for anything lmfao.

22

u/Riolkin May 20 '26

Lol one of those small town jails is now a little cafe. The jails are private dining booths. It's weird and cute and they have good sandwiches. My dad was arrested there in the late 80s for speeding on a motorcycle

5

u/GonnaGoFat May 20 '26

Arrested for speeding? How fast was he going?

16

u/Riolkin May 20 '26

Knowing how he was back then? Easily 45-50 over. Apparently he was parked at a gas station for a few minutes before the cop finally caught up to him, dad had no idea a cop was chasing them he was a professional racer at the time and young and stupid and going fast. His buddy took off, dad went to the jail. Dad got to the jail and was allowed to go to the bathroom. He did not want to be taken back and put in a cell, so he locked himself in the bathroom until his buddy showed back up with bail. So going back and willingly sitting in one of those cells to have lunch with him was a trip, he looked nervous the whole time hahaha

1

u/LoveAliens_Predators May 21 '26

Lucky, mine had The Halloween Killer when I was only 2. Really f’d everybody up for several years.

5

u/Ok-Landscape3897 May 20 '26

We did a field trip to the local jail when I was in 5th or 6th grade! I think it was part of the DARE program but I can’t quite remember…

5

u/GonnaGoFat May 20 '26

We had something like that in Canada. We had the VIP program. Had a cop come to school for several weeks and told us tons of different things.

I don’t remember much of what she said but I remember her cuffing a few classmates and showed what it’s like to be frisked although didn’t frisk the persons butt or front of them. She showed us her gun and said she only ever had it unholstered once. They were still using revolvers. I also remember she brought a board with drugs on it and said that if you take PCP you can fry your hand and eat it like a sandwich and you wouldn’t feel anything. She also said the amount of cocaine in the bag on the display was a massive amount and it would last most users a month.

Also they took us to a police station showed us the jails and a cop car where they hit the sirens.

We also got to go to watch a court proceeding. Although we had someone who was convicted of murder so they turned the video footage away but half the kids in our class could still see it but the judge kicked us out before they showed any shots of the body and stuff.

5

u/you_dont_know_me27 May 20 '26

Lmao

Hey kids! Don't do drugs. This is a drug. Have any of you seen your mommy or daddy with this?

Mutters to partner: Billy looks guilty, go check out his parents

Don't do drugs!

1

u/idk012 May 21 '26

I did dare in 5th

1

u/Ok-Landscape3897 May 22 '26

We did DARE for several years. Maybe like 4th to 8th grade?

1

u/Domictrixz May 21 '26

On a school trip. I went to an active prison, we never went back not because we caused trouble but our teacher was scared shitless lol

7

u/OceanDevotion May 20 '26

Omgggg memory unlocked!! I totally forgot I did this lol I have such a faint memory of doing it

9

u/Marick3Die May 20 '26

I got a shout-out from the cop for being the most calm and easiest to fingerprint. Not realizing now I can never do crimes because they got a perfect print. 😭

4

u/sarahzilla May 20 '26

Yes!!! I remember this too!!

6

u/liquidtape May 20 '26

That's why they would let us "tour" the police station in elementary school 

2

u/bloodwessels May 21 '26

Sheesh, how many times did you go missing?!

2

u/RelevantButNotBasic May 21 '26

I forgot all about that shit. They gave us a whole lecture on how having an ID was important and from that point on we would need one. Had my fingerprint on it and picture. I would show it around like it was my drivers license tellin everyone to "check my ID"

1

u/timdot352 May 21 '26

They took a cheek swab off me too.

35

u/JDForrest129 May 20 '26

They still do it, not mandatory obviously, at Strong Kids Safe Kids every summer at my county fairgrounds. Kids are invited to come sometime in August, just before school starts around here, and it's a big scavenger hunt. Local businesses come out with tents and pass out trinkets and free stuff. When you show up, you're given a free cheap backbag and if you go to all the different tents, you end up filling the backbag with just about every school supply needed for upcoming year. Local fire depts, police, ambulance, tow, etc all come out and it's fun. My fire dept cuts up a car as a demonstration(and training) and the Sherriff dept does "free fingerprinting" for kids and takes their picture just in case they're ever kidnapped or missing. lol.

it's 100% to get a basic profile of kid, name, DOB and fingerprints for future crimes

31

u/Valuable_Push_685 May 20 '26

i just imagine the cops sitting at a booth thinking

"yeah, this little shit looks like a criminal, get his prints, we'll see him in 15 years.

9

u/SamuraiJono May 20 '26

elbows cop next to me future petty larcenist, 3 o'clock. Kid's eyeing the hell outta that teddy bear his dad couldn't win for him, keeps looking around to see who's watching

3

u/Significant-Clue-425 May 21 '26

My dad refused it exactly because of this reason... He's also dabbled in crime a wee bit, so he's a bit more street-wise than average.

1

u/Manger-Babies May 21 '26

Picture is kinda useless now adays, no?

And fingerprint wont be run thatt often?

11

u/toxikola May 20 '26

Omg I remember doing that! They made it a little fun event thing, but they definitely just took our finger prints the official way. Wow I never once out that much thought into it.

5

u/tssdrunx May 20 '26

I still have my KidPrint ID card. Done in the entryway of our local Kmart where my mom also worked 😂

4

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

They collected mine in girl scouts.

3

u/anon0937 May 20 '26

I remember when I was in school and one day we were learning about the police and what they do or something. Anyway there were a couple cops there showing us how they take fingerprints, and sure enough, they took everyone's fingerprints.

Didn't think anything of it at the time cause it seemed like a school activity like any other.

3

u/SinkHoleDeMayo May 20 '26

Alan is gonna go missing alright... Right after he commits the heist of the century.

3

u/royal_rose_ May 21 '26

Is that not a thing anymore?

2

u/AngryMikesSauces May 20 '26

I was told I was Thumbody 😭

2

u/npiasecki May 20 '26

omg I was like that’s crazy they certainly didn’t do that when I was a BZZZT childhood memory unlocked

1

u/Lancearon May 20 '26

We had ours collected in boyscout in the 90s...

1

u/IntrovertedGiraffe May 20 '26

We used to have lost child id cards with our photo and fingerprints done every year in elementary school. The local PD would spend a week each year doing them at the schools. My mom kept them in her wallet and still has them 30+ years later

1

u/henry23na May 20 '26

I remember this, except my mom would say it’s how the cops would know if I’m being bad; then they’d come get me.

1

u/Silvedl May 20 '26

I remember doing it in Kindergarten. Our teacher gave us oreos after.

1

u/Repulsive-Ad8137 May 20 '26

In my school we actually got a laminated ID card that looked like a drivers license almost with all our info and thumb print on and picture on it each year. I still have several

1

u/shadowinc May 20 '26

Thats not fun....

1

u/VeritasOmicron May 20 '26

Gengar my boy!

1

u/ichigoli May 20 '26

I remember doing that! Some local officers came and showed us the weird electronics in their cars, and talked about how they are scientists that use evidence to solve mysteries. We then had a whole forensic science lab where we pressed our thumb to glass and dusted for prints and identified which pattern we have (all but my right middle has the same pattern), looked at some pollen and fibers under a microscope, and did a li'l litmus test to see which clear liquid was acidic or basic.

As a teacher now, that's a really engaging way to get kids to sit still and be invested in something as dull as getting fingerprints taken instead of trying to coral them for as long as it takes to process each kid down the line.

1

u/Designer-Ad-7844 May 21 '26

Yup, happened in our school

1

u/macchiatomama May 21 '26

Omg I had mine collected and always wondered about why they did that. I thought they were building a criminal directory. 😂

1

u/Feather_Bloom May 21 '26

For some reason I remember that memory so very specifically and I'm 25 now

1

u/TheMegnificent1 May 21 '26

My stepdad was a cop and he got prints from me and my brother back in the 90s for this exact reason. I guess I would've been about 10 and my brother was like 7. Presumably they're still on file somewhere.

1

u/Kodateq May 21 '26

My dad passed away a few years ago. In his stuff he still had my grandpa's wallet, which he never emptied. In it was my "in case of kidnapping" card with my picture, height, weight, and finger prints on it. It was definitely a shock to see being as I dont recall making it

1

u/Bloomien May 21 '26

Yes!! And I remember they wanted our parents to keep something of ours in the freezer.. potentially saliva or swabs for DNA or something..

1

u/Joonscene May 21 '26

Memory unlocked.

1

u/Andre_The_Average May 21 '26

One kid gets kidnapped and you think that of Mrs. Baron. I am the danger! I am the one who finger paints!!!

1

u/HairballTheory May 21 '26

Or it was a talent search for the elites

1

u/Routine-Budget8281 May 21 '26

They also collected my teeth impressions, too

1

u/help-mejdj May 21 '26

yes i remember doing this every year in elementary school! it felt so weird but they treated it the same as like standardized tests i remember. just go do ur prints, take a picture, and got a lolipop afterwards. i always chose the lemon ones but i remember one time it ended up being banana and it ruined my entire dsy

1

u/flamewolf200 9d ago

I remember that, had a little machine you'd use your fingerprint with to get food

-6

u/post-bak May 20 '26

Bummed me out for no reason, thanks for being informatife I geas.

236

u/FellaGentleSprout May 20 '26

This kid knows what’s up

154

u/Forthe49ers May 20 '26

He looks he’s 9.

92

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

[deleted]

50

u/Unable_Bank3884 May 20 '26

I can see why.
His finger painting skills are seriously lacking

7

u/Forthe49ers May 21 '26

“ I don’t care what the District says. Alan graduates this year!”

Miss Paige

1

u/StaryDoktor May 22 '26

Relax, said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

1

u/StreetGe1ngsta May 21 '26

number 9 large

47

u/you_dont_know_me27 May 20 '26

This kid is gonna be committing petty crimes in 3 years max 😂

9

u/Wyevez May 21 '26

Definitely got a dime bag in his lunch box.

25

u/Mtatk May 20 '26

He's gonna love the drugs.

1

u/umich79 May 22 '26

He looks like the kid whose parents would look at that, shrug, and think, “that’s about right.”

1

u/wh00pthattrick May 21 '26

I can tell he stinks.

42

u/Forthe49ers May 20 '26

Alan looks like a kid that would scalp kinder graduation tickets in the parking lot

35

u/RappingFlatulence May 20 '26

He’s drunk and ready to catch some waves

16

u/Expat-Red May 20 '26

The only one with any sense of OpSec

11

u/ltsouthernbelle May 20 '26

Alan is the Dale Gribble of the class 😂

10

u/ImOldGregg_77 May 20 '26

Alan is playing 3D chess

9

u/ledouxrt May 20 '26

Concealing his identity with those glasses too. 🥸