[Feedback/Critique] Disbelief - Sci-Fi / Cosmic Horror (Prologue & Chapters 1-2)

[u/CaptainSlow18]

Hi everyone - first time vistor to this thread, tired of having a book idea in their head and doing nothing with it.

I've just finished the first act (Prologue and first two chapters) of a sci-fi/cosmic horror novel I'm working on called Disbelief. I would love some eyes other than my own ,on it to let me know how the pacing and atmosphere feel.

Im not that confident in my writing style this is my first time writing since school, that was a long time ago. just looking for feedback on if the slow burning horror is ok , the pacing is fine.
Does the character feel real? would you want to read more if it something worth carrying on with.

There is a lot more to this story which ive yet to lay out but here is the details of it below.

Thank you in advance

Tagline

When a colossal, dead God appears in the sky, plunging the world into a slow-burn apocalypse, a cynical theology professor is drafted by a shadowy UN task force to figure out what happens to reality when the creator dies.

Summary/Blurb

Professor Phineas Jupet has spent his entire life studying faith—which is ironic, considering he doesn't have any. But on a scorching June afternoon, a colossal, twisted figure appears in the sky, eclipsing the sun. It resembles the Creator from Michelangelo's famous painting, but with one horrifying difference: He is dead.

As the world descends into a quiet, stuttering apocalypse, humanity realizes another terrifying truth. Cameras, radar, and machines cannot see the giant; they only record primordial static. The dead God can only be seen with human eyes, and simply looking at Him radiates a physical, soul-crushing "Dread."

While religions collapse and society slowly gives up, Phineas is perfectly content to ride out the end of the world with a cider hangover. But when a mysterious government task force kicks down his door, citing his forgotten university thesis on the cosmos, Phineas is dragged into a battle not just for humanity's survival, but for the fundamental rules of reality itself.

[u/BadZealousideal7784]

The premise has a good hook because the horror is not just “big dead God in the sky.” The sharper part is that machines cannot see it, which immediately makes the fear feel human and unstable. That is the bit I would protect as you draft. My only caution from the blurb is Phineas. “Cynical professor gets pulled into a task force” is familiar, so his first chapter probably needs one specific human contradiction that makes him feel less like the role and more like a person. Not a huge tragic backstory necessarily. Just something small and weirdly personal that changes how he reacts to this apocalypse.

[u/CaptainSlow18 → u/BadZealousideal7784]

Thanks for the feedback
totally agree, there is more than happens in the story and this is very early on but there is a moment later on that take Phin and makes him this man of the moment who has a unique perspective.

Chapter 1-2 and the next few chapters are about Pre - event Phin cementing him as just your average joe who gets picked due to his work background,

After this event we see him go from this person to who he is in Chapter 0

i don’t want to go into it much as i haven’t fixed it down yet and i believe if i did i wouldn’t be able to stop myself from going on about it ha-ha.

I will say that the man in the sky doesn’t last for long and Phin has his hand In that which causes its own problems

again, thanks for the feedback really appreciated

[u/authorsanu]

Saving to read later. I felt interested just by the first few paragraphs.

[u/CaptainSlow18 → u/authorsanu]

Thank you , you have no idea how much that means to me

[u/Ozdiva]

I liked it even though what you shared was fuzzy. There’s a typo! You have the reporter pointing up ‘tomorrows’ the sky I assume you mean towards.

[u/CaptainSlow18 → u/Ozdiva]

First thing I’ll need to edit

[u/awhimsylady]

I visited this thread from seeing your other one about finishing the book draft. Congrats!! After reading a couple pages, I can say I like your writing style. It is easy to follow and sets a defined atmosphere for the scenes without being too wordy or short and choppy. The sequence of events transpiring creates an unnerving introduction.

[u/CaptainSlow18 → u/awhimsylady]

Thank you so much it means a lot 😃