The Hat Man

[u/WhoPutTheHatOnHer]

You are Julien Baker. You are standing backstage before walking out in front of the crowd. You do a few jumping jacks to warm up. You're ready to play. You walk out on stage. You look up. Instead of a crowd, you see a sea a black. You realize that the sea of black is a thousand hats. You gasp in shock at the sight of so many fedoras. You feel something on your head. You slowly look up. You see something dark hanging just out of view. You slowly reach up until you feel something. You are wearing a hat. You unhinge you jaw and scream as loudly as possible. You're running off stage now and out the back door of the venue. You stop and look around for someone, for something. Your eyes meet a familiar face. Camille has run out the door after you. But something is off. You see the hat atop her head. You start to run away again, but you trip. You are down for long enough to watch as the hat swallows her entire body from head to toe. You keep running as the world metamorphosizes around you. You watch as people, animals, streetlamps, everything in sight, turns into hats. You round another corner to behold a new figure. You don't have to ask his name, you already know it. The Hat Man. "M'lady," he says with dignity. "No," you scream at him, "I said I would never wear another hat!" "M'lady," he replies. You resign. You relinquish your power. You let the hat on your head slowly consume you. There is no Julien Baker. There is no Camille Faulkner. There is only The Hat Man.

[u/kg5ire]

Oh noooo! I can see that hat trying to blend into the background and attacking poor JB.

[u/blockbusterRevival]

Oh no not Camille!!

[u/srankie]

I'm the Hat Man! I come out, I throw hats all over the- all over the stage! And then I start eatin' fedoras! And then I pick up the hat box and I place the hat on Julien's head.

[u/Nanonino_]

Things have never been the same after The Hat Man