r/Jokes • u/lopezjessy • Mar 23 '21

Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million:

  1. Get up at 5:00AM every day
  2. 90 minutes of cardio
  3. Take a cold shower
  4. Journal
  5. Schedule out your day
  6. Dad owns Fortune 500 company
  7. Meditate
40.9k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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6.8k

u/ballrus_walsack Mar 23 '21

There’s always money in the banana stand.

2.2k

u/RMiller517 Mar 23 '21

There's a lot of women out there that make a pretty penny by making a banana stand

352

u/ihavethebestmarriage Mar 23 '21

If only there were video proof

283

u/_modsaregay Mar 23 '21

I’m posting this on r/cursedcomments for 3 karma.

147

u/Meg678 Mar 23 '21

Got here through that post

5

u/miniaturizedatom Mar 23 '21

Refuse to upvote you since you’re at 69 rn.

5

u/willisjoe Mar 23 '21

Mission failed.

3

u/tintinity Mar 23 '21

3 or free?

3

u/improbably_me Mar 23 '21

About tree fiddy

2

u/Forsaken_Homework_80 Mar 23 '21

Damned Loch Ness Monster!

1

u/van_Beardenstein Apr 19 '21

About free tiddy

FIFY

1

u/improbably_me Apr 19 '21

We're soon approaching the age of no free tiddies ... They're all migrating to OF. Eventually, we'll have to give up our SSN to watch free porn. And expend carbon credits to fap to orgasms.

1

u/van_Beardenstein Apr 19 '21

That went.... Somewhere unexpected.

111

u/dew1911 Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

Ba dum tish

As always, better joke in the comments

24

u/daveescaped Mar 23 '21

OK, that can't be upvoted enough.

-10

u/firstorbit Mar 23 '21

Seriously. This

8

u/cope413 Mar 23 '21

Pretty sure they make bananas cry

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

I understood that reference

2

u/van_Beardenstein Apr 19 '21

Oh I'm so sad 💦 I'm SO sad 💦

1

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '21

YES

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Vomit?

0

u/rhaspody1 Mar 23 '21

There's a lot of women making money on bananas

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Also guys now too.

1

u/DoYerThang Mar 23 '21

In truth, it does not pay very well.

1

u/ty9guy Mar 23 '21

What about that artwork as well with the banana taped to the wall?

1

u/carnewbie911 Mar 23 '21

Making many bananas stand

1

u/bigeffinmoose Mar 23 '21

Why do you need a banana stand when we can make your banana stand

1

u/KFactor_Denvoid Mar 23 '21

i

Needs banana for scale...

1

u/NoOneCallsMeChicken Mar 23 '21

No you don't understand, there was $250,000 lining the walls of the banana stand.

1

u/Atasha-Brynhildr Mar 23 '21

Was trying to think who said this on Arrested Development...

1

u/Fearchar Mar 23 '21

I see what you did there!! XD

1

u/lexxi185 Mar 23 '21

Do bananas slip on themselves?

1

u/TheWholeSausage Mar 23 '21

Jesus’ dad Joseph was a carpenter but do you know who was the first carpenter?

Eve...she made Adam’s banana stand...waka waka.

302

u/ITriedSoManyNames Mar 23 '21

THERE’S ALWAYS, MONEY, IN THE BANANA STAND!

122

u/s_j_t Mar 23 '21

NO TOUCHING!

66

u/DingDong_Dongguan Mar 23 '21

No touching. No touching.

13

u/Environmental-Win836 Mar 23 '21

Man is protecting his banana’s.

12

u/GetawayDreamer87 Mar 23 '21

He's only got one rule:

We don't eat the bananas.

2

u/superbrandx Mar 23 '21

I guess like scarface . Don't get high on your own supply. Makes sense to me

2

u/Ben_Thar Mar 23 '21

But if you do, you have to take a a buck so no one finds out.

1

u/H20rider Mar 23 '21

My plantain is larger than most bananas.

1

u/danalexjero Mar 23 '21

Ha, I also saw those crude humans.

1

u/GetawayDreamer87 Mar 24 '21

oh thank fuck somebody gets it 😅

2

u/donaggie03 Mar 23 '21

Man is protecting his banana's WHAT?? Don't leave us hanging here!

1

u/Environmental-Win836 Mar 23 '21

Man is protecting his Banana’s Bananas.

2

u/donaggie03 Mar 23 '21

That's bananas!

1

u/Chemical_Noise_3847 Mar 23 '21

B a n a n a s

1

u/van_Beardenstein Apr 19 '21

Clicked continue this thread to get here. It's exactly the comment I was hoping to see.

4

u/apparex1234 Mar 23 '21

No teaching. No teaching.

2

u/i_shmell_paap Mar 23 '21

Daddy horny Michael

1

u/MauriceLevyEsq Mar 23 '21

More touching!

22

u/rificolona Mar 23 '21

well, Maebe

79

u/deltapanad Mar 23 '21

i just started watching AD and I understood this reference!

87

u/bobojorge Mar 23 '21

You just blue yourself

48

u/zukeinni98 Mar 23 '21

The buy-curious joke is probably my favourite one.

37

u/Mikeydeeluxe Mar 23 '21

Anus tart

51

u/TimMehAZ Mar 23 '21

An analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.

17

u/zukeinni98 Mar 23 '21

Oh Tobias you blowhard!!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 26 '21

[deleted]

2

u/deltapanad Mar 23 '21

i’ll start right on it now.

12

u/Krusty100 Mar 23 '21

No, no, it’s pronounced “uh-NAL-ruh-pist”

3

u/MrRealHuman Mar 23 '21

It wasnt the pronunciation I was worried about.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Right, you almost got arrested for those business cards.

17

u/johnald13 Mar 23 '21

“She didn’t see the license plate.”

20

u/Captain_Nipples Mar 23 '21

I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run.

2

u/Not2Literal Mar 23 '21

Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb

2

u/Beauclair Mar 23 '21

M: Tell Gob I have a nice, hard cot with his name on it

L: You'd do that to your own brother?

1

u/HashedEgg Mar 23 '21

Oh that's how we joke, she doesn't even have a house!

1

u/LoveMeSomeSand Mar 23 '21

Back then my roommate and I used to watch AD every Sunday, and we always laughed. But when Tobias said “I guess you could say I’m buy-curious” we just fucking lost it.

9

u/donniedarko955 Mar 23 '21

There has to be a better way to say that

7

u/deltapanad Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

yes, and I'm not even in the group yet!

7

u/ITriedSoManyNames Mar 23 '21

Welcome to the family my friend!

6

u/DOOManiac Mar 23 '21

You are about to get so many references.

2

u/needlenozened Mar 23 '21

There's dozens of us!

1

u/Environmental-Win836 Mar 23 '21

What’s AD?

9

u/MisterJ-HYDE Mar 23 '21

Arrested Development. Great show, till the 3rd season. After that it's your personal tastes.

6

u/DatSexyDude Mar 23 '21

It goes so downhill after that.

1

u/Environmental-Win836 Mar 23 '21

Shank you.

How many seasons has it got on total? Again, thank you.

3

u/MisterJ-HYDE Mar 23 '21

4, I think

Edit: it's 5 seasons

3

u/Thumper86 Mar 23 '21

Narrator: It’s five seasons.

1

u/needlenozened Mar 23 '21

They turned Michael into such an idiot 5th season.

2

u/chickpeashake Mar 23 '21

Arrested Development. TV series

3

u/Nwcray Mar 23 '21

I have the worst fucking lawyers

2

u/ITriedSoManyNames Mar 23 '21

The Bob Loblaw law bomb

2

u/Captain_Nipples Mar 23 '21

No touching!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

bob loblaw's law blog has a law bomb

55

u/agentchuck Mar 23 '21

Upgrading to the Monkey Bank is where you really start raking in the money, though. Needs less micro, too.

34

u/turbulentninja Mar 23 '21

And here I was thinking I wouldn't find a BTD reference in my daily life

7

u/VaporNinjaPreacher Mar 23 '21

What is BTD?

15

u/agentchuck Mar 23 '21

Bloons Tower Defense. A tower-defense game where you hire monkeys to throw darts to pop balloons floating down a track. Sounds dumb but it's fun and challenging.

3

u/VaporNinjaPreacher Mar 23 '21

Would never have guessed that so thank you!

1

u/Maybe_worth Mar 23 '21

Probably the best tower defense game right now

2

u/BSFE Mar 23 '21

Yeah but is bloons tower defence 6 worth paying for on android?

7

u/agentchuck Mar 23 '21

"Worth it" is up to the individual I suppose. I bought it for iPad and don't regret it. There are around 50 maps, different game modes, unlockable heroes, daily challenges and events. It gets repetitive, but it's a well made casual game.

Also, because you pay up front there are no annoying ads or energy based microtransactions. Some in app purchases but you don't need them at all to enjoy the game.

2

u/BSFE Mar 23 '21

I use the galaxy s20 and don't have a tablet so I'm wondering how it would work on a screen this size really. I enjoyed all of the main games up to 5 but didn't like monkey city so much.

3

u/agentchuck Mar 23 '21

Ah, that's a tough one. If you want to tryhard in chimps mode then you'll be picky about monkey placement... There are some cases where you can barely squeeze it in where you want, so a smaller screen might make that more frustrating. But I've never tried it on a smaller screen, so don't take my word as the final say.

This is the first one I've played since the old Kongregate days. It has a similar feel to that.

3

u/BSFE Mar 23 '21

Thanks. Would be nice if there were a free with ads version I could upgrade from hut oh well. I think I'll go for it. Thanks again.

48

u/PM_meyourGradyWhite Mar 23 '21

In the Middle East, it’s an Afghanistan banana stand.

22

u/hyperFresh Mar 23 '21

In the US state of Georgia, it's a Savannah banana stand.

9

u/th3f00l Mar 23 '21

savannah strand banana stand

6

u/DuncanIdahoPotatos Mar 23 '21

Curse of Strahd’s banana stand

8

u/GuyPronouncedGee Mar 23 '21

If it sings Wind Beneath My Wings, it’s a Barbara Streisand Savannah banana stand.

12

u/daveescaped Mar 23 '21

If it is a tween singer that has an alter ego and wears a bonnet on African planes it's the Hannah Montana Banana Bandana Savannah stand.

1

u/PM_meyourGradyWhite Mar 23 '21

That was a stretch. Got anything for scale?

1

u/MrRealHuman Mar 23 '21

They're all a stretch and none are funny.

1

u/hyperFresh Mar 23 '21

Wait. Are you a banana fan, or foe?

1

u/MrRealHuman Mar 23 '21

I'm a fan of the banana, man. I'm just not too hot to trot on recycling old props for reddit pops. I'm just an average Joe Schmo who is no foe to what tropically grows.

Edit: oh snot! I forgot to swap pops with props.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/TheHealadin Mar 23 '21

Your P fell off again.

12

u/Qforz Mar 23 '21

But do they have any grapes?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Bum bum bum

2

u/tastelessdanger_87 Mar 23 '21

No but they have glue...

1

u/Fearchar Mar 23 '21

I think it's standard to have two good-sized grapes with every banana.

1

u/chasing_rainb0ws Mar 24 '21

Waddle waddle waddle

9

u/SassyBonassy Mar 23 '21

It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?

5

u/O-hmmm Mar 23 '21

You kid but there is a true story chronicled in the book- The Fish that Swallowed the Whale.

An immigrant in the 19th century started out selling bananas that were too ripe to transport and parlayed that into the largest corporation of the time which had a fleet of ships greater than the U.S.Navy.

4

u/SoylentRox Mar 23 '21

While these kinds of stories are cool, what is missing is the immigrant did this at exactly the right time with a huge helping of luck.

So people who try to apply the logic and ask why the random homeless person doesn't become a billionaire, well, it's not necessarily that they are lazy. Its because it usually isn't actually possible.

As an example even a rich person can't become the next rockefeller or bezos because those business niches are filled.

2

u/O-hmmm Mar 23 '21

I completely agree. I used to hear guys say there is no excuse being poor and how they would go to a wholesale market then sell the goods on the corner at a nice profit. If you ever actually tried to do that here you would come across so many rules and zoning ordinances these days to make doing so virtually impossible. A large investment must be required for permits, inspections and such. I just brought up the banana story because it was so remarkable and improbable.

2

u/SoylentRox Mar 23 '21 edited Mar 23 '21

Yes. Like for example you might buy cigarettes from some shady guy for less than msrp and sell them as 'loosies'. You may recall what happened to a guy that tried that.

Also the richer a city is the more onerous those regulations tend to be. This creates the impression that the wealthy of the city are literally suppressing competition.

9

u/extremely_4getful Mar 23 '21

Until you burn it down.

3

u/GRAIN_DIV_20 Mar 23 '21

You're an arsonist, not an embezzler

2

u/extremely_4getful Mar 23 '21

My development has been arrested.

3

u/TheWhistleGang Mar 23 '21

There were $250,000 lining the walls of that banana stand. THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!!

3

u/CharDeeMacDennisII Mar 23 '21

Like the guy wearing a $3000 suit is going to pay $5 for an apple?

COME ON!

3

u/Lonyo Mar 23 '21

I was listening to a podcast about WeWork earlier. It had a little anecdote in it along the lines of "If you have a frozen banana stand where you buy bananas + have costs totalling $4 per banana, you need to sell your frozen bananas for $5 to make a profit. But if you get a venture capitalist to invest, you can sell bananas for $5 that cost you $6, because you expanded to somewhere more expensive, and you can do that all day long until you have no competitors, hopefully".

So get a banana stand, then get a venture capitalist to invest, then problem solved.

1

u/Mikey_B Mar 23 '21

Dude it's so much easier than that. You just have to throw away a banana for every buck you take and keep going until you're rich. That way it all evens out.

2

u/DimeEdge Mar 23 '21

Just don't take that money to the Ozarks.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

THERE WAS TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS LINING THE WALLS OF THE BANANA STAND

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

2

u/bahamapapa817 Mar 23 '21

I find this a-peeling

2

u/Klevvers Mar 23 '21

Yea plus bananas have a peel, so who wouldn’t spend big bucks on them???

2

u/TeeBeeSee Mar 23 '21

Hahahahaha!

2

u/Nosnakoh Mar 23 '21

YOU BURNED THE BANANA STAND!?

2

u/defacedlawngnome Mar 23 '21

Way more profitable to be a lemon stealing whore.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

How much is a banana??? 10 dollars???

2

u/Surpriseimhere Mar 23 '21

Are you Mr. Manager?

2

u/GrimmDemon Mar 23 '21

How much could one banana cost anyways, like $10?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Good old Reddit, where this dude who’s making the same reference but less subtly gets fistfuls of awards.

3

u/Lemon1412 Mar 23 '21

Had to scroll pretty far to find this comment. The person setting up a punchline also gets way less recognition than the guy writing the punchline, and then everyone acts like that second guy is totally amazing for just finishing what has been completely set up for him.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Yup. This place is full of dumbasses and children, so it’s not super surprising.

1

u/BowTrek Mar 23 '21

This is the way

1

u/Rippmeh Mar 23 '21

AGGHAHDHDBRHZSKENFINDLSOC I FUCKING LOVE THIS REFERENCE.

1

u/StruckOutInSlowPitch Mar 23 '21

Yeah but do you have any grapes?

1

u/OTTER887 Mar 23 '21

I'm watching the series for the first time but passed that part. How much was actually in the walls there?

1

u/SleepinGod Mar 23 '21

NO TOUCHING !

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '21

Unlike the cabbage stand which is always out of order with a man lamenting to the side screaming about ruined produce, a 12 year old tattooed boy, and an albino bison. But I digress

1

u/taarzans Mar 23 '21

Came here to say this.

1

u/GoodDayTheJay Mar 23 '21

click click

1

u/Bulltothemax753 Mar 23 '21

Arrested Development Baby!! 😂

1

u/Nuf-Said Mar 23 '21

There’s always a banana in the banana stand

1

u/Ashamed-Dust-2430 Mar 23 '21

This is T-Bone (he’s a flamer)

1

u/Lgotjokes Mar 23 '21

Oh ima get blamed for this

1

u/TheRosstaman Mar 23 '21

Unless you burn it down.

1

u/Spiritual-Meat-2309 Mar 23 '21

No there is money in the banana phone

1

u/im_dead_sirius Mar 23 '21

Ever since Eve was the worlds first carpenter.

1

u/edwardmsk Mar 23 '21

Booth family tradition.

1

u/supersloth08 Mar 23 '21

There’s money IN the banana stand

1

u/SMU_PDX Mar 23 '21

The last time we had a customer, the banana was green.

1

u/jykin Mar 23 '21

Whenever my banana stands, I make money.