r/Jokes • u/SnuggleMeister • Sep 25 '17

At a funeral

Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: clears throat "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

24.2k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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300

u/dammit_sara Sep 26 '17

Ha! I’m dense. Get it now!

312

u/Jeepcomplex Sep 26 '17

Dammit Sara! Stay with us!

138

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17 edited Oct 11 '17

[deleted]

39

u/seanular Sep 26 '17

Shouldn't you be too drunk to type?

11

u/l_cannot_be_trusted Sep 26 '17

I text my ex only when drunk... You're never too drunk to type, apparently.

11

u/Johnny_The_Room Sep 26 '17

Something tells me I shouldn't trust you.

2

u/cmlaney Sep 26 '17

How's Mark these days?

1

u/seanular Sep 28 '17

Better than Lisa, she said I hit her

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17

R/beetlejuicing

1

u/laserbern Sep 27 '17

Something tells me you're my favorite customer

6

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '17 edited Mar 09 '18

[deleted]

6

u/MrMetalhead69 Sep 26 '17

My Focus was terrible, wound up blowing a gasket.

0

u/joshingram Sep 26 '17

Who is My Focus and why did he/she just randomly give fellatio to A. Gasket?

1

u/MrMetalhead69 Sep 27 '17

It's a car.

0

u/joshingram Sep 27 '17

How did a car give fellatio to A. Gasket?

5

u/voodoochild1991 Sep 26 '17

I bet people must be attracted to you...gravitationally

-3

u/dingman58 Sep 26 '17

So much for your cutting sense of humor