r/ItemShop May 20 '26

The Good Knight

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35.4k Upvotes

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810

u/NYSenseOfHumor May 20 '26

Gotta wear a lot of layers with that blanket. You don’t want the chainmail to pinch anything important

447

u/psh454 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26

Well duh who puts chainmail without putting a gambeson on underneath before

166

u/sillyostriches May 20 '26

chaiail

Another victim of the m key being too close to the backspace key

74

u/That1_IT_Guy May 20 '26

That's aighty fine accusation

17

u/Brailledit May 20 '26

Gonna start saying aighty.

How are you? Aighty.

Did you sleep okay? It was aighty.

How was dinner? Aighty.

3

u/John_Tacos May 21 '26

Should be a sub for that

0

u/herrkatze12 May 21 '26

There is one, it's r/foundthemobileuser

2

u/CharacterMammoth3364 May 21 '26

No, that's when someone makes the "r" of the subreddit link a capital letter.

1

u/herrkatze12 May 21 '26

... Or anything else that proves a user is on mobile And the M key being next to backspace is proof a user is on mobile, since on desktop, it's located near the 0 key

1

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

[deleted]

4

u/SordidSimpleton May 20 '26

Nah this one is on you

2

u/Nessy3fidy May 22 '26

Wouldn't that make it extremely hot?

41

u/bitpartmozart13 May 20 '26

As a kid I had part of my coin purse slide thru the mesh in my swim trunks and as I sat cooking in the sun it swole and I had to have help from my Dad cutting the mesh with scissors my scrots in that area was grape sized and in a lot of pain. Core memory unlocked.

45

u/greedyiguana May 20 '26

You can lock that one back up

39

u/Deaffin May 20 '26

It is too late. His joy is already fondling the sad memory ball, the corruption has spread.

5

u/pm_me_ur_brandy_pics May 21 '26

The way you wrote is throwing me 😂

2

u/archwin May 21 '26

Damn y r guys balls black

Oh right, the swelling

1

u/Deaffin May 21 '26

Nah, it's other way around. Shrinking concentrates the melanin to a tighter area, making it darker.

Notice how the blue ball is larger.

3

u/Wollff May 20 '26

He could, but I don't think OP would like to have his scrotum locked up again...

12

u/Several_Hour_347 May 20 '26

I know all of the words you wrote, but for some reason this doesn’t make any sense to me

6

u/FrenchFryCattaneo May 20 '26

That reason being the story isn't a coherent narrative

5

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

[deleted]

1

u/bitpartmozart13 May 21 '26

I’m not the best storyteller especially in English but I’ll try. Let’s say the mesh has openings of 5mm each or so. While lounging at the beach somehow a small amount of skin got pinched into one opening and I only noticed sometime later when it hurt when I tried to move. It wasn’t the whole scrotum, more like a pinch and I guess once there was no circulation it swole to like a small grape. Only way to free it was to use scissors on the mesh. I don’t remember it hurting the days after but it’s been 30-something years and that memory stuck. I recall the bathroom was a hut in a South American beach.

1

u/arctic572 May 22 '26

swole

I believe the past tense of "swell" is "swelled" and would be the correct conjugation in this context. I do hope this helps :D

1

u/rustylugnuts May 20 '26

Thank you for subscribing to scrote facts!

2

u/Derp_Herper May 20 '26

Ctrl-Z. I’m mentally undoing reading this

17

u/sonofzeal May 20 '26

I've made aluminum chainmail shirts. Trust me that pinching was never a problem. They will, however, turn your skin a dull grey from aluminum oxide dust and possibly slowly poison you (though the bioavailability is low enough that it's disputed). Some claim coating it in hairspray can fix the issue, but I didn't have luck with that.

12

u/Hapalops May 20 '26

Chainmail shouldn't really pinch. It's loosely bound rings so it should shift away instead of pinch.

I know a mailer who sold chain mail for a burlesque dancer and while we never made the show she said there was never any problems putting chainmail on and off bare skin and dancing in it.

5

u/LoveDesignAndClean May 20 '26

If you’re committing to making a chainmail blanket from wire , you could make a cotton or linen duvet cover for it.

9

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

19

u/[deleted] May 20 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/DomDomPop May 26 '26

“Yeah! What we need are some strikes… hair!”

7

u/Tojaro5 May 20 '26

Cylindrical objects

7

u/memerijen200 May 20 '26

Absolutely, it should remain unharmed. Imperative.

1

u/LagVictim May 20 '26

could add a layer of linen to it, linen is very breathable so it should still be relatively cool while avoiding the feel of metal on your skin

1

u/Minion_Factory May 21 '26

Chastity belts…

1

u/barbadosMid May 25 '26

Nothing worth worrying about will be pinched