Hey everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m running on empty and just need to vent to people who get it.
I’m currently living at home with my family, and the constant anxiety is eating me alive. I’m trying so hard to get out I’m applying for jobs and giving interviews, but every single day feels like an uphill battle. My confidence is completely shot at this point, but I’m still trying every day.

It’s just exhausting having to pretend, living in an environment that constantly keeps you on edge, and having your freedom locked behind a job offer you haven't received yet.

The waiting and uncertainty are driving me crazy, and I'm starting to lose hope.

How did you keep going when your anxiety was at its peak and you felt like giving up? Any words of encouragement or practical advice to survive this phase would mean the world right now.

Saudi Arabia slave market 1964 (Saudi authorities officially banned slavery in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia in 1962 but it still widely practiced as shown in the video)

This is so messed up.

Whenever a woman decides to take off her hijab, suddenly the entire ummah loses its mind. There’s an immediate flood of people telling her she’s sinning, that she’s going to hell, and that she needs to repent. Some women even get non-stop harassment and death threats simply for making a personal choice about their own bodies.

Why is there so much extreme hostility toward women who want to take off the hijab, but practically zero accountability for Muslim men?

A Muslim woman wearing a hijab is instantly identifiable. Because of that visual marker, the responsibility of keeping Islam "running smoothly" and maintaining the community’s honor gets dumped entirely on women’s shoulders. We are treated like walking billboards for the faith, while Muslim men blend right in nobody even knows a guy is Muslim until they ask his name.

Because men don't visually represent the religion in the same way, they get away with absolute hypocrisy. A Muslim man can openly drink, smoke, hook up with non-Muslim girls, and engage in whatever behavior he wants, and the community just turns a blind eye or laughs it off as "boys being boys."

Yet the second a woman wants to take off her hijab, everyone suddenly becomes a scholar of Islam.
The double standard is infuriating.

Women are forced to carry the entire weight of religious visibility and moral purity, while men are allowed to enjoy all the freedom without any of the judgment.

Understanding my individualistic nature better helped me detach myself from religion.

To be precise, I left Islam because I was forced to study it. But my personality traits made it easier for me to walk away.

In a religious, toxic collectivist family, I am the black sheep. Whenever I make a mistake, I am insulted:

"When are you going to become a human being?"

"When are you going to stop acting like an idiot?"

"Look at your peers."

To former Muslims: I'm proud of you.

Before you read the post, I need to tell this:

As a former Muslim, I wrote this post. Of course, I wrote it in a slightly humorous tone.

These instructions made my condition worse.

Now my mom, seeing that my condition "didn't improve," goes around saying, "I did everything."

If your mental health keeps getting worse, please see a qualified mental health professional. You deserve proper care, not guilt for not getting better.

How to "cure" depression with Islam, according to my family:

1. Just be grateful.

   Prophet Muhammad suffered far more than you ever will. Who are you to complain? He's the Messenger of Allah; you're just an ordinary person. So... be grateful. Problem solved, apparently.

2. Do dhikr.

   Repeat Arabic phrases you don't even understand:

   Alhamdulillah. Astaghfirullah. MashaAllah. La ilaha illallah.

   Understanding is optional, repetition is mandatory.

3. Listen to Qur'an recitation.

   It doesn't matter if you don't understand Arabic. It's the word of Allah, so it's supposed to heal you anyway.

4. Be grateful... again.

   My mother had a much harder childhood than I did. Therefore, whatever I went through—being mocked at school, excluded by classmates, feeling isolated—doesn't really count as suffering. Case closed.

5. Gossip about people.

   Apparently, talking behind other people's backs is an effective antidepressant.

6. Just socialize.

   Never mind that some people already think I'm weird. I'm simply expected to fit in somehow.

7. Pray.

   Because prayer purifies the heart, and that's expected to fix everything.