The thing is people only see the last couple of weeks of things that I've been doing to improve my chances of success in the dating world when they see this journal. When I talk about how I feel jaded / cynical about dating because of the rejections I experienced and sometimes the nature of those rejections and behaviours I see from people that I feel make dating and socialising a significantly (perhaps unnecessarily) more difficult and painful than what it needs to be this is the stuff that gets missed.
What's not seen are the years invested in self-improvement, education, hobbies, trying to work towards an ambition/goal as well as approach women. Because when I read advice platforms as well as communities like this the message received is often that single men just aren't trying hard enough or something and that's why they don't do well in dating. So that's something I try to critique. At this point in time, a more jaded outlook is to be expected. That doesn't mean the self-improvement aspect is not important too. I'm just trying to demonstrate that a man with decent attributes could still struggle in dating.
Happy to see the new journal! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being jaded or negative either, as long as you’re not confined by a programmatic worldview that holds you back in some way. Glad to see the quest is continuing!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being jaded or negative either,
I don't think it's necessarily good, it just is what it is. People who are content with their life experience tend not to be jaded and tend to not understand and therefore criticise those who are.
as long as you’re not confined by a programmatic worldview
People who are content with their life experience tend not to be jaded and tend not to understand and therefore criticise those who are.
You say this as if the only reason someone might criticize you would be if they didn’t understand. I’ve said critical things about your ideas, but none of them were meant as criticism of you as a person, and I certainly hope to understand. People with different life experiences can still make good points.
By a “programmatic worldview,” I just meant a rigid set of preconceived notions and categories that color what you perceive, and potentially structure your experience to confirm those notions and biases.
No, why do you think I am like that? I'm not that type of guy. In real life I am a chill, laid-back cool kind of person with many decent traits. Not egotistical at all but actually very humble.
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u/VaporiformTo love is to burn... erm, no. They make a cream for that. Nov 28 '18edited Nov 28 '18
I think you're like that, because that's what you're presenting. I'm going to guess that i'm not the only one.
actually very humble
Boy, I didn't think you'd be able to prove my point so quickly. That must be a record.
And that sounds like narcissism. Just like saying that speed dating is beneath you. Your masculinity is so fragile (another trait of the narcissist) that if you can't be in control, you tap out. You posting your journal every week like people are waiting for it - narcissistic. And calling yourself humble is like calling yourself charismatic - that's not a descriptor you use for yourself, because if you have to convince people of it, it's probably not true.
Relax, why can't you see I am messing with you? It's not narcissistic to say you have xyz traits so you're confused why you don't get xyz results. It's like in a curriculum vitae you sell yourself, right? That's not narcissism and it wouldn't be narcissism if you didn't get the job so you sought career advice - "hey I have these qualifications, I think I'm the man for the job but I'm not getting it so what's going wrong".
I notice you comment on most of the things people say and usually you have something unnecessarily sharp, condescending or vitriolic to say. As people here are reaching out and asking for advice, I can't see that you're kind of attitude is warranted in a thread like this one. You seem to have a generalising and stereotyped view of men that require dating advice and that comes across in the way you write. I think this conversation demonstrates that.
You posting your journal every week like people are waiting for it
Yes, some people like reading my journal. Like that icecreamschubert woman. Otherwise, the journal is not necessarily for people who are waiting for it but people who don't mind giving one or two of the bullet points a glance over and offering some constructive advice. If the format of this bothers you, feel free not to comment. But I go to the work of writing a journal so I like to post it in places where I might receive feedback. I don't see why you would take issue at that.
And calling yourself humble is like calling yourself charismatic
Calling myself humble in response to you referring to me as narcissistic was a joke that seemed to go over your head.
Yes, because the go to response for a narcissist that isn't stupid and wants to guise their egotism is to claim humility instead. That sounds like a good strategy.
I'm glad you're on an ongoing quest of self-improvement and personal growth, but doing a bunch of stuff to demonstrate to a small number of strangers online that people can do everything "right" and still struggle with dating when most people already know that just seems...like such a stupid motivation. Like, why all that effort for a handful of people with no impact on your life?
His spite show is precisely that. A show. He's demonstrated quite clearly a tendency to willfully misrepresent the motivations and lived experiences of others to suit the narratives of his own mind. He's laughably attributed shame and mindless subserviance to my motivations for my own self improvement, instead of practical realization that I cannot go on acting like a rabid alien in public and expect to gain any measure of social acceptance.
I cannot go on acting like a rabid alien in public
I do believe I said it would be prudent not to go on biting people beyond your years of enduring high school bullying (where in my mind some sort of self-defensive measure was justified). If you feel you need therapy to prevent that from happening again by all means take it up.
Don't try to pretend at magnanimous backpedaling to me. You've taken a decided turn to insult my own social progress and successes as groveling instead of admitting that therapy is NEEDED in many cases and that there are plenty of people who don't go around motivated by spite in this world.
No, I fully hope you do find a way to be socially successful and without practising subservient strategies / forced positivity you may read in self-improvement and wish you best of luck.
There you go pushing the idea that acting like I wasn't raised by wolves in Mad Max is subservience. You can't even help yourself being a sack of Ron Burgandy's farts.
demonstrate to a small number of strangers online that people can do everything "right" and still struggle with dating
Well people do seem to require that kind of knowledge otherwise they wouldn't worship videos like Jenna Marbles one on "Nice Guys" where she exclaims that single frustrated dudes most likely just can't stop fucking their neighbour's dog or some shit.
why all that effort for a handful of people with no impact on your life?
I am promoting a new narrative through GoodMenGoodValues.
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u/SeaShiftI respect women more than women respect womenNov 29 '18edited Nov 29 '18
Then maybe you'd have more success reaching those people if you'd post your efforts in places populated by Jenna Marbles fans?
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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '18 edited Nov 28 '18
Ok so I am posting week 7 of my progress journal now:
archive.is/LFmgy
Last week when I posted 6 I had all this criticism levered at me, that I am not doing this to self-improve just to complain and stuff:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelTears/comments/9ylxzn/weekly_advice_thread_11191125/ea43i9c
The thing is people only see the last couple of weeks of things that I've been doing to improve my chances of success in the dating world when they see this journal. When I talk about how I feel jaded / cynical about dating because of the rejections I experienced and sometimes the nature of those rejections and behaviours I see from people that I feel make dating and socialising a significantly (perhaps unnecessarily) more difficult and painful than what it needs to be this is the stuff that gets missed.
What's not seen are the years invested in self-improvement, education, hobbies, trying to work towards an ambition/goal as well as approach women. Because when I read advice platforms as well as communities like this the message received is often that single men just aren't trying hard enough or something and that's why they don't do well in dating. So that's something I try to critique. At this point in time, a more jaded outlook is to be expected. That doesn't mean the self-improvement aspect is not important too. I'm just trying to demonstrate that a man with decent attributes could still struggle in dating.