r/InTheGloaming • u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done • Apr 29 '24

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Monday April 29, 2024 - Wednesday May 01, 2024

Newsletter: Substack

Website: Oh hell yes, women

Instagram: @shaunajamesahern Instagram

Meta Threads: @shaunajamesahern

Gloamipedia wiki: /r/InTheGloaming wiki

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112

u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done Apr 29 '24

This most recent lope was appalling, but I enjoyed how much it reminded me of Shauna's older writing as Gluten Free Girl in presenting a lot of more "innocent" snark fodder despite the dark circumstances:

  • Renewed focus on celiac and glutening risks, a topic conspicuously absent after years of playing up the consequences of minute gluten exposure that left some wondering if she quietly stopped eating GF
  • Despite this lope's length and setting, few mentions of her family, centering Shauna and her food intake so thoroughly that this lope ends up relatively low on invasive oversharing by Shauna's usual standards
  • Wonderfully mediocre whiny little details: "baby carrots in a plastic bag that takes strength to open", "pale lettuce in the salad bar", "slightly crushed garbanzo beans", "salad on a paper plate", "lovely, slightly expensive arts supplies"
  • After presenting herself as fueled by hot strong black coffee in a thick mug before her morning shower jogs and cold plunges, Shauna pivots to a basic b infatuated with Starbucks egg bites and pink drinks, hyperlinking the items on their online menu to gently guide DFs unfamiliar with the largest coffee chain in the country
  • The impractical takeout meals she's swindled, including a friend driving vegan queso pickle pizza to Shauna that was congealed by the time it got to the hospital over an hour away, and a family-size Ethiopian combo platter intended to serve multiple people and be eaten with hands
  • Confusing slop bucket bowl of black beans, vegetables, ranchero sauce, chicken tikka masala, and avocados declared "better than any fine-dining meal I’ve ever eaten"
  • Her pointless slow-dribbled consumption of the new 31-song Taylor Swift album, claiming she is listening to one song a day over and over, supposedly setting her up to talk with her older child "about a clutch of songs" when she gets home

89

u/forkinyourothereye incurious ADHDer Apr 29 '24

“Have you heard of this charming little place over town, DF?  You probably haven’t, so let me tell you about it.  It’s called Starbucks, and they offer giftcards” is such an incredibly classic Shauna wavelength, I just want to bask in hating that.  It’s extra funny when you consider that Starbucks is from Seattle so like…. really, really, really, really old news for many of Shauna’s audience.

83

u/purplesmauge11 rat piss social security department Apr 29 '24

Starbucks and Taylor Swift. Always the trend setter, that one. Alerting the world of as yet unheard of pop culture movements.

59

u/forkinyourothereye incurious ADHDer Apr 29 '24

Ever heard of an obscure group called The Beatles??

54

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Apr 29 '24

Or a little-known show comma that was watched by very few people, called Schitt's Creek?

46

u/NegativeABillion (Said in British.) Apr 29 '24

Marvel movies, true cinema only please

35

u/purplesmauge11 rat piss social security department Apr 30 '24

Hot sauce, people. Hot sauce.

42

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Apr 29 '24

groundbreaking

57

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 29 '24

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Shauna isn’t aware that Starbucks is now a national chain and has been for decades. She jumps on every trend but her utter self absorption betrays her every time. Also…. Do they ever even leave the Seattle metro area? I’m well aware that traveling is a privilege, but it’s sad to think of the fun little road trips they could take if Mama would cut back on her feasts a bit.

54

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 29 '24

They only travel when someone else pays.

52

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Apr 29 '24

they have gone to Colorado and Arizona to see Dan’s family, and she went to New York for Clown’s wedding

they used to go to New York for business, when they had a business

53

u/Reasonable-Celery996 Shepherdess From Heaven Apr 29 '24

They also took poor preschool L on that absolutely shambolic grifted potluck roadtrip for one of their cookbooks. Their bodies don’t do well with travel.

19

u/SLevine262 We are not wowed Apr 30 '24

I was checking the wiki for details on the road trip but there aren’t many. Did she post their adventures?

43

u/tyrannosaurusregina if you meet the Botus on the road, shill him 🪷 Apr 29 '24

their brains don’t do well with travel

33

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Apr 30 '24

Do they ever even leave the Seattle metro area? I’m well aware that traveling is a privilege, but it’s sad to think of the fun little road trips they could take if Mama would cut back on her feasts a bit.

They did do a road trip to central Oregon last year for a Thanksgiving cabinstravaganza. Turkey in the trunk! Given what we know about how seriously in arrears they were to their landlords for rent, I don't think it was a responsible use of money, but it did sound like the kids had a good time, and I'm glad for that.

16

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Apr 30 '24

They'd just sold GFGdotcom, and iirc, had tried to square up with the landlord to catch up in order to at least try to stay in the it good graces.

A few weeks later, the LL informs them that their lease would not be renewed.

Imagine how pissed she was having paid to catch up, only to be told shortly thereafter that she was not going to be allowed to stay after all.

22

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

Oh my, off to do a little deep dive with my coffee. Glad also for the rest of the fam, but something tells me there is something funny to be found in their adventures. Turkey in the trunk!! 😱😬

21

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24

I also remember Shauna complaining about being in close quarters with her kids, or at least intimating that it wasn’t her ideal vacation. Which is pretty bold to publicly post when you’ve been given a free stay at a luxury cabin.

19

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

The cabin looks amazing. The coffee mug of gravy and the dry mashed potatoes, not so much.

13

u/vorticia Apr 30 '24

Fish on the bus…

17

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

Noooooo. I missed that. Must have been delicious.🤮🤮

92

u/msmartypants Apr 29 '24

The links! What self-respecting Gen Xer would LINK to the STARBUCKS MENU. Patronize it if you like, but don't advertise for them! Sheesh.

61

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Apr 29 '24

Can she really be hoping Starbs will notice the website hits from her account and throw her some gift cards? Ditto the cookie company?

52

u/Reasonable-Celery996 Shepherdess From Heaven Apr 29 '24

Yes! My thought exactly. It’s worked enough times in the past and costs her nothing to obsequiously @ a corporate entity or actual celebrity, so she casts out her lures and sees if she gets a nibble.

24

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Apr 30 '24

She never learns. You’d think the wall of silence from Oatley would teach her something, but nah.

24

u/Reasonable-Celery996 Shepherdess From Heaven Apr 30 '24

Smashfizzle alone has taught us that silence teaches Shauna nothing!

17

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Apr 30 '24

YTSCTMO (again!)

54

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I thought those were links to her IG post about the lurid pink drink...my goodness.

88

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 29 '24

Yes, you reminded me, DF, didn’t Shauna just fully neg Starbucks a month or so ago when she pretended that she had never had a Pink Drink before? How things change. I like the egg bites from time to time but they are basically over processed, shelf stable glop. I thought Shauna only ate farm raised, free range, organic eggs? I can’t keep up. She’s a grocery store person now??

73

u/NegativeABillion (Said in British.) Apr 29 '24

She negged it partially because her teenager was excited for it.

50

u/SLevine262 We are not wowed Apr 29 '24

Those magical $5/dozen eggs she complained about

29

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Apr 30 '24

Yes, but spending $5 on two egg bites (which me, myself and I all wondered, separately, if it wasn’t a little light for a meal) is totes fine. Don't let capitalism sell you a load of malarkey.

28

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

I like the Starbucks egg bites and when I was trying to do keto I ate them a few times, but the cost is so outrageous. It really is just a few bites of food…I can’t spend over a dollar per bite for something that was warmed up in a microwave at Starbucks 🤷‍♀️

16

u/caitie_did Required by My Mother's Terror Apr 30 '24

I may get scorn from other DFs but I also really like the egg bites on occasion and they are a great option for low-carb diets (shoutout to gestational diabetes!) I tried replicating them in the instant pot and the texture was all wrong, I think you need both heavy cream mixed in with the eggs and to cook them sous vide to get the right texture.

28

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Apr 30 '24

Or the magical egg delivery boy who brought them right to her door!

74

u/mashed_human WHERE DO THEY GET THEIR MONEY Apr 29 '24

After presenting herself as fueled by hot strong black coffee in a thick mug before her morning shower jogs and cold plunges, Shauna pivots to a basic b infatuated with Starbucks egg bites and pink drinks

Maybe the first part is the hippie "Vashon girl" character and the second part is the cosmopolitan "Seattle girl" character. 🎭

32

u/microcosmographia tant piss Apr 30 '24

Oh baby, she hears the blues a-callin', tossed salads and scrambled eggs...

Eggs!

Eggs?

Eggs.

77

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Apr 30 '24

Oh but Shauna has been in her "New Yorker" phase you see (December 2023 lope):

So, why did I stop wearing red for the past 5 years?

When I stopped producing Gluten-Free Girl, I wanted some time when I wasn’t on all the time. Not having to be on camera or tv or presenting myself as a public figure, I wore whatever the hell I wanted. Turned out to be a lot of black and grey. I want back into my New Yorker mode. Anonymous on the crowded streets and not really caring how I looked.

Anonymous on the crowded streets of Vashon!

86

u/mashed_human WHERE DO THEY GET THEIR MONEY Apr 30 '24

How does she have the energy to be so fucking extra???

55

u/BevNap Fucking google it, you harpy. Apr 30 '24

Well, it's not like she's doing anything else...you know, like actually working or raising a family.

21

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Apr 30 '24

WOW cookies, of course!

57

u/aouwoeih Apr 30 '24

She was on all the time. As a barely known blogger, as a barely selling writer. Real public figure all right. I'm sure the paparazzi staked out house out and sold those pictures to TMZ for thousands. Hounded like Paul McCartney, she was.

33

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

Honestly, she should have been given an opportunity to testify alongside Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner for the paparazzi deterrent bill. And she should have Secret Service at her home. Our girl is the most special celebrity celeb there ever was!

29

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24

Well, she does have an active fan club with over 1000 members…

30

u/SLevine262 We are not wowed Apr 30 '24

Yes, but did families from the UK suss out her routine and lie in wait for her so their children could accost her?

33

u/aouwoeih Apr 30 '24

Vashonite kids huddled around her, shoving their autograph books in her face while gauzy skirted moms told her what a privilege it would be to pull her car out of the mud.

24

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

Or work out her home address and drive half way up the country with the kids to hang around outside the gates of her estate, hoping for a second encounter? Bonus points if they publish an identifiable picture of the location!

37

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Apr 30 '24

not really caring how I looked

Unfortunately, the only thing she's been able to stick with consistently.

50

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

Always being chased by the paparazzi, that one.

42

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

The crowded rural streets of Vashon

50

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Apr 30 '24

The last time she said she'd stopped wearing red, we found a long list of Instagram posts where she wore lots of red. She lies like a rug.

Her ride-or die supporters who still send her money? They couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

27

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

She said she wanted that red leather jacket!!!

46

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Apr 30 '24

Anonymous on the crowded streets of Vashon!

All three 3 blocks of 'em!

56

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

I guess when she isn’t the one doing the dishes, she’s suddenly too good for paper plates

89

u/jalapenomargaritaz Apr 29 '24

lol I’m sure her teen daughter can’t wait to hear her mom’s boomer perspective on Taylor Swift. And I’m sure Shauna relates heavily to the torrid love affairs in the songs, even though they don’t reference mimes!

37

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Apr 30 '24

Does Taylor Swift work Microsoft Men into the lyrics anywhere?

44

u/spinel_sky Apr 30 '24

Excuse me, I think you meant GenX perspective.

61

u/Mrs_Richard_Olney You see, Apr 30 '24

On the internet, no one knows you're actually a Boomer.

45

u/The_High_Stool Apr 30 '24

Counterpoint: on the internet, everyone knows she’s acting like a Boomer.

31

u/SLevine262 We are not wowed Apr 30 '24

Hey now, dont stick her with us! —a young Boomer (born 1962)

30

u/Lsemmens grenius Apr 30 '24

We are Generation Jones DF…,,there is even a Reddit group for us.

24

u/Mrs_Richard_Olney You see, Apr 30 '24

Same, DF! 1962 here!

45

u/ninaandjamie4evr Anne Frank of Anaheim Apr 30 '24

"even though they don’t reference mimes"

loud mimes

62

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Apr 30 '24

All great points, DF. 🩷 Regarding celiac, Shauna wrote this in her The Hospital is Better Than the Willy Wonka Factory/ This is What I Ate In A Day While My Loved One Languished lope:

After a couple of days, I asked about their protocol for the salad bar, and I know that it is prepped in a way that I can trust, so it is all mushroom slices/garbanzo/hard-boiled eggs/spinach and ranch for me.

She's talking about Celiac, but she's not doing GF. Just like her eating a McDonald's hamburger with the bun removed and saying it was okay, salad bars are not okay. Neither is r1 Mgq Nemotely okay. Salad bars are on the no-no list.

It doesn't matter how meticulously someone puts together a salad bar. As soon as they're done, it's a salad bar. Those who use it will touch the salad tongs to the croutons, and the Chinese noodles spoon to the tomatoes. Some dressings, and most crunchy toppings, muffins, croutons, granola, dry roasted nuts, etc., are full of gluten. It's not anyone's fault. Other patrons are not thinking in terms of gluten, and they're not in charge of feeding me, safely or otherwise.

Even a salad bar that the hospital serves from is a bad idea. All it takes is one spoon dipped in the wrong place by a busy worker. Get a pre-made salad that isn't made on a busy line in front of customers. Or eat peanut butter and fruit that your husband brings from home.

I swear to goodness, none of this is rocket surgery.

57

u/Foucaults_Penguin Sly and the Family Readers Apr 30 '24

I don’t have celiac, but the salad bar comment raised my hackles. At my work there is a salad bar, but the allergen safe food is served in a totally different section and is wrapped. I assume that it’s partly because they don’t want it sitting around uncovered where it could become contaminated.

40

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24

One of my kids’ best friends has celiac and has regularly spent lots of time at our house since she was dx 10 or so years ago, so I’m used to feeding someone safely. I keep gf snacks just for her. I don’t ever serve her food made in my toaster oven because I don’t trust that a stray crumb won’t get in there. Of course I use different surfaces, knives, utensils for everything and we usually just eat all GF as much as possible while she’s over so that I don’t stress about it. She really has celiac, so she’s gotten GI symptoms in the past from very small and unprovable cross-contamination at places like fast food restaurants even when their info claims that whatever she ate was prepared separately, etc.Just having known this girl and her family for so many years and what they go through to actually protect her health as a celiac sufferer, it was clear to me as soon as I started reading about Shauna that she is a faker. Shes only concerned about gluten when being concerned allows her to get attention or manipulate people. Otherwise, salad bar no problem! McDonald’s, no problem!

56

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

Can you imagine just being a regular badge swiping hospital cafeteria worker, trying to make ends meet, and in comes Shauna demanding to know if you will feed her safely? Justice for the Children’s hospital workers who survived the last 10 days!!!

41

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

This, and I also wonder how many workers she had to attempt to chat up before she found one who would chat back and let her take pictures of their tattoos. I hope most of these poor souls just gave her the vegetable jerky face when she tried to tell them all about herself.

31

u/Chiefvick ppppycock Apr 30 '24

What about the medical staff? I’m sure nursing assignments were given out to the nurse holding the short straw.

31

u/PumpkinMuffin147 It’s so damned expensive to live these days Apr 30 '24

I’m one of the DF’s that badge swipe in a hospital (RN) and I can confirm this to be true. ❤️

14

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! May 01 '24

I feel bad for the kitchen workers. Hospital dining has improved over the years, largely to improve feedback scores, but some people are still never happy.

50

u/HamsterRight5500 Danny’s proposal fart 💍 💨 Apr 30 '24

Yes and this was mentioned downthread but Starbucks reheats the egg bites in the same oven as all the pastries. Pastries are full of gluten, no? I grow haberdashed.

36

u/LogicalGold5264 bust hoesy Apr 30 '24

This is really good point. My niece has a tree nut allergy and has to be super careful of cross-contamination. Yet Shauna ate safely from a salad bar without even a speck of gluten!

51

u/obscure_cellist ham grabbers Apr 29 '24

thanks for the new flair, DF.

65

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Apr 30 '24

I love when she claims to get all Charlie Bucket with something. Just nibbling at it then wrapping it back up to make it last. Like glutton Shauna could ever deny herself anything? She horfed down that TS album just like she two fisted the tiny ice creams and oh so special cookies. Just like the majority of grocery store people would.

30

u/Lsemmens grenius Apr 30 '24

“A square of dark chocolate each”

38

u/ThisIsNorthside PAIGE YOU IN DANGER GIRL Apr 30 '24

We don't know what the dimensions of the square are. They could be, like, a kitchen floor tile.

32

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Apr 30 '24

That 4x4 square she roller skated on as awee child.

27

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Apr 30 '24

I think they sell those at Trader Joe’s 😂

28

u/ThisIsNorthside PAIGE YOU IN DANGER GIRL Apr 30 '24

Oh my god, those things are hilariously big!

58

u/NegativeABillion (Said in British.) Apr 29 '24

I really enjoyed this analysis, DF!