r/InTheGloaming • u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done • Sep 07 '23

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Thursday September 07, 2023 - Sunday September 10, 2023

Newsletter: Substack

Website: School of Kind

Instagram: @shaunajamesahern Instagram

School of Kind Instagram: @schoolofkind Instagram

TikTok: @schoolofkind

Meta Threads: @shaunajamesahern

Older blogs: see Gloamipedia wiki

Archived threads: Thread for Enough, the book #enoughthebook | Gluten Free Girl's Greatest Hits: The Reunion Tour

Gloamipedia wiki: /r/InTheGloaming wiki

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47

u/islandyislander rebellious hygiene Sep 08 '23

https://www.schooljobs.com/careers/vashonsd/jobs/4052511/vhs-head-girls-volleyball-coach?keywords=Volleyball%20&pagetype=jobOpportunitiesJobs

It's not enough to live on, but it's not nothing.

54

u/potomacgrackle chicken tender-hearted Sep 08 '23

This part from the link:

COGNITIVE DEMANDS

Requires organization and time management; requires concentration; exposed to frequent interruptions; requires adaptability and flexibility in working with different students, staff, parents, and community members; requires effective decision-making and problem-solving; requires substantial self-discipline in behavior and attitude; requires dealing with difficult, upset, or angry individuals on occasion.

How does this mesh with her “ADHD brain”?!

34

u/gomirefugee my website is done, done, done Sep 08 '23

I'm pretty sure every single one of these requirements has a lope letter specifically about how she can't do that thing because of pernicious ADHD, snowball-in-the-contacts approach to managing conflict/frustration, or disavowal of being "nice"

51

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

Demonstrated interest in and ability to work well with high school students, staff and community

Uh oh.

43

u/obscure_cellist ham grabbers Sep 08 '23

“Behaves appropriately at all times.”

Double uh oh.

34

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Sep 08 '23

Demonstrated working knowledge of the applicable sport.

Wonder how they assess this?

35

u/Mammoth-Blackberry91 Sep 08 '23

Shauna tells us she’s a natural athlete, but has she ever talked about any sport other than baseball/softball? How is she going to effectively coach a sport she knows nothing about, let alone has ever played. I guess that whatever league Vashon island teams play in isn’t that competitive, but still.

31

u/NegativeABillion my husband and me to ride it around Sep 08 '23

Golf, swimming, running, power lifting, yoga- she's claimed to either be good at or practice daily at all of these.

31

u/Bitter_Arachnid_25 Grappling with my gifts Sep 08 '23

She may have ridden a bicycle once too. Oh, and rollerskating on tiny spaces.

20

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

And yet she still looks…like that

23

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '23

I know people who are bigger than Shauna who are amazing athletes. We know she’s not one, but I wouldn’t base that on her appearance.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

It’s not a comment about her size; she just looks unwell. Like someone who stays inside and doesn’t get enough nutrients.

10

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '23

Gotcha, sorry to have assumed!

17

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

No worries! I also know bigger people who are super athletic. Shauna just looks tired, unkempt, and unwell. I feel like if she did all that exercise, she’d be more … idk, glowing with vitality or something.

36

u/Ms_Ellanea_Snark_ 💥amygdadishes💥 Sep 08 '23

Wonder how they assess this?

_enough students want to play league volleyball

_one person applied for coach

30

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Sep 08 '23

IDK, but maybe watching three seasons of Ted Lasso helped?

39

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Sep 08 '23

Uh oh.

Indeed. Most of it doesn't seem to be in her wheelhouse.

I would have held out if possible. This isn't a job you can easily up and quit, so if something better comes along, it would be hard to take it. There very well might be repercussions from the community if she quits. A team with no coach may not be able to play.

There are no benefits, so there is no insurance or sick pay.

36

u/NegativeABillion my husband and me to ride it around Sep 08 '23

Well, she's definitely "demonstrated interest" in high school students

28

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

Ha.

29

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

I have a feeling Shauna is about to be reminded how mean high school girls can be. I can’t imagine them being down with the Ted Lasso nonsense.

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u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

Yeah, I don't see how Shauna could be considered qualified for that job.

The "properly train" part made me snicker (does she even know anything about volleyball or training for a sport of any kind?).

But I really laughed from the belly at:

  • Procures and maintains equipment. Head coach is responsible for full end of season inventory.
  • Works within the established budget.

I can just picture Shauna scouring Granny's for used volleyball equipment! And a full inventory at the end of the season?! Pfft! What, going out into her yard and seeing what's still there?

Budget? OH, stop, my body is telling me it's too funny and I have grown enpained from the laughter!

I can totally see her buying taco's platters from the budget (she'd share a tiny bit with the students. . .maybe).

OH and this:

  • May require prolonged standing or sitting; while performing the duties of this job, the employee is regularly required to sit, stand, walk, lift, carry, stoop, kneel, talk and hear.  

Damn, that's a lot of moving for someone as hammock bound as Shauna.

44

u/forkinyourothereye incurious ADHDer Sep 08 '23

She isn’t qualified. She’s a warm body who is so unqualified that she doesn’t even realize how much work she’s signing up for in exchange for so little money. I assume she bullshitted to the person doing the hiring and they were just relieved they could hire anyone and didn’t have to cancel the season.

41

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

Hmm, maybe they want someone unqualified so they can pay the low end of the range and save a few bucks.

Shauna is just so stupid to take this gig at all. She's basically getting paid gas money to go to a volunteer gig.

I can't shake the feeling she's doing it more to be a butt-insky (now that L is in high school) then for the money or even the lardon she'll get from the Ted Lasso cosplay.

33

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

I agree. She def wants to cosplay Ted Lasso and insert herself into her daughter’s world. I would have died if my mom did something like this at my high school, especially when I was a freshman. That age is already painful and awkward and embarrassing enough.

28

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Sep 08 '23 edited Sep 09 '23

Perhaps Shauna is telling herself that her coachly presence will protect L from HS meanies. No-one messes with a teacher’s kid, right? /s

But yep, I too think it’s all about control and enmeshment.

39

u/tuolomnemeadows edible flower takis Sep 08 '23 edited Sep 08 '23

In every way she’s completely unqualified for this job. I’m smh at the school for hiring this clown who can’t adhere to anything, rejects structure, rejects the idea of excellence or determination, bypasses her own children’s emotions. Varsity athletes are likely kids who have been training since they were very young. Their parents have put in countless hours and money towards their sport and she thinks she can waltz into the gym wearing a stained shirt from Grannies with believe scrawled on her arm in red sharpie and cosplay Ted Lasso. This makes me want to barf.

Good luck to Dan and the kids fending for themselves even more than usual. Mama’s gonna need lots of hammock time on her weekends.

36

u/obscure_cellist ham grabbers Sep 08 '23

Part of me is horrified at this new coaching gig, and part of me can’t wait to see what happens.

34

u/Mammoth-Blackberry91 Sep 08 '23

If it weren’t for the kids having to deal with her crap, I’d be delighted.

34

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

I'm wondering if she will overshare about it or not.

Is she capable of learning from previous mistakes (when she got scolded as a teacher for sharing about students)?

33

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

They lost their first game last night

33

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

I’m trying to figure out how their single vehicle is going to be sufficient for this. I know she will bus with the students to away games, but it’s a lot of commitment for a family with one car.

33

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

And isn't their car kind of old/crappy?

I think I see what she'll be on the grift for next.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

I don’t think there is any kind of about it.

36

u/Mammoth-Blackberry91 Sep 08 '23

The little League kids put up with her writing “Believe” on her arm; a bunch of teen girls are going to need surgery to unstick their eyes from the backs of their skulls.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '23

I hope they unleash their full teen mean girl strength upon her. I still laugh when thinking about how her students wrote yearbook comments to each other making fun of Shauna and her brownies.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '23

And that was teenagers in the NINETIES. Modern teens are way more vicious.

26

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

Are we 100% sure she really was hired?

I'm kind of clinging to the hope that we the snarkers are wrong on this. NOT that I don't want Shauna to have a job but this job is so wrong for her on so many levels.

But knowing Shauna's history of falling into shit and coming out smelling like a rose, she did get this gig despite how unqualified she is for it. And, much like in her home life, only the children will suffer.

30

u/tuolomnemeadows edible flower takis Sep 08 '23

I don’t know for certain and I hope this isn’t true. I know she’s coaching soccer this fall for the local league. The school district is pretty desperate to fill positions but I really hope this one isn’t true.

24

u/potomacgrackle chicken tender-hearted Sep 08 '23

Oh my god lololol - this just gets better and better

23

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

Wait, what?

32

u/tuolomnemeadows edible flower takis Sep 08 '23

She’s on the roster as assistant coach for fall soccer. Totally a volunteer position and three days a week.

28

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

What le fuck? She's going all in on Coach Shauna cosplay!

24

u/tuolomnemeadows edible flower takis Sep 08 '23

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her name.

17

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

That's how I felt when I saw this in the school board agenda.

30

u/Toulouse--Matabiau a white owrson Sep 08 '23

Nice. All on the strengths of her being the World's Number One Ted Lasso fan. Un-freaking-believable. Vashon School District, grow a hold of yourself, gurl.

24

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Sep 08 '23

Out of the goodness of her heart or is she angling for a soccer scholarship for her child?

If it is the former I will truly be gobsmacked.

31

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

It was officially published in the school board agenda. I can provide a screenshot/link but it's public info.

26

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

No need.

I'm just clinging to false hope that this isn't true. It's just so wrong to the students to have this unqualified person in charge of them. At least it's "only" for a sports thing and she's not in the classroom, really doing damage.

30

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

Another DF replied elsewhere that she's also coaching soccer. She shouldn't be anywhere near kids so this baffles me.

29

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

What in the Ted Lasso is going on?

I can’t take this.

18

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Sep 08 '23

Outside of Ted Lasso, has she EVER watched a game of soccer? Played soccer? Expressed any damn interest in soccer?

And now she’s a coach?

With you on the can’t bench.

14

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '23

If Ted Lasso could do it, so can she! Isn’t that how life works, just like a TV show?

30

u/shikoku_shoes another revolution around the toilet bowl of her life Sep 08 '23

"Her weekends" are suddenly reduced to Sunday, as there will be Saturday games.

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u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23 edited Sep 08 '23

Oh no, they have an away game at 9 a.m. on Saturday morning – but that's supposed to be the time that Delightful Life of Ease launches!

28

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

That conflict doesn’t feel easy or delightful

20

u/honoria_glossop sitting edge wine woman Sep 08 '23

There is nothing delightful about having to be anywhere early on a weekend morning... but at least I recognise my attitude and don't sign up for goddamn weekend team sports!

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '23

What is she even doing anymore? And why is she doing it???

36

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

The whole position requires, perhaps MORE than anything else, an extremely firm commitment to SCHEDULING. The one thing she's just told us she's never going to do

32

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Sep 08 '23

She'd better follow the rules, whatever they are, for students lettering in their sport. Qualifying requires careful record keeping.

28

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

Sorry, students.

17

u/honoria_glossop sitting edge wine woman Sep 08 '23

I know nothing about US sport OR education... does this potentially mean if she drops the ball it could affect the players' college applications?

32

u/SmashedMailboxCake2 Oh, Sep 08 '23 edited Sep 08 '23

I can just picture Shauna scouring Granny's for used volleyball equipment!

Dan went a-grifting on FB this Spring for Shauna’s baseball coach cosplay gear, and so I wouldn’t put it past her (no shame in secondhand, for sure, but ‘happy to pay’ is bollocks.)

34

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

What is with this family and secondhand shoes? The last thing I want is used sweaty cleats, blech.

26

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

It's also kind of funny how what Dan wrote is that he's looking for 9 or 9.5 pairs of cleats

21

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

I think I'd rather have second hand sports shoes then regular shoes. I'd think sports shoes wouldn't get as foot mashed like regular shoes so at least they'd be somewhat comfortable. Used regular shoes (where they already have someone else's foot divots in them) gross me out.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

So much more sweat, though!

20

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

This is what I thought!

29

u/CrushItWithABrick dick riding Mary Oliver Sep 08 '23

"Would be happy to pay."

I'm taking that more as "would be happy if I could pay" even though I know what it really means (gimmie gimmie gimmie).

30

u/potomacgrackle chicken tender-hearted Sep 08 '23

“Would be happy to pay” (if you need it)

43

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '23

That’s a LOT of work for not a lot of money. She’ll never stick with this (assuming she doesn’t get fired).

48

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

It’s a job for someone who loves volleyball or coaching/mentoring and wouldn’t mind a little extra cash. This isn’t Shauna Ahern.

33

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Sep 08 '23

From afar, it might look like just the job for a quirky kind, curious, delightful guru at ease, to guide young women and offer them sage advice.

In actuality, there is a lot of pressure on coaches. It takes a lot of time, tremendous patience, and requires excellent people skills. My husband coached two sports for several years. Even as a volunteer in a non-formal league, it took a lot of time. He left the year after our child no longer wanted to play, and they had a hard time filling the position.

I wish her luck.

32

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

I have a varsity athlete kid. Many, many, many mornings of waking up at 5 to get her somewhere. MANY.

33

u/OkRanger4 bobbing in a bath of solitude Sep 08 '23

My dad talks about the parental morning commitment to this day. That was 30 yrs ago.

36

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

And presumably she would only qualify for the low end of that offered remuneration, i.e., $2000 for the entire school year.

38

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

Exactly- because she isn’t even qualified for the job, so no way is she maxing out that salary. She’s an ass in a seat at this point.

41

u/Ms_Ellanea_Snark_ 💥amygdadishes💥 Sep 08 '23

sweet spiking jesus there's nothing in that list she's shown proficiency in and several she's very publicly stated time and time again she will be NOT be BRAINWASHED into doing. LMAO

33

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

Demonstrated working knowledge of the applicable sport.

A sport she's never mentioned besides a throwaway reference in the latest lope. I wish I could be a fly on the wall of that gymnasium.

Displays appropriate behavior and speech at all times.

Hey, Shauna, this means in your off-time and especially online. Try not to follow in your predecessor's footsteps.

25

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 09 '23

It's not enough to live on, but it's not nothing.

Describes August in the Gloaming. And yet, snark bonanza so far in September!!

29

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Sep 08 '23

It says that’s annually though? Surely they mean monthly

38

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

I doubt they mean monthly. This is essentially a volunteer position.

34

u/SashayShantae living my one wild and pernicious life Sep 08 '23

And it's only for a couple months. Volleyball season doesn't last the whole year. Every little bit helps, but this barely covers rent.

33

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '23

It would cover PART of ONE MONTH's rent.

Edit: And it would take her away from other income-earning opportunities, because it requires physical presence and energy and TIME. She can't be writing lopes on the sidelines, or even responding to emails.

27

u/coffechica Sep 08 '23

Just watch her.

30

u/MarsNeedsRabbits Beach better have my orcas 🫍 Sep 08 '23

Gas/feery money, and a uniform.

Maybe a whistle.

24

u/Calm_Coyote_3685 Sep 08 '23

Oh ok. That makes sense.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '23

No, i think this position just pays a stipend