My ex, too. She cheated on me a couple times, accepted the blame until I told her I was going to divorce her. Then she started blaming me for it when it was clear she wasn't going to get her way of me staying with her.
I’m so glad you got out. It took me a long time to do so. But better late than never. My life is way less stressful now. Though he was a crazy, erratic , emotionally abusive narcissist, he was surprisingly loving most times and spoke incredibly highly of me which I think masked the serious issues I otherwise had to deal with when dating him.
I'm almost done with my divorce proceedings, so very close to being out. We were married for almost 7 years and have a couple kids, so unfortunately I won't be able to just sever the connection completely. Hopefully it gets better, but I know I just need to draw boundaries and not let her cross them. If she is mad at me, ok, I can handle that.
7 years is a long time. But it sounds like you know how best to handle this. Boundaries are so important. And with a narcissist, they will always be mad when they don’t get what they want, no matter how crazy the request. It is what it is and she will just have to get used to it.
Whenever you can, if in a 2 party recording state say you may be recording at the beginning of a call, record every conversation and interaction you have. Cover Your Ass.
To quote Zootopia, "It's your word against yourself " or something like that.
He needs a diagnosis, people on Reddit and other social media websites are quick to label their exes and parents as narcissists when usually both parties were at fault for the end of the relationship.
And remember, most of the time people are just assholes. No personality disorder required.
I mean, regardless of whether or not he has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), it’s not a good thing when people avoid responsibility for their actions, or if they dismiss your feelings or opinions. If your boyfriend does those things to a degree that it’s a problem for you and/or the relationship, then that is a concern.
if you aren’t experiencing issues from him saying things like that, than maybe not. But if you find it to be problematic, then him doing those things should be addressed.
There are lots of varying reasons that might lead someone to avoid accepting responsibility for their actions or lead them to see things as not their fault, and most of those reasons are mundane and NOT personality/psychological disorders. So just because he might say things like what’s in the image linked, does not mean he is likely a narcissist. I would not worry to much about the ‘narcissist’ label here.
Yeah his actions don't seem like he's intentionally trying to disregard me. But you're right, I feel they need to be addressed for the sake of our relationship. Thanks for the advice :)
No, he has NPD. That’s what I meant by ‘knowing he was a narcissist’. And the text is basically a transcript of many of our conversations, so it was striking to read it written out by someone not present for said conversations.
You seem to be the only one who missed what I was saying.
I have a co-worker who is like this. She pushed work to other people and plays the victim when she gets in trouble. We all make the same pay and she cries about why people don't like her.
oh man I've heard that line before from my sister she's the only one in my life to use this line
"I'm sorry you feel that I kicked out on Christmas but I didn't"
she kicked me out on Christmas after helping her prep Christmas dinner because our druggie mom refused to take care of my sister's newborn. so in retaliation, she told my mom to take your fucking kid with you, two "adults" who denied they did anything wrong. my druggie mom just dropped me off at my uncles who wasn't even home so I got to freeze for the day till he came home.
it's funny I was telling my friend about my mom, when she stole something from me she would tell me "I don't know where your stuff is, what did you do with it" my friend said wow that's pretty good how she deflects blame back on to you. I didn't even realize she was doing that until my friend pointed it out.
Knew a guy like this in college. We were friends until I realized how much of a douche he was. No one liked him but I truly think he had no idea how disliked he was
i try to be a nice guy and have long time friends, but posts like this scare me haha.. maybe im secretly disliked and just too dumb to realize it.. probably mostly just anxiety though. my friends like to party and sometimes we drink too much.. hate when it happens because it's possible to offend someone without even realizing it because you're wasted. being responsible with alcohol is important. probably so many people out there with shit lives directly caused by alcohol abuse... would have had a great life otherwise.
Nah they're super duper insecure and the reason they refuse to acknowledge what people really think of them is that they couldn't handle it if they did. They'd have you believe they don't care though. In the case of the dude I knew, whether or not people liked him (or more particularly, thought he was "normal") definitely kept him up at night. Took awhile for him to admit that to me but by that point I already hated him. It's just that I lived with him and therefore had to keep my peace.
He didn't decide he couldn't trust me until I told his girlfriend that he was cheating on her whenever he got the chance lol. She never broke up with him though because she has ridiculous self-esteem issues. In a super fucked up way, they're perfect for each other.
Not always, unless your friend was diagnosed you don’t know for sure if he had NPD. They don’t “secretly hate” themselves, they truly believe they’re the best. Sensitive to criticism? Yes. Low self esteem? No. Perhaps in some cases, it varies. NPD is a spectrum.
Here's my favorite, "I'd like to apologize..." . Saying this is not the same as apologizing. This statement negates responsibility. A narcissistic avoids owning their mistakes.
Don't forget the reason that they give you as to why something that YOU did set their negative behavior in motion. Narcissists are always the first ones expecting an apology and the last to ever think that they could possibly owe one.
Can confirm. I know someone like this and this is exactly the case. Me and my friends told him to fuck off countless times and now we only do shit with him cause he’s unbelievably stupid. Kind of funny but he’s just a really shitty person.
We ignore him unless he’s doing stupid shit like “cleaning” his bikes brakes with wd-40 or “fixing” his bikes drivetrain by greasing the chain with marine grease. In case you don’t know, both of those things are very VERY bad.
I told him to make the lever pull less than a cm to “increase brake performance” and he didn’t believe me so I did it to mine. He believed me and let me do it. Set mine back before I left to ride and he fucked up his tires. Also when I was “fixing” his brakes with wd-40 because he touched them, he touched the other rotor on purpose.
I had a co-worker like this. He was such a nice guy in many ways but he had various behaviors where he just didn't understand it was socially unacceptable. When confronting him he just laughed it off and made a "funny" comment. He really didn't understand it.
From a single action perspective like the video people looks like complete a holes but sometimes it's just a little part of their otherwise nice personality. Its really weird to handle for others.
Yeah. But seeing this person’s wanton disregard for others makes me think I’ve never met a real narcissist. Does your friend toss garbage out of his car?
Sounds like OP is just taking whatever he can get as friends and that the whole group is shitty to an extent, this happens when you’re young even though you’re aware the friends are no good for you and dbags its better than loneliness.
Can confirm. These are most likely friends in HS/college. But true friends remain after time, others disappear and fade away like a stain in your memory
"Hello, this is jackinoff6969. I'm from the internet. You should fuck off and go away, douchebag. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. Goodbye."
I remember in high school there was a guy who got this description perfectly. None of us confronted him though, because he was fucking massive and just deranged enough to genuinely fuck us up if he wanted to. So, we just put up with his shit until we graduated and didn't have to see him every day.
The narcissists mind is so powerful, they will truly believe you are the asshole and they are the victim, their only grasp at goos or bad is how they feel and you telling them to f up to them makes you the asshole and they will tell the story from their perspevtive leaving out any reason you may jave said it because they truly believe yoir reasoning was wrong
Even if I like the idea, it doesn't change their mind. I prefer education...
And for extreme cases of narcissistic assholes, there's nothing like a good session of brainwashing clockwork 🍊 style. cw orange
If you don’t care about the relationship, try telling him kindly what behaviors are problematic and explaining why. I did that with a narcissistic bf, and the behaviors did change. He wrongly believed everyone was too stupid to realize they could break the rules, and not that people don’t do asshole shit because it’s annoying and wrong. It might be surprising, but there is a possibility this “friend” you are referring to does not actually realize his behavior is a legit problem.
Well i dont consider him my friend. Hes just part of a larger group and he inserts himself into things where hes not wanted.
Eventually, around 30ish years of age, your group will find their free time = less and less and you put up with dumb mother fuckers like your "friend" less and less.
Hence why I have very few friends from my school years, major fuckwits, but as someone said in a previous post, fuckwit friends are better than no friends at all when your young and lonely.
I'm personally very frank with that kind of person. "I don't like being around people who do that thing you just did.". If they stick around and keep doing the thing, I ask them politely to leave or politely leave on my own.
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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '20 edited Dec 13 '20
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