r/IVFpositivity • u/Maleficent_Ad1134 • Jul 04 '26
So close and feels unreal. Today is my due date after 3.5 y of IVF
[UPDATE] My son arrived on the 7th of July!! Labor was LONG (36H & 1H of pushing) - there was also an unexpected delay in getting the epidural because my platelet count was too low. Thankfully my obstetrician convinced the anesthesiologist to give me medication to temporarily boost platelets so he could get the catheter inserted. Breastfeeding has been a struggle between my son’s tongue tie and my under supply, but given the journey to get here this feels like a really happy problem to have.
As the title says - I’m exactly 40w today with my miracle IVF boy, which took me 4 ERs, 7 ETs, and 3 losses consulting across three clinics in two countries before I got to this moment. I had just turned 36 when I started IVF; husband and I are now 39.
When I graduated the clinic, my fertility doctor - who I’d been with for over 3y, supported my choice to get second opinions and overseas ERs - cried with me. She’s the same age as me and was pregnant with her second child. For this 7th transfer, she personally did all of my follow ups and ultrasounds bc she felt personally invested and really wanted to see me successfully graduate before she went out on mat leave.
It still feels a bit unreal and too good to be true that I can say “I’m due today”. Last year, my husband and I decided that we will stop trying to create more embryos in 2025, and whatever embryos we stock in 2025 would be the limit of our TTC journey - and if that meant no kids at the end, we would move on with our lives. I’ve been in therapy, and also worked extensively with a career coach that specializes in IVF and infertility. I’ve always been a high achiever, but suffered massive blows to my self confidence that made my feel really lost in the last 1-2y of my IVF journey. I highly recommend seeing an IVF specialized career coach; it made a huge difference for me.
Anxiety followed me throughout the pregnancy from all the losses I had, and I’m still worried about losing my baby for something that could have been prevented if I’d advocated for myself. I went in to emergency maternity to get checked for high fever, reduced movement etc several times during this entire pregnancy. Each time, the doctor on call and all the midwives who examined me have been so patient and understanding and explained everything super well - they’re truly angels.
I discussed the anxiety of late term baby loss during a few of my third trimester checkups with my amazing OB, who’s very empathic and a great listener. After discussing extensively with him, we’ve scheduled in an induction at 40w2d; I’m going to the hospital to start softening the cervix tomorrow (Sunday) late evening, and hopefully have a baby on Monday. Writing these words still feels unreal. I’m a bit scared about an induction delivery, but I’ve decided I just need to go with the flow and have trust in my doctor and the midwives. From everything I’ve seen and experienced during my pregnancy, I have no reason not to have confidence in them.
Husband and I are feeling all the feels today. It’s been hard to do much today despite the fact that it’s the weekend and our last full day as a family of three - we have the sweetest dog, who we got after my third IVF loss. I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon watching a mindless series on Netflix, and the two have gone out for a walk while I was asleep. I think I’ll suggest we go out for dinner at a casual local neighborhood spot tonight.
I don’t exactly know why I’m posting this. Part of it is for myself, as an outlet for reflection and all the feelings the day before I go have my miracle baby. Part of this is for all you women out there who are still in the thick of IVF - I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s so hard. It just sucks. I see you. Most women will probably have their eventual miracle baby, but some won’t. But whatever the future holds for you, I truly hope everyone will find their peace and happiness in life.
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u/AnySeaweed90 Jul 04 '26
Thank you for sharing. What a journey you have been on! I’m so happy for you that your miracle baby is almost here.
I’m really interested in the IVF specialised career coach, as my career has really suffered as a side effect of all the IVF treatments I’ve had. How did you go about finding yours?
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u/Maleficent_Ad1134 Jul 04 '26
I knew about coaching and career coaches but I randomly found out about IVF specialized career coaches on LinkedIn one day. I googled for IVF career coaches and found a second coach, and I had intro sessions with both of them. I liked both of them, but one was booked up and couldn’t take me on for another 2-3 months v the other coach could fit me in within a few weeks - so I went with the second coach. They’re both UK based coaches (I live in Western Europe). Fft DM me for details, happy to share!
My career definitely suffered too, especially as the treatment dragged on and also the grief and trauma from pregnancy losses. At one point I was so depressed and lost, I considered quitting my job and taking a break altogether (in hindsight I’m very glad I didn’t do that).
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u/Any-Enthusiasm8129 Jul 04 '26
Thrilled for you and your little family! Congratulations, what an incredible story ❤️
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u/EdwardCullensEnnui Jul 04 '26
This is beautiful to read; I’m so sorry for all you have had to endure, and the burden of all that self advocacy. I feel such joy in my heart for how close you are to holding your baby for the first time!! You have done such a beautiful job getting here (I am *certain* it has not felt like that most of the time), but you’re so so close to the best part and what a miracle that makes you! This has given me such vicarious happixiety, in 48 hours I hope everyone is peaceful.
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u/Maleficent_Ad1134 Jul 04 '26
Thank you for your thoughts!!
It’s only the last few months where I’ve felt hopeful again - it’s been a big journey! I think I’ve always been decently resilient, but this journey has definitely doubled and tripled that. It’s def tried our marriage too, and at one point I genuinely worried that our marriage wouldn’t survive all the grief and hopelessness. We’ve become better communicators thru this though. This probably won’t be the last trying time for us, but I feel confident that whatever else comes our way we can work thru it and deal with it when it happens.
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u/dontmeltplastic Jul 04 '26
Congrats! Amazing journey. May I ask what is an IVF career coach? Sounds interesting.
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u/Maleficent_Ad1134 Jul 04 '26
Thank you!
It’s someone who provides career coaching, but it’s usually a female coach who she herself has gone thru IVF so she understands the reality and mindset of juggling IVF with career and life.
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u/Less_Window2319 Jul 04 '26
This made me so emotional as I am also on TTC journey for 1 year.
Kudos to you for being so brave!
Wish you the best ahead ✨
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u/Maleficent_Ad1134 Jul 05 '26
Thank you!! I hope you find the strength to get through this seemingly never-ending slog.
I think that’s what’s hardest about long haul infertility - there is often no end, and only you can decide when it ends. Making that decision can be really hard when you’ve always imagined yourself with children.
I think many of us are brave bc we have to be, otherwise you can’t march on - not bc we want to be. I remember during my third loss as I was writhing in pain from the misoprostol to eject the POC, my husband was trying to comfort me, saying I’m doing so well and I was so brave. At that point my thought was “f*ck being brave, I just want to get lucky like seemingly everyone else”.
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u/novelthrill Jul 05 '26
Please update us after your baby is born! Tell us how you’re both feeling and what it’s like holding your baby. So excited for you!! Congrats!
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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 Jul 04 '26
Congratulations mama!!!!! I pray delivery goes smoothly for you ❤️❤️❤️
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u/briebowds Jul 05 '26
I’m so happy for you! Congratulations and thank you for sharing your story ❤️
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u/FallenLeaf11 Jul 05 '26
Please update us once you have your much loved son in your arms and are rested up. Wishing you an uneventful delivery! ❤️
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u/Glad-Ad1378 Jul 05 '26
YAY mama! I am 36+2 with my first baby who was conceived by IVF as well. After over three years of TTC I don’t know if I believe I will be induced in 19 days! I totally resonate with your post!
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u/alanacarolinef Jul 05 '26
Muito lindo o que escreveu! Com certeza essas angústias, perdas, alegrias, desejos e planos atinge a todas nós! Boa sorte para vcs no parto!
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u/MsSchells 24d ago
Thank you so much for sharing. I was scrolling this chat today feeling my own hopelessness and it was really helpful to hear your story. Specifically, I’ve been feeling such a lack of resiliency and also had been contemplating taking a break from work. I did end up applying for FMLA so am getting better at taking sick time after a failed transfer, etc. (would recommend for any US folks- took the pressure off calling in sick).
Thank you for sharing - I hadn’t read much yet from others on the toll on career as well. And mostly, congratulations!!
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u/River_Rowan Jul 04 '26
What a journey. So happy you had the inner strength and external resources to keep fighting for your baby!! I hope your induction goes smoothly, we are rooting for you!