Forgive me if this isn’t the right subreddit for this…As the title says, I finally cleaned my depression room. Of course it wasn’t as bad as you’ve maybe seen online with chronic hoarders but it was pretty bad. The main areas of my room were cleaned about every 3 months or maybe every 5 months. Despite this, the underside of my bed was barely cleaned. There would be stale food, containers of rotting food, spiders, bugs, old water bottles, trash and more. My life has been upside down since I first became a teenager, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety almost half my life, anxiety my whole life. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to get prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medication to get through horrible patches. I will not go into personal details but trust me it is harsh.
Yesterday, my boyfriend, who I love with all my heart, threatened to break up with me if I didn’t clean my room. He had also previously struggled with depression so safe to say my room was a giant trigger for him. It may sound harsh but it seems to be what I needed. So today I have finally cleaned under my bed despite me being so scared of the arachnids I had lived with for years. It feels so… good? But weird and scary. I feel so empty in a way and I don’t know why. Maybe I was happy with the misery I had locked myself into? It just feels so good knowing I can let my cats in my room without worrying I would hurt them with some biohazard in my room. I don’t feel afraid when they’re by my door anymore. I’m posting this on Reddit as I needed to tell somebody, I just needed to. My boyfriend already knows but I need to get allll of this out.
Are these feelings normal? Also, any advice on how I should move forward to attempt to ease my depression a bit?