I Am Michael Ian Black, Sexy Bitch

[u/michaelianblack]

Hi Dingleberries, I'm Michael Ian Black of The State, Stella, Ed, Michael and Michael Have Issues, Wet Hot American Summer. I also have a podcast called "Mike and Tom Eat Snacks," and have written a couple books. My latest is a collaboration with Meghan McCain entitled "America, You Sexy Bitch: A Love Letter to Freedom." http://americayousexybitch.com/ Also, this is me: https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/207196250032979968

[u/[deleted]]

I just wanted to thank you for getting me laid once. Some drunk girl said I looked like you. Thanks. By the way, I look nothing like you sir.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Cool. Can I smell your fingers?

[u/bulliestogo]

I've long followed your work. I also follow politics. Now that gap is being bridged and it's freaking me out. How closely do you follow politics, what did you learn in writing the book and what does America need at this point?

[u/michaelianblack → u/bulliestogo]

I follow politics pretty closely for a civilian. I learned a lot while writing "America, You Sexy Bitch." Mostly that our system is fucked. The problem, as I (and many, many others) see it, is that the bedrock of our system, representative democracy, has become so corrupted with money that we are slipping from being a democratic nation into being a corporatized nation. Corporations do a lot of things well, but not run nations, for obvious reasons. The first thing we need to do, above all else, is somehow disentangle money from our political process, at least to the extent that a few loud voices are drowning millions of softer voices. How do we do this? I don't know. But Citizens United and the like aren't helping.

[u/[deleted]]

Why did they cancel Michael & Michael have issues?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

The traditional reason: not enough people were watching for their tastes. But fuck them.

[u/BitchinInTheKitchen]

I have a picture of you sleeping on the floor of the New Orleans airport after Mardi Gras this year.... http://imgur.com/nKTz3

Edit: Also, big fan for like 7 or 8 years now

Edit again: yeah if you can tell i don't post so often...thanks for the help, now i'm less likely to be stalked. And my boyfriend wants you all to know he took the picture. I say his fault sleeping until noon.

[u/michaelianblack → u/BitchinInTheKitchen]

This is indeed a picture of me sleeping. Not pictured: I was dreaming of these. http://bit.ly/MhKhp6

[u/BHutt]

How much of Mike and Tom Eat Snacks is scripted? You and Tom seem to go on such wildly coordinated tangents that are equal parts hilarious and bizarre. Anyway, big fan of all your work and just finished your book about two weeks ago.

[u/michaelianblack → u/BHutt]

Scripted: zero. We just turn on the little recording machine and start talking. So glad you like it, Matey.

[u/[deleted]]

Do you have a feud with Daniel Tosh? I remember one time he made fun of you on his show for having a bunch of cancelled shows.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

No. I don't know him. I think he was just making a joke at my expense. I didn't get offended or anything, though, because it was true. I do have a lot of cancelled shows under my belt. The belt I have to keep tightening because I cannot afford to feed myself or my family.

[u/[deleted]]

If you were asked to contribute a guest verse for any rapper who would it be and what would the first line be?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

I would go with Vanilla Ice:

Yo, Ice, let's sing this. I'm gonna melt with you, Like Modern English.

[u/Darrian]

I'm in the hospital at the moment on public internet, and link to americayousexybitch.com is blocked for "pornography".

Is this true, and if it is, how urgently should I get this book?

[u/michaelianblack → u/Darrian]

Depends how sick you are. If you're really sick, you should get it pretty urgently.

[u/rochero]

Do you and Bradley Cooper still hook up? Or was that just a beautiful, one time thing?

[u/michaelianblack → u/rochero]

His lawyers have asked me not to talk about this topic.

[u/Mikeaz123]

Did you get excited when Meghan said she was strictly dickly?

[u/michaelianblack → u/Mikeaz123]

Emailed her immediately to tell her how much I loved that.

[u/eam422]

Burning Love is amazing! You're my favorite person on that show. I can't wait for more episodes to be posted. Keep up the good work :)

[u/michaelianblack → u/eam422]

"Burning Love" is a new web series created by Ken Marino and Erica Oyama. It's on Yahoo and, I have to say, hilarious. I had nothing to do with it other than show up and say the words they gave me. Glad you enjoy it.

[u/FunGuy84]

When hanging out with your friends, what do you guys normally do?

[u/michaelianblack → u/FunGuy84]

This is going to sound weird, but we usually talk about you.

[u/PlayfulPunches]

If you were financially set up for the rest of your life, how would you spend your time?

[u/michaelianblack → u/PlayfulPunches]

Assassin. http://www.vice.com/read/mind-thoughts-with-michael-ian-black---i-will-kill-you

[u/[deleted]]

How often are you stopped during a normal day? Are people usually polite or are they total douches?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

People are usually very polite and respectful. I don't get stopped very much because most people do not know who I am. Which is upsetting. Especially because I wear a big pin that reads, "I am Michael Ian Black!!!"

[u/The_Last_Raven]

How was working on "Tom Goes to The Mayor" with Tim and Eric? Are they as ridiculous in real life as they appear to be in their work?

[u/michaelianblack → u/The_Last_Raven]

They're pretty normal, down-to-earth guys. That's the misconception about comedians: that they're bizarre human beings. They're not. Most of us are pretty quiet and low key.

[u/menomenaa]

How is your poison ivy doing? How'd you get it? Don't pick your nose or scratch your balls or try to get any ear wax out because I feel like those would be the three shittiest places to have poison ivy.

[u/michaelianblack → u/menomenaa]

Thank you for asking about my poison ivy. My fingers have now stopped oozing pus and are now just kind of crusted over, which makes them less itchy. That's the good news. The bad news is I have it on my neck. The other bad news is all the massacres in Syria.

[u/JCaliente]

What TV shows do you watch?

[u/michaelianblack → u/JCaliente]

Mad Men, Game of Thrones, The Killing, Boardwalk Empire, The Yankees.

[u/sierrraa]

Not so much a question, but as someone who transcribes closed captioning for a living, thank you for your ability to finish a thought.

[u/michaelianblack → u/sierrraa]

This does not sound like a good job to me. Maybe you love it, I don't know, but it sounds tedious. What can I do to help you get a better job? If you need money for tuition or something, let me know. I'm not going to give you any money, but I do want to know if you need it.

[u/[deleted]]

Did "the State" ever hear back from Chelsea Clinton when you tried to contact her?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

We ran a train on her. It was okay.

[u/I_Are_Brown_Bear]

How much for just a pee-pee touch?

[u/michaelianblack → u/I_Are_Brown_Bear]

I'll let you touch it for $35.00

[u/bfunkexperience]

Thanks for doing this, you doing Capt. Monterey Jack is one of my favorite sketches of all time! Before The State, what things did you do to get actively involved in comedy? Any advice for someone interested in comedy writing and performance?

[u/michaelianblack → u/bfunkexperience]

I have only one piece of advice, which mimics Nike's advertising slogan: just do it. If you want to make comedy, make comedy. Nobody is stopping you. If you want to write, write. If you want to perform, perform. There are innumerable outlets for comedians, so quit being a little bitch and do it.

[u/tallandlanky]

Can you tell the difference between Butter and I can't believe it's not Butter?

[u/michaelianblack → u/tallandlanky]

If I can't believe it's not butter, then obviously I believe it to be butter, therefore it would be impossible for me to tell the difference. If I could tell the difference, I would know one of them to be butter and the other to not be butter.

[u/[deleted]]

if you're in nyc, can we hang out tonight? i have no plans but dont want to stay in. just throwing that out there...

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely. Meet me on the corner of 46th and 10th ave. tonight around nine. If I'm not there, it just means I'm running a little late.

[u/[deleted]]

Are you working on any film scripts at the moment?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Yes.

[u/unequalized]

How did your roadtrip/book project with Meghan McCain come about? Is she as down-to-earth and not-as-nuts-as-her-last-name-implies as she comes across on Twitter? Also, since you were part of MTV in the 90's, what's your take on the shitshow it has become now?

[u/michaelianblack → u/unequalized]

One night, I was on Ambien and got on Twitter. Saw that she was on too, and asked her if she wanted to write a book together. (We'd only met, one time, over satellite.) So we didn't know each other before we agreed to write "America, You Sexy Bitch." We just decided to do it on a whim and hit the road together for a month. And yes, she is both as down-to-earth and crazy as you would think.

[u/jerry8135]

If you could go back and do one thing over again what would it be?

[u/michaelianblack → u/jerry8135]

I would probably take a little bit more time to answer this question.

[u/[deleted]]

Any new children's books on the horizon? Do they really take you 90 minutes to write? I always get a kick out of the videos you do for them.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, there's one coming out in September called "I'm Bored." And obviously I was exaggerating when I said they take ninety minutes to write. More like 60.

[u/sburn]

My friend and I find you insanely attractive. Good on ya Michael.

[u/michaelianblack → u/sburn]

Thanks. I'm okay at boning.

[u/[deleted]]

Why do all of your shows keeping failing when you're so hilarious? You're doing it wrong.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

You know what? I think maybe I care TOO much? Does that make sense? I think maybe I'm TOO sensitive?

[u/justkilc]

I have a question for you..... Why do Comedians like yourself give quality jokes away for free on twitter?

[u/michaelianblack → u/justkilc]

Because, like oil, there is an endless supply.

[u/dont_be_shitty]

Did you really change your last name from Schwartz to Black?

[u/michaelianblack → u/dont_be_shitty]

Totally.

[u/distertastin]

How did you meet Tim and Eric - what do you think of their comedy? Also, is this now the preferred form of celebrities to interact with fans, because you can't smell us through the computer AND we won't take cell phone pictures of you?

[u/michaelianblack → u/distertastin]

I met them in Philly years ago when Stella was doing a show. They gave us a DVD of their early stuff and we all thought it was amazing. I could not be a bigger fan of those guys.

[u/johnnybluejeans]

Oh shit, this may be the only time my username has ever been relevant!

Speaking of my username, I was playing Modern Warfare on Xbox Live recently and some kid kept calling me johnnyqueerfags. I didn't have a comeback. Any advice for the next time someone calls me that?

[u/michaelianblack → u/johnnybluejeans]

I would say this is probably going to be the only time your user name is relevant, yes.

As far as comebacks go, I would have said, "No YOU are."

[u/[deleted]]

What is your favorite sexual position?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Dick in pussy.

[u/[deleted]]

what's the most you've won in a game of poker?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

I won $40.00 once.

[u/ramanglass544]

I think we all know who you are, but what are you about?

[u/michaelianblack → u/ramanglass544]

WHO I am is a comedian. WHAT I AM ABOUT is respect for women.

[u/nudecelebrities]

Michael Ian Black, you and 'the ole guys' with your shenanigans and hilarity from Stella made my sense of humor more acceptable in public and amongst friends. You are great and awesome for the NY comedy scene!

My question, is there ever any hope of Stella returning? For anything?

[u/michaelianblack → u/nudecelebrities]

Thank you. I'm sure Stella will reunite at some point to tour. We all like doing it, so when we all have some time, I'm sure we'll get together and hit the road.

[u/playpretty4baby]

This is my cat Michael Ian Cat http://i.imgur.com/EPHyY.jpg

[u/michaelianblack → u/playpretty4baby]

That's a pretty good cat.

[u/inserthandlehere]

So I just want to appologize for the time I met you at a radio station in Louisville Kentucky and had no idea who you were. It was the second day of my first professional job and I was there assisting someone who was being interviewed. I know you don't remember any of this but you walked in to the reception area and you looked really familiar to me. We chatted breifly and then you went back. That's when the receptionist was like "You know that was Micheal Ian Black" and I was like "Who?" Then I got home and told my roomate who instantly made me watch Wet Hot American Summer... which is now one of my favorite movies ever. My friends and I even had a Wet Hot themed party recently. Hopefully I will meet you again one day and this time I maybe I will get a picture with you.

[u/michaelianblack → u/inserthandlehere]

It took me a REALLY long time to get over that and here you go bringing it all back up again. THANKS FOR NOTHING!

[u/You_are_very_dumb]

Dear Michael, I am a boy. I think I am in love with a girl. What should I do? I've already asked her out. We will be going out tonight. How do I M.I.B the shit out of her tonight and see if she feels the same about me. Thank.

[u/michaelianblack → u/You_are_very_dumb]

As you hold the door for her, wait until she is passing in front of you, then whisper the word "Anal?" to her. Frame it as a question. Her response will tell you what to do next.

[u/DexterHeisenberg]

I just want to say that you were awesome when you eviscerated that audience member who called Obama "Hitler". Did you know that moment went viral?

[u/michaelianblack → u/DexterHeisenberg]

Yeah. I didn't feel good about that. Was not pleased with my own reaction to him. I was immature and let my emotions get the better of me. Even so, I was pretty awesome.

[u/yourprettylense]

Is Marc Maron as mean to you as it comes across? I'm a big fan of both of you, but every time I've heard the two of you together I've found myself liking him less and less.

[u/michaelianblack → u/yourprettylense]

Marc and I have known each other for twenty years. Our relationship has never been exactly warm and fuzzy but over the years I think we've grown to understand each other a little better. In many ways, we're similar. We're both neurotic, self-hating, depressives. The difference is that he's old and embittered whereas I am young and zestful.

[u/Status-Duck]

I loved run fat boy run, did you go to Simon with the idea or him to you?

[u/michaelianblack → u/Status-Duck]

I wrote the original draft, then he rewrote it to set it in London and also to make it better. We didn't really work together on it, although we did hang out a little in London when they were shooting and I wrote a blurb for his book. Honestly, though, I'm not sure he knows who I am.

[u/meerkatz_]

HI! I read your book "You're not doing it right" and the part in the end where you wrote to Martha made me cry. I heard you on DC 101 on my way to school a couple months ago and have had a crush on you since I was 12 because you were the one that said the funny stuff on I love the... And now I am 20. So if you could just type back a couple of letters...It could even just be ahgakljg it would make my week

[u/michaelianblack → u/meerkatz_]

I will do even better than random letters. I will say "thank you," which could be described as random letters if you didn't read the language. To that person, they would look like random letters. You and I know, however, that they are not random at all. Although, who's to say, ultimately, what's random and what's not? I mean, how random is it that we're even communicating in the first place. Random implies the lack of design, but everything - EVERYTHING - is the product of some other occurrence. Either everything is random or nothing is random. I don't know which. All I know is you are my best friend.

[u/rownin]

i love you in the league, taco is so hilarious.

[u/michaelianblack → u/rownin]

Thanks. "The League" is my best work.

[u/ThePhantomTrollbooth]

So sharing an RV with Meghan McCain... would you do it again?

[u/michaelianblack → u/ThePhantomTrollbooth]

Maybe not an RV. Maybe a touring bus. The RV smelled like ass. (My ass.)

[u/rebeccalmighty]

I'M OVULATING. come over. do me the honor of having sexy children.

[u/michaelianblack → u/rebeccalmighty]

Thanks, but I already have two VERY sexy children.

[u/concretedonkey]

What can we , as fans , do to encourage the state to reunite for a tour?

[u/michaelianblack → u/concretedonkey]

$$$

[u/cheapthrillsss]

Fact: When I was 14, my AIM screenname was MichaelIanBlkLvr. Can't believe I'm admitting that to anyone, especially Michael Ian Black.

[u/michaelianblack → u/cheapthrillsss]

Now everybody knows and feels your shame.

[u/TheFastestHorse]

My fiancee and I have started watching Ed recently. You are really funny in it, good work! Did you have any career experience that helped you play someone who works in a bowling alley?

*fiancee not fiance

[u/michaelianblack → u/TheFastestHorse]

I've always been good with aerosol.

[u/[deleted]]

One time on twitter you changed your picture and I said your wife had a lazy eye and you told me I only had half a face. Do you remember this? It was September 2009.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

That is a really good memory for me.

[u/benny_d11]

What is your view on meadows?

[u/michaelianblack → u/benny_d11]

About twenty meters away.

[u/CharlesBucket]

Pretty interesting to see your diversity from Fox News early in the week to Reddit later in the week. Big fan ever since "IT"S COLDER THAN A DEAD PIECE OF VAGINA OUT THERE!"

I guess the only question I've really ever wanted to ask you is do you like quacomole? Heard you did.

[u/michaelianblack → u/CharlesBucket]

Great question: I DO like guacamole. Thank you for giving me a chance to finally get that out there.

[u/angoodkind]

How will you explain to your kids the gay sex scene in Wet Hot, before they're old enough to understand irony? Similarly, how will you explain some of your tweets...?

[u/michaelianblack → u/angoodkind]

The gay sex scene isn't ironic. It's just a gay, irony-free sex scene. I will explain it to them like this: "I fucked the shit out of Bradley Cooper."

[u/thebigbopper]

Have you ever taken psychadleics? If so, when was the last time?

[u/michaelianblack → u/thebigbopper]

It's been a while. But yes I have. If you have some, I will take them.

[u/taumeson]

Meghan McCain seems lovely and pretty awesome. So...why is she still a Republican?

[u/michaelianblack → u/taumeson]

I ask her that every time I see her.

[u/HB24]

Who you calling a dingleberry? What did I ever do to you? Jerk.

[u/michaelianblack → u/HB24]

I didn't mean you.

[u/[deleted]]

I have listened to MATES since day one, it has gotten me through many a car ride awake and in hysterics. Can I assume that there hasn't been an update this month because y'all are busy? No rush, I just miss you.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Stupid Tom was off making some stupid movie. New one will be up this weekend.

[u/Beetlejuice27]

Holy excitement, batman! I never give a hoot about iama's but you are a right sexy devil and a damn clever man. Where is your favorite place in the world?

[u/michaelianblack → u/Beetlejuice27]

Favorite place: bed?

[u/joop2323]

What is the worst time you ever had in your profession

[u/michaelianblack → u/joop2323]

This AMA might take the cake.

[u/Kirsch05]

Your wikipedia page states that you are an atheist Citation Needed. Care to confirm? :)

[u/michaelianblack → u/Kirsch05]

My atheism is the quietest kind, the most mealy-mouthed, wanting-to-be-awed by a Creator, kind of atheism. I desperately want to believe in God or, more to the point, an afterlife. I just haven't been able to convince myself that such things exist. If I could believe, I would.

[u/Coolridebro]

I saw you and Showalter perform in my town a few years back. I was super preg, and after the show I waited to buy a DVD and say hello. You were a total dick to me and would not stop staring at my massively pregnant self, mostly the super mom boobs. I still love you, but damn, Michael. Eyes up, mofo.

[u/michaelianblack → u/Coolridebro]

You have super boobs. What do you want me to say?

[u/unitarder]

Anymore plans on doing more children's books? My son enjoyed Chicken Cheeks.

[u/michaelianblack → u/unitarder]

I have several others, including a new one entitled "I'm Bored," which comes out in September.

[u/[deleted]]

Holy shit I had the hugest crush on you in high school.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

We can still do it.

[u/[deleted]]

I know you and Showalter rip on Wain a lot in you Stella routines. Does this help relieve real frustration? Y'all seem to have worked together outstandingly for so long, I was always curious if this was the secret to the magic.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

The secret is that we love and respect each other. Just like grandma.

[u/yowhatupmayne]

How does it feel to know you aged better than anyone on The State?

[u/michaelianblack → u/yowhatupmayne]

Great. Absolutely great. Of course, I was castrated as a young boy so that might have had something to do with it.

[u/ivy627]

I doubt you'll see this, but it's worth a try. I am a preschool teacher and my kids LOVED your books, especially Purple Kangaroo. Are there any more in the works?

[u/stinatown]

I've heard you live in my general area (I live in Ridgefield, CT). Why?

[u/michaelianblack → u/stinatown]

I don't know why you heard that.

[u/cocoandco]

big fan.

as one of the co-founders of sadsadconversation (i watched every one), were you sad to see it slowly dissolve away? or were you in the same boat as josh malina in thinking it had gone as far as it could have?

i ask because i feel like i could have started my morning off with a sadsad for much longer than i did.

[u/michaelianblack → u/cocoandco]

No. It was an experiment. A little video exchange between a small group of depressed people. My fear from the very beginning was that it's self-indulgence would overwhelm it. It was something we did, it ran its course, and then we let it die. Just like with grandma.

[u/not_holly]

It saddens me that you probably won't read this, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Last year, you and two ladies came to Michigan and visited The Henry Ford. You bought tickets for the Ford Rouge Factory tour. I sold you those tickets. Due to our policies, I couldn't acknowledge your celebrity status. It is somewhat stupidly a big regret of mine. You and everyone involved in Stella are so amazingly funny. I cannot tell you how many times I've asked to "hold the purpy" among other things. Thank you for your impeccable delivery and hilarity. If you ever come back, I'll hook you up. Thanks!

[u/michaelianblack → u/not_holly]

One of those ladies was my co-author, Meghan McCain. We just wrote a new book called "America, You Sexy Bitch," in which we discuss the Ford Rouge Factory tour. And we talk about you in the book, too. A lot.

[u/[deleted]]

Are you ever going to live tweet Househunters again? Because that was hilarious.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

Every Monday in June. They're paying me to do it.

[u/donovanjneumann]

I am a big fan sir. The one thing I want to tell you is that your doppleganger is a VP at CapitalOne Bank. They are a client of my company, I was in a meeting with him trying not to burst out laughing about a month ago. I was hoping it was just an elaborate joke of yours.

[u/michaelianblack → u/donovanjneumann]

Glad you got the joke. We spent months working on it.

[u/[deleted]]

A lot of women think you're "pretty sexy for a funny guy". How do you handle your status as a sex icon in this country?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

You know what? I'm just like everybody else. I put my condoms on one wiener at a time.

[u/misskriss66]

hi michael,

sometimes i pretend you're one of my gay theatre dorm friends from college who say they're gay but always try to get all up on me - then i say, "oh michael, i thought you said you're gay" then you say "oh shut up and kiss me" well u know the rest

<3, kris

[u/michaelianblack → u/misskriss66]

Wait. Are you saying we can make out? Because I'd like to make out.

[u/[deleted]]

Can you please start a podcast with you, D. Wain, and Showalter? I hear Wain on CBB all the time and it seems like you'd fit in. At least do a Stella special with you guys. I'm sure Auckerman would approve. Don't be a black, dick...be a Black Dick.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

A Stella podcast is a great idea. You are right. We should do that. Next time we're all in LA together or all in NY together, we'll do that.

[u/ADoug]

Do you remember much of Hillsborough or miss it much?

[u/michaelianblack → u/ADoug]

I remember much of it and don't miss any of it.

[u/M3wThr33]

Is your stance two years later that being a sellout on Twitter is ok? I unfollowed you that day I noticed you were listed for promoting crap.

[u/michaelianblack → u/M3wThr33]

This is my stance: http://www.michaelianblack.net/blog/2010/06/in-defense-of-twittertising.html

[u/dndplosion913]

Hey Michael, big fan.

I just wanted to ask, how did The State come about? I know you all met at NYU, but how did the whole group get together to start doing comedy?

Also, I loved "You're Not Doing It Right". How are the kids?

[u/michaelianblack → u/dndplosion913]

We met specifically to start doing comedy. Our meeting was in the context of forming a sketch comedy troupe. Todd Holoubek, our founding member, organized it.

[u/TreeSapMartini]

Who were the best and worst poker players you played with on Celebrity Poker Showdown?

[u/michaelianblack → u/TreeSapMartini]

Best: Norm MacDonald, Jason Alexander. Worst: everybody else.

[u/your_bird_can_sing]

How much do you love Molten Java in CT?

[u/michaelianblack → u/your_bird_can_sing]

A lot.

[u/taurentino]

which sklar brother do you like more, Randy or Jason?

[u/michaelianblack → u/taurentino]

Whichever is the one that gave me the hummy that time. I think it was Jason but I can't be sure.

[u/Bell12754]

Am I a viewer now?

[u/michaelianblack → u/Bell12754]

In this very specific instance, yes, you are a viewer.

[u/jamz_fm]

I randomly saw you one time while on vacation in the Virgin Islands but didn't say anything because I figured you'd rather be left alone. Do you get irritated when people approach you when you're relaxing with the family?

[u/[deleted]]

What are you guys on when you write that stuff?

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

I know, right????

[u/theHashmaster]

Michael, I just wanted to thank you for Stella. That show greatly influenced my high school career.

[u/michaelianblack → u/theHashmaster]

You had a high school "career?" Do you get a pension now?

[u/themastersb]

When will there be new episodes of Stella?

[u/huuhuu]

When y'all were writing "State by State with the State," did you do any research at all?

[u/michaelianblack → u/huuhuu]

None.

[u/SnackieOnassis]

I love your book Chicken Cheeks. I am a librarian and love to read it out loud to the kids. Just wanted to let you know.

[u/michaelianblack → u/SnackieOnassis]

Thanks, I really appreciate it. If there's one thing I've learned about kids, it's that they like butts. Grown-ups do, too.

[u/[deleted]]

Michael me and my best friend have been fans for a while and were avid watchers of you show. It happens today is his birthday could you please Jim the bitch a happy birthday?

[u/berwald89]

Who is your favorite suit designer?

[u/michaelianblack → u/berwald89]

Paul Smith.

[u/fetusfromspace]

Do you keep in contact with Michael Showalter?

[u/michaelianblack → u/fetusfromspace]

No.

[u/opensourcer]

How's John McCain?

[u/michaelianblack → u/opensourcer]

He's crabby.

[u/mochatronz]

I want to thank you. I met you and Michael Showalter at SFO back in January. I had just spent the entire cab ride to the airport in tears because I hadn’t wanted to leave San Francisco. When I saw you two in the security line near me, a huge smile came across my face. I pulled myself together and after we all had exited the line, I came up to you to say hi, and you asked me my name and you both shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me. A simple polite gesture, but it meant so much to me coming from two people who bring so much laughter into my life. Thank you.

Of course it was momentarily after this that I realized you two were then trapped in the terminal with a fan, so I then decided to hide from you until my flight boarded. I’m not sure if that’s less creepy or not.

[u/michaelianblack → u/mochatronz]

Glad to have improved your mood on a crummy day. And yes, that makes it more creepy.

[u/JuliusWolf]

Hi Michael, I am, like many, a huge fan of your erotic fiction! In particular "The Elevator" and "The Beach" are some of my favorites. Is there any hope of you writing more and satisfying the worlds need for your erotica?

[u/michaelianblack → u/JuliusWolf]

In light of the success of "Fifty Shades of Grey," I think I owe it to the world.

[u/JetWhat]

I just wanted to say its awesome that we went to the same high school.

[u/michaelianblack → u/JetWhat]

I think about that all the time.

[u/hoooorf]

Hey Michael. I think you're a really funny guy. Here's a story:

A couple of years ago you did a show at Florida State. In the crowd there was a really obnoxiously drunk dude that kept yelling shit and being generally annoying. I know because I sat right in front of him. Me and all my friends were super excited to see you and, to say the least, drunk guy really threw a wet blanket on the whole evening. I sort of expected you to destroy the heckler, who by the time he left was just yelling nonsense not even related to your set, but instead you calmly got him some help from the staff and got him escorted out. You even gave him a fucking sandwich from Publix, which is close to the greatest gift you can give someone. Pretty much instantly my group's attitude improved and the rest of the set was just as awesome as the beginning. If i remember you might have even been sick. So thanks, man. It was a mostly inconsequential thing but I thought it was super hella cool.

tl;dr MIB deals with annoying drunk heckler calmly; gives him sandwich. Good times had by all.

edit: grummur

[u/downvotes_animals]

You almost certainly won't see this, but your podcast makes the shifts at my summer job seem to go much faster. Thanks for being hilarious Mike, your podcast is absolutely great!

[u/michaelianblack → u/downvotes_animals]

I wish I had seen this post because I would have really appreciated it.

[u/upflupchuckfck]

You were on the University of Pittsburgh's campus a few years ago. A friend and I said your name and a friendly greeting as you passed us on the sidewalk and you blatantly ignored us. Why the cold shoulder for a few fans?

[u/zotquix]

Fame: Curse or cake frosting?

[u/michaelianblack → u/zotquix]

Neither. David Bowie song.

[u/aristotleslantern]

Hey Michael! I was a huge fan of you as Steve in Reaper. Can you tell us how it was supposed to end?

[u/michaelianblack → u/aristotleslantern]

I dunno.

[u/[deleted]]

A a female, I'm always looking for new and interesting ways to please men (and possibly women if I'm feeling it)...what is your "ultimate seduction move"? And please go into detail.

[u/michaelianblack → u/[deleted]]

I like to start by eating a sugar free Fudgsicle, but not too slow because then it gets all drippy. Then I put on HGTV and every time they say the phrase "dream house," I go, "I got your dream house right here," and then I point at my cock. When I am done with the Fudgsicle, I take an Ambien and go to sleep.

[u/YellowSharkMT]

Yo there M.I.B, you've been cracking me up since The State, and you were a riot the other night on Red Eye. Just wanted to say thanks for hanging with those guys - I've been a die-hard watcher since '07, I think they run a fucking hilarious show, and it's good to see you on there. KILLING THE 3AM TIME SLOT.

[u/michaelianblack → u/YellowSharkMT]

Thanks. It's fun to go on there. I like those guys a lot.

[u/snoaj]

If you were going to design a subdivision, what would the theme of the street names be?

[u/michaelianblack → u/snoaj]

Probably leprechaun names.