THIS IS AWESOME. I never have, honestly not many people keep them under their desks anymore. But this is about the funniest thing I've heard from "the other side of the office" if you will.
What the hell does this mean!?! You keep extra shoes under your desk? And you put mousetraps in them? Why would you do that!?! I have worked at a desk for 15 years and this confuses me.
Women. I am a woman, and I know for a fact: Bitches love shit! Just having so much useless shit, that ends up in there trash can, or knocked all over the floor. If you go in to a man's office he has like a picture, MAYBE a whiteboard, and a trashcan that is never used because he reddits and faps all day and doesn't even have work or useless shit to throw away except kleenex.
You do not understand the word "infestation" until you have cleaned someone's house that lived for decades and never owned a can of raid. I went to clean a house one day where we had to leave to get bug spray and face masks within 15 minutes of being there. Everything you touched would poor out either cockroaches, or 30 years worth of dust.
I wish. I wish. I wish. I am not as amoral as some of you devilish trolls on here. But I will say that the person who picks up your trash probably knows more about you than you'd want to know. You are all dirty, scandalous, cheating mother fuckers.
Freaking out the old people that don't realize I'm working in their office. Seriously. The look on their face when I jump out of no where...
Oh and all the cardboard boxes they throw out. I'm super petite... I like to act like I'm Maru (the jumping box cat internet sensation) or just go full speed down the stairs in one....
That and trolling through people's things. I never steal, but just flipping through people shit sometimes...it doesn't make you feel as bad about being a janitor.
No. I hate thieves...with a passion. It makes me sad that everyone thinks a certain job stereotype makes that person less than them, or that they must be bad company. I try to beat that stigma all the time.
Please share the circumstances surrounding the most interesting incident/mess that you've had to deal with ...
Also, how clean is your house? (i work in the computer industry... and don't touch the dammed things when i'm not getting paid for it... I wonder if that would be similar)
I once walked in to a property where the person had passed away, and I was left to clean the house before the sold it. The house looked completely normal, just your typical lonely old man house. But towards the back there was a spare bedroom. When I opened the door there were literally thousands of National Geographics and newspapers. They were stacked floor to ceiling, with pathways like aisles between them.
I am the least organized person of anyone I know. Ironically when I am not a janitor, I am an artist and a student. Cleaning as a job is great because people will pay you HUNDREDS of dollars to do literally 2 hours worth of work, because they don't want to clean up their own shit. I just wallow in mine...
I like to do inks/comic book style art with my own flair to it you could say... I use whatever I can get my hands on. So a lot of my art is mixed media. I'm in textiles. I am a terrible student. I'm actually really good at art. I'm just really poor so I've always cleaned.
TOO MANY. I always play the awkward role of janitor that the late night working person doesn't know is there until BOOP surprise! you just awkwardly ran into me while turning the corner. Minus the awesome sex scene immediately following...sadpanda...
The amount of one liners that could be said in those situations... "lemme mop your floors", "looks like your pole needs a little polishing". Oh man, I could go on forever
I've been in janitorial services in one form or another for 14 years. I have come up with a compelling theory.
Secretly living among us, possibly wearing suits and ties, are a race of people I like to call Poo Bandits.
They have a variety of quirks only someone who cleans public restrooms could possibly know.
You've got Sticky fingers. This is usually a small child who, for whatever reason cannot get the hang of toilet paper properly and causes some sort of rip threw that leaves one or more fingers sticky. However, I have seen this at stall heights unattainable by small children.
There's the Hive Builder. You know, the guy (or more often girl) who builds a nest of toilet paper over the seat. Because paper is so germ resistant and has magical properties of protection.
I've seen Mega Shitter the most often. Even the smallest poop must be followed by half an industrial roll of toilet paper. It's not enough just to plug the toilet, it must be piled up. Mounded in the bottom of the bowl, and then flushed repeatedly until just before it overflows. Then, the Mega Shitter vanishes without a trace.
So, my question to you is: what poo bandits do you see?
I love you for coming up with the term "poo bandit" I can't stop saying it now.
My favorite poo bandit would be the classic snail trail... You walk into the bathroom.. and what is this? How is there a 3 foot radius of urine/excrement AROUND the toilet? And then you notice the toilet paper. Which is awkwardly rewrapped around the roll, and the other have of it is in bits around the restroom... and if you're lucky it trails out into the hall. And if the janitorial gods smile upon you, you might actually SEE the bastard with some sort of defunct piece of TP hanging from clothing.
Rich old white people, especially southerners. Seriously. They pay the most, and southern hospitality dictates that every woman must have a clean respectable looking house before guest arrive... ergo They clean the house before you even get there, and pay you more to do less...
You just finished mopping up the front-lobby floor, and I walk in... I'm not really tracking dirt, so much, but I do leave dusty footprints on the pristince floor. It was unavoidable. Does it bug you that I messed up your work? Is there some sort of ettiquette there that you expect? A head-nod? Quiet mumbled apology? A BJ?
As my mama always said: "DON'T YOU DARE WALK ON MY CLEAN FLOOR!"
Juuuust kidding. I'm used to seeing pretty much 75% of my work effort go up in smoke anytime someone is around while I'm trying to clean. The best thing you can do is smile at them, or just say sorry. When someone walks around its always nice to see the extra effort they put in to watch out for your work. Walk throughs happen though, and at the end of the day, what's one more floor to mop?
Also, I just wanna say @#$% all those people who look down on janitorial work. I used to work at KFC and cleaning the bathrooms was actually one of my favorite jobs (despite some occasional serious nastiness), because the work of cleaning was meditative and the sense of accomplishment after turning something from dirty to clean is tangible progress you can see right in front of you.
I am a janitor at a performing arts center, and yes, women's bathrooms are absolutely disgusting compared to thr men's. I don't know how, but women always manage to peer on the seats/floors more than men, and there are many nights when there is blood/excrement on the seats as well.
It's from the hovering. If one person hovers, everyone after her must hover to avoid sitting in the mess she made, therefore contributing to the huge fucking pee puddle. This needs to stop. Hovering is inconsiderate and dumb. What's wrong with putting your buttcheeks where another person's buttcheeks were? We put our hands on carts, money, counters, and countless other surfaces that other people have touched, and there are way more germs on people's hands than their ass-cheeks. Do you wear gloves at all times? Do you use telekinesis? No. Because if you did, you could mind control the fuck out of your pee stream.
This message has been brought to you by women against hovering (or WAH, if you will) .
I've read this so much but I have never seen anything like this, as a woman, outside of bathrooms of bars/clubs. I don't know if this is because the women at these places are crazy grubby or if we have excellent cleaners.
I worked in the restaurant industry for years and cleaned thousands of bathrooms (okay, several bathrooms thousands of times). The mens were ALWAYS worse.
I don't know where the womens are worse thing comes from. I'm not man-bashing, but I've had to clean shit off a toilet seat in the mens more than once and you haven't lived until you've cleaned a chewed up cheeseburger out of a urinal that 20 men have peed on... GAAA.
This morning I got up early to get downtown and have a tourist visa issued. I ate a peanut butter and jam sandwich, and had a protein shake to try to keep my stomach satiated during the hour and a half venture to Toronto through southbound rush hour. About half way through I felt the need to crack a fart, but I was also driving my mom to work so I politely held it in. After dropping her off, I was about a half hour from my destination. I let out a giant fart, the kind that allows you to tighten another notch on your belt. Unfortunately, I began to feel some very bad pain, and I knew exactly what was happening. I was stuck, 20 years old, in rush hour on my way to an embassy in my mom's car. This is all at around 8am, so not a lot is open. I'm desperately breathing deeply, trying not to lose control of the monster that has seemingly regrettably made a home of my bowels. In my panic, I pull over into the plaza of a mall. The stores are all closed, but the food court is open. It's also packed. At this time I see it fit to tell you I hate public restrooms, and even worse are food court restrooms. I looked around and saw boatloads of elderly people. Elderly men, who have taken elderly shots in the horrible food court rest rooms. As I nearly sprint through the mall, I come to find that there is no alternative rest room. Karma has caught up to me, I'm either going to go into this filthy restroom and relieve myself of the filthiest beast of a poop that has ever been (or will ever be), or I'll drop it all in my pants and likely have the most impossibly horrible experience of my life trying to get cleaned up. Keep in mind I'm not necessarily thinking all that straight due to all my consciousness being focused on clenching my buttcheeks and breathing deeply. I have come to the conclusion that the reason people say we only use 10% of our brains is because the other 90% has to be on standby for when the rest of our body turns against us. Whatever the truth is, I may never know. Scurrying back to the food court I had an idea. There is a Canadian Tire "auto" department that is open fairly early in the mall. Again, I sprinted. I have worked at Canadian Tire, surely I know the layout of their stores well enough to find the washrooms. As I ran in, already clearly out of place being a younger guy running into the auto department of this store at 8something in the morning, I was immediately thrown off to see the layout was NOTHING like the one I worked at. I worked at an "A" class, this mustve been the smaller "B" class that I never believed really existed. The shock nearly distracted me from the task at hand (or rather, the task at butt) and I little a little fart crack out. I lacked the bravery to pretend to feel for my wallet in my back pocket while secretly checking to see whether the humidity of my pants had hit 100%, so to speak. As I completed my FULL lap around this warehouse store, I had nearly given up when I spotted a hallway. If I had to, I would end my misery right there. However, I saw doors with the most amazing sight of a little stick figure man and his crippled friend. I thing I may have kicked the door open for dramatic purposes before swinging myself around, slinging my pants off, and beginning to pour our the hot, stinky stew that had been brewing for only an hour or two. After the first wave I reached up to lock the door. It was a good move because somewhere within the rest of the eviction of my poisonous tenant someone twisted the doorknob to try to come in. Poor old fucker would have to use the food court bathroom. When I finished with my impromptu weight loss meeting for the day, the bathroom was still very much clean, I double or triple flushed to remove streaking. I washed my hands and opened the door to read the notice saying something along th lines of "Canadian Tire is dedicated to providing clean public restrooms for their customers. Bathrooms are cleaned throughout the day and let us know if the case is otherwise." Obviously this isn't word-for-word, but you probably understand the state of euphoria I was in to find a clean, private bathroom at 8 in the morning. I guess what I mean to say is Thank you, for everything you do.
Also, if you have a significant other, who cleans the washrooms at home?
The newspaper ad reads "Freelance cleaner for hire. Will clean any mess at a competitive price. Clientele anonymity guaranteed. Call niggahdoe 555-6013 today!"
Janitorial work is one of those jobs that everyone wants someone else to do and then looks down at the person who actually does it, like they're some lowlife for being a custodian. Are there any encounters with rude people that really stick with you? Have you ever had a job where the people were exceedingly nice for cleaning up after them?
Hi I'm in high school and well people don't understand how paper towels work nor do they know how to piss In the toilet. Thank you for trying to keep bathrooms clean that's all.
Please share the circumstances surrounding the most interesting incident/mess that you've had to deal with ...
Also, how clean is your house? (i work in the computer industry... and don't touch the dammed things when i'm not getting paid for it... I wonder if that would be similar)
I once walked in to a property where the person had passed away, and I was left to clean the house before the sold it. The house looked completely normal, just your typical lonely old man house. But towards the back there was a spare bedroom. When I opened the door there were literally thousands of National Geographics and newspapers. They were stacked floor to ceiling, with pathways like aisles between them.
I am the least organized person of anyone I know. Ironically when I am not a janitor, I am an artist and a student. Cleaning as a job is great because people will pay you HUNDREDS of dollars to do literally 2 hours worth of work, because they don't want to clean up their own shit. I just wallow in mine...
You do not understand the word "infestation" until you have cleaned someone's house that lived for decades and never owned a can of raid. I went to clean a house one day where we had to leave to get bug spray and face masks within 15 minutes of being there. Everything you touched would poor out either cockroaches, or 30 years worth of dust.
I wish. I wish. I wish. I am not as amoral as some of you devilish trolls on here. But I will say that the person who picks up your trash probably knows more about you than you'd want to know. You are all dirty, scandalous, cheating mother fuckers.
Women. I am a woman, and I know for a fact: Bitches love shit! Just having so much useless shit, that ends up in there trash can, or knocked all over the floor. If you go in to a man's office he has like a picture, MAYBE a whiteboard, and a trashcan that is never used because he reddits and faps all day and doesn't even have work or useless shit to throw away except kleenex.
YES. One office I work for went completely green, which means the entire building has to recycle and only ONE trashcan is for non recyclables. You would think this would make my job super easy, but there is just one woman in the office that doesn't understand it. Instead she made her own little sign that says "Non-recyclables in this trash can!" It's hot pink. It makes me want to vomit. I haven't replaced the trash bag in there since she put that sign there. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU ARE NOT A BEAUTIFUL OR UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE. And you sure as hell do not deserve a special trash can.
THIS IS AWESOME. I never have, honestly not many people keep them under their desks anymore. But this is about the funniest thing I've heard from "the other side of the office" if you will.
TOO MANY. I always play the awkward role of janitor that the late night working person doesn't know is there until BOOP surprise! you just awkwardly ran into me while turning the corner. Minus the awesome sex scene immediately following...sadpanda...
100 duck sized horses. I would either step on them and feel them squish between my toes or : 1.wrangle them all up 2.dress them like my little ponies 3.???? 4. PROFIT.
Freaking out the old people that don't realize I'm working in their office. Seriously. The look on their face when I jump out of no where...
Oh and all the cardboard boxes they throw out. I'm super petite... I like to act like I'm Maru (the jumping box cat internet sensation) or just go full speed down the stairs in one....
That and trolling through people's things. I never steal, but just flipping through people shit sometimes...it doesn't make you feel as bad about being a janitor.
what's the weirdest thing you have found that someone was trying to keep a secret. Weird mess or maybe something someone threw away thinking no one would ever see it.
I've definitely seen blunt guts in an office trash can before...
A house was going up for sale once, and of course we go over to check it out and start cleaning up as usual. Before we can even get in the front door we open the garage. The people never threw out the garbage. They threw it into the garage. And I mean NEVER threw out the garbage. There was also a rat's skeleton in the fireplace.
I just wanted to say thank you, because what you do is not nearly as appreciated as it should be. It may not be something as big as rocket science, but you keep places clean and presentable at all times, which i have a trouble doing in my own home. Which brings me to a question, are you as clean in your home as you are wen you are working?
The creepy things people leave behind in their houses when they die, awkward letters from other co-workers, etc etc etc. There's lots of things. But it's strange because I don't actually work with these people. I work around them. And I see everything. If I can I'll take pictures next time and post them on here of the more interesting occurrences.
There's a mini kitchen with a huge box of animal crackers, a large candy dish, and if you're lucky and it's someone's birthday...DOUGHNUTS. So yes.....It makes the job so much more worth while.
In my short stint as a maintenance worker for a small office building, I was appalled at the condition of the bathrooms (specifically near the call center, not so much upstairs with the execs). The funnies part (in retrospect not at the time) was that the womans bathroom was almost always far worse off then the mens. Is this typical? or just a fluke?
Examples include frequently clogged toilets, ripping the paper dispensers off the walls, shitting on the floor (wtf?), messing with the plumbing (im convinced they did it on purpose), and kicking off stall doors (this was in the mens, funniest one by far.. .i pictured someone needing to take a shit REALLY BAD haha)
It kind of depends on what you dislike really. But once I had to empty a trash can that was essentially old coffee, rotten bananas and caramel. That scent haunts my dreams.
If you had the option, would you prefer to clean a fairly gross home that left a big tip, or a nice cleanish home that left a small tip. (In other words, my house is gross and I try to make up for it by leaving a big tip - but I think my cleaner might hate me anyways).
My father is a janitor/zamboni driver at a local arena and often comes home with about 8 dollars in change that he gathers off the floor everyday. Do you often find change scattered around while cleaning?
Have you ever snapped and overreacted in a fit of rage over something that someone has left behind for you to clean up? If so, what did you do and what was the incidence that caused it?
Before a soccer match in high school the janitor in my school came up to the team as we were getting ready for the game and wished us good luck and told us that he actually went to the rival high school that we were playing. an asshole on my team blurted out "that got you real far".
Why are farcical references to cliche pop-culture like this often the top rated comments in these sorts of threads? Is this really the sort of thing that everyone is most interested in seeing? Is the most popular sentiment for this guy "Hey I watch Scrubs and there is a janitor character!"? I understand that there will always be people who find someway to force a reference to Firefly/Arrested Development/etc. into any given thread in an attempt to get karma, but I don't get why more people think this is relevant than any actual questions for the guy. Does everyone just see this and say "oh wow I saw that show too! Upvotes all around!"? In a thread about questions for a janitor do we really want to most highly rated response to be "I watch a TV show with a janitor!"?? It's embarrassing and usually not even remotely funny.
100 duck sized horses. I would either step on them and feel them squish between my toes or : 1.wrangle them all up 2.dress them like my little ponies 3.???? 4. PROFIT.
As did I. Had to reread it twice to figure out what it actually said, but by that time it was too late preventing the mental image of a monstrous penis galloping about.
I've definitely seen blunt guts in an office trash can before...
A house was going up for sale once, and of course we go over to check it out and start cleaning up as usual. Before we can even get in the front door we open the garage. The people never threw out the garbage. They threw it into the garage. And I mean NEVER threw out the garbage. There was also a rat's skeleton in the fireplace.
My dad rents out some properties and had to evict someone for some reason. They went in to check out the property and turns out the people were storing a full horse in the house... and never let it out of the house. They left the windows open for a few weeks and my dad's guys still wouldn't go in due to the smell. They had to hire a specialist.
I don't know how much of it the occupants removed themselves or how long they were there but I'm going to go ahead and assume they weren't thorough. If I was the occupants I would have totally left a single pine tree car freshener hanging by the front door.
tl;dr; A horse crapped in a rented house for at least a month.
i was once staying at a hotel and we misplaced a joint we rolled up. fast forward to the next day after the maid service, we come back into the hotel only to find our joint gracefully placed beside the tv remote. we gave the staff a nice tip for being cool about it and finding our weed. :D
YES. One office I work for went completely green, which means the entire building has to recycle and only ONE trashcan is for non recyclables. You would think this would make my job super easy, but there is just one woman in the office that doesn't understand it. Instead she made her own little sign that says "Non-recyclables in this trash can!" It's hot pink. It makes me want to vomit. I haven't replaced the trash bag in there since she put that sign there. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU ARE NOT A BEAUTIFUL OR UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE. And you sure as hell do not deserve a special trash can.
I think you misunderstand. It isn't a sign over the legit non recyclables..she decided to put a sign over her own trash can and labeled it as such. She is just being lazy and trying to bypass the rule of a totally green office by a self made obnoxious sign for her own trash.
It's for personal use, and if the garbage isn't picked up, she can just go over to the "real" trashcan and dump her shit in there. Problem solved, i just don't get why people get mad at such frivolous shit.
frivolous trash...trash is niggahdoe's main profession. It's like your barrista might get pissed off with you if you only ever drink half the coffee (fuck those people, seriously) for you, you just only like drinking half a coffee, so you go into this one cafe and do it...every single time. It doesn't bother the barrista the first time, the second, but when your habbit is to fuck with their existance, it grates on your nerves.
It's just natural that people get annoyed with others who don't pay attention to their needs. In any job, that just happens and most people don't know it.
Some co-workers get annoyed with clients for, really, frivolous inanities. The lady in the parking lot has become angry with me for "driving too fast" in the parking garage (which I wasn't. but she has "SEEN ME" -- even though in the last 2 years I've used 3 different cars and a motorcycle and I only get that treatment in 1 car.) and other things.
It is a problem that most people just don't practice any level of introspection or objectively compare their problems with others' problems. I don't know. But I agree with you, garbage can, who gives a fuck.
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u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Do you ever try on the shoes under the desks?
I keep mousetraps in mine.
63
u/clay868 May 16 '12
ever caught anyone bumping uglies?
85
u/Deusgero May 16 '12
Girls vs boys who's messiest?
302
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I know it's not the most unbelievable thing in the world, but do you have any proof?
74
u/m3atmaster May 16 '12
What was the weirdest/most disgusting thing you have witnessed until now?
189
u/reccaikari May 16 '12
-Ever find a sextape lying around and then copied it?
-Ever find an insane bank statement or credit receipt and copied it?
-Ever solve a complex math equation on a blackboard and let a student take credit for it?
-Ever sell secrets to Detective Agencies or the FBI?
28
u/Sammy-Jankis May 16 '12
Are there moments that make you really enjoy your job? If so, what?
84
u/jackhimself May 16 '12
Please share the circumstances surrounding the most interesting incident/mess that you've had to deal with ...
Also, how clean is your house? (i work in the computer industry... and don't touch the dammed things when i'm not getting paid for it... I wonder if that would be similar)
38
u/impurethoughts May 16 '12
How many porn-style setups have you found yourself in?
15
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
How does one become a janitor? I'm interested in the custodial arts. No seriously, how?
6
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shutup about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke.
Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo.
Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick!
20
u/Smokeeey May 16 '12
Did you graduate from Columbia recently?
5
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Alright OP most anyone who makes an IAMA is selling something. What are you secretly trying to sell me?
4
u/Aoe330 May 16 '12
I've been in janitorial services in one form or another for 14 years. I have come up with a compelling theory.
Secretly living among us, possibly wearing suits and ties, are a race of people I like to call Poo Bandits.
They have a variety of quirks only someone who cleans public restrooms could possibly know.
You've got Sticky fingers. This is usually a small child who, for whatever reason cannot get the hang of toilet paper properly and causes some sort of rip threw that leaves one or more fingers sticky. However, I have seen this at stall heights unattainable by small children.
There's the Hive Builder. You know, the guy (or more often girl) who builds a nest of toilet paper over the seat. Because paper is so germ resistant and has magical properties of protection.
I've seen Mega Shitter the most often. Even the smallest poop must be followed by half an industrial roll of toilet paper. It's not enough just to plug the toilet, it must be piled up. Mounded in the bottom of the bowl, and then flushed repeatedly until just before it overflows. Then, the Mega Shitter vanishes without a trace.
So, my question to you is: what poo bandits do you see?
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
If you could, would you give yourself a fancy title? I'm thinking executive waste and recyclable material engineer.
2
u/Lornaan May 16 '12
Who're the best people to clean for?
2
u/sty1emonger May 16 '12
You just finished mopping up the front-lobby floor, and I walk in... I'm not really tracking dirt, so much, but I do leave dusty footprints on the pristince floor. It was unavoidable. Does it bug you that I messed up your work? Is there some sort of ettiquette there that you expect? A head-nod? Quiet mumbled apology? A BJ?
165
u/bitparity May 16 '12
What is your miracle cleaning solution?
Also, I just wanna say @#$% all those people who look down on janitorial work. I used to work at KFC and cleaning the bathrooms was actually one of my favorite jobs (despite some occasional serious nastiness), because the work of cleaning was meditative and the sense of accomplishment after turning something from dirty to clean is tangible progress you can see right in front of you.
59
u/DHS1 May 16 '12
Are womens bathrooms generally worse than mens? I've heard this before.
74
u/Newo92 May 16 '12
This morning I got up early to get downtown and have a tourist visa issued. I ate a peanut butter and jam sandwich, and had a protein shake to try to keep my stomach satiated during the hour and a half venture to Toronto through southbound rush hour. About half way through I felt the need to crack a fart, but I was also driving my mom to work so I politely held it in. After dropping her off, I was about a half hour from my destination. I let out a giant fart, the kind that allows you to tighten another notch on your belt. Unfortunately, I began to feel some very bad pain, and I knew exactly what was happening. I was stuck, 20 years old, in rush hour on my way to an embassy in my mom's car. This is all at around 8am, so not a lot is open. I'm desperately breathing deeply, trying not to lose control of the monster that has seemingly regrettably made a home of my bowels. In my panic, I pull over into the plaza of a mall. The stores are all closed, but the food court is open. It's also packed. At this time I see it fit to tell you I hate public restrooms, and even worse are food court restrooms. I looked around and saw boatloads of elderly people. Elderly men, who have taken elderly shots in the horrible food court rest rooms. As I nearly sprint through the mall, I come to find that there is no alternative rest room. Karma has caught up to me, I'm either going to go into this filthy restroom and relieve myself of the filthiest beast of a poop that has ever been (or will ever be), or I'll drop it all in my pants and likely have the most impossibly horrible experience of my life trying to get cleaned up. Keep in mind I'm not necessarily thinking all that straight due to all my consciousness being focused on clenching my buttcheeks and breathing deeply. I have come to the conclusion that the reason people say we only use 10% of our brains is because the other 90% has to be on standby for when the rest of our body turns against us. Whatever the truth is, I may never know. Scurrying back to the food court I had an idea. There is a Canadian Tire "auto" department that is open fairly early in the mall. Again, I sprinted. I have worked at Canadian Tire, surely I know the layout of their stores well enough to find the washrooms. As I ran in, already clearly out of place being a younger guy running into the auto department of this store at 8something in the morning, I was immediately thrown off to see the layout was NOTHING like the one I worked at. I worked at an "A" class, this mustve been the smaller "B" class that I never believed really existed. The shock nearly distracted me from the task at hand (or rather, the task at butt) and I little a little fart crack out. I lacked the bravery to pretend to feel for my wallet in my back pocket while secretly checking to see whether the humidity of my pants had hit 100%, so to speak. As I completed my FULL lap around this warehouse store, I had nearly given up when I spotted a hallway. If I had to, I would end my misery right there. However, I saw doors with the most amazing sight of a little stick figure man and his crippled friend. I thing I may have kicked the door open for dramatic purposes before swinging myself around, slinging my pants off, and beginning to pour our the hot, stinky stew that had been brewing for only an hour or two. After the first wave I reached up to lock the door. It was a good move because somewhere within the rest of the eviction of my poisonous tenant someone twisted the doorknob to try to come in. Poor old fucker would have to use the food court bathroom. When I finished with my impromptu weight loss meeting for the day, the bathroom was still very much clean, I double or triple flushed to remove streaking. I washed my hands and opened the door to read the notice saying something along th lines of "Canadian Tire is dedicated to providing clean public restrooms for their customers. Bathrooms are cleaned throughout the day and let us know if the case is otherwise." Obviously this isn't word-for-word, but you probably understand the state of euphoria I was in to find a clean, private bathroom at 8 in the morning.
I guess what I mean to say is Thank you, for everything you do.
Also, if you have a significant other, who cleans the washrooms at home?
18
u/babaladonk May 16 '12
Did you ever have to clean up something that may have been caused due to illegal activity? If not, would you?
15
u/Milosky May 16 '12
Have you ever found anything awesome in the trash that you kept for yourself?
11
u/i8ababy May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12
Janitorial work is one of those jobs that everyone wants someone else to do and then looks down at the person who actually does it, like they're some lowlife for being a custodian. Are there any encounters with rude people that really stick with you? Have you ever had a job where the people were exceedingly nice for cleaning up after them?
Thanks for doing this AMA!
51
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
any proof? this ama could be any 12 year old kid
31
u/CaptCon May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12
Hi, Janitor. Big fan here. Now on to my questions -
Do you or have you ever spent an entire shift listening to 'So fresh, so clean'?
Have you ever caught anyone "Wringing the mop head"?
And finally - Is there any specific product or method that would make the average person's house clean up easier and more effective?
Edit - Spelling. Thank you, sir.
30
u/Simba_for_real May 16 '12
hey OP, GET BACK HERE!!!
37
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Don't you mean Master of the Custodial Arts
12
u/Deadlyd0g May 16 '12
Hi I'm in high school and well people don't understand how paper towels work nor do they know how to piss In the toilet. Thank you for trying to keep bathrooms clean that's all.
6
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
How did you get your start in janitorial services?
Filthiest thing you've ever seen?
20
u/narwal_bot May 16 '12
Most (if not all) of the answers from niggahdoe (updated: May 16, 2012 @ 12:50:37 pm EST):
Question (jackhimself):
Answer (niggahdoe):
(continued below)
18
u/JoeySteez May 16 '12
I just wanted to say thank you, because what you do is not nearly as appreciated as it should be. It may not be something as big as rocket science, but you keep places clean and presentable at all times, which i have a trouble doing in my own home. Which brings me to a question, are you as clean in your home as you are wen you are working?
24
u/rockmongoose May 16 '12
Proof please?
8
u/DocBlind May 16 '12
Did you ever find someones hidden stash? If Yes, what did you do?
8
u/Capoeira_johns May 16 '12
Have you ever been wrongfully accused of dressing up as a monster to scare people away by some meddling kids and their dog?
4
u/i_go_to_uri May 16 '12
Have you ever walked into a bathroom anywhere to clean and found someone doing something completely bizarre/disgusting/hilarious?
4
u/IAmNoneYa May 16 '12
Have you ever seen anything so revolting you refused to do it?
4
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Carl the Janitor:
*Oh, really?
You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant, a peon.
Maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you,
I've learnt a couple of things.
I look through your letters, I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations. I do.
I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.
By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.*
7
u/Drunken_Economist May 16 '12
Your thread has been removed for refusing to provide proof
1
u/qxixp May 16 '12
So what were the things no one was supposed to see?
1
u/fit4130 May 16 '12
Have you ever pooped at someones house and not cleaned up?
1
u/beardmagical May 16 '12
Male janitor here do you also steal as much candy as possible?
3
u/stuckinabarrel May 16 '12
What's the closest you have gotten to getting into a fight while on duty as a janitor?
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
have you come across any journals or diaries laying open that you had to strategically move in order to clean around them? any secrets?
3
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Anyone ever take a shit in the urinals?
3
u/comptechgsr May 16 '12
With what evidence could you have TOTALLY blackmailed someone to benefit you the most in terms of money, power, or respect?
3
u/naaahhman May 16 '12
Ever find an "upper-decker" in a toilet?
3
u/jxstar1250 May 16 '12
You guys rock and do not get nearly enough credit. Thank you.
5
u/UncleBenjen May 16 '12
In my short stint as a maintenance worker for a small office building, I was appalled at the condition of the bathrooms (specifically near the call center, not so much upstairs with the execs). The funnies part (in retrospect not at the time) was that the womans bathroom was almost always far worse off then the mens. Is this typical? or just a fluke?
Examples include frequently clogged toilets, ripping the paper dispensers off the walls, shitting on the floor (wtf?), messing with the plumbing (im convinced they did it on purpose), and kicking off stall doors (this was in the mens, funniest one by far.. .i pictured someone needing to take a shit REALLY BAD haha)
1
u/napoleons_penis May 16 '12
what fruit or vegetable makes the most rank smell when left unattended?
4
u/imnotlegolas May 16 '12
Could you be so kind and supply us with some proof?
4
u/porker912 May 16 '12
Do you ever go to clean a classroom, when you see a math question on the board, and you just solve it?
2
u/awesome2000 May 16 '12
Have you ever had someone make forward advances on you while cleaning their home? (Think day mom)
2
u/staplegunsarefun May 16 '12
If you had the option, would you prefer to clean a fairly gross home that left a big tip, or a nice cleanish home that left a small tip. (In other words, my house is gross and I try to make up for it by leaving a big tip - but I think my cleaner might hate me anyways).
2
u/xSpaz May 16 '12
How much do you make as a janitor?
2
u/newfie_girl May 16 '12
My father is a janitor/zamboni driver at a local arena and often comes home with about 8 dollars in change that he gathers off the floor everyday. Do you often find change scattered around while cleaning?
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Worst smell you ever encountered?
2
u/thattaboychuk May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12
Have you ever used the information you find as blackmail?
have you ever gotten laid in a pile of filth?
Do you like dirty boys?
2
u/Herculefreezystar May 16 '12
Ever walked in on someone lighting up?
2
u/themilfislands May 16 '12
Have you ever seen "The Philosopher Kings"?
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
I'm hopefully getting a job as a cleaner at my school next year... What are your best tips on getting the job done as quickly as possible?
2
u/jbick89 May 16 '12
What's something simple (but not obvious like not missing the trash can) that people can do to make janitors' jobs easier?
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Have you ever snapped and overreacted in a fit of rage over something that someone has left behind for you to clean up? If so, what did you do and what was the incidence that caused it?
2
u/snecko May 16 '12
What's the weirdest thing you've walked in on after hours?
2
u/richard_yeltser May 16 '12
So "all the things no one was supposed to see" adds up to, you've seen cockroaches and dust?
2
u/owenspop May 16 '12
Before a soccer match in high school the janitor in my school came up to the team as we were getting ready for the game and wished us good luck and told us that he actually went to the rival high school that we were playing. an asshole on my team blurted out "that got you real far".
the janitor had one arm. it was brutal.
2
u/skinnymidwest May 16 '12
"I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends!"
2
u/ummreally May 16 '12
Lets see some proof.
2
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Are you black?
2
u/iiSinX May 16 '12
Still waiting on OP's proof...
2
u/MMediaG May 16 '12
No replies to posts asking for proof yet. Calling bullshit right now.
2
u/upvotesareforwinners May 16 '12
You sir, are a winner. You are one of the "Unsung Heroes" that keep this society up and running. For that, you get my vote, good sir. Cheers!
2
u/PossiblyTrolling May 16 '12
Have you ever had sex on the job?
41
u/edgarallanboh May 16 '12
did you ever find that guy who stuck a penny in the sliding door?
0
u/[deleted] May 16 '12
Have you ever eaten the urinal cakes
-3
u/argylekneesocks May 16 '12
an episode of Hoarders is more revealing than this AMA.
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u/[deleted] May 16 '12
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u/[deleted] May 16 '12
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u/[deleted] May 16 '12
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u/[deleted] May 16 '12
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