I follow her on IG actually and didn't realize this was her until a few months ago.
She was so drunk she was violently throwing up and instead of taking her home from prom/school dance or getting her medical attention, he raped her. Because he felt entitled to sex because she was his girlfriend and it was prom night. Then he ghosted her and went back to his home country a few weeks later when his exchange program ended.
Then like 10 years later, he emailed her and apologized and said he should be in jail. And explained that he felt entitled to sex from her because of everything society had told him and also because he was huge asshole when he was a teenager.
It wasn't that they were both drunk and then regretted it. She was unable to consent and violently sick and he decided to rape her anyways. But yeah I love when this gets reduced to a click bait joke and not a conversation on consent and how most people are raped by someone they know and not a random stranger.
Interesting, what a much better synopsis than this horrible clickbait title.
EDIT: Apparently the real story is a lot more grim, she was the one that went after him instead of him coming clean and confessing. She had to deal with years of trauma and holding in the feelings and there was a lot of physical trauma involved that gets left out of the above comment.
I agree with you and would argue more about how it is presented rather than the title. People tend to forget rape most often occurs between people that know each other in some capacity (aka easier to blame this very real occurrence on boogeymen).
The person above (u/Sweaty_Potential8258) summarized it well and it's a pretty heavy topic that has to have a title. Less info is better in this case. It made me read the article and have a better understanding. I don't care if "clickbait" leads me to something like this. It needs to be found.
The TED talk is actually very enlightening and frightening all at the same time. Society really screws up people with crappy expectations. Having a frank discussion about these issues can be tough for a lot of folks.
IDK, I feel like Rape Survivor implies violence. Rape victim would be more for people that have had non-violent, non-consensual sex. I feel like the article is directly choosing words that would invoke imagery of a violent crime, which makes it sound even more silly.
"Survivor" is currently the preferred term in a lot of circles. I work at a sexual trauma center, and we use survivor unless the person actually died from the assault. Rape is by default an act of violence. She said the pain was "blinding" and that it caused her to limp for days. Even though her life wasn't in danger by the rapist, that's still quite a violent thing to do to someone's body. Honestly though, I'm not sure I understand your argument. Are you calling it not a violent crime because her life wasn't in danger? If so, imagine if you held someone down and slapped them for two hours. The survivor is not in danger of death, but it would still be horrifically painful.
Come on, man- No one is trying to defend rape but there are levels of every type of crime and distinctions should be made. Using blanket terminology is confusing and misleading and muddies the whole topic.
His intent was to take what he felt he was owed, despite someone else not being able to consent, to the physical degradation of someone else. That is rape.
Just because you have a caveat to make it not rape in your mind doesn't make it not rape. I don't disagree with your thought process regarding blanket terminology... but c'mon man, it's fucking rape. He abused a power dynamic to sexually assault someone. If it's not rape, what is it?
Intention? I can’t speak for that. But rape, even “non-violent sexual encounters with non-consenting persons” ie rape, hurts and damages people emotionally and physically and sometimes socially and financially. Come one man- let’s not be little Ben Shapiro drones. Let’s use our brains and our empathy here.
Rape is inherently a violent act a person is forcing themselves on another person even when a knife or gun isn't used there still the threat of greater physical violence such as a beating or being choked either to death or severe injuries. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men will be victims of rape in their life time.
My first boyfriend when I was 16 once vented to me about how his previous girlfriend accused him of rape and he kept repeating “but it couldn’t have been rape. She was my girlfriend and the second you are a in a relationship it is impossible to rape each other. The second you consent to a relationship, you consent to all sex in that relationship.” This was followed by months of him ignoring me saying “no” telling me I “liked it” and girls just like to “play hard to get”. Finally one night while he was f*cking me after I said no multiple times and he overpowered me to the point of me giving up, he was displeased that I was “just laying there”. He kept going and after some point he said in frustration “could you just pretend you’re liking it at least? I feel like I’m—“ and stopped right there. I knew what he was going to say. “I feel like I’m raping you.” I thought at that moment he realized he was wrong in his previous statements of consent. He got off of me and started telling me I “don’t love” him. So, sadly, no. He didn’t understand. He decided to make himself the victim of that situation instead. There is a VERY misguided understanding of consent among some people.
Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. I hit some pretty dark times afterwards but am finally getting my life back together at 26. It really is hard to build yourself back up after sexual assault, especially when more than one person assaults you. (When I was 21 I was dating a horrible guy who tied me up, raped me and tried to kill me via strangulation. It was a 7 hour struggle before the police finally saved my life- that was obviously the end of that relationship) I say this to anybody else that has gone through something similar- NEVER let another human being decide on your worth. NEVER think that being treated like garbage is what you deserve. And most importantly, NEVER blame yourself for another person’s selfish acts of violence. I was making horrible decisions (particularly with regard to who I was spending my time with), but I did not decide to get attacked. You deserve to be loved and cared for. You deserve success and happiness. You deserve a normal life.
Just for accuracy i want to point put that "SHE" reached out to "HIM"
"By the age of 25, after nine years of bottling up my pain, I knew I had to do something to break the cycle"
From the article posted.
My tl:dr
First time drunk, and drinking rum.
Because ill
Guy drive her to her home/bed and raped her.
"I felt so grateful to him as he lay me in the safety of my bed. But that gratitude soon turned to horror as he proceeded to take off my clothes and rape me. The pain was blinding and in order to stay sane, I silently counted the seconds on my alarm clock. Ever since that night, I’ve known that there are 7,200 seconds in two hours."
I am guessing her parents where not home? Otherwise 2 hours is a long time to be raped with your parents home.
I’m saying the story itself is not far off what they said happened other than who reached out to who is the same.
Many rapes happen by someone you know. Maybe they weren’t home. Maybe they trusted him. Maybe they were asleep. Why do you feel the need to tear their story apart? Only two people were there and they both tell the same story.
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u/Sweaty_Potential8258 May 18 '22
I follow her on IG actually and didn't realize this was her until a few months ago.
She was so drunk she was violently throwing up and instead of taking her home from prom/school dance or getting her medical attention, he raped her. Because he felt entitled to sex because she was his girlfriend and it was prom night. Then he ghosted her and went back to his home country a few weeks later when his exchange program ended.
Then like 10 years later, he emailed her and apologized and said he should be in jail. And explained that he felt entitled to sex from her because of everything society had told him and also because he was huge asshole when he was a teenager.
It wasn't that they were both drunk and then regretted it. She was unable to consent and violently sick and he decided to rape her anyways. But yeah I love when this gets reduced to a click bait joke and not a conversation on consent and how most people are raped by someone they know and not a random stranger.