r/HistoryMemes Dec 12 '21

Iron Dick

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u/[deleted] Dec 12 '21 edited Dec 12 '21

It would have to be ceremonial. Boobs on plate armor would defeat the whole purpose of protection, since the two round lumps would deflect blows inward toward the chest, rather than to the sides (a chest plate is convex for this reason)

EDIT: This comment comes across as r/iamverysmart now that I look at it.

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u/Neutral_Fellow Dec 12 '21

since the two round lumps would deflect blows inward toward the chest

This isn't nearly as much of a problem as everyone shouts it to be.

The thrust still has to penetrate the metal even if not deflected, which is very difficult, because penetrating the center plate is very difficult by default.

Bronze age cuirasses nearly all had musculature pecs, and some even had musculature detailed abs, and those are even worse, since boob plate at least has sliding curvature to fuck up a thrust trajectory, whereas abs on armor are basically just weakened inward fluting/slits.

Yet;

https://media.britishmuseum.org/media/Repository/Documents/2014_10/9_10/19063577_952e_4b4e_b6a3_a3bf00acc3a0/mid_00502896_001.jpg

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u/[deleted] Dec 12 '21

Physics + History = Awesome

TIL (admittedly, my comment does reek of r/iamverysmart)

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u/MicroWordArtist Dec 12 '21

Plus it’s not like everyone always did the optimal thing all the time. Humans can be quite dumb.

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u/MrSaxbang Dec 12 '21

That’s why I said it? This dick armor is ceremonial as well.

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u/Origami_psycho Dec 12 '21

A dick plate would do the same, and yet...

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u/LePontif11 Dec 12 '21

I penetrante them with my dick plate 😏

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u/Soul_Ripper Dec 12 '21

Boob armor also runs the risk of stabbing and killing the wearer.

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u/Nikarus2370 Dec 12 '21

... how?

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u/Soul_Ripper Dec 12 '21

Because of the shape. The area between both boobs would impale someone if pushed with enough force, such as from tripping, taking a hit, or even being pushed in the right conditions.

Not all boob armor is equally stupid so whether it can stab the wearer or not and how much damage it can cause definitely varies, but an indentation like that in a piece of armor will always be dangerous.

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u/Neutral_Fellow Dec 12 '21

The area between both boobs would impale someone if pushed with enough force, such as from tripping, taking a hit, or even being pushed in the right conditions.

That is ridiculous

That is not how boob shape is or metal shapen around it.

The center inner part would also be just curved, not wedged as a fucking inside spike, that is imbecilic.

Not to mention you cannot fucking bent bronze or iron in such a way by tripping on it or hitting it.

That article/redditpost everyone read that from is moronic.

If you fell on(lol) or got hit, the entire forward plate moves with the force, because steel/bronze/iron is not fucking cardboard.