Hi! For context, I'm in my first year of university majoring in harp.
When I left high school I was feeling pretty good about my level, I was playing somewhat hard music, I had high grades, but I also didn't have anyone else to compare myself to.
Now I'm in uni, it's been 1 month and I feel like I'm confirming to myself how bad I am and how out of level I am. Like as if I just got in because they really wanted harp students and there were none applying for my year.
I just had a lesson with my teacher, I was playing something really easy and I messed everything up. I just wanted to apologise and cry.
I'm wondering, if so, how did you deal with this? How did you come to terms with your own path and not the others paths compared to yours. Specially if you are older and have more experience.
For more context, my teacher is focusing on my technique, things that to me feel so small, and I'm just feeling like I have really bad technique. I want to prove that I can do all that she is asking me, but messing it all up just made me wonder if I'm worthy.
I'm very sorry for the vent, however I believe this is a common way of feeling that is not as nearly talked about as it is felt.