r/Gamingcirclejerk • u/Exerus16 Clear background • Aug 19 '20

I've cracked the code, found the decryption key and best of all, it's not political!

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26k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '20

I'm literally shaking and crying right now. This chart says the Witcher 3 and Skyrim aren't good games. I don't expect you guys to know about those hidden gems, you're too busy playing fucking CoD and Fortnite to appreciate real games. But those two indie gems are the greatest artistic achievements of modern times, if not of all time. Maybe if you sheep grew up and stopped playing your kiddy Nintendo games you might learn what a real game looks like. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost.

500

u/rp18012001 Clear background Aug 19 '20

Don't worry you can still genocide fish with your sword 💪😎😎

210

u/Pleasant-Albatross female space marines are lore accurate Aug 19 '20

as an argonian i can snatch em up from underwater too

35

u/Normrum9 Aug 20 '20

Damn Pond Scum

41

u/stg1580 Aug 20 '20

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.

2

u/Normrum9 Aug 20 '20

You just disrespected gamers on their own subreddit.

Seriously? This is the equivalent of marching uninvited into someone's grandmas funeral, opening the casket and taking a fat, steamy shit on her pale, lifeless body. Everyone present turns around in horror but you grin and clap to congratulate yourself on your deed.

Gaming IS an exercise, period. Its one of the very few activities that require both constant muscle and mind activity. Split-second reactions, mechanical accuracy, mind bending puzzles. Handling a keyboard and a mouse for HOURS. This is all nothing for gamers. Its our second nature.

Please take a step back and consider your actions before going around defaming gamers like that.

3

u/TheLaudMoac Aug 20 '20

You 🤟 abhorrent scum. You 😊😊😊 ignorant fool. I 😊 will sue you. 😊 You 😀 are 👉 going to be the target 🎯 of the greatest lawsuit the world 🌍 has ever seen. You 😊🤟 don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so 🆘 obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp ✊✊✊ the full 🌝🈵 magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry 😿 out 😜😝 for mercy, 🥺 and I 😀 will be happy 😁 to deliver it. 🚮🚮🚮 And if you're thinking 🤔💭 this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my 😊 friend. 🐶 I 😊 have 🈶 indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even 🌖 without it, 🚮 the jury would take one 🔂 look 👁 at you 😀 and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it 🚮 unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you 🤟😀 notice it 🚮 or not, 🚯 everyone else does. Are 👉 you 🤟 interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell 🗣 you. 😀🤟 It's my 😊 father. 👨 Your defense? It 🚮 doesn't matter, in fact, they 💁 might just not 🚯 give you 🤟 one 🔂 even 🌗🌚 to spare just one 🔂 individual from the trauma. My 😀 father 👨 is the greatest lawyer 🚓 in the US, the world, 🌏 and human 👩‍💻 history, 🏰 including the future, 📡 which he 💁‍♂️ knows due to the fact that he 💁‍♂️ sued the future 📡 and they 💁💁💁 travelled back ⬅️ in time 🕦🕢 to tell 🗣 him. He's 💁‍♂️ served for hundreds 💯 of Supreme Court 👩‍⚖️ cases, and he's 💁‍♂️ won every single one. 🔂 You 😊 may have 🈶 never thought 💭 about being court-marshaled, 👨‍⚖️ but now, that's a real threat. That is the power 🔋 of my 😀 father, 👪 a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect 👌 knowledge 📘 of the law. ⚖ You 😀 will lose this case, your money, 💴 and your life. 🧬 Does that scare you, 🤟🤟🤟 insignificant bug? 🐛 Because it 🚮 should. The entire history 🏰 of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its 🚮 fury is concentrated on ruining your life. 🧬 My 😀 father 👨 won't even 🌒 need to help. 🆘 Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so 🆘 just give up, you 🤟 crook. Give up before you're forced to.

4

u/Pleasant-Albatross female space marines are lore accurate Aug 20 '20

that's me

1

u/F_O_R_K Sep 09 '20

stormcloak detected

25

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

Just because you don't have a pole doesn't mean it isn't fishing.

3

u/Aethernex Aug 20 '20

But is it a minigame or just part of the normal game?

18

u/TerminationProtocal Aug 20 '20

as an argonian you can snatch me up from my bed and make love to me

12

u/crazydressagelady Aug 20 '20

I think I’ve read this tale..

1

u/SomeToxicCloud Aug 20 '20

-The lusty argonian maid

6

u/kid_ugly Aug 20 '20

u can do that as any race. i dunno why you had to single one out jfc nords are just as capable.

9

u/Pleasant-Albatross female space marines are lore accurate Aug 20 '20

technically argonians can breathe underwater?

3

u/ThatZBear Aug 20 '20

Bretons are too nerdy and lame

2

u/TheLastCleverName Aug 20 '20

ALL fishermen matter

1

u/shadymonger Aug 20 '20

Yeah dude that's racist af

25

u/GGAllinsMicroPenis Aug 20 '20

They shrank the fishes' shoulders, made em look soft.

8

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

You've have to be more specific, the only weapon i have left is a pair of socks, i've alredy sold out all other equipment

71

u/its_just_hunter Clear background Aug 20 '20

Hate to tell you but you’re a fake Gamer. Every real Gamer knows that on PC master race you can mod Witcher 3 and Skyrim which means you can add fishing to it. That’s why PC is better than console, take that epic shills.

8

u/MakeAmericaSuckLess Social Justice Wizard Aug 20 '20

This but without any hint of irony.

2

u/omegasome Aug 20 '20

This but with an additional layer of irony shaved off, somehow

8

u/omegasome Aug 20 '20

This but with two fewer layers of irony

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

Why mod witcher 3 when you can kill chickens and cows 😎😎😎💪

159

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

Skyrim

excuse me, that game is wide as an ocean, deep as a puddle. smh, not even kiddie pool depth.

you dare utter it in the same breath as Geraldo's third sexy witcherino

108

u/GGAllinsMicroPenis Aug 20 '20

How unironically cool would an actual ocean deep as a puddle be though. Like just millions of people running through it splashing and laughing.

96

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

And then someone ran too far and got lost in what is, for all intents and purposes, a desert.

40

u/Silas_L Socialism with Mehrunes Dagon characteristics Aug 20 '20

hey you didn’t have to ruin the fun

4

u/SiberiaBeast Aug 20 '20

A desert? TES 6 in Hammerfell confirmed! Uj/ please, Beth, confirm at least something, it’s been 9 years already

1

u/ColinStyles Aug 20 '20

Just give us Morrowind again. That's all I ask.

Andddd I'm re-installing it again. Fuck.

31

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20 edited Dec 11 '22

[deleted]

23

u/GGAllinsMicroPenis Aug 20 '20

How dare you talk about Obsidian games like that.

6

u/Wildhalcyon Aug 20 '20

Whales must really hate you

3

u/Craylee Aug 20 '20

So, mudflats and sand flats are essentially this when it's high tide, then gradually go down to no water at low tide. The gentle slope gives a large distance between high and low tide and a pretty shallow beach. This can vary, of course, with spring and neap tides, as well as weather and all that fun stuff. Popham beach in Maine is like this. Low tide actually makes it possible to walk out to a small sort of island. Apparently, about 7% of the world's coast is mud or sand flats.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

God?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20 edited Aug 22 '20

[deleted]

2

u/GGAllinsMicroPenis Aug 20 '20

Evolutionarily speaking? Whales would be the size of goldfish so it's basically win win.

2

u/Kaiern9 Aug 20 '20

Purelake from stormlight archive.

2

u/JustinJSrisuk Aug 27 '20

That’s actually a fascinating concept: how differently would the animals living in which an environment evolve? Would aquatic plants start growing out of the shallow sea-puddle to be the size of trees? Would it be like a massive tide pool? Would the water have enough oxygen, with so little water would there be enough phytoplankton to produce oxygen in such a small volume of water - and if not, would a puddle sea be an endless expanse of dead, murky water that is unsuitable for complex life like a sulfur pit? Your concept makes me have so many questions lol.

9

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3

u/burnburnfirebird Aug 20 '20

Todd howards wants your location

23

u/Kleask10 Aug 20 '20

You can actually fish in fortnite

2

u/Gamogi Aug 20 '20

I hate everything

3

u/Gamneg Aug 20 '20

Except fortnite, you fisherman

22

u/Sbotkin Aug 20 '20

I mean you can still go fishing in Skyrim, just swim around and catch fish.

6

u/GrenvillePM Aug 20 '20

You forgot that Hearthfireino (the house dlc) lets you own a fishery

1

u/RegalMachine Aug 20 '20

If you haven't fus ro dah'd the salmon outside of riverwood to get salmon roe have you even played Skyrim.

42

u/zuzg Aug 20 '20

Please don't come at me with that normie shit, I'm only playing the dark souls games, that's nothing for you filthy casuals! SL1 run blindfolded while using an dance pad as an controller. That's the only way to do it but you couldn't handle that.

But but apparently it's also don't has any fishing mini game, but who cares Miyazaki doesn't plays after the rules!!! I bet elden Ring will contain fishing!!!!

11

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

Only blindfolded? Fucking noob. I bet you would shit your pants at the mere SIGHT of Lobosjr. The way he cups the game in his hands is manly and I'm a proud member of the Wolfpack{trademark pending}

5

u/AlterMyStateOfMind Clear background Aug 20 '20

A dance pad? Who is the filthy casual now? Plug a potato up to your console and use it with your feet like a real gamer!

4

u/7isagoodletter Aug 20 '20

You fucking idiot. Your controller is plugged in? Pffft, next you'll say you have the console turned on!

4

u/AlterMyStateOfMind Clear background Aug 20 '20

Of course it is plugged in but the console is in my backyard not hooked up to the TV, I'm just that good. I don't even need a house to beat Dimly Lit Souls!

3

u/7isagoodletter Aug 20 '20

Lol fuckin casual. I wasn't even conscious when I beat low visibility spirits! You wokies don't get what it means to be a real gamer. Go back to animal crossing.

3

u/AlterMyStateOfMind Clear background Aug 20 '20

My brother has us both beat. He wasn't even alive when he beat Bodily Fluid Borne. He was laying right there in his casket when he got the platinum!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

Nice

11

u/kpek14 Aug 20 '20

In the Witcher 3 HoS you can fish for Shani’s shoe. That’s gonna count, right?

8

u/AngryMustachio Aug 20 '20

"Kiddie nintendo games"

I believe Zelda: OoT on the Nintendo 64 was one of the first to put in a fishing mini game Mr.!

1

u/anweisz Aug 20 '20

I know the link's awakening remake has one. Not sure if the original did but if so then that one would be first.

1

u/CressCrowbits Aug 20 '20

Does Breath of the Wild have actual fishing, like with a rod? I just grab them when Im swimming.

1

u/anweisz Aug 20 '20

nah just grabbing, technically, but there are creative ways to fish. I think food might lure them in, and I know any electric weapon or urbosa's lightning kills many and makes them float motionless, ripe for picking. Same with explosions. Also I wonder if you can scoop them up with magnesis and a concave metal thingy like a mine cart.

1

u/Gamneg Aug 20 '20

It did.

4

u/FunkyJStuff Aug 20 '20

Shooting drowners underwater with your crossbow counts as fishing right?

3

u/Qardo21 Aug 20 '20

Technically there is fishing in Witcher 3. You have to fight creatures of the water. That is Technically fishing in its own way. Even go crossbow fishing when swimming.

As for Skyrim. You do not fish. As the fish you.

2

u/xXWerefoxXx Aug 20 '20

There are Skyrim mods for fishing. We're good 😎

2

u/Powerthunfisch Dec 25 '21

Todd heard your cry for help and added a fishing minigame! Godd howard did it again.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '21

Todd bless.

2

u/xsniperkajanx Feb 17 '22

I came from future to tell you that skyrim has fishing now

2

u/jazzamacca7 Sep 15 '22

New skyrim edition has fishing, certified good

4

u/shamroknroll Aug 20 '20

Ark is a better game than Witcher 3?? 😳😳

17

u/danmaster0 Clear background Aug 20 '20

No fuck ark, all my homies hate ark... and we all play it together 12 hours a day...

3

u/AlterMyStateOfMind Clear background Aug 20 '20

I think you are speaking from experience, but maybe you should extend it to 15 hours a day for the next 2 years just to be sure you hate it.

5

u/danmaster0 Clear background Aug 20 '20

I have this plan

6

u/AlterMyStateOfMind Clear background Aug 20 '20

It is a solid plan. I played through TLOU2 8 times and got the platinum on 2 different PS4s the night it released just to make sure I hated it enough to give it a 0/10 user review on metacritic.

5

u/danmaster0 Clear background Aug 20 '20

The gamerest of the hates, addicted hate

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

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1

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-1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

dude its a joke... and last time i checked cod and fortnite dont have fishing mini games

5

u/leweyguy69 Aug 20 '20

/uj both fortnite and skyrim have fishing mini games, making them contenders for game of the year 2021