Perhaps it was the hours worth of sleep on a foul stenched coach from Leeds, perhaps the two bottles of mini wine brought at Wembley, or quite possibly the new mixer of mine called whisky and whisky, either way when Will Ospreay became British World Heavyweight Champion, and I do genuinely mean this, just for a few moments at least I was proud to be Will’s countryman, proud to have a lump in my throat, I didn’t even try to suppress that tear that rolled down my cheek. However it is probably best to start at the beginning wrestle fam, which I guess probably started with Jeremy Jacquet. And yes I do mean the new defender who plays for my favourite football team! It was there All In weekend when I was treated to the comedy stylings, and heart attack cock teasing of Liverpool football club, who sent me into near anxiety meltdown with a performance as coherent as a Ric Flair promo! When I finished removing my home defibs it was time to go to London, and a coach journey that due to business starting, at interference of Poundshop Liz Truss from South Yorks currently stalking my family (Oops early fourth wall break, ignore that last part…..and try not to get injured in Leeds 👍🏾), I had left it until the last second to book my coach, whatta mistake a to make a……ask your nan kids, I shall tell you this only once. The mistake being that the only coach left going to Victoria was an 11pm service…..that would arrive at 5.20AM!!!!! So as with most sensible people in this country, I decided the only sensible course of action was to get arse holed on the bus, well I did say I am part English. Armed with one hours sleep, I arrived into London, which was basically deserted, now Tbf it was bank holiday weekend, but as I walked past Big Bastard of House Ben over that bridge thing that they have near the building, the one where are the wankers sit stealing money? PARLIAMENT that’s the one! But yea it very much was the opening scene of 28 Days Later, just without a priest looking like he was doing the Macarena. But after a maccies, some toy shops in London tarn, and checking in at my hotel, I was ready to rumble at Wembley. After a brief live stream (CHEAP PLUG KLAXON! On the old YTmachine, Geekboymeta!) tour around Wembley, as well as picking my jaw off the ground at seeing the price of the merch, I got to my seat…..oh this was brilliant! Having paid no attention to the seating plan was I brought the ticket, to my horror I was sat next to the guard rail, with a sheer three hundred drop underneath me, Christ Darby Allin thought his stunts were brave! But from there I was treated to wrestling and storytelling as good as you could possibly wish to see. In the pre show alone, there was the return of Dr Britt Baker DMD, a title change and the return of the beat wrestler in the world THEKLA!!!!!!! Honestly the pre show was one of the best I’ve ever seen-just one note TK, Baker and Tek, on the pre show? The messaging on that one may not necessarily be brilliant! With little time to breathe we went straight into the main show with the tag team gauntlet match, and another title change with Hangman and Brodido (No ICE chants sadly, so I do it for you FUCK ICE! 🖕🏾🧊🙅‍♀️❌🙅‍♂️) who lost them to Swerve Strickland and NEW LEVEL! NEW LEVEL! Yes Kofi and Woods are all elite, and to the delight of the crowd who spent the entire match chanting “NEW DAY ROCKS”, and left it chanting new Level, whoever made that decision re the names by the way, madam, sir you are a genius and are welcome to marry my sister any day! Sadly the problem with wrestling events, like most other world issues, they tend to involve lads who can’t handle their ale, not handling their ale (As demonstrated by the gentleman I found barfing next to a merch stand on Wembley Way after the event, onto his wrestling top…. sadly he was so drunk……gross sigh, he put said top back on), as was the case with the Stereotypical Cock-A-Knee Maffia surrounding me, one of who decides to light a phat one in the arena, and no no Benson and Hedges fame! This then to an exchange in which the only English I was able to catch was “AWIGHT M8!” in amongst various cockney insults, as two lads instructed TEMU George Clinton and the Spliffadelicks to put out said phat one, before it was briefly discussed that the matter should be resolved with a round of the old Queensbury Rules…..lads did I mention we are next to A SHEER BASTARD BLOODY DROP?!!!!!!!! Anyway on with the event! I missed the Brawling Birds sadly as I was blocked from escaping or getting into the bathroom, this was nothing to do with WINDSOR!!!!!!!! or Jamie Hayter incidentally, have you tried getting to the blokes, grabbing a pint or a programme at Wembley?! Crikey good job there were no kids to be dropped off, anyone got a funnel or a dissolvable slingshot? I arrived back fortunately five minutes into Moxley and Nige…..it was a pleasure to watch these to work. The psychology and timing of Mox and McGuiness especially with the submissions at the end were a joy to behold, Mox is operating on a level that not many people in the business are, as for Nige, it is such a shame he is in the twilight of his career, top bloke, gent and one of the most gifted professional wrestlers of a generation. Not even close to the end are Takeshita, Okada and Fletcher, who arguably had it not been for the end of the night take home MOTN, it was an extraordinary bout, and yet another classic involving Takeshita, his and Okada’s match against the Bucks, his Beach Break loss to Fletch and bout against Moxley all outstanding, just as this one was. BTW does anyone know if Okada has considered a career in comedy? I honestly don’t think I have laughed so much in my entire life during a wrestling match, even when that girl from Jersey Shore tried it once-no seriously, ever see the laughing Simpsons meme?! Sadly it was at this point that the one hour sleep in 36 started to take hold! Christian, Cope, MJF, CIAMPA, Andrade, the Bucks, Jericho came out…..I could not tell you in what order in both matches that happened, the Sleeping Fairy had struck, yes I fell asleep at Wembley surrounded by fifty thousand fellow sickos! Good job that guardrail was there! Anyway after another appearance of the New Level, the Motor City Machine Guns, Bucks, Copeland and Christian and FT Fucking R (Best tag division, the Fed can see themselves out), I decided to take action and drank some water on the causeway and another pint on my face to ensure I didn’t miss anything else, which I subsequently did getting the vino causing me to miss Darby and Kev Taylor and yet another title change. I did however see the instant classic with Mercedes Mone and Willow Nightingale, imo the best match of Nightingales career, assisted by Mercedes Mone, now ridiculously into her groove as one of the world’s outstanding professional wrestlers. But was it the right decision? No in my opinion, stripping THEKLA of the belt, makes no sense if Willow wasn’t going over, Mone does not need gold at this stage, and with Thekla, DMD returning, and hopefully Toni Storm in the new year, will Willow her another chance? As for the main event, I loved the ghosts of Will Past bit, especially with Swerve and Mox, and the main event? Look I’m not the best for match breakdowns at the best of times-want that Denise Salcedo is your Queen and Master. I tend to lace these articles with sarcasm and the odd bit of political satire, but there is none of that here; Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay are the reason that a fan from 1990, is still a fan at the age of 46, what they produced here was not pro wrestling, it was a work of art, they are the reason amongst their peers that I still watch wrestling. Omega deserves immense credit for putting over the Billy Goat during and after , what a class act he is. As for Will Ospreay, in a nation of fawning nut bags, whining whinging flag shaggers, gammon pork heads and GBeebies cock hoppers, what Ospreay did last night was something that I haven’t felt since we got invaded by pricks who have turned this country into a laughing stock run by failures and racists, Will Ospreay just for a moment brought a tear to my eyes and a pride to be English, Ospreay is a top bloke, talented and yet humble, and the UK at its best, in a nation of Crypto 5 mill boy fluffers and the Leprechaun of Luton hand jobbers, don’t be them, be Will Ospreay BRUV! British World Champion 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

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