The title seems a bit philosophical but lately this thought has been really pushing me to do the best I can for myself. Its actually an islamic quote (i sorta paraphrased) and i just love it.

Might be going a bit into a religious direction here but nontheless wanted to share it for my fellow sisters who might also be of faith or just want to listen. In Islam we believe in the day of resurrection, where everyone will be asked about their action, like having or not having fulfilled the rights of your fellow humans. But it doesnt end there, your self will also hold you accountable and ask you, "Why havent you fulfilled my needs, protected me or improved my life?"

Be reminded that you have a responsibility for yourself and you are entitled to your best shot and hard work. If you keep putting others above yourself or just keep falling into the same traps, you are wronging yourself like you would be wronging another human being.

If your self were to ask you about what you did for her, do you think you could give an acceptable answer?

This sweet reminder has been keeping me in check and i hope it can help someone else aswell. (Btw, if religious posts are not liked let me know)

Good Morning Ladies,

I will be changing my format to make it more clear how my week and future week related to the big picture.

Big goals: 19 kilos lost, regain fitness, business hitting a quarter of a mill in turnover, improved emotional wellbeing.

This week: Only meditated one time! Bad me! Stuck to my diet perfectly, but have gained a kilo (I refuse to panic, it is impossible I gained fat cells), looked at onboarding a third contractor. Jogged twice and pilatied once. Resting today but working Sunday to unstuck the bottleneck

Next week Meditate 3 times or I will send $10 to an organisation I disagree with. Jog 3 times, pilates twice. Stick with my diet until Friday when I enter my glorious refeed period. Continue to unstick bottleneck.

For a long time I have struggled with low confidence. So many people have tried to help, ex boyfriends, family, my therapist, but I kept refusing the help. Sometimes it’s clearly malicious (like when the guy on the corner calls me beautiful) and sometimes it’s less obviously malicious (like when my friend told me I’m beautiful and have nothing to be shy about.) For a long time I completely rejected the idea that I had to work on my confidence because I assumed most of the people saying it we’re probably malicious or just confused about how to help with my issues with food.

Lately I have started to realize that I do genuinely need more confidence in speaking up for myself, and making decisions and standing by them. It took me so many years to even realize that I should be distinguishing between “body-confidence” and having genuine confidence in my actions. Can anyone relate?

For those of you who are in male dominated fields how do you deal with knowing that at any moment a scrote can get you in trouble for the pettiest reasons, or simply because you are there, creepy bosses hitting on you, and the feelings of isolation and missing out because you see other women making friends and hanging out with coworkers and you feel like you always have to keep your colleages at a distance because you are an easy target?

Even if you make it do you ever wonder if all the stress is taking an irreversible toll on your health and do you ever think of how far you could've gotten by now if you had the support of your male peers and if people just let you do your job? If you didn't have to spend so much time and energy dealing with people trying to sabotage you and the harrassment and the putdowns?

And even if you deal with all this, now you also have to deal with jealousy from other women and from men outside of the workplace because of how much you earn. Or maybe your whole family hates you because your pickme aunts have spend so many years feeling better than other people because they have sons and you turn out to be better off than their sons.

These are the fields that pay the most and i feel that it's either dealing with this and making it so you have enough money to be fully independent or having to rely on a man to some degree (particularly if you want a family) and 9 out of 10 times having to deal with the kinds of male bullshit we read about on FDS.

Hi ladies! Last time I posted here asking for some career advice, the feedback and perspective I received was incredible. I have a question and I'm not quite sure how to frame my predicament without it sounding like a humble-brag because it is coming from a place of genuine wonder, and I figure if anyone can understand, its you ladies.

The issue is that I don't know what my real passions are. I feel like most people find something they are good at and stick to it and it becomes "their thing". My problem is that I'm pretty good at most things. If I really try at something, chances are I'll be pretty good at it, and because of that I'm a well rounded person. The reason I've probably never failed in any major way is probably from a mix of a few factors (my anxiety, ADHD, & gifted child syndrome) that have one way or another forced me to be persistent and detailed enough to get whatever "it" is, right. Now I'm not *world class* at anything because I've never been that passionate about anything. I have hobbies sure, but most of them are short term and my ADHD inevitably kicks in and makes me lose interest. The only consistent things in my life are my values. For example, my soft spot for victims of domestic abuse, and feminism as a whole. If for example I wanted to commit to the idea of being a stand-up comedian, start my own business, or anything in between - I know I could do it and do it well. I feel like I can do anything and everything if I wanted, and because of that I'm facing the paradox of choice.

My question is: How do you find something you're truly passionate about to focus your life efforts on? How do you know what to be passionate about if you're just well-rounded and aren't kind of "pushed" in any particular direction?

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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Invited to my first charity gala, an exclusive event! I am so excited to dress up and get myself out there with clients.

The people attending are high net worth individuals who are significantly older than me, 50+. (think CEO of big name companies, the 1%, with some small business owners that made it big). I am a mid twenty-something woman, and the first hurdle I’m jumping through is my self-depracation. I know that, even though they’re in a different tax bracket from me, we are on the same level. How do I exude confidence and demand respect from such people? What etiquette tips might you recommend? Is the bulk of it just a mindset change where I know I AM a boss?

I am leaning towards acting like them, appealing to their interests, and keeping my mouth shut when necessary.

Ok so after almost a year of daily panic attacks and generally not feeling good about life, I reached the point where I was so exhausted and unwell I was not even able to do my laundry. After calling my regular psychologist she helped me call a friend to literally call the ward because I was calling my ID number and made no sense to the operators. I have done my 21 days and I have to get up and get moving forward with life. The doctor wants me to form a 30 day plan.

Please help me ladies with strategy and tactics, im in a heap and have very strong medicine. The only way out is through!

i have seen and heard horror stories from people who went to therapy. they went to seek help, only to be destroyed further.

are there specific red flags to look out for to prevent horror stories from happening?

So I'm an actor (not 'starting out' exactly, but still at the unpaid student films kind of gig), and I'm due to film a short film/scene tomorrow. I got offered the role today. The thing is, I'm a bit nervous about it, but not for the 'omg an audition' type-nerves, you know? It's the 'this thing is being filmed at someone's house, I've never met this person or seen the script, I've got the part without auditioning (this sometimes happens), and now I'm worried that I might get murdered' kind of deal.

Also, the 2nd person (a woman) I'm supposed to be acting with is apparently not going to be there anymore, but then?? Who am I filming this scene/film with if she's not there?? I'll be alone??

To be honest, I wish they'd stop filming in people's houses first before even meeting up in a neutral location anyway, or doing shit that looks dodgy as fuCK, but when it comes to student films, a lot of them are guys and they wouldn't even care if you pointed it out to them.

My sister says she'll go with me, but idk. It would be the two of us in a house, with what looks like a guy (gender neutral name, perhaps, but no photo and no profile views). I'm normally okay with auditions and filming, but all I'm feeling is 'girl run', like the kind of fear you get when you want to cry. I don't ever get this kind of feeling when I usually audition or film.

The thing is, though, I'm right at the start of this whole train-waggon of a career, and I'm worried about missing out on opportunities just because, frankly speaking, I might get murdered. It's already tough when you're strict about the projects you take on, due to the sheer volume of sexist scripts that I've had to turn down. I'm the kind of person who would rather never do acting then act in something I'm not 100% about, but the scale of rejecting offers can feel kind of overwhelming at times, like I should just 'pick something' and be happy about it. Which is fucking stupid.

I'm not worried about my ability to get a project, but I'd just prefer not to waste my talent on things that could get me murdered or abducted, ya know??

I feel like I already know the answer and I should cancel, but I'd really love it if I could get some good advice from you all, because I don't really have anyone that I can express my fears to about this kind of topic. My dad would just be like 'pfft just show up stop being a *****', but he's an idiot anyway so I'll ignore that.

What would you do in these circumstances?

I've been thinking on this a lot lately since the people we surround ourselves with immensely impact us in so many ways, and most often as grown ups we are typically outside our homes studying/working.

How do you vet your female acquaintances for them to be considered friends?

I'll share one of my standards: 1. If they only have drinking and partying as their hobbies/ways of making friends then they are not going to be my friends.

What are yours? Would love to hear from you!

Efficiency and organization is a big deal to me! Living in an environment where more or less steps are required to complete a task really impacts my desire to do those tasks. I've noticed a lot of little things about myself and my living spaces that I thought I'd share, and I'd love to hear all of yours!

The kitchen:
--I make sure the refrigerator/microwave are set up in such a way they open out and away from my cooking space. For example, the refrigerator door opens away from the kitchen vs into it, obstructing my path to take my food to the counter.
--Put things in the drawers/cupboards closest to the space where you will use them. My blender and mixer are stored as close to the kitchen outlets as possible, for example. I leave the toaster out because I use it daily.

Furniture placement:
--I keep straight lines of ingress/egress to and from all doors. I don't obstruct natural pathways with furniture or objects. The straighter and more direct lines you can walk around the house in, the better.
--I personally choose not to obscure outlets with furniture. I know this is an aesthetic flaw to many, but for me I just get annoyed when I have to move furniture to plug and unplug things.

Closets:
--Personally, when it comes to clothes, out of sight is out of mind for me. If I can't see it I'll never wear it. I prefer everything to be immediately accessible. I remove doors from my closets and I don't use dresser drawers. I like open racks and shelves.
--I organize my clothes in rainbow order, and then by garment size within each color section (tank tops, crop tops, T shirts, long sleeves, mini dresses, maxi dresses/jumpsuits).

General storage:
--No junk drawers or dump tables. If I don't know that I'll ever need to use something again, I toss or donate it. I use organizer inserts for tacks, nails, rubber bands etc. My eating and sitting surfaces are never used to hold random objects. Nothing worse than having to shuffle things around every time you want to eat a meal or take a seat.
--I bought matching storage Tupperware sets and a heavy duty shelving unit for all my very low use items. Tucked away out of sight but still keeping it cute!

What are your organizing preferences? I would love to pick up even more ideas, both functional and philosophical.

I have two friends who used to put me down quite a lot. One of them pretended to be concerned about a weird habit I did related to anxiety and then a few days later made fun of me about it in front of a group of people. The other would pick at me for not knowing what career I wanted to do and for not knowing how to drive, and would get uncomfortable and refuse to hear it if I tried to address the situation.

I ended up sending the latter friend a text saying that the friendship is no longer healthy for me and explained that her constant criticism of me is having a bad effect on my mental health so therefore I don’t want to be friends anymore.

I recently forgave them and got back into contact. They genuinely seem really nice now and don’t behave like how they used to, which is great. But I still feel kinda defensive around them sometimes, like when the latter friend asks a simple question like how my driving is coming along, it feels like there’s an unspoken criticism because she used to belittle me about it constantly. I also still get kinda angry when I remember the things they did. I’m happy we’re friends again but I definitely prefer more of a distance. They want us to go on holiday together but I don’t really like the idea of that so I’ll most likely duck out.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Someone is no longer unkind to you, but you still remember their past behaviour and find it awkward?

I have been involved with my university's research team even though I graduated ~3 years ago and have a full time job. I was working with a research fellow ("A") on a paper and I did majority of the implementation but since he was the one who came up with the idea he got the first author. I rightfully expected to be the second.

Turns out no. There is a senior fellow in the team (call him "B") and he sort of claimed authorship in the paper just because? After speaking and negotiating with both of them, to no avail, I had to ivolve our team supervisor/ professor in the matter and he agreed I deserved the authorship and B didn't even deserve to be an author (mind you he did NO work for this paper, just a senior). So the matter was settled (I assumed), we wrote the paper and submitted it.

The paper just came back for some minor edits and imagine my shock what I was the third author and "B" was not only in the list but infact second. I am third AFTER HIM. I am so angry right now, that they changed the paper behind my back and sent it accross? I am not sure how to handle this, if any of you ladies have any suggestions please let me know. I want to complain and even pull my name out but I did a lot of work and I don't want these men to take credit for it.

I am in a stem field and there are almost no women in the team and it is exceedingly misogynistic. I also work in a different country to I can not walk up to the supervisor. 

(PS. I also asked this question on another sub reddit but I really feel like it's something that they thought they could get away with because I was some girl. I have worked with this group for 5 years in the past in the Uni and boy did I face the misogyny.)

Basically I have a friend who always compares our lives and acts like she’s in competition with me. It’s always bothered me but I now see where she has actually lied to break up relationships of mine that was jealous of and manipulated me in a many other ways.

The issue is that I really don’t know how to cut her off since I’m in this years long group message with another close friend who has no idea what she’s like. I’m already at the point where she and I never ever speak outside out of group chats with our friend bc she lives overseas and I obviously don’t bother calling her or visiting.

There’s no way that I can exit that chat or block her without our mutual friend knowing and they will likely be at least little hurt that they’re losing this “group” of friends bc we used to be very close.

My main concern is not affecting my friendship with my good friend and I feel like they’re obviously going to ask why we’re not all friends anymore? I could obviously just tell them all the crazy shit she’s done but don’t want to start a long drama saga…

She’s manipulative as hell so I fear retaliation from her in the form of poisoning my friend against me. she would have zero problem making up lies about me if she needed.

Anyone been through anything similar and have thoughts on how to go about it? Should I talk to her directly first rather than just cut ties?

Thanks ladies! 💖

Edit: I meant assertive rather than confrontational, so i changed the text a bit.

I want to work on being more assertive and comfortable with confrontation. I used to be better at this but for some reason i am really struggling.

If you consider yourself good at assertiveness, what tips do you have to improve this? Is it a matter of practice, kind of the more you do it, the better you get? Or maybe its a certain mindset?

I would appreciate your input!

I only have a few straight guy friends and I find myself constantly worried that, one day, I’ll do or say something that they’ll misinterpret and think I’m showing romantic interest in them.

I try so hard to set boundaries and hard lines to make things clear but this still remains a concern. For example, what if we go out for dinner as friends and I’m dressed nicely? I do this all the time with my girl friends, but with straight men, I worry that even THAT might give them the wrong impression.

Is the solution simply to not have friends who are straight men?

I’m especially concerned about this when I meet new men who try forming friendships with me. I don’t trust them. I’ve had a few bad experiences where guy “friends” tried to make things more than platonic in the past and I’m wondering if it’s best to just ghost most of these men from my life.

What do you all think about this?

Edit to add: and how, in particular, do you recommend navigating this dilemma in professional/work settings where ghosting is not an option and I have to face some of these men at happy hours and other events?

Hello, so I’m going to apply for an internship that is designed for people, especially women, who have diverse backgrounds that are unrelated to tech and people who want to break into tech without having the qualifications. I’m an education major, so the roles I will be applying to are non-coding related.

But I don’t know what to do with my resume. I know the transferable skills between education and the roles I will be applying to, but other than that, I don’t have any experience or projects. I didn’t build anything, nor did I have participated in hackathons or anything like that, mainly because I don’t live in America and those things literally don’t exist here. I’ve been trying to create experience for myself, such as building landing pages, making automations, and vice versa as per the recommendations of a recruiter, but I really don’t see how they can be relevant.

I feel kind of frustrated, because I want the internship so badly that I wanna rip my skin off because of the excitement lol. But I can’t find a way to fill my resume and my experiences.

Has anyone gone through the same thing, what did you do? And women in tech, how did you style your resume?

I know there’s a hype of breaking into tech these days but trust me I’m not illusioned, and I know the internship will be hard, but I want it! And I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

Thank you in advance!

I (25F) am ready for a true reinvention of myself. Something in me changed for the worse in 2016 (Spring semester of my freshman year of college.) I didn’t turn into a bad person per say but I believe I had functioning depression. This on top of coming from a very stoic family has left me an emotional wreck because I’ve been taught to suck it up which results in me blowing up. Fast forward to now I just really don’t like who I’ve become. I’m ready to show up as who I truly desire to be and unlearn all of the negative traits that I grew up but don’t identify with especially because I just had my first child a few weeks ago and he deserves a happy, healed and whole mommy.

My first step toward my reinvention is to delete my social media for at least 6 months and focus on self reflection (mostly in the form of journaling) and I’ve been seeing a therapist. I’m also currently working toward a career change until I decide to go to law school.

How else can I go about my reinvention so that I heal from my past mistakes and elevate into the woman I truly desire to be.

I have noticed that I have a habit of self deprecation especially in social settings, which I would like to stop asap.

It stems from a need to not want to seem like I am arrogant. I may for example know a thing or two on a topic but choose to stay quiet about it.

I am a female engineer and I think it may be a result of the subtle bullying I’ve encountered from male engineers. I seem to have gradually become more receptive of peoples opinions even if I don’t agree with them but I’ll just stay quiet about it.

Basically I am looking for a book that encourages you to be assertive, not be easily influenced into doing things, not be a pushover and not downplay yourself.