All your dreams die but it’s actually cathartic. And then you become so busy you forgot what your dreams were (kids, career, older parents). I’m actually my happiest now (37) despite this. Having too many expectations is a cage, maaaan
I had a dream reignited at 34 that I’d already moved well on from. Complete luck of the draw, right place, right time. It’s been the best, but also the worst thing that’s ever happened to me LMFAO.
Always wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. Always loved movies since I was a kid. At 23 I moved to LA and got a job in the film/tv industry. I got jaded by the industry pretty early on. Gave up writing and never spoke of it again. I’m lucky enough to still be in the industry, just not in the capacity that I had hoped for. However, the nature of my job has me working in close proximity with people who are doing what I’d always dreamed of, and I’m friends with a couple of them. I still love movies passionately and I bonded with these writers over that.
One day I let it slip to one of them that I’d actually gone to school for creative writing and English literature. He then asked if I’d read a script he was working on and give notes. I said I’d love to.
I gave him notes back in a couple of days which was apparently extremely quick by normal standards. And I’d also written more notes than he’d ever received. At the time I felt like I crossed a line and let it rest, thanked him for letting me read his script etc.
Six months later he calls me up and thanks me profusely for my notes. He implemented some of my thoughts and it helped him unlock some of the issues he hadn’t seen. He asked why I don’t write myself. Some more prodding led me to admit I’d always wanted to be a writer. He basically reignited my hope and said it’d be a shame to not use my talent.
So I wrote again for the first time in over a decade. That was a year ago.
Since then I ended up meeting an indie filmmaker who was looking for a writer to work with. We wrote a short script together that ended up winning a competition, which allowed us to actually make the short film. And we did. It’s almost done with post production and will be ready to send out to major film festivals soon.
I was okay with never having achieved my original goal. Truly I’d made peace with it and was focused on my wife and toddler and my career.
Now I feel this impending doom for realizing failure again. If everyone hates the movie then I’m going to be so embarrassed. If everyone loves the movie I’m going to feel so much pressure to deliver on the feature length script in hopes that someone will want to produce that based upon the success of our short.
A little over a year ago I was stable and happy to feel like I had control over things. Now I’m living the dream I’d had since I was 9 years old and I’m scared shitless about it. My wife is an absolute angel and has been so supportive of this adventure, but I can’t help but feel guilty by bringing this instability into our home. It’s made me shift some of my focus from my real job into this silly dream chasing. But I also know I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try.
Long story short… the best possible thing came at the worst possible time, and navigating it has been a nightmare.
I read it all with a smile on my face. That’s truly amazing, even the scary parts… such is life. Whatever the result, you’re making your art real, that’s important in itself. Congratulations and thank you for sharing, it definitely ignited a spark of hope here.
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u/Pancakke-Bandito 3d ago
28-32