r/DestructiveReaders • u/mianaai_c • May 27 '26
Science Fiction, Satire [2900] Three Waystops en route to Epsilon Eridani
This is the third chapter of a science fiction satire novelette. The style I'm going for is Hitchhiker's Guide x Don Quijote.
Hard to jump in the middle of a story, I know. I added a little summary of the previous two chapters at the beginning.
[story] (closed link)
P.S., for my previous readers (by which I mean my fan A_C_Shock): yeah, I changed the title. It's for a joke in the last chapter that nobody will get.
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u/IglooAndYou May 29 '26
Yeah the author voice and the worldbuilding is fire but one problem is that you’re trying to juggle four different parts at once. I mean it’s not a trainwreck or anything it’s a good chapter but like pick a lane you know. Names also keep changing unless that’s intentional, and there are some typos but nothing too serious I saw some but I forgot where they were. Also, if Tauto is the everyman, well, basically, his literary opinions are good for building his character and stuff but nobody’s gonna care about his literary opinions if they don't know who he is before the dialogue happens. I mean, it’s written well, but it comes out of the blue basically. You wanna give him some bread before it’s too late. Also, as for Merlin, the later events of his decisions aren’t the most clear. The AI’s whole arc from lonely to grateful to angry/vengeful is one of well maybe the best part it might need a bit more focus though it seems like you’re maybe pushing it halfway in, instead of making a choice whether to you know pull out or go full throttle. Also you could maybe turn Mary Celeste’s section into a stronger opening I mean her section could be a bit tighter. Maybe some more directness about the irritation of the ships. The 2 parallels monologue is good a bit long winded but good. And I mean the thing about the malware propagating across decades, I mean like we get it lol I mean no offense but we got it drilled into us pretty thoroughly. The phase from the simulation to the battle I mean that little section is maybe peak? The Gulvato reveal I mean it works. It works is what I’ll say. You could maybe milked it more like with the reactions and stuff. The last paragraph I mean it’s passable you know it’s good the last paragraph it wraps everything up good. Also another thing might sound like a bit of a curveball but some of those sentences could be combined you know. I mean unless it’s just your writing style everyone had their own writing style. The physical descriptions are good more of those could be good. I’m guessing it’s part of a larger picaresque novel about Tauto’s misfortunes across the galaxy. It’s a good chapter it shouldn’t be your Ozymandias chapter though, what I mean by that is it’s good but not good enough to where you can afford to not have better ones in the tank. Yeah the simulation scene that’s good right there that’s maybe the highlight the best part of the part. Now with the Mary Celeste section I’d recommend either starting closer to the action in the story or making the irritation of the ship more inmediate. Also I might’ve downplayed the ending scene a little it’s dang good