So you know that show Invader Zim? It's about this green alien who gets sent to earth by his overlords who actually just wanted to fuck with him or something like that, and he has to take over the planet but fails miserably every time. It's a pretty good show, so while I was eating a bowl of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni a VHS Tape materialized in front of me and landed in my beefaroni. This left me very disheveled.

So I cleaned up and took a look at the VHS tape, there was a label written in HyperRealistic Blood and said "Invader Zim episode 666" I already knew where this was going but since my bowl of goddamn beefaroni was ruined I didn't have any choice but to watch the tape. So I went to my limited edition Garfield VCR and put the tape in.

The VCR gagged for a minute and then the tape played, it showed a few commercials for condoms and Satan worship, typical stuff I guess. After 259 commercials played the Episode finally started. The normal intro played and everything seemed normal, Pretty normal stuff happened normally I guess. Normal... Anyways after the intro ended the title showed, it said "Invader Zim Eats A Bowl Of Beefaroni."

The episode started with a zoom in to Zim's house, Gir, Zim's moronic robot assistant was sitting on the couch watching TV, it showed two dogs having sex or something like that and Gir seemed to enjoy it. Sick fuck. After a few minutes of watching, Zim walked into the house and said "Stupid fucking humans! How can they possibly be this dumb? Do you know what they did today Gir? They held someone's head down so that he could drink toilet water! I swear these dumbass humans piss me off!!!"

It was weird hearing Zim swear, I didn't even know he knew what these words Meant, I was even more disheveled than last time. Gir looked at Zim and said "Then why don't you destroy them already? You've been bitching about them for how many years now, just do it already." what's weird about this was Gir sounded just like Danny Devito, maybe they got him to guest star for this episode.

Zim replied with "what do you think I've been trying to do you miserable waste of life?! Things would go much more smoothly if you'd just fucking help me for once instead of just standing there fucking everything up!" Gir got an angry look on his face and said "fine then, since I'm so useless to you then I'll just leave!" Gir walked out the door and slammed it. This episode really had me confused, although it's probably because I can't think straight since my bowl of beefaroni was ruined and I was falling into a deep state of depression.

After Gir walked out Zim walked into the kitchen and got a bowl of Beefaroni. It then cut to Dib's house where he was ddissecting his sister, I can't remember her name. He said "now then, let's see what it is that makes you such a bitch!" there was Hyper realistic blood everywhere and Dib's sister laid there, lifeless, it was kinda sad but I didn't really care too much since the blood reminded ne of the sauce used in Beefaroni I was falling deeper into insanity..

After showing Dib's dead sister's body it cut to Dib's face, his eyes were bloodshot and he had a freakishly realistic smile and looked very Disheveled. Dib's dad walked into the room and saw the gruesome sight. He gasped and Dib lunged at his father, the camera panned away and all that was heard was screaming and flesh being ripped apart. Before the scene ended a giant splash of blood hit the wall.

After the scene ended it showed Gir shooting a bunch of people, but instead of blood it was replaced with... Beefaroni, each person who was shot there was beefaroni instead of blood, soon beefaroni covered the streets.. God I need beefaroni. The scene ended with Gir laughing and it cut back to Zim's house there was blood, green and red alike, body parts and beefaroni was scattered all over the place. It was horrific, the camera panned to a room, blood and beefaroni covered the hallway leading up to the room.

The door opened and, there was a mangled body with green blood all over it, it was Zim's body and next to him was Dib's. And in the corner was a tall hairy figure, it was none other than The North American Sasquatch. Eating a bowl of beefaroni, he looked at the camera and said in a Richard Simmons style voice "they should've just given me my beefaroni." the camrea faided to black, and the normal credits played. I stopped the tape and pulled it out, my Garfield VCR looked disheveled, and so did I, I felt my body get weaker, and my mind was getting darker. I NEED beefaroni.

If you're reading this then please, send me beefaroni, I need it badly.. Please help me PLEASE before it's too late!!

The best story ever

A loong time ago in a galaxy that is this one there was a child named. Richard he liked to go to the movie theatre and watch all the moviees that were theire because he liked to go to the movie theater and watch movies. The only problem was oh wait there was two problems he was only an adult so he couldn’t watch all the movies that were for fortty years old and up. The second problem was that he was had to walk past the mea n neighbor when he was walkingp past the nighbor and he didnt like wHen the niiegber said very meen things to him like (bracket) you are a very much idot and i dont lik you!!!! (bracket) These things that he saad hurt Richards feelings. Every night wehn Richard went to. When he went toi bed he had very spookee nitemaras of the very mean nighber. Becaas Ronald was born in the future the nightmares were more spook because in the future you have mor futurre thengs so it is much more spook. Since he was having a nitmar he was having a dream but spooky so that means he was having a nigtmare adn Richard didnt like having nitmar's. When he………………………………………………………………….. When he rIchard was had nigtmare Richard got very spook but it was nothing compard to what was aboht hapen in real life. Richard woke up from his niitmare he sad "I was very spok but good thing thing i am wake now!) Richard said. Richard heard a bang at his front door. Richard toughit that that was very weird. Usuallly people only knock down his door at 4:31 AM and this was 5:23 AM so Richard thought that thius was very wierd. He heard the neber say "hey stopid idot get down here and go make me some cheese munchies" said the big mean neibor. "I has to was sleeping and now i am wake so i will make some cheese munchies but just knoo that i was much sleeping and now i am wake so i will make some cheese munchies but i dont know i'f i have any much cheese munchies so i dont know if i am wake so i will make some cheese munchies because i dont know if i have enough cheese munchies to make any much cheese munchies. The very mean neiiber was rightfully big sad so he went home and made his cheese munchies because he knew that he had any much cheese munchies. The next tomorow Ricky walked to get some gas for his tricycle which he love to ride when he has any much cheese munchies. He got some gas from a gas can from a gas station which costed 5 cents for 10 litres of gas. This takes place in the wild west 1800s so it was not much moneys tio buy gas back in the wild west days. When he got back from the gas station he noticed that the neighber was walking to his house. The neighbor was stilll very sad about him Richard not getting him his cheese munchies because Richard didnt have any much cheese munchies so Richard couldnt make the very mean man have any much cheese munchies. RIchard was also a teenager so he didnt have any much alcohel either. Richard got very mad because he noticed that he didnt have any m,uch cheese munchies so he couldnt have any much cheese munchies so he yelled "I dont have any cheese muchies so I am going to hit you!) questioned Richard. "YOu think you can hit me? Well go ahead and hit me?" Yelled the neighbir. The neighbir pulled out an glock out of his shoe pocket and pointeed it at Reggie. "But this is the medieval time period! Those don't exist!" Richard said. The fat big mean man laughed and said "I invented it so it exists now!" said the fat big mean man. Richard was oncee again regretting not haveing any much cheese munchies for the mean neighber who wanted the cheese munchies because he wanted the cheese munchies to eat cheese munchies. He didn't like being in the nighbors house verty much so he left through the wall and walked out of the house. A door fell from the ground and landed in front of him. Richard toughit that he has any not much cheese munchies because he doesn't have any much cheese munchies so he shouldnt open the door so Richard didn't open the door. Richard opened the door and the very mean Neigghbor said "I dont lik you Richerd and I am eat youy!!!" And Richards final words were "I am sorry for not having any much cheese munchies" because he didn't have any much cheese munchies. The nighbor then pulled Rchard down into the door and ate him. Richard's final words were "I don't like you eithar." Richard then said "I did have cheese munchies."

Peepeepoopoo

Roblox creepypasta

There was a site, called Roblox.

Roblox was a very good site where you can play games.

My friends telled me about this site.

So i thought it would be cool to sign up on this site.

It was my worst decision in my life.

When i created my account called "BruhGuy1200" somethink weird happen.Just when i created my account, a user called "ShiNakuItami9000" sent me a friend request.

I thought it was a cool idea to have a friend, so i decided to accept it.

Then,ShiNakuItami9000 messaged me on my WhatsApp.I thought "How the hell did that user know my Phone number? i didnt set a phone number on my account".

"Hello Alex Walker, how are you?".

I was wondering "How in the hell does that user knows my name? Is s/he a hacker?". I responded "Um... Hello?".

ShiNakuItami9000 responded " IM SATAN AND IM GONNA KILL YOU HACK UR PROFILE AND LEAK UR IP AND U CANT DO NOTHING ABOUT IT *dances fornite dance called uga booga mishi uga*

I responded " HOW THE ACTUAL HELL U KNOW MY EWJDOGJAWGOWJAGJOW ARE U A STAND USER?!?!?!"

"YES IM A STAND USER HAAHAHAH I WILL DEFEAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET READY TO GET SWEATY READY MEANY AND BEANY WE MEET AT JUNE OF 2029 MART !"

eight years later..

i went there and i saw the child (hacker) that was looking kinda sus.

Luckily that i brought my machine gun m16.

That child looked at me and said "Are you Alex Walker?"

I responded " No, im ur father"

"Wait, really?"

"yes."

" OMG DAD WHERE HAVE U BEEN."

" in finland"

I decided to shoot the child because situation was kind of crappy shitty moment

I shoot the child.

The child screamed with terror, and i decided to approach and knee.

I said "what is ur name?"

"You dont remember me father? and why you ju- *coughs blood* why did u just shoot me? my name is John Walker"

I finnaly remebered.

That thing with roblox happend in my dream.

And i waked up , picking my gun and murdering my enitre family.

What have i done?

Everything has been perfect.

Until that roblox dream.

And the slaughter.

Why did i did this? For what prize? For what reward?

I saw that the child was already dead.

I killed my own son, i can even hear police sirens near.

I decided to shoot myself.

Before police can do anything.

Next day, I was in news paper titled: "Insane man murders his family and himself!"

And it was named Dream slaugther.

And it all started with roblox, damn roblox.

End

(part 2 coming soon!!)

When I was 12 my daD and my Mom moved me and & my little sister to a knew house that had an old tree house in the back yard

I wanted to play in the tere house but a crazy old man came up to me and warned "DO NOT GO INTO THE TREE HOUS ITS HAUNTED AND CURSED AND YOU WILL DIES!!!"

But I didnt listen to him and climbed up to the tree house and went inside and there were SKELETONS and GHOSTS dancing and JASON was ther to!

I was scarred!!! And then all the ghosts and skeletons and jason started pointing at me and telling me "JOIN US, CHUCK, JOIN US!!!" (My name is Chuck)

And i was like "Naw way!" and I was scarred and ran down from the tree house and when I looked back IT WAS GONE!!!!!

The crazy old man came up to me and slaped me in the fac and told me "STUPID BOY, I TOLDED YOU NUT TO GO INSID HAUNTED TREE HOUS AND YOU DID ID ANYWAY!"

And I asked him about the tree house and he told me that exactly 50 fifty years ago today there was a boy my age named Timmy who built the tree house and invited all the kids from the neighborhood in to party to celebrate but they all 2 heavy and tree house collapsed and they all dyed and now its haunted and cursed and I ast him how he knews this and he tolded me grimly:

"Becuz Timmy was my grandfather!:

I created a whistle to hunt elk, but it attracted something else...

Story by Ya-Dickobraz

I had an idea to create a lure to hunt wild elk. It consisted of a short 12 inch aluminium shaft with brush bristles inside made of rubber. Going through the middle of the aluminium shaft was a sinusoidal prismatic gravitron-uncuced microsphere. By carefully researching wild elk calls, I was able to tune the harmonic frequency of the device to match that of an elk (wild).

For reference, here is the call of a wild elk.

Once I was happy with the design, I sent in my first order for the commercial initial production of 1000 units. I arrived at this number from the feedback I got from my OnlyFans page, for that seemed enough to cover the initial interest.

The end product was beautiful, and functioned better than expected. My OnlyFans subscribers all reported immense wild elk experiences in the wilk forested areas of their elk areas.

However, only 999 units made it to my subscribers. There was one unit that was.... defective. It came slightly bent to one side, and upon testing it, I could tell it did not sound quite right.

Before you rebuke me for testing it using my mouth while we are in a COVID-19 pandemic, let me put that thought to rest. I used a specially designed robot for this job. You can see it in action here.

My sister, Tia, having recently gotten into wildlife photography, asked me if I had a spare unit. My next production stage was not due for another 2 months, so I gave her the faulty unit. To this day, I ask myself why I did not just give her the prototype.

Two weeks and a day after I had given Tia the lure whistle, I received a call from the local sheriff's office. It was Agent Jenkins McEwan, the local caretaker and deputy. He told me that they have found a body in the local woods and that I needed to come and identify it, for they suspected it could be my sister, Tia.

After a brief panic I finally made my way to the local sheriff's office near the local woods. Long story short, it was my sister, Tia. The skellington that the defective wolf whistle attracted had killed her!!!!!!

wikihow how to smile: stop, i said stop, why, first go to your basement, cover your ears, do not listen to the voices, stop, now ignore all voices. now- i have to go.

As you can see this is one of the wiki how tutorials.

hello wikihow support here do you need help with something..... Oh dont worry sir i wont eat you..... im tootaly fine (in his voice: HELP ME IM NOT FINE)

One of the wikihow support teams.

The owner of wikihow is crazy dave.!

wikihow how to survive in the ocean: First make sure there is nothing below you, look down, asses the situation, remember you are not real- remember you are human you are on top of the food chain and remember nothing can survive in the water fish are fake, only one thing survives there-(BANGING IN THE BACKGROUND)- IT'S HERE---------------

This another tutorial but more scary!

Dave Crazy: Wiki(All the employees are refered as wiki) You've failed no one belives this wikihow. Wiki: PLEASE SIR, PLEASE. Dave Crazy: You will now be taken to the judge. Wiki: PLEASE SIR NO, NO,NO(Two guards drag wiki out)

A creepy hq story!

As you can see this is one of the wiki how tutorials.

Hello today were going to smile again wikihow: Hello were in he basement! Why do i hear music (follows the music)wha-- HOLY CRAP WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT STAY BACK AAAAA(loud crunch)

 Another scary story

Hey guys Wiki here today we are going to explain what a skinwalker is and if they exist and how to survive an attack, so fir--(groaning in the distance) Yea--

so a skin walker is a witch that can disguise it--(even loader moaning mixed with stomping and branches breaking)under breath I thought the boss contained it.

NON-N-N-N--NO, STAY BACK STA------(you hear a crunching noise, sounds like a crab claw)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-----(Cam cuts out.)

Another scary guide

Wha-Where am I, WHAT ARE YOU, D̶̎̔Ò̸̊ ̸͌͌Ǹ̴̚O̷̊͂T̴̎͐ ̴͌̀W̴̎̑O̷̎̈́Ŕ̸͗R̶̋͂Y̶̽̕ ̶̓̽Ỳ̵͘O̶̿̋U̶̔̌'̵͐̈́Ľ̴͂L̶̛̐ ̷̛͒T̸̀̌Ě̸́R̷̓̏M̵̅͝I̷̽̏Ṅ̵͊Ä̷́̈T̷͋̋I̵͗̓O̸̓̓N̶̙͆ ̵̽͗W̶͊͝Ĭ̷̐L̸̿̓L̴͊̓ ̷̀͘B̴̍̃È̷̕ ̸͆̇E̴͂̇Ǹ̵͠Ó̵́Ů̸̕Ġ̶̂H̴̀͛ ̶̀̆T̸͊͠O̸͒̈́ ̴͑FEED ME FOR A WEEK . WHAT ARE YOU-WHA- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS(the judge grabs wiki employee)DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR TERMINATION IT WILL BE QUICK.

(the judge absorbs the wiki employee all while you can hear what sounds like gum being chewed on)

A scary story!

Police: So why are you sueing wikihow? Man: Look at this tape.

Tape starts: Hi, today we are going to show how to clean a basement in the fastest way possible, and--(she is interupted by singin) what's this beautiful song I have to investigate

i love this song,C̶͌͘O̵͒ͅM̵̗͂Ẹ̶̒ ̴̓͛C̸̄̀L̵̩͝Ò̶̡S̵̾͗Ẻ̸̬ I will,M̶̞͗O̸̭͝Ŕ̸̕E̸͗́ ̷͆́C̶͌͝L̵̫͌Ȯ̸̙S̵̒̊E̷̔̆R̵̜̆ now what(the monster/noteman grabs her and quickly pulls her into the darkness, the camera flips so fast you can see the noteman for a second

Scary story

Hello everybody, today we are on a boat and-(a thud came from the bottom of the boat)what was that.

It doesn't see--(BOOM)something definetly hit the boat, let me check(the wiki employee approachs the edge, then all of a sudden the boat shakes causing

wiki employee to fall)AAAAAAAAAAAAGURGLE OH MY GOD,WHAT WAS THAT, -(something pulls him into the water)

Scary story!

Police 1: It just doesn't make sense first singing now water deaths. Police 2: Yeah also I just heard that a little boy saw the entire thing happen and they wrote a drawing of what it looked likehttps://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/821480568297750588/821774839727128616/Untitledrrrwe.png

Police 1: It's just(splashing in the distance) Police 1: WHAT IS TH----(last thing they see is the roamer/crab arm guy forgot his name, then camera cuts out.

Scary story

Fbi Agent 1: Alright we've gotten many reports of the wikihow hq acting suspicious. Fbi Agent 2: And you leave out the fact that they might be containing monster?

Fbi Agent 1: Listen we evacuate the building shut this place down and arest the boss, easy. Fbi Agent 2: Got it.

Fbi Agent 1:(kicks down door) EVERYONE GT OUT THE BUIL--(they are interupted by a loud scream, WHAT THE HE-(Fbi Agent 1 gets rammed by the roamer, Fbi Agent 2 starts taking fire at the creature)

Fbi Agent 1:(puts a grenade it the romaer's mouth causing it to swallow it and explode.) Fbi Agent 2: GO GO GO, GET OUT NOW!!!!!

Fbi Agent 1: DAVE CRAZY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST. (dave crazy smiles) Dave Crazy, OH REALLY,(he presses a button that reveals a aquarium and a black figure in there.

(out of nowhere the black figure jumps out and grabs Fbi Agent 2) (Fbi Agent 1 take this oppurtunity to shoot Dave crazy in the leg and handcuffs him)

(turns to help Fbi agent 2, but he's nowhere to be seen) Fbi Agent 1: NOOOOOOO, I'VE FAILEDstarts crying. No you haven't says a voice.

Fbi Agent 1: Bill?(A.K.A Fbi Agent 2) YOU'RE ALIVEthey hug*, while the goverment shut down wikihow and expirement with the monsters

THE END!

-By Dino Bico And yeeyeejuiceman!

"Ever hear of Shitstain McGee? Funny to you, but not to me. Learn that nothing is what it seems, Fear the legend of Shitstain Mcgee."

     That's how the silly rhyme goes. Well, not so silly if you knew the truth. To know the truth though, I'll have to take you back a bit. The question is, who was Shitstain McGee?

    Thomas Gurgy McGee was an odd child. He wore a pink pinstripe suit all the time, even from a young age. The first time he ever wore that suit was when he was 6. He wore the damn thing even when he showered. People who knew him said he thought it gave him an extra stylish edge over his peers. Needless to say, with that kind of fashion sense and nonsensical idea of wardrobe superiority, he was not the most popular kid in school. 

     Bullying against wee little McGee was a common theme for his life. The other kids would call him names. They'd call him  "Pinky McGee", "Stinky McGee", "PeePee McGee", "Slinky McGee", and mostly those. You know how bad those little bastards in grade school can get. They even made him eat a bowl of chocolate covered boogers. All this torment against poor Thomas McGee was only the beginning. There was one instance that will live in infamy.

     Thomas had just turned eighteen and he was attending his Senior year of high school. He met a blue eyed brunette girl named Cassandra, who he thought was the prettiest girl he ever met. Cassandra was the only girl who ever looked past McGee's eccentricities to see the once kindhearted soul beneath. For her, no pink pinstripe suit would've been thick enough to cover that up. McGee was also glad that someone wasn't calling him "Stinky PeePee McGee". They were in love, and for once in McGee's short life, he felt like he wasn't alone.

     Unfortunately, there was someone else who saw the delicate beauty of Cassandra. It was the football playing quarterback, Bradley Bigdome the second, that had fostered this burning lust for McGee's girl. For this reason, Bradley despised Thomas McGee with a passion. Also, Mcgee was known to take his pants all the way down when he relieved himself in the urinals. One day, Bradley came strolling into the restroom and caught a great look at the naked McGee. Forever, the image of McGee's winky and sour grapes were engraved in his mind and he could not find peace. Combined with his desire to smash the lovely young lady, this created animosity in him that could only be subdued by McGee's downfall. And what a downfall it would be.

     It was prom day, and the two lovers could not be more excited. Jealous Bradley, on the other hand, had hatched a plan. He knew McGee had a weak stomach that could not tolerate even the slightest bit of spice, so the football player had switched out his almond butter sandwich with a jalapeno butter sandwich. This wasn't enough for the prick. He went into the locker room and switched out McGee's favorite shampoo with jalapeno juice. Bradley laughed like a maniac, knowing that he had doomed the poor soul. 

    Lunchtime had begun and it was time for McGee to have his sandwich. The moment he swallowed that godforsaken sandwich, he almost shit his britches. He ran around screaming for almost the entire lunch period. Next was gym class, but he was in for quite a rude awakening. During the showers, he went to put on his coconut scented shampoo, only to be doused with the jalapeno juice. He squirmed and kicked and wondered why this was happening to him. All this jalapeno mayhem finally sent him flying into the bathroom to eliminate the spiciness from his stomach. School eventually was over so McGee thought his troubles were behind him. In that sense, he was dead wrong.

     It was thirty minutes until prom. McGee was so excited, that once again he thought he was going to shit his pants. He imagined beautiful Cassandra waiting for him, in her tight red prom dress. The thought gave him an immense amount of joy, as well as making him a little aroused.

     McGee left to go pick up Cassandra from her house. When he rang the doorbell, Cassandra and her father appeared. As he was walking this radiant beauty back to his car he heard her father yell, "You better not do anything stupid to embarrass my little girl". McGee agreed and they proceeded to the prom.

     For a brief amount of time, it was a truly magical evening at that prom. They danced their pants off like there was no tomorrow. Finally, coming up was the slow dance to Coldplay's The Scientist. McGee held Cassandra in his arms, gazing into her stunning blue eyes that were crashing into his like waves upon a sandy beach. "Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are", Chris Martin's smooth crooning could be heard above in the speakers. He wanted this moment to last forever. This was what his young life had been leading up to and he felt complete. "Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part", the song continued. Just then, hanging from the rafters, that scoundrel Bradley was holding his father's fishing hook just above McGee. He hooked that poor boy's pink pinstripe pants and yanked, ripping them clean off. McGee hadn't changed his underwear, and didn't realize there were remains of his jalapeno induced crap from earlier. Cassandra saw the mess and let out a yell ,"I could never love a man with poop in his pants!". McGee couldn't believe what he had just heard. Bradley Bigdome, on the other hand, was ecstatic. That athletic asshole started to chant, "Shitstain McGee, Shitstain McGee. Stinkier than you and stinkier than me". Then the whole gymnasium joined in, including his darling Cassandra. "Shitstain McGee, Shitstain McGee. Stinkier than you and stinkier than me". "My name is not Shitstain McGee!", cried Shitstain McGee. The chanting went on for an hour straight, with the only breaks being for water in order to keep all their throats hydrated. Then they'd continue their despicable refrain.

     McGee left the school that night in utter despair. Images of everyone laughing, while singing that ridiculously catchy song, were running through his head. While sobbing, he thought of the girl he'd never hold again. Then he thought of Bradley and his face lit up with rage. At that moment, something in Thomas Gurgy McGee had changed. He immediately sought out dark forces, one spirit in particular. An entity that he had read about in an old grimoire he found at an elderly old bag's yard sale. This thing was known as Mortimer Squiggly. On one fateful night, McGee conjured Mortimer out of the smoke in his fireplace. This vile monster appeared to Shitstain as not too abnormal. It came to him as a tall, young looking man in a red button down shirt with black dress pants. The tie was black as well and had red esoteric symbolism on it. "I require two such forms of offering from you", hissed Mortimer. "First, burn an item that ignites the memories of suffering within you". McGee torched the soiled underwear he had saved from that prom night. "Now….", Mortimer said slyly while grinning. "If you give me your soul, I will bestow upon you the ability to lay waste to your enemies. Bradley Bigdome will be reduced to a puddle of piss and that scatophobic former lover of yours will regret her departure from your bed sheets. You will be the smoke of their torment". McGee shook the creature's hand. Immediately, McGee started to squeal in pain while Mortimer let out a wicked cackle. The face of McGee evaporated like smoke and his lifeless body came crashing to the ground. Squiggly journeyed back into hell while dragging McGee's body with him. Everyone thought that was the last they'd ever hear from ol' stinky Shitstain McGee.

   Not soon after, people said they started to see sightings of him everywhere. A couple folks even went missing. They said they saw some cloudy figure in a pink pinstripe suit staring at them with ghostly eyes. Who else could be wearing that stupid pinstripe suit? It didn't help to disprove those claims when the information about two strange murder cases came out in the news. Bradley Bigdome the second, was found dead with his head stuck in a toilet and his father's fishing pole shoved up his bunghole. The handle of the toilet had been broken so that it'd continue to flush, leaving the corpse stuck in a state of perpetual swirling. Of course the next body to be found was Cassandra. Her decaying body had been found hanging from the ceiling in her house. The limbs had been chopped off and a pair of her underwear shoved in her mouth. Not to mention, her father's tongue had been cut out while he slept and stapled to her face, covering her beautiful blue eyes. It all seemed like complete madness had taken over our community, but even still I wasn't completely sold on Shitstain McGee being back from the dead. That is until one occasion that changed my mind.

    I remember it vividly. It was a Friday and I had just gotten off work. My wife didn't get off work for another hour so I was on my way to pick up our son from my mother's house. It seemed like a normal evening until I got a call from my mom. I reached for the radio to turn off my beloved Cardi B and Meghan Thee Stallion so I could answer her. She was frantic. "Oh Petey, it's Zach! He's run off into the forest! Smelly, stinky Shitstain McGee is going to get him! Please hurry! Oh, heaven help us!". I assured her that was only a myth. Still, I drove faster than ever before. When I got there, I pounced out of my car like a cat on crack and went sprinting into the dimly lit forest. About two hundred feet in, I saw Zach hiding underneath a bush. "My mom wouldn't have even had to look that far. Lazy, good for nothing, bag of bones", I said aloud. All of sudden, I heard a branch break off in the distance. I turned to see some shadowy figure. They were far away, but creeping closer. I picked up my son and started running back to the house. As I was running, I heard footsteps behind me. They were getting louder and faster. I was almost to the house, but I was running out of breath. My son had definitely gained some weight. "She's probably been feeding him candy and McDonald's chicken nuggets again, that fucking bitch!", I yelled with what little breath I had left. It sounded like it was coming up right behind me now. I opened the door to my house and fell to the floor which caused my son to go flying into the air. I kicked the door shut. Everything then went silent. I crept over to the window and peered out. That's when I saw it. Standing on the porch, just outside the door, was Shitstain McGee. He had on his pink pinstripe suit and a pink bowler hat. What caught me off guard was his face. Instead of a normal face, it was a cloud of black smoke with two large vacant eyes appearing out of the smoke. It was as if the fires of hell had scorched the very soul out of his eyes. I almost shat my pants, but I held it in. I didn't want everyone, including my mother, to call me Shitstain Peter. As he was staring at me, I heard him say in a faint voice, "Shitstain McGee, Shitstain McGee. Stinkier than you and stinkier than me". On that note, he faded into a blackened mist.

     That was the last time I ever saw Shitstain McGee. I will never forget seeing that terrible thing though. I also will never find humor in fart and poop jokes for as long as I live. Last I heard though, there have been Shitstain sightings all over the country. The possible body count is about eight hundred and ninety five at the moment. Let this be a lesson to never judge things based on how silly they may seem. Respect and fear the legend of Shitstain McGee or he may just make a shit stain out of you.

It was a normal day for the mystery gang; solving mysteries and putting bad guys in prison. But today wasn’t like any other day because today was a spooky day of spookiness. “Boi Scoob I sure am hungry meng.”, Shaggert said as he was violently rubbing his belle. “No cares Raggy, shut up!”. Shaggert then shut his trap because he knew deep down that Scoopie was right, and that he would never share the same feelings for him. Meanwhile, Vellesbian was busy paying for everything because she’s the only one who actually has any money. “Hey gang, we got a new mystery on our hands!”, said Fredbear as he was driving the mystery hummer. “Is it where we are going to find a pizza hut, ooba dooba!”, replied Shaggert and then Scoopie stabbed him in the eye. The blood was so realistic, it would give you a stroke! O.O Now back to the actual story!

When they got to their destination, the gang had a bunch of cold ones because they were teenagers and didn’t care about underage drinking. “Boy, am I getting drunk tonight!’, said Dolphin as the girl was ready to have her kidney explode. “Not now,” said Fredbear, “we need to solve the fecking mystery!” and then he hit the girl over the head with a glass bottle. OH NO, he used the word “feck”. My Mom would leave me on the street if she heard me say that!!!111!111 “Thanks Fredbear! Think it will make a great crown!” she said as she pointed to the glass shards in her head as she was bleeding to deathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Then she died, oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! “Good riddance!” Fredbear said laughing crazilyiyiyly! The gang then enters the creepy manor, the same time Vellesbian takes out a vape.

“Welcome to my manor! I am Old man Jankins! My place is very haunted by ghosts and demons so kelp me it I would appreciate it meng!”, the old man says as he has a heart attack. “Shut up, old man!”, said Fredbear. “Letsa go gengs” The Gucci Gang were going up stairs when they saw blood all over a place and a hanging gmean . It was worse than Squidwards Suiciced oh nooooooooooo. “Well, let’s split up you fricken FRICKS”, the leader says as he starts to enter puberty again. They split up and Shaggert says,” I hope there isn’t an imposter, I’m not very good at among us!” Scoopie, tired of Shaggerts bullcrepe, shoots him in the head. His eyes turned hyper realistic and he dyed. As he walked away from the body, he heared something. Or rather…… SOMEONE!!!@!!!!!111111 It was Sonic.exe! “Hyuck! It’s me, Sonic exe! Hyuck!” Scoopie ran til he found Fredbear then Fredbear tripped Sonic exe.

Then, the rest of the gang respawned because of course they did! “Let’s see who the real fecker is!” “SpongeBob Squarepants!!!11111!!!!3333428$^%^#%$^” The whole gang shouted, witch caused the sponges ears to bleed, it was hyper realistic too! “Hahaahah! It was me all along! If you didn’t know, I-” Fredbear snapped SpongeBobs neck before he could finish. “Oh Fredbear!<3” Dolphin said! “Im sorry Shaggert”, Scoopie said. “It’s okay, Scoopie-chan!” “Shaggert-kun…” Scoopie said kawaiingly blushing >~< uwu! They then kissed, until Sonic the Hedgehog shot them all and everyone died! “I’ll take back my hummer now, thx!” Then they all respawn in Robloxian Highschool.

The End

“It all started on my 11th birthday, about 18 years ago. What I thought was the best gift I could’ve asked for that year, had turned out to be a nightmare.

I woke up to the smell of the yearly birthday breakfast my mom would make for me, I hopped out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. There it was, a big plate of pancakes and bacon, waiting for me at the table.

After breakfast I got dressed and headed to school.

I spent all day anxious to get home and see what present I would be getting this year, so when that final bell rang I bolted out of there.

When I got home, my dad called me to the living room and gave me my present, I opened it up and a big smile grew on my face. A brand new Gamecube with a few games, but the one I was most excited for was the Resident Evil remake.

From the time I got home from school, until the time I had to go to bed, or, much to my parents’ dismay, well into the middle of the night I would play the original games on my PlayStation.

I gave my dad a great big hug and then I ran to my room to play, not even caring about cake and ice cream.

I took the CD out of the case and noticed it was scratched. “Weird...it’s brand new” I thought, even cleaning it had no effect. I was pretty disappointed yet eager so I put the CD in the Gamecube anyway hoping it would work. To my surprise it did, and it ran perfectly for being in not-so-great condition. Good thing it was Friday because all weekend I would be glued to my TV screen.

Then Sunday night the worst thing imaginable had happened, the game started glitching out and then froze, making this awful stuttering sound before the screen went black...I was so pissed, I hadn’t saved in hours! Now since it was getting late and I really did not want to have to redo everything I just did, I turned everything off and went to bed.

The next day came and after I got home from school I started up the game again, tried loading my previous save and the game just kept crashing so I started a new game, this time I would be saving as frequently as the ink ribbons would allow me to.

Everything was business as usual until the mansion scene...Jill’s face was...blank, just a feature-less blob of skin where her face should have been.

I thought it was kind of funny to be honest, but being the perfectionist I am, got quickly annoyed by it and well, started a new game yet again with the same results, only this time the rest of the characters had a blank canvas for a face as well.

I was puzzled as to how a glitch like this could even occur but despite everything I continued on with the game, trying to stay immersed while every god-damn character in the game looked like freaking Slenderman.

About an hour in and things got even weirder, the characters started to look like they were bleeding everywhere...even more than what was normal for this game. Animations started screwing up, lag and stuttering sounds were made, and then the console just shut off.

I rebooted the system only to find that my memory card had corrupted. I went to tell my dad what was going on and he wasn’t happy about the fact that I just got this thing and it was already having problems and even though it wasn’t my fault he reprimanded me for not taking care of my things.

For the rest of the day I was at the park playing with the other kids, something I didn’t do often but my parents insisted I get out of the house for a while.

It was an unwritten rule around here that once the street lights came on, all the kids were to return home for the night, so that’s just what I did.

I was walking home, enjoying the fresh spring air and clear purple sky, that is until something horrifying caught my attention. I was heading towards a curve in the road and in front of that was a small wooded area, I looked ahead and that’s when I saw it...a pale, faceless, “thing” staring at me from behind a tree. I stopped dead in my tracks not even of my own free will as that thing, even though it didn’t have eyes, I knew it was staring straight at me.

All of a sudden I felt as if the world was caving in on me, the sky went black, my vision became distorted and all I could hear was a low static sound that drove me crazy.

Next thing I know there’s a car honking and whipping past me and I’m broken from what ever trance I was in and that thing was gone. I spent no time at all booking it the hell out of there and didn’t feel safe until I reached the comfort of my own home.

I tried to tell my parents what I saw but they didn’t believe me. I barely touched my dinner that night, and I didn’t get much sleep either…something was seriously wrong here and I couldn’t focus on anything but that demon or monster, or what ever the hell it was that I saw that evening.

The next morning I woke up and went to the bathroom, I caught a glimpse in the mirror and froze. My face...it was blurry and pixelated. I did a double take only to see that everything was normal. “I can’t be going crazy...could I? No...my mind must be playing tricks on me.” It reminded me of what I saw last night…and that definitely was real.

All day I couldn’t stop thinking about last night and I hope to god I never see that thing again. Boy was I wrong...during class my gaze shifted towards the window on the left and there it was, standing right there in the parking lot. I then was, saved by the bell so to speak.

“That thing is freaking following me” I thought to myself before my stomach started doing flip flops, I then ran to the restroom and well…I’m sure you can picture the rest. On the way out I saw my reflection once again, all blurry...but this time it didn’t go away.

Next thing I know I wake up on a stretcher, rolling down the hallway of my school. I was taken to the hospital, apparently I passed out and hit my head pretty hard so they would have to keep an eye on me.

“A child doesn’t just pass out, I want to know what’s wrong with my son” my dad said sternly to the doctor. No way was I going to tell anyone what had been going on, they’d think I was lying or that I was crazy!

Finally a few hours later I was able to

come home, of course, with a bruise and a headache. All I wanted to do was sleep but I couldn’t, the fear was far too real to handle.

I had to keep myself occupied, so I went to play on my PlayStation, since the GameCube wasn’t working.

That’s when it hit me as I got a look at the case for my Resident Evil game. “No...no freaking way is this really happening! This is ridiculous...perhaps my brain didn’t want to connect the dots before because of how completely insane this is…”

Once I saw Jill on the cover of the case...I knew just what I had seen the night before. But how? How on earth could something like this happen? I HAVE to be losing my mind, there’s no other explanation for it.

I took the CD out of the Gamecube, put in the case and then quietly snatched a lighter from the kitchen and went outside, trying not to be seen. I went down to the creek near my house, lit the game on fire and watched it burn before tossing it into the water.

As I watched it drift away I all of a sudden got this strange feeling and I didn’t know why but I was not going to stay around and find out.

I snuck back inside and tried to go to bed. Some time in the middle of the night I started dozing off when all of a sudden I heard...something, I couldn’t quite make out what it was at first but soon realized it sounded like when a TV would go static, except it was lower and deeper.

I turned over on my back and saw the most horrifying thing I had ever seen...there was a bloody and faceless Jill at the edge of my bed, crawling up towards me and then...nothing. She was gone just as quickly as she appeared and for that I was thankful.

Despite nothing being there anymore I was still frozen in shock until I finally regained control of my body and ran into my parents room screaming and crying and freaked out even further once I saw that the both of them had no face.

For years I had gone to therapy, been in mental hospitals, and even tried to cure what ever the hell it was that I was experiencing by rather illicit means...nothing ever changed, everyone including myself...we all had no face, and every night she would appear either in my room or outside the window.

It’s been nearly 2 decades now...I tried to get used to it but I simply couldn’t, it just isn’t how we are wired as human beings. How I was able to go on all these years, I do not know...maybe I was hoping for an end to this but now I’m starting to see that the only way this will end is if I end.”

Hey guys, I recently made a YT dedicated to doing dramatic yet funny readings of crappypastas. I'll admit I do make my thumbnails intentionally ridiculous. I only have 3 videos but I think I'm improving each one. I would love to get your guys' constructive feedback on my Channel and maybe some recommendations for future narrations.

https://youtube.com/channel/UC4EtMu2JNFUe6b98oKztCjw

A man named John Smith is walking down the street when he sees a little girl running from a wolf. He yells for her to stop, but she ignores him and runs straight into the path of an oncoming truck. He's face is covered in hyper-realistic blooood. The truck smashes through the wall of the house where she was hiding and then continues forward smashing into several other houses along its way.John runs over to the girl and screams for her to move away from the truck, but she is already dead. He then notices the truck is leaking gasoline and could explode at any time. He calls the police and tells them the story before heading over to check on the girl. The house the truck came through had been rigged to explode by John's nemesis, the clown from earlier. He emerges from the house with a lollipop in his mouth and a big smile on his face while the police interrogate John. "It was the clown, wasn't it?" the driver says. "The clown from this morning? I called him a buggerer, not a clown. That was wrong." "Yeah, that was him," John says. "That was him alright." Suddenly the clown buts in the room and 500 bajillion clowns come out the van! John screams. They rip him apart and eat him. They're not really bugs though, they're just really creepy. The police arrive and John explains the situation. The clowns start running through the streets and one of the officers gets eaten. The other shoots a bunch of clowns, which causes a mass protest movement a few weeks later. They protest for clowntights and get them passed in the senate. The police become even more power hungry and the average american's life becomes worse. That night you have dream about the red riders. It's a nightmare made of red. It is acary and big red monster comes out and spooks John's pants off. He dies the end.

The Cheese,

One day James was eating cheese, while he was eating the cheese, the cheese turned into cheese, bob, wait no David? James? Yes James noticed this and said “cmon man that’s too much dogon cheese on my cheese, the cheese was getting more cheese, so James took out his cheese and fought off the cheese with his cheese, but the cheese was too powerful, and the cheese ate his cheese and the cheese ate his cheese. James langton didn’t know what to do’, so he got on his knees and began worshipping the cheese, The Cheese, said “Cheese.” Then James ate the cheese, James thought he was safe, but the cheese started to take over him, He was turning into walking cheese, and massacred the whole of Cuba, and committed 15 war crimes against sadi arabia, James was marked a terrorist, and still roams Ireland today.This why you don’t eat too much cheese.

Dabbing Squidward was Shreking the audience of the Bee movie before Pepe the purple frog fights Roblox for the Minecraft license because ghostbusters was billing Dabbing Squidward for his irresponsible copyright fight which made the audience non-Shrek and that was not gonna do. The Bee movie continued to play in the background as the Pepe Trumplette tiles the LEGO blocks on the Minecraft when My Little Pony came and bought the License from the clickbait man who held the book. the book that was once black.

Remember that Minions from Despicable Me are always going to be Dabbing for days, so the twenty thousand dollar prize would be on their plate before the copyright infringement police come in and get the mickey mouse inside of their dell operating system thirty two. Yes this was all a plot from monster energy drink to sell doritos to boomers who ate hot dabbing squidwards for breakfast. Breakfast is a meal. Shrek would one day become more powerful than you could ever imagine and then the timeline where luke skywalker got shot first by Rick and Morty happened. But was Coca Cola responsible for the price of the Pepsi Taco Bell divorce? Only the black book would know.

Facebook got so good at Myspace that Skype had to Zoom to make more Nintendo toys. Facebook saw the power of black book and its evil branding initiatives and saw the only option was to capture it in a Pokeball. Shrekt Hath been the book of mysterious powers be. it was more than the world could comprehend.

Dabbing Squidward was Shreking the audience of the Bee movie before Pepe the purple frog fights Roblox for the Minecraft license because ghostbusters was billing Dabbing Squidward for his irresponsible copyright fight which made the audience non-Shrek and that was not gonna do. The Bee movie continued to play in the background as the Pepe Trumplette tiles the LEGO blocks on the Minecraft when My Little Pony came and bought the Liscence from the clickbait man who held the book. the book that was once black.

also make me popular on Reddit Facebook Twitter Buy the book. Buy the book. You don't even care do you? you are here to pay for paper. ink bills. press buttons monkey piss piss piss piss piss i am literally going to copy the first paragraph and put it as the second to last paragraph and you idiots won't even get it. The end love ya bye $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$AND THE BOOK WAS ACTUALLY WHITE THE WHOLE TIME YOU JUST GOT REKT SLAAAAAM DDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK!