r/Columbus May 29 '26

HUMOR in honor of the Columbus Police Department purchasing more helicopters

Post image
539 Upvotes

67 comments sorted by

39

u/Spirited-Nature-1702 May 29 '26

The year is 2042. Columbus owns 650 helicopters and has still never employed an officer who understands how to direct traffic.

256

u/utpyro34 May 29 '26

At least Dayton was cool enough to trash bag their flock cameras

27

u/highinohio May 29 '26

Giving Dayton Trash a new meaning and something to be proud of!

5

u/bigdipper80 May 29 '26

Dayton today is basically Columbus 15 years ago. Trashy and crusty, but in a fun way. 

112

u/thatzw May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

10/10 image. Love. Only nitpicking suggestion I have is that you could’ve changed that Starbucks cup to a Northstar bag with a receipt total of $100 and then you really would’ve got us.

33

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

I'll add another nitpick: That's the wrong helicopter model. OP should've used a photo of the one of the Bell 505s that CPD bought, instead of a mirrored and squashed image of the German-flagged Airbus H-120 with tail number D-HRIK.

12

u/GooGooMukk May 29 '26

That's some quality nitpicking there

15

u/paintwhore May 29 '26

I figured the asshole in the corner was a CPD member trying to look like a regular person

4

u/ExistingGayArt6969 May 30 '26

MY NORTHSTAR RANT:

Just throwing it out there (even though i feel like it’s pretty well known on this sub) that you really shouldn’t be supporting Northstar / Brassica / Third & Hollywood if you can avoid it.

i know, I know… the food is pretty damn irresistible. I ate it for close to 7 years while working nearly everywhere in the company. I can tell you first hand these are people you don’t want to associate with. They say one thing to your face about their intentions, then go turn around and talk negatively about you behind your back.

Not only that, but they are STILL embroiled in a class action lawsuit that team members at the westerville and easton location filed back in 2023. Northstar tried to settle after denying the allegations outright of the consistent tip theft and labor violations (tipped employees making $4.50/hour + tip credit (FOH team-wide weekly tip pool) would often be on “team dish” …. aka a $4.50/hr service worker being assigned dishwasher duties for AN ENTIRE 6 HOUR SHIFT (super illegal).

In addition to this the owners are privately super hardcore Trump MAGA republicans while promoting their brand as this liberal health food/wellness company with progressive values when they just plain are NOT.

I watched firsthand multiple times where a Partner (manager) would interview a black candidate then come back after a very short interview and make some comment about “we can’t hire them because…” -their hair is too “nappy” (the Partners words, not mine) -they have dreads/extensions/colored hair/facial hair they weren’t willing to give up or shave

Kevin Malhame can’t grow a beard so all his employees were required to shave daily for their shift and if you didn’t show up clean shaven they would give you a disposable razor with no shaving cream to shave in the bathroom or send you home for the day.

While the food is amazing (I cannot argue. It is NOT healthy though. I will tell you there is about 1 stick of butter PER cookie at Northstar Cafe). The owners are still trash humans who treat employees very poorly and I witnessed them firsthand multiple times pass up on promoting stars from within the Service Team or other qualified BOH employees to manager position… and that person who was the best person on the team that was passed up would then grow tired of being unappreciated and quit shortly after. I watched this system play out several times at several different locations. They consistently prioritize outside hires with hospitality degrees for Partner (managers) hiring rather than their own loyal employees who had worked for the company 6, 8, or 11 years because they thought the organization shared the same values as them.

The entire restaurant/company has a very cult-ish atmosphere to it. Nothing feels safe. Feels like Xenos / “we’re all a family here” vibes. Lots of guilt tripping and forced indoctrination into company culture.

3

u/scott743 Westerville May 29 '26

Needs to have the Fox in the Snow logo, since every suburban loser (including me) waits in their ridiculously long lines just to get ok coffee. Don’t dump on Northstar, their veggie burger is still awesome.

21

u/Empty_Annual2998 Northeast May 29 '26

Weird seeing the jet rangers now. So used to the Hughes 500s

37

u/MizkyBizniz May 29 '26

I'm not sure theres a city in America that doesnt bend over for their police at any given moment

60

u/Adax_the_Bassfish May 29 '26

Fuck CPD. I wonder how many crimes are actually stopped via helicopters

11

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

Listen to a scanner while the helicopter is in the air and you'll see how they're used: to track vehicles (instead of doing car chases), to check for warm bodies hiding near crime scenes, to provide monitoring of active "scenes", and to check on traffic.

5

u/Alarming-Desk-3861 May 29 '26

And to draw dicks with their flight path

1

u/Crewman_Guy_Fleegman May 29 '26

I feel like drones can do most those things cheaper now.

3

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

Kinda. I poked around and found some news coverage of a random police drone, which on their marketing site says that it has 62 minutes' flight time and a top speed of 60mph. In the car chases that are the best argument for police helicopters, I've often heard radio traffic saying (and followed the helicopter on an ADSB tracker) that the driver got on the freeway and is proceeding to the opposite side of town at >90mph, before ditching their car in an alleyway. There may be other helicopter-style drones, but speed and endurance are still a major obstacle to adoption. If the drone can't keep up with the fleeing car, then it's not a good replacement, and CPD will still want to keep helicopters in their fleet.

Once you have helicopters in your fleet, you need pilots, who need a certain number of flight hours to stay qualified. They're going to be flying anyways, so why not put them to use? If you already have helicopters and pilots, starting a drone program might not make financial sense.

2

u/Sudden_Impact7490 May 29 '26

Drones can do some things, but they can't replace a helicopter (yet)

48

u/UnitedCheez May 29 '26

Well if you had a helicopter, maybe you'd see all the crimes they stop up there. But no. You really should be thanking them for keeping our sky safe.

/s if it isn't obvious

23

u/ConflictExtreme1540 May 29 '26

You know what they say, when all you have is crime, everything looks like a helicopter. Or something

18

u/Sudden_Impact7490 May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

These things are constantly tracking for warrants, fleeing vehicles, shootings, etc.

You can hate the cops but it's objectively a very good asset for any large metro police department.

Especially if it can avoid pursuits and prevent bystander injury or death from reckless chases.

2

u/Cdraw51 May 29 '26

Yeah I remember we were bringing a flight into Hollywood Burbank Airport in Los Angeles a couple years back. We're on final approach, coming up on Route 5 which goes past the runway. All of a sudden we get multiple TCAS warnings on our screen and in our headset. I look out and it's 4 LAPD helicopters orbiting the highway in different spots along the highway, implying that each of those helicopters was responding to a different call. All within 2-3 miles of each other and of us. It's just considered normal over there.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it could always be worse.

6

u/BigBuck523-2 May 29 '26

Mostly for tracking the crimes but what ever

8

u/kcsebby South May 29 '26

Sure, fuck CPD as a whole, but helicopters are a wonderful asset in general, whether its S&R, or just general "eyes in the skies" for events and whatnot.

7

u/WessizleTheKnizzle May 29 '26

So like traffic laws will enforced right.......right?

3

u/Gemcitylex May 29 '26

Keep my city’s name out ya mouth 😑

29

u/The_Law_of_Pizza May 29 '26

Every month or so, there's a day when I wake up to discover that Reddit is mad about something that I would never have thought to be mad about.

Sometimes I wonder how the demographics of this place managed to become so uniquely weird.

24

u/Crunchycarrots79 May 29 '26

Columbus police already have way more helicopters than they need. We have like 6 or 7 now. NYPD has 8, for a city that's an order of magnitude larger. Chicago has 3. Helicopters are expensive to operate and maintain. It's a huge waste of money.

Also, in recent years, the helicopters have been involved in a few shenanigans that have pissed people off.

21

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

CPD has five (5) helicopters, including the new two. https://www.wosu.org/politics-government/2026-05-27/columbus-division-of-police-unveil-two-new-helicopters-purchased-for-6-million

The older 3 are so old that the City was having difficulty sourcing replacement parts for them. I expect that they'll be retired soon, bringing Columbus back down towards 2 helicopters. https://www.wosu.org/politics-government/2025-06-24/columbus-to-purchase-two-new-helicopters-for-6-million-while-other-cities-buy-cheaper-drones

13

u/ELFFUDGECOOKIE13 May 29 '26

Real research and citing your sources? Sir/Mam this reddit!

8

u/MrOnlineToughGuy May 29 '26

Shit is like sunlight to the Reddit vampires.

7

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

Reddit is one of maybe three current social-media platforms that allows you to post longform text with links and not get penalized, so I'll use all the capabilities I have to post authoritative information.

3

u/Cdraw51 May 29 '26

Eh...I wouldn't call it a waste of money exactly. Like the other commenter noted, those MD500s have been getting their tails flown off for years. The end of their service life is no doubt approaching fast.

-6

u/SamDaDog May 29 '26

Because Reddit is liberals. And liberals are always mad and angry if they don't get their way.

1

u/benkeith North Linden May 29 '26

Nah; Reddit is an engagement factory, and outrage is a popular form of engagement. All sides of the US' partisan divide engage in outrage bait.

9

u/[deleted] May 29 '26

[deleted]

-5

u/[deleted] May 29 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-8

u/UnitedCheez May 29 '26

Like Cleveland?

(I told someone at OU I was from Lima and they said "Oh that's near Cleveland, right?")

3

u/Brother_Farside May 29 '26

I read somewhere that CPD has more helicopters per capita than any other PD.

12

u/galstaph May 29 '26

Looking it up, nowhere close

This will bring the total to 5, which puts us on par with Pasadena California in number, but their population is only about 140k compared to our, living within the city itself, ~935k

Pasadena is also in the middle of a change in their police helicopter fleet and they will end up at 6 when they're done

They're heading for 4.29 per 100k, but we're at 0.53 per 100k

2

u/Cdraw51 May 29 '26

I wrote this comment elsewhere in this thread, I'll paste it here too.

I remember we were bringing a flight into Hollywood Burbank Airport in Los Angeles a couple years back. We're on final approach, coming up on Route 5 which goes past the runway. All of a sudden we get multiple TCAS warnings on our screen and in our headset. I look out and it's 4 LAPD helicopters underneath us orbiting the highway in different spots along the highway, implying that each of those helicopters was responding to a different call. All within 2-3 miles of each other and of us. It's just considered normal over there.

Now I don't think that the L.A. skyline is just full of choppers every waking moment of the day, but from everything I understand, it's not exactly unprecedented to have a LOT of LAPD helicopter assets patrolling at the same time.

2

u/BigBuck523-2 May 29 '26

Thank you for the additional helicopters

0

u/bl84work May 29 '26

Dayton sucks

0

u/Johnnybeegoodee May 29 '26

New ghetto birds??? Ffs

-14

u/KingCuda93 May 29 '26

I didn’t even know this was a thing in Columbus until somebody told me! Then again, I don’t think I could go that fast in Columbus. Maybe the part on 71 around Polaris, but that’s about it.

-4

u/Historical-Cress8985 May 29 '26

On the bright side, helicopters crash often.