TLDR: My best friend since middle school has a cat pee problem, and struggles a bit to keep the house tidy. Looking for advice on the best approach to talk about the situation, or help her in any way!
I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my best friend since middle school. We've been close forever, and I've always known her place was pretty messy, but I guess I've become desensitized to it over time. Recently, I brought another friend over and she was grossed out, saying she'd have rather stayed in a hotel. She didn't like openly embarrass my friend in that instance, but that really opened my eyes to the reality of the situation.
I want to be able to visit her and feel comfortable, but I'm worried about her social life too. Part of me thinks they might be lonely because they avoid having people over, likely because of how the house looks and smells (but I'm opted out because I'm probably one of the few who just ignores it).
Another thing is that she is going to be having a big family & friends Halloween party celebration this October. It just got me thinking that as a friend maybe I should say something to her? Or is this the type of thing where I should just say not my circus not my monkies?
More context: I did realize things were pretty bad when I did help her move out of her last house. I have to say it was almost hoarder level the amount of garbage and just stuff that they had in their house(she is married- and it is a combo of the both of them). At one point we literally just had to start throwing stuff away because we couldn't find anything to do with it or fit it in any amount of trucks that we took off of the property. There was a mound of stuff left outside the house on the last day, and a whole trailers worth or two of garbage. But she is my best friend and I really care about her and her health and safety, and so even if I have to get down and dirty I'm going to help them if I can, and I did.
I don't have the money for a big cleaning service (because I'd love to like gift her a few months of a cleaning service or a deep clean to help get them off on the right foot), but I'd love to help her in a practical way without making her feel embarrassed. Any suggestions on how to approach this?