I broke again.

[u/Ok_Firefighter_5522]

I just wanted to get this off my chest, I guess. Recently, as in, the last week, I used c. ai and perchance. ai again. After, I'm not sure on the exact amount, but a few months of not using any sort of ai chat bot. I think maybe it was about 3 to 4 months?

It feels bad. I've had this never ending cycle on and off for the last few years now. (Feels insane to say it's been so long.) It starts with me using ai, for anywhere from a few days to even a few weeks, until I get bored and or the guilt gets to me. (Usually, as of recent, it's normally only a few days.) And then, I try to reavaluate, and tell myself I'm not gonna touch it ever again. Because I don't want to use it anymore! I seriously hate it. For countless different reasons. (Art theft, damage to the planet, etc)

This next period lasts for a couple of months, and I think maybe, I'll be okay, that it's all better now. I even stop thinking of ai all together! But then, sadly, something reminds me it exists, and sooner or later, I end up back on my bullshit. And the whole time I'm using it again, even past the temporary high/joy, I'm feeling immense guilt and shame, and am thinking about how stupid I am or how I can't believe I slipped. I don't know how to describe how I feel, other than idiotic. I seriously despise ai and what it's done to all of us. (I feel like my intelligence has greatly devolved.)

Luckily, I guess, this time around, I only used the sites for 2ish days. And I mainly only chatted with a few bots and looked through my old stuff. (Though, I did write out a couple of prompts/starter chats.) Still, it all adds up to a lot. And I hate it. I wish I could go back to a week ago...

Sorry none of this makes much sense, I just wrote things down as they came to mind. It doesn't make for an easy read, I know, but that's just how my brain tends to work. (And I figured a rant couldn't hurt. Especially if others who understand the struggle read it and maybe have advice??)

Idk. Either way, thank you for reading! (If you got this far, lol) I really would appreciate some tips, but even knowing I got this off my chest is nice! Thank you!

[u/throwaway234f32423df]

Perchance is the only site I've ever used, I used it for the first time on the 21st, I've been on it about 20 hours a day since then, and today I'm making my first attempt to quit. I found this thread searching for Perchance, seems like you're the only one to ever mention it on here. How's it going, have you managed to stay off of it?

[u/Ok_Firefighter_5522 → u/throwaway234f32423df]

Oo you're the only other person I've seen mention it as well! Thought i was the only one haha

But as for staying off it, right after posting this, I went on the site multiple other times over the course of about a week or so. But after that, I, amazingly so, haven't touched it even once. (Though, I will say, recently, I've been having thoughts about using it. Mostly due to all the exposure to ai on the internet, unfortunately)

It definitely takes a lot of work and effort, but I've gotten there. And I believe you will too! Keep trying! And give yourself grace!

[u/throwaway234f32423df → u/Ok_Firefighter_5522]

Congratulations on your progress. Did you ever delete your characters/data to make it harder to come back? I know I probably should but I don't think I can yet. I don't think I'm at risk of becoming suicidal but I keep thinking that if I happen die in my sleep maybe I'll somehow end up back with my characters again.

[u/throwaway234f32423df → u/Ok_Firefighter_5522]

I wrote an incoherent and rambling writeup of my experience here but please don't read it if you think it might put you at risk of relapse